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Feelings and Wondering

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Kokomi wanted to cry. This wasn't unsual but her reason was. She realized that she was in love with her best friend, Urara. She was devastated. She knew that Urara aspired to be an idol and idols belong to everyone. She couldn't have Urara all to herself. Just seeing her with other people made her jealous and it was making her uncomfortable.

Who does Urara-chan like? She wondered. It's has been so long since they have had that kind of conversation. She missed the times when they could talk about this or that so casually but now all the words Kokomi wanted to say got stuck in her throat.

I like you… Just couldn't be said.

Could it be Sensei?

Maybe Kanon? Kokomi didn't even know if Urara liked girls but she was always gawking over her female idols, so maybe that was still hope that maybe, one day… But even if she does, she would probably just love Kanon, right? Kanon is a breath-taking idol, one of the one she was always obsessed with. And she now gets to see her everyday, why wouldn't she be in love with her?

There’s no way she love a crybaby like me.

She walked home from astronomy club, wiping tears from her eyes with her sleeve. I should hurry up before Urara-chan finishes her club practice.

“Hey, Kokomi-chan!”

Usually Kokomi doesn't like to curse but at that moment the first word that came to her mind was “fuck.”

She quickly wiped the reminder of her tears, turned around, and faked a smile. “Hi, Urara-chan. How was practice?”

“It was fine, but are you okay?” That was one of the questions that she dreaded. Urara stood, puzzled. “Were you crying again?”

Of course, she recognizes my crying face by now.

“What happened?”

“I-it's nothing.” The brunette looked down that the floor. “You don't have to worry about it.

“Even if you say that, I’ll be worried. Even if you cry over small things sometimes, you still have a reason to cry. Urara reached out to touch her friend’s hand. Kokomi flinched away, causing Urara to have a hurt expression on her face. “Kokomi…”

“I'm sorry.” Kokomi went to her knees, on the floor.

“Sorry for what?”

Unreasonably tears welled up in her tears. Unreasonably feelings filled her heart. Unreasonably thoughts filled her mind.

“Sorry for not being Kanon or Sensei.” The tears overflowed and dropped onto the sidewalk as Kokomi looked down, avoiding the gaze of her best friend.

Even more unreasonably words threatening to come out of her mouth.

“I'm sorry for being in love with you, even though I'm suppose to be your best friend and only your best friend. I didn't want this to happen. I wish I could have just watch your happiness from the sidelines as you fall in love, but it seems that I can't stay away.” She began to hiccup.

“Think about your own happiness, idiot.” Urara’s voice hoarse. She went to the floor and wrapped her arms around Kokomi. “Why can't you love yourself? Stop bringing yourself down.”

“You say that but…” Kokomi’s voice cracked.

“But what? That I don't understand how you feel? Well, just because we’re best friends doesn't mean we tell every other everything. Now that I think about it, we haven't sat down and casually talked about love in a while, have we?” Kokomi sniffled as she nodded her head in agreement.

“I’ll go first then. I’ve liked the same person for quite some time now and I thought that they would never like me back, but it seems like that actually not the case. I'm really happy about this and I really want to hug, kiss, and hold their hands as their girlfriend but they seem really down right now. Hmmm, I wonder what I should do?” Urara teased. Kokomi flushed.

“Uumm, I think they would really like that kiss right now.”

“Well if you say so.”