Beck tries to have peaceful weekends, he really does, but it never really works out for him.
This Saturday, he's hoping his luck will finally have changed and he can watch his fix of iCarly without any interruptions.
There are a few swift, loud bangs on the door to his RV and he groans, dragging himself off the coach and opening the door. Jade West glares back at him, hand poised to knock again.
"Well if it isn't my utterly welcome, disturbingly gorgeous ex-girlfriend Jade West! To what do I owe this pleasure?" he states sarcastically. Jade's glare seems to burn more brightly- if that's even possible.
"Knock it off, Oliver, before I stab you with my scissors." she growls, walking straight past him and into the RV.
"Business as usual then." Beck sighs, shutting the door.
When he returns, Jade has shut down his laptop and is pacing around, making the RV shake a bit. Beck attempts to put his hand on her arm but is shrugged off.
"Don't touch me." she mumbles, finally sitting down.
"What's wrong?" he asks, getting straight to the point. After dating her for around four years, and then another year after their break-up, he knows the warning signs. Jade's like a volcano- sooner or later she has to blow.
"Let's watch a movie." she dodges the question. Beck let's her choose one- she'll eventually tell him what's bugging her.
They sit down of the sofa like the used to when they were dating, only further apart this time, and watch Imagine Me & You. Beck doesn't even know why he's got it in his DVD collection, or why they're watching it- Jade doesn't normally like romance movies.
But he doesn't question her. He figures it's all to do with why she's upset, and he just needs to fit the pieces together.
As soon as it's over Jade switches the DVD to Lost And Delirious and Beck doesn't protest because actually a great film, and he'll be one step closer to figuring it out why she's here.
Once it's over he looks over to her and sees she's biting down on her nail hard, like she always does when she's thinking about whether or not to say something.
"Beck, can I talk to you about something? Or someone?" Jade finally asked, once the credits have finished rolling.
And the lava starts to flow.
"Sure, who?" he asks.
"I think-" she begins, then changes course. "Do you think …" she groans.
"Do you want a drink?" Beck asks. "I sneaked in some beer last night, and I think I've got a few bottles left."
Jade nods. "Sure."
He hands her an open bottle and takes one for himself, taking a sip.
"Okay, so what did you want to tell me?" he asks.
Jade waves her hand, dismissing the subject. "It doesn't really matter. Well, it does, but … Let's just talk and drink, like we used to before we went out, except then it was cola not beer, but the same concept applies."
And they talk.
About nearly everything, and everyone, and all the stuff that's happened to them and their friends, and then they have another two or so- Beck stopped keeping count- bottles of beer each and Jade's making up a bed on the sofa because they're both so drunk.
"Beck, I think I have a problem," Jade says once she's made her bed.
"You've got several problems." Beck jokes, knowing that he's the only one who can say this and not get slapped. It's been their private running gag for the last eight years.
"No, I mean a different problem." Beck waits for her to continue.
"I think I'm in love." she says after a while, and Beck falls off the bed from laughing.
"I'm serious!" she protests, after Beck finally clambers up from his spot on the floor, where he dragged almost all his sheets with him.
"Jade West, in love again. Now why is that hard to believe?" he jokes again, but stops when he sees her clearly unamused face.
"Who is it?" he asks.
"That's the problem, I don't know." she moans.
"Well, let's start by the obvious, since I'm here right now: do you want to have sex?" he asks, trying to keep a straight face on, before laughing along with Jade.
"No. No, Beck, I don't. Sorry to shatter your little ego but it's not you. Not again." Jade says.
"Okay, is it Andre?"
Jade snorts. "Nah."
"Is it Robbie?" Beck says with a perfect poker face. This time Jade does actually slap him on the shoulder. "When hell freezes over." she says as he laughs.
"This isn't funny, Beck!"
"No, you're right. Okay, is it Trina?" he says through laughter.
Jade glares at him. "No. So that leaves …" she trails off.
"Cat or Tori." he finishes for her, and they both think for a while.
"I don't think-" Jade states, at the same time Beck says "It's definitely-"
They stare at each other for a while.
"I don't think it's Cat." Jade says after a while, and Beck can see how much she's thought this over.
"And I was just about to say it's definitely Tori." he says.
Her eyes widen. "How did you know?"
"It's kind of obvious." he says. "You two have way too much sexual tension."
Jade's glare deepens. "And what do you suppose I do about that, Mr All-Knowing?" she says sarcastically.
Beck shrugs. "Have sex with her?" he says innocently.
"What, in the janitor's closet, your favourite location? Classy." she laughs.
"Just sleep on it. We're both completely hammered. Things will seem shittier in the morning." he says.
"Thanks, Captain Pessimistic." she growls, and there's silence for a while.
"I mean it though. Thanks." Jade mumbles after a while, and Beck smiles.
"No problem." he turns off the light.
"Goodnight." she calls out.
"Good night Mrs Vega!" he says, and is rewarded with a pillow smacking him in the face.
Laughing, he goes to sleep.
Maybe the peaceful weekends are a rarity, but he thinks he prefers the hectic ones.