It had been suspiciously easy to get Pepper to come out with him tonight, even if she did have certain conditions for it. Pepper wasn't really a bar person, and for this venture, Tony wanted to come to some place that was particularly noisy and crowded- though not quite so proud of being crowded that they wouldn't take the time to clear a place for Tony Stark.
He fingered the audio amplifiers, making sure they were in the right spot before he began. Possibly he looked like an idiot playing with his ears, but in a minute, if everything went right- and of course it would- he was going to be able to pick out any conversation in a one-block radius and listen in, and that was going to raise the potential for everyone else to look like an idiot tenfold.
Pepper had possibly made a little fun of him for inventing something that you could see on the back of a comic book next to the x-ray specs, but whatever. He'd give hers to Clint. See how she liked it then.
"Are we ready, J?" Tony asked.
"Online now, sir," Jarvis answered crisply.
"Light me up."
The volume came up quickly- a little too quickly, a sudden bloom of voices, Tony was going to have to fix that. There was chattering all around him, the music reduced to a bass thump in the background, the clink of bottles and glasses only audible on the edges of his hearing. So far, so good. Now to actually test it.
There was a group of girls on the other side of the bar, chatting back and forth and laughing too loud, ever so often looking towards him and Pepper. Perfect targets. Tony honed in, focusing on the tall one first.
"-wasn't even the first time," she was saying, and everyone nodded.
"I saw him yesterday," another one said. "He's really let himself go."
Tony narrowed his eyes.
"It's really kind of sad," a blonde one said. "I mean, he's not even trying at this point."
"And those god-awful highlights, whoever did that should never be allowed near human hair-"
Tony sighed. Useless.
There was another likely target all the way on the other side of the room, right at a good range for testing. A girl in an unnecessarily low-cut shirt stood at a table across from a man who was doing a suspiciously good job of looking her in the eyes. She flipped her hair, toying with the straw in her neon-colored drink.
"So what did you say to him?" the man said, leaning over the table and acting like he was interested.
"I told him he doesn't know the first thing about binding," she said.
"If you're not going to come to class, you could at least look it up on fucking Wikipedia," she continued. "You could spend five fucking minutes and not give me an answer that doesn't even use the words 'anaphor' or 'Chomsky'-"
Okay, that was enough of that.
"Told you this wasn't going to be as interesting as you thought it would be," Pepper said from beside him, catching his attention immediately. She wasn't looking at him, looking out over the bar, speaking softly enough that Tony knew she wouldn't be audible over the music even to him. She was sneaky too, keeping her drink raised to her mouth; Tony had been able to read lips since he got bored one Sunday afternoon when he was ten. "You didn't come here to test your new toy. You came here to see if people were talking about you."
Tony wanted to point out to her that there was no reason at all he couldn't do both at the same time. Unfortunately, the one flaw he was still working out with the amplifiers was that he couldn't actually speak yet with them on, unless he wanted this big, booming, Word of God voice rattling his teeth.
"I think they'd have plenty to say if they knew you were sitting here wearing a plug with your best friend's come up your ass," she said.
He'd actually been doing this really, really great job of ignoring it. It wasn't exactly impossible, not with how big the damn thing was, but he'd been well and truly distracted by the testing procedure, even if it wasn't as thrilling as he expected. But now being reminded of it made him feel it again, filling him up and holding him there, no way to get away from it.
"You look good when you take it," she said, her expression giving nothing away. "I like it when he holds you down and fucks you until you're so desperate to come that you cry." Rhodey had definitely done that to him on more than one occasion, and Tony couldn't say he regretted the experience. He could go for that right now, actually, even though it had only been maybe an hour since he'd gotten fucked and he was definitely sore.
"Which one do you like better, his cock or mine?" she asked. "For your sake, it's probably good that we're not going to make you choose. Except maybe which one you want in your mouth and which one you want in your ass."
Tony was perfectly aware he could make all this stop, could pick another conversation and pointedly ignore her; it was just that it seemed rude, when she was going to all this trouble. Surely it took a lot of thought to be this filthy.
"Or maybe we'll take turns on you tonight," she said, putting down her drink and wiping her mouth politely on her napkin, holding it there for a moment as she spoke. "Rhodey can fuck you first, then I'll fuck you until he's ready to go again. I know you wouldn't mind. You love dick too much to complain."
She raised her hand, waving at someone, but Tony just stared at her, stuck somewhere between awe, intense hatred, and a burning need to get fucked over the table. Going to kill you, he mouthed at her, but she didn't seem to notice, focused on whoever she was beckoning to.
The seat cushion moved underneath Tony, doing interesting things to the plug; Tony was completely unsurprised to see Rhodey, and even less surprised when Rhodey only smiled at Tony's helpless look. Rhodey tapped his ear, and Pepper nodded.
"This didn't go exactly how you planned it, did it?" Rhodey said quietly.
Tony shook his head fervently.
"Your problem is that you don't listen, do you?" Rhodey said.
Tony shrugged. It wasn't really a question, in the same way that 'The sky is blue' wasn't really a question.
"Well, you're going to listen to me now," Rhodey said.
Tony gave Rhodey his most pitiful expression. It wasn't that this wasn't a really exciting game, but he was really, really ready to quit playing and start doing all the things he'd already been promised- he knew very well that Pepper and Rhodey were people of their word.
"I'm going to fuck her and make you watch," Rhodey said, ignoring his pleas; he was a little less subtle than Pepper, putting his hand on Tony's thigh underneath and sliding it inwards. "Then I'm going to make you beg me to let you suck my dick while she fucks you."
"Jarvis, off," Tony said, making to get up as the noise of the bar returned. "We're going home."
Rhodey put a hand on his shoulder. "I just got here," he said, pulling Tony back down; he landed hard, making the plug jolt inside of him and his eyes cross. "Let's wait a little while longer."
Pepper leaned in close, kissing Tony's ear. "On, Jarvis."
Tony settled back in his seat, resisting the urge to sigh. It was going to be a long night.
That didn't mean he'd trade it for anything.