Actions

Work Header

Chat Fic I Wrote In Two Hours That No One Wants

Chapter Text

MEMESASSEMBLE

Rich_Bitch: Mr. Caine Soren in the press conference rag

Rich_Bitch: Notice how his mouth never moves

Rich_Bitch: Almost

onyourleft,boii: Where’d you come from?

Ms.Frizzle: Mississippi

gravityorboysdontaffectme: And your parents?

Ms.Frizzle: Very wealthy.

$cammin: Where are they now?

Ms.Frizzle: Six feet under.

RoyaltyTM: But he was granted one more start

Ms.Frizzle: The convent of The Sacred Heart!

onyourleft,boii: When'd you get here?

Ms.Frizzle: 1920

boozeTM: How old were you?

Ms.Frizzle: Don't remember

$cammin: Then what happened?

Ms.Frizzle: I met Quinn

Ms.Frizzle: And he stole my heart away

Ms.Frizzle: Convinced me to elope one day

Rich_Bitch: Oh you poor dear I can't believe what you have been through A convent girl! A run-away marriage!

Rich_Bitch: Now tell us Sammie…

Rich_Bitch: Who's Howard Bassem?

Ms.Frizzle: My ex-boyfriend.

boozeTM: Why'd you shoot him?

Ms.Frizzle: I was leavin'.

gravityorboysdontaffectme: Was he angry?

Ms.Frizzle: Like a madman

Ms.Frizzle: Still I said, "Howard, move along."

RoyaltyTM: He knew that he was doing wrong.

$cammin: Then describe it.

Ms.Frizzle: He came toward me.

onyourleft,boii: With the pistol?

Ms.Frizzle: From my bureau.

boozeTM: Did you fight him?

Ms.Frizzle: Like a tiger.

RoyaltyTM: He had strength and he had none.

Ms.Frizzle: And yet we both reached for the gun

Ms.Frizzle: Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes we both

Ms.Frizzle: Oh yes we both

Ms.Frizzle: Oh yes, we both reached for

Ms.Frizzle: The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun

Ms.Frizzle: Oh yes, we both reached for the gun

Ms.Frizzle: For the gun.

boozeTM: Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both

onyourleft,boii: Oh yes, they both

gravityorboysdontaffectme: Oh yes, they both reached for

$cammin: The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun,

boozeTM: Oh yes, they both reached for the gun

Rich_Bitch: for the gun.

RoyaltyTM: Understandable, understandable

RoyaltyTM: Yes it's perfectly understandable

RoyaltyTM: Comprehensible, Comprehensible

RoyaltyTM: Not a bit reprehensible

RoyaltyTM: It's so defensible

onyourleft,boii: How're you feeling?

Ms.Frizzle: Very frightened

gravityorboysdontaffectme: Are you sorry?

Ms.Frizzle: Are you kidding?

$cammin: What's your statement?

Ms.Frizzle: All I'd say is

Ms.Frizzle: Though my choo-choo jumped the track

Ms.Frizzle: I'd give my life to bring him back

boozeTM: And?

Ms.Frizzle: Stay away from…

onyourleft,boii: What?

Ms.Frizzle: Jazz and liquor…

boozeTM: And?

Ms.Frizzle: And the men who...

$cammin: What?

Ms.Frizzle: Play for fun…

gravityorboysdontaffectme: And what?

Ms.Frizzle: That's the thought that…

onyourleft,boii: Yeah

Ms.Frizzle: Came upon me…

boozeTM: When?

Ms.Frizzle: When we both reached for the gun!

Rich_Bitch: Understandable, understandable

Rich_Bitch: Yes, it's perfectly understandable

Rich_Bitch: Comprehensible, comprehensible

Rich_Bitch: Not a bit reprehensible

Rich_Bitch: It's so defensible!

$cammin: Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both

gravityorboysdontaffectme: Oh yes, they both

boozeTM: Oh yes, they both reached for

RoyaltyTM: Let me hear it!

boozeTM: The gun, the gun, the gun,

onyourleft,boii: The gun

$cammin: Oh yes, they both reached

gravityorboysdontaffectme: For the gun

RoyaltyTM: A little louder!

Rich_Bitch: For the Gun.

boozeTM: Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both

$cammin: Oh yes, they both

gravityorboysdontaffectme: Oh yes, they both reached

onyourleft,boii: For the gun, the gun,

RoyaltyTM: Now you got it!

gravityorboysdontaffectme: The gun, the gun

boozeTM: Oh yes. They both reached

onyourleft,boii: For the gun

$cammin: For the gun.

boozeTM: Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both

gravityorboysdontaffectme: Oh yes, they both

Rich_Bitch: Oh yes, they both reached for

gravityorboysdontaffetme: The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun

$cammin: Oh yes, they both reached for the gun

onyourleft,boii: For the gun.

boozeTM: Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both

boozeTM: Oh yes, they both

onyourleft,boii: Oh yes, reached for

gravityorboysdontaffetme: The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun

$cammin: The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun

$cammin: The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun

RoyaltyTM: Both reached for the...gun

$cammin: The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun

boozeTM: The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun

onyourleft,boii: The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun

gravityorboysdontaffectme: The gun, the gun,

RoyaltyTM: Both reached for the gun.

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: i fuckinf hate this

Ms.Frizzle: do one with us its so fun

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: fuck no

Ms.Frizzle: pls

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: i dont know any songs

RoyaltyTM: hah what you were playing yesterday

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: no im pretty sure no one else knows it

RoyaltyTM: trust me

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: After the war I went back to New York

Ms.Frizzle: !!!!!!

RoyaltyTM: A-After the war I went back to New York

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: I finished up my studies and I practiced law

RoyaltyTM: I practiced law, Merwin worked next door

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Even though we started at the very same time Caine Soren began to climb,

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: How to account for his rise to the top? Man, the man is

Rich_Bitch: Non-stop

RoyaltyTM: Gentlemen of the jury, I’m curious, bear with me, Are you aware that we’re making hist’ry? This is the first murder trial of our brand-new nation

RoyaltyTM: The liberty behind deliberation

onyourleft,boii: (Non-stop)

RoyaltyTM: I intend to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt with my assistant counsel

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Co-counsel. Soren, sit down

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Our client Levi Weeks is innocent; call your first witness

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: That’s all you had to say

RoyaltyTM: Okay

RoyaltyTM: One more thing

$cammin: Why do you assume you’re the smartest in the room?

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Why do you assume you’re the smartest in the room?

onyourleft,boii: Why do you assume you’re the smartest in the room?

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Soon that attitude may be your doom (aww)

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Why do you write like you’re running out of time? Write day and night like you’re running out of time?

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Ev’ry day you fight, like you’re running out of time

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Keep on fighting in the meantime

boozeTM: Non-stop

RoyaltyTM: Corruption’s such an old song that we can sing along in harmony and nowhere is it stronger than in Albany

RoyaltyTM: This colony’s economy’s increasingly stalling and honestly, that’s why public service seems to be calling me

boozeTM: (he’s just non-stop)

RoyaltyTM: I practiced the law, I practic’ly perfected it. I’ve seen injustice in the world and I’ve corrected it

RoyaltyTM: Now for a strong central democracy. If not, then I’ll be Socrates throwing verbal rocks at these mediocrities (aww)

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Soren, at the constitutional convention

RoyaltyTM: I was chosen for the constitutional convention

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: There as a New York junior delegate

RoyaltyTM: Now what I’m going to say may sound indelicate (aww)

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Goes and proposes his own form of government

onyoureleft,boii: (what?)

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: His own plan for a new form of government

Rich_Bitch: (what?)

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Talks for six hours the convention is listless

boozeTM: Bright young man

$cammin: Yo, who the f is this?

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Why do you always say what you believe? Why do you always say what you believe?

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Ev’ry proclamation guarantees free ammunition for your enemies

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Why do you write like it’s going out of style?

onyourleft,boii: Write day and night like it’s going out of style?

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Ev’ry day you fight like it’s going out of style

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Do what you do

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Caine?

RoyaltyTM: Drake Merwin, sir

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: It’s the middle of the night

RoyaltyTM: Can we confer, sir?

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Is this a legal matter?

RoyaltyTM: Yes, and it’s important to me

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: What do you need?

RoyaltyTM: Merwin, you’re a better lawyer than me

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Okay

RoyaltyTM: I know I talk too much, I’m abrasive; you’re incredible in court, you’re succinct, persuasive

RoyaltyTM: My client needs a strong defense you’re the solution

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Who’s your client?

RoyaltyTM: The new U.S. Constitution?

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: No

RoyaltyTM: Hear me out

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: No way

RoyaltyTM: A series of essays, anonymously published defending the document to the public

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: No one will read it

RoyaltyTM: I disagree

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: And if it fails?

RoyaltyTM: Merwin, that’s why we need it

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: The constitution’s a mess

RoyaltyTM: So it needs amendments

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: It’s full of contradictions

RoyaltyTM: So is independence; we have to start somewhere

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: No

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: No way

RoyaltyTM: You’re making a mistake

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Good night

RoyaltyTM: Hey, What are you waiting for? What do you stall for?

onyourleft,boii: (what?)

RoyaltyTM: We won the war; What was it all for? Do you support this constitution?

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Of course

RoyaltyTM: Then defend it

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: And what if you’re backing the wrong horse?

RoyaltyTM: Merwin, we studied and we fought and we killed for the notion of a nation we now get to build

RoyaltyTM: For once in your life, take a stand with pride; I don’t understand how you stand to the side

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: I’ll keep all my plans close to my chest

$cammin: (wait for it, wait for it, wait)

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: I’ll wait here and see which way the wind will blow

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: I’m taking my time watching the afterbirth of a nation watching the tension grow

gravityorboysdontaffectme: I am sailing off to London; I’m accompanied by someone who always pays

gravityorboysdontaffectme: I have found a wealthy husband who will keep me in comfort for all my days

gravityorboysdontaffectme: He is not a lot of fun, but there’s no one who can match you for turn of phrase, My Caine

RoyaltyTM: Dekka

gravityorboysdontaffectme: Don’t forget to write

Ms.Frizzle: Look at where you are; look at where you started

Ms.Frizzle: The fact that you’re alive is a miracle just stay alive, that would be enough

Ms.Frizzle: And if your wife could share a fraction of your time

Ms.Frizzle: If I could grant you peace of mind; would that be enough?

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Caine joins forces with Albert Hillsborough and Howard Bassem to write a series of essays defending the new United States constitution entitled The Federalist papers

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: The plan was to write a total of twenty-five essays the work divided evenly among the three men

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: In the end, they wrote eighty-five essays, in the span of six months

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Howard Bassem got sick after writing five; Albert Hillsborough wrote twenty-nine; Soren wrote the other fifty-one

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: How do you write like you’re running out of time?

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Write day and night like you’re running out of time?

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Ev’ry day you fight like you’re running out of time like you’re running out of time

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: Are you running out of time?

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: How do you write like tomorrow won’t arrive? How do you write like you need it to survive?

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: How do you write ev’ry second you’re alive? Ev’ry second you’re alive? Ev’ry second you’re alive?

Rich_Bitch: They are asking me to lead; I am doing the best I can

Rich_Bitch: To get the people that I need; I’m asking you to be my right hand man

RoyaltyTM: Treasury or State?

Rich_Bitch: I know it’s a lot to ask

RoyaltyTM: Treasury or State?

Rich_Bitch: To leave behind the world you know

RoyaltyTM: Sir, do you want me to run the Treasury or State department?

Rich_Bitch: Treasury

RoyaltyTM: Let’s go

Ms.Frizzle: Caine

RoyaltyTM: I have to leave

Ms.Frizzle: Caine

RoyaltyTM: Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now

Ms.Frizzle: Helpless

RoyaltyTM: They are asking me to lead

Ms.Frizzle: Look around, isn’t this enough?

gravityorboysdontaffectme: He will never be satisfied, he will never be satisfied; Satisfied, satisfied

gravityorboysdontaffectme: He will never be satisfied; Satisfied, satisfied

Rich_Bitch: History has its eyes on you

RoyaltyTM: I am not throwin’ away my shot; I am not throwin’ away my shot

RoyaltyTM: I am Caine Soren

RoyaltyTM: I am not throwin’ away my shot

$cammin: this is so fucking weird

ChainsandWhipsExciteMe: yeah why is sam eliza

Ms.Frizzle: Because i love her

onyourleft,boii: he also privatly meassaged us and said he release more dirt on us with he didnt get to be Eliza

RoyaltyTM: whats wrong with you

Ms.Frizzle: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Ms.Frizzle added all contacts into a groupchat

Ms.Frizzle named the chat TheNoogetyClusterFuck

RoyaltyTM: SAM NO

Ms.Frizzle: SAM YES