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But Words Weren't Enough

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Seokjin wasn’t used to getting a lot of attention. He wasn’t particularly outstanding in anything, maybe a little more handsome than the average university student but that was about it. Then again, he wasn’t particularly bad at anything either, he was just average. Seokjin didn’t mind. It was better than always being called on and he was doing just fine with everything, so he didn’t need any extra recognition.

That’s why, when he found the first note one day he had been a little taken aback. He had looked at the little piece of pastel pink paper that had fallen down to his feet when he’d opened his locker with a little confusion, and when he’d picked it up to read it, what he had found surprised him even more.

Seokjin had got a few love letters in the past, and he wasn’t stupid, so he had kind of known what the little pastel pink paper would most likely be, but this wasn’t a typical love letter.

On the small paper, there was only a single sentence written.

“I think it’s beautiful the way you sparkle when you talk about the things you love.”

- Atticus

At that time, Seokjin had just tilted his head in confusion before getting his books and leaving for his lecture.

By the end of that day, he had already completely forgotten about the little note that he had carelessly thrown into his messenger bag before leaving for his class, only to be reminded of it again the next day, when he found another one.

This time it said:

“I have late night conversations with the moon, he tells me the about the sun and I tell him about you.”

- S. L. Gray

Seokjin couldn’t help but smile. As mysterious and strange as these little notes had seemed, they had both been very sweet.

That day he didn’t forget about the note. Instead, he wondered whether tomorrow he would find another one. (In the back of his head he heard something say that he was hoping for it, but he ignored it.)

And he was right. When he opened his locker the day after that, another small pastel pink paper slipped out. This time, he snatched it before it could reach the ground, excited and curious to see what it would say this time. (If anyone had asked him though, he never would’ve admitted the excitement part.)

“I hunger for your sleek laugh and your hands the colour of a furious harvest. I want to eat the sunbeams flaring in your beauty.”

- Pablo Neruda

He stared at the paper for a few seconds with a gentle smile on his face, before putting it in his bag together with his books and leaving for class. He hadn’t even noticed that he was still smiling after class had ended until his friend started asking him about it. Seokjin just smiled again and shook his head at his friend’s question. For now, he preferred to keep this to himself and see what it would lead to.

Seokjin felt his heart skip a beat when he read the next letter. They were getting sweeter and sweeter every day.

“You are the finest, loveliest, tenderest and most beautiful person I have ever met - and even that is an understatement.”

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Seokjin really enjoyed reading poetry and imagining the feelings behind the words, but he didn’t understand what was so different about these letters. He didn’t understand why when he read them, he felt like these words were dedicated to him and only him. He didn’t understand how the same words could make him feel so differently by just changing the person who wrote it down.

His smile didn’t falter until much later in the day and even then a comforting and nice feeling of warmth stayed in his chest.

He didn’t even notice that he was slowly but surely starting to fall for a person whose face he’d never seen but whose handwriting he would recognise amongst a thousand others.

When Seokjin woke up that Saturday, he felt a hint of sadness well up in his chest because he knew he would not get a note for the next two days, but his pride told him to ignore it. It had only been a week and he shouldn’t get used to it. Whoever this person was, they might still stop any time. It was better to not get attached to the notes as to not be disappointed later on.

And though he told himself this over and over again, he still couldn’t stop himself from checking his locker for another note first thing in the morning when he arrived at university.

“I don’t think I’ve fallen for you in a single moment. I think I’m falling every day, and there’s no end in sight.”

- Alicia N. Green

Seokjin looked at the paper, his eyes widening a little. He wasn’t actually surprised to see a new note, even this early in the morning. What he was surprised by, was that today’s quote was an actual confession. The previous ones, they had always just been little compliments and words of admiration to brighten up his day. But this, this was an actual confession of love.

Seokjin had of course known that these were some kind of love letters, but somehow, he still hadn’t expected a confession like that. It surprised him, but in a positive way. For the rest of the day, nothing could get the smile to disappear from Seokjin’s face to the point where his friends glared at him when he smiled like an idiot during one of the lectures.

It was a new feeling for Seokjin to have something to look forward to every day. Of course, he liked university and getting to see his friends wasn’t bad either, but somehow the thought of a new piece of pastel pink paper in his locker was what got him up in the morning.

It wasn’t only the letter in itself that made him so happy, or what was written in it. Sure, that always brightened up his day, but what made him the happiest, was the fact that someone was taking their time to write these letters. To think about something to write, something that fit Seokjin and their feelings for him and Seokjin liked to believe that these were sincere feelings. (He told himself it was because the letters were so regular and never missing, but in reality, he knew that he was just making this out from the warm feeling he got in his chest when he saw a new letter.)

Exactly two weeks after the first letter (not that he was counting) Seokjin opened his locker again to get out his books. Only that all of the books he needed were already in his bag. When he had checked this morning there hadn’t been a letter yet, so as soon as his schedule allowed it he had gone back to his locker to look for it again.

There it was. The tenth letter.

Seokjin started smiling at the mere sight of paper, not even looking at the words yet. To him, it was still a mystery how someone would go out of their way to do this much just for him, but he felt his heart do a slight flip at the thought of it.

And when he did look at the paper, his heart seemed to jump out of his chest.

“There are fires, vast and endless, that burn in me for you. And I will carry them until you are ready to walk through the flames of me.”

- William C. Hannan

This wasn’t a simple confession anymore. His heart did another flip at the realisation that this was truly what the sender of these letters felt (and Seokjin knew it was; somehow, he could tell by just looking at the words.)

Seokjin had often heard that words held great power, but he’d never experienced it as strongly as with these letters.

Even though there was often only a single sentence on them, they held a much greater message. Seokjin found it impressive how something that he usually wouldn’t be able to describe with a thousand words could be said so simply and still have the same significance.

It was the letter he got three days later that made him come to a decision.

“I still haven’t figured out how to sit across from you, and not be madly in love with everything you do.”

- William C. Hannan

Seokjin’s heart did the same flippy-over thing that was so cliché but happened every time he read one of the letters.

And even though some of the other letters would maybe be considered more romantic than this one, it was the simplicity, the bluntness of these small words that captured his attention and made him realise what he wanted to- no, what he had to do.


 

As it turned out, finding the sender of the letters wasn’t as easy as he’d thought. He couldn’t even figure out whether it was a boy’s or a girl’s handwriting.

Of course, his first idea had been to wait near his locker hoping for the person to come to deliver the letter, but that really wasn’t as simple as it sounded. However early he came, he just couldn’t seem to see the person delivering the letters. But he still found a letter in his locker every day.

He was already starting to lose hope, until one day he had to stay behind to help one of his teachers.

When they were finished and he looked at the clock, it was nearly two hours later than when his usual class would have ended. He quickly said his goodbye after his teacher had apologised over and over again for making him stay so late and went to put his books away.

When he arrived at the corridor with his locker, Seokjin’s breath stopped for a second. Someone was standing in front of his locker and the person was no doubt holding a small pastel pink paper in their hand. And this was definitely not who he had expected.

To be honest, he hadn’t really expected anyone, because he didn’t think anyone would actually write letters like that, but if he had expected someone, it for sure wasn’t Min Yoongi.

Now Min Yoongi was a kind and genuine person, Seokjin knew that. He wouldn’t show it a lot usually, but Min Yoongi cared deeply for his friends and always made sure that everyone was alright. But he most definitely wasn’t the type of person to send love letters like that and most of all not directed at Seokjin. And even more than that, he had a boyfriend as far as Seokjin knew.

So it couldn’t be him, right? But then, why was he putting the pastel pink paper inside Seokjin’s locker? Was he delivering it? But then who was he delivering it for? And why wasn’t the person doing it themselves?

Seokjin had so many questions, and before he could think about it further, he stepped out from his spot at the end of the corridor and called out for the black-haired boy standing in front of his locker.

“Min Yoongi.”

The boy turned around at the sound of Seokjin’s voice. He could see how Yoongi was looking for an explanation inside his head. “Kim Seokjin.” Despite his obvious nervousness, his voice was steady and sure.

“I was wondering who that letter you just put inside my locker was from. I’m sure you must know?” Seokjin tried to keep his voice as neutral as possible. He didn’t want to sound rude, but he was so curious and excited that he suspected he would if he didn’t restrain himself.

“I can’t tell you.”

Seokjin exhaled slowly, now more aware that the person he was talking to was, in fact, Min Yoongi. Yoongi was usually a very calm person, but when he wanted to (and sometimes even when he didn’t) he could sound very intimidating. “I know it’s not you,” he said slowly “but I really need to know. I won’t say you were the one who told me.”

“HE’S NOT STUPID! He’ll definitely know it was me, who else would it be?”

Seokjin winced a little when he rose his voice. “So a he it is…” he murmured. “Good to know.”

Yoongi’s eyes widened when he heard Seokjin’s muttered words. “If you plan on doing anything I warn you he’s my best friend and I will personally make your life living hell if you hurt Namjoon.”

Now it was Seokjin’s turn to widen his eyes. “Kim Namjoon,” he whispered.

Seokjin could see the panic behind Yoongi’s eyes as he realised what he had just revealed.

“Don’t tell him I said that…”

Seokjin nodded slowly. “I won’t.”

Yoongi stayed silent, his intense gaze still resting on Seokjin.

“I promise.” The older added, looking down at his feet.

“And don’t make it obvious that you know. He’ll kill me.” Yoongi seemed to have regained his composure quickly since his voice was steady again.

“You know he really likes you.”

“What?” Seokjin looked up from his feet.

Yoongi nodded. “Don’t hurt him.”

With that, he turned around to leave. Seokjin couldn’t help but stare at him as he disappeared behind a corner.

 

Kim Namjoon.

 

Seokjin knew him. He was a little younger than him, but they both had the same classes, because simply said, Namjoon was a genius. At first, Seokjin had been a bit intimidated by him, but after a while, he had realised that he was also only human and he had good and bad days just like everyone else.

When Seokjin thought about it, Namjoon did seem like the type to write a letter like that. But he didn’t seem like the type to write a letter like that for Seokjin.

But then again, at first sight, he also didn’t seem like the type to be friends with Min Yoongi, so maybe looks were just very deceiving.


 

After their slightly awkward encounter where Yoongi had accidentally given away the name of Seokjin’s mystery admirer, Seokjin had started to look for Namjoon everywhere. Be it at University during lectures or lunch break, or when he was out shopping in the centre of the city where he was most likely to meet him. And if he had been completely honest with himself, he would’ve admitted that he was also looking for him at places where he wouldn’t be likely to meet him, but that was a detail that Seokjin liked to ignore.

However, once he saw him, he would only observe from a safe distance. And he would observe every little detail.

Whether it was the way his dimples formed on his cheek or the amount and position of laughter lines in his face, or maybe even only the way he had styled his hair that day, Seokjin wanted to see it all.

Seokjin started to love the way Namjoon’s eyes seemed to disappear almost completely when he was smiling brightly. He started to love the way he laughed with his whole body when he laughed. He started to love the way he was so genuine and serious about everything he did and said. He started to love the way he thought about everything he said with the utmost sincerity ad the way he chose every word very carefully.

But overall, Seokjin started to love Namjoon.

Not only the way he looked, the way he did things, but simply the way he was.

 

“When you look at me, when you think of me, I am in paradise.”

- William Makepeace Thackeray

This letter caught Seokjin off guard.

He started wondering whether Namjoon might have noticed him looking at him. And that just made him wonder, whether he felt the same warm feeling in his chest when he saw him looking at him, as Seokjin felt when he read the letters.

Seokjin knew that Namjoon liked him. He read the letters and he wasn’t stupid enough to be oblivious to the feelings behind them. Another thing that kept echoing in his head, were Yoongi’s words. “He really likes you. Don’t hurt him.”

Seokjin knew to trust Yoongi because he wasn’t the type to say things like that carelessly. They were simple words, but like before, maybe the simplicity was what made them so strong.

Because they meant he had the power to hurt Namjoon. Having the power to hurt someone was a strong power. Seokjin knew that it was a power that many people didn’t give to others so easily. It was frightening to give it away, and many people kept it to themselves for as long as possible, to make sure to give it to a person that even though they knew they had that kind of power, wouldn’t make use of it. It was a great proof of trust and the more Seokjin thought about the fact that he had that power over Namjoon, the more he felt his heart melt, and he realised that not only had he the power to hurt Namjoon, but Namjoon also had the power to hurt him. Even if he was not aware of it.


 

Seokjin knew that he had fallen for Namjoon. And he also knew that Namjoon had fallen for him.

So why hadn’t he asked him out yet?

Simple.

Seokjin was not ready to let go of the letters. He loved them. He loved reading them and thinking about how Namjoon had probably been reading a book when one of the quotes came up. And he loved to think about the fact that when Namjoon had read that quote he had thought of him.

It was like a drug. Seokjin didn’t even look forward to the weekends anymore because they meant he would neither see Namjoon nor get a letter to brighten up his day.

And even his weekends were spent looking through the letters and rereading them for the nth time. By now, a month and a half after the first letter had passed, and it had been three weeks since Seokjin had found out about Namjoon.

He had even bought a pin board, where he carefully pinned down every letter he had received from Namjoon in the past six weeks and now whenever he wasn’t sleeping, eating or studying he was looking at them, his mind on the boy that had sat down to write all of them.

Seokjin was still amazed by the fact that he didn’t run out of things to write.

He often tried to pick out a favourite, but he always ended up choosing all of them one after another.

“I swear, I couldn’t love you more than I do right now and yet I know I will tomorrow.” - Leo Christopher

This was the note that pulled some kind of trigger inside Seokjin’s head.

The day he received it was a rainy day. Cold and windy, not at all fitting for the beginning of May, but Seokjin didn’t mind. The only thing on his mind that day was Namjoon.

To be honest, that had been the case quite often lately, but that day was different. He didn’t think of Namjoon like he usually did. He thought about his smile and the way he looked when he was concentrating, or he just imagined his thoughts when writing the letters.

That day, what he thought about was how it would feel to kiss him. He imagined how his hair would feel if he tangled it with his fingers and he imagined the way Namjoon’s arms would wrap around his waist to pull him closer. What he thought about was what it would feel like if Namjoon had a special kind of smile just for him. He thought about what it would be like to hear Namjoon laugh about his stupid jokes for him only and he thought about what it would be like to wake up with his arms wrapped around him.

And he then realised. He loved Kim Namjoon.

After that realisation, Seokjin knew that as much as he loved the letters, he also loved Namjoon and he would give everything to have the things he had thought about that day even if it cost him the letters.

And he also realised that if he did get what he had imagined, he wouldn’t need the letters.

So he asked Namjoon out. He had asked Yoongi about it before and after Yoongi had told him in absolute detail what he had to pay attention to and what he definitely couldn’t do, he’d simply gone up to Namjoon one day and asked him.

Seokjin was surprised by his boldness himself, but then again, when it came to Namjoon he had already done a lot of things he hadn’t expected himself to do.

So there he was Friday evening dressed in a simple white shirt and dark jeans, sitting in his car in front of the building of Namjoon’s flat, too nervous to get out and ring the doorbell.

He didn’t really know why he was nervous. He was nearly 100% sure that Namjoon wouldn’t reject him and he hadn’t had a problem asking him out.

So why was he nervous now?

Seokjin didn’t know, and thinking about it didn’t help.

Another thing that wasn’t exactly helpful in that moment was Namjoon coming out of his flat and walking towards the car. He was wearing a long black knitted cardigan over his white shirt that matched perfectly with his black jeans that in Seokjin’s opinion were way too distractingly tight.

He hadn’t noticed that he was staring until Namjoon knocked against the window of the passenger seat, gesturing for Seokjin to let him inside.

He quickly opened the car door and greeted his date.

“So where are you taking me?” Namjoon asked with a calm and low voice that drove Seokjin crazy.

And the narrow space of the car didn’t make it better.

If Namjoon was nervous, he was hiding it very well, and that didn’t help Seokjin to relax at all. Instead of thinking about it, though, he concentrated on not getting them into an accident.

“To a place with the best food in all of Seoul.”

Namjoon laughed and Seokjin held his breath. He knew the sound of Namjoon’s laughter very well, but it still sent shivers down his spine hearing it so close to his ear and knowing that right now it was meant for him and only him.

He just hoped for the car ride to be over quickly.

 


 

Namjoon kept talking over the whole way. Seokjin was glad that he was just talking and talking, though, not only because it prevented an awkward silence and he found out more about Namjoon, but also because he loved Namjoon’s voice. It was wonderfully calm and soothing but also very emotional at the same time and Seokjin could’ve listened to him talking about everything and nothing for hours without getting tired of it.

Nevertheless, Seokjin was very relieved when they arrived at the restaurant because the close proximity of the car had really been stressing his self-control.

When they entered the restaurant, Namjoon suddenly stopped in the doorway.

Seokjin turned around in confusion. “What is it?”

Namjoon opened his mouth for a second but closed it again without saying anything. He thought for a few seconds before opening his mouth again to actually answer this time.

“This looks like the most expensive restaurant I have ever seen.”

Seokjin shrugged. “It looks fancy but it’s actually pretty much in the normal price range… But the food is definitely first class.”


 

Their dinner was mostly silent, but they both seemed to prefer it that way and it wasn’t awkward. After that, though, when Seokjin insisted on ordering a bottle of wine, they started to actually have a proper conversation and Seokjin wondered why earlier in the car he had been so nervous about it. They never ran out of things to talk about and they seemed to immediately understand each other, whatever they were talking about.

It was when Namjoon was having a particularly passionate monologue about some western musician when Seokjin accidentally lost himself staring at him instead of listening that he suddenly had an idea.

“I think it’s beautiful the way you sparkle when you talk about the things you love.“

Namjoon stopped, his eyes widening ever so slightly in a way that Seokjin knew only he could see. “What?”

Seokjin smiled innocently. “It’s a beautiful quote and as I was looking at you just now it came to my head. Sorry for interrupting you, please continue.”

Namjoon silently looked at him for a few more seconds and Seokjin could feel his confusion but he just kept smiling and waited for Namjoon to continue talking.

The car ride back was a lot more talkative than the first one.

This time Seokjin wished for it to never be over, but it ended way too quickly.


 

Now as they arrived in front of Namjoon’s apartment complex, Seokjin got out of the car and even opened the door for Namjoon to get out.

“I really enjoyed tonight.” Namjoon smiled and Seokjin wanted to curse God for giving Namjoon such cute dimples.

“Me too.”

“So…” Namjoon hesitated for a moment. “Thank you. We should definitely repeat this sometime.” He smiled again and even though Seokjin tried his hardest to hold himself back, he did the one thing he’d been restraining himself from doing the whole night and just kissed Namjoon.

At first, he thought Namjoon would pull away, but then he felt hands on his hips pulling him closer and he smiled into the kiss.

This was even better than he had imagined.

“You know,” Namjoon whispered after they had pulled away ever so slightly their foreheads still touching. “I was waiting for you to do this.”

Seokjin was feeling dizzy from Namjoon’s intense gaze on him and his breath on his lips.

“Well, now you’ve waited long enough,” he hummed, before leaning forward again.

Right now, as they were standing in front of Namjoon’s flat in the dark night only illuminated by a slightly damaged street light, Seokjin began to understand what the feelings behind the words had meant.


 

When Seokjin had been hesitant to ask Namjoon out because he didn’t want to give up on getting a cute little letter every day, what he hadn’t thought about was the fact that Namjoon didn’t necessarily have to stop just because they were a couple.

So when he arrived at university the next day to find another letter in his locker, he was surprised but happy and the best thing about it was the thank you kiss he could give Namjoon for it.

“I love us for the way our eyes make love to each other’s souls.”

- Christopher Poindexter