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A Greedy Aching Heart

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Boris controlled his flinch as Hank furiously slammed shut the door behind him as he stormed out.

He turned back towards the low table and reached out, picking up the pager-watch from where Hank had left it resting on its clear acrylic case. Boris stared at it for a long minute, turning the black band over and over in his hands as anger and guilt in equal measure rose up inside him. Unable to withstand the turbulence a second longer, he snarled loudly and threw the pager-watch across the room. It hit the far wall, nearly smashing into the pale glass scone of the light fixture before it fell onto the floor.

At once, two of his security specialists ran into the room with their handguns drawn but with the barrels kept pointed down.

Boris dismissed them with a sharp wave of his right hand as he gave them the codeword for a false alarm in Hebrew. As soon as they left, Boris' left hand tightened on the bridge of his nose, fighting off the tension which threatened to build into a headache. Cursing at himself for being a fool of the highest caliber, Boris sank back onto the white couch he had been sitting in when Hank arrived to confront him about his behavior.

Nothing had developed at all like he'd envisaged.

Boris had forgotten to take into account the strength of Hank’s charm. He should have remembered he had yet to meet someone, anyone at all, who had proven themselves immune to Hank's smile, to his kindness and compassion. Boris, himself, was proof of how powerful of an effect Hank had on even the most guarded of people. But he’d thought Christina, with her jaded view of the world and her long-lasting contempt to enter relationships that lasted more than a weekend, would be able to resist Hank's allure. In the past, she'd rebuffed the attentions of men with more charisma, with more skill at seduction, with more wealth and that power that she found so attractive.

Boris had been so certain of himself when he’d thought up the plan. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to prove to himself that his grown attraction and affection for the other man was over. That he'd finally succeeded in suppressing every lingering root of inappropriate feeling for Hank until nothing remained but lingering friendship without taking the risk of Hank and Christina becoming... more.

Boris laughed humorlessly to himself because he should have realized this scheme he'd concocted had been doomed from its inception with this concern being so paramount in his mind. The plan had failed spectacularly. Boris hadn't been able to constrain his burgeoning jealousy. It had become the proverbial monster within him that grew whenever he saw Hank's smile so brightly at Christina.

Until the emotion got the better of Boris upon learning that the woman he'd all but pushed at Hank wasn't going to leave the Hamptons according to schedule. In his lack of control, Boris had even lashed out a Hank, choosing cutting words which would undermine Hank's sense of self-worth all in order to sabotage his growing relationship with Christina.

All because Boris had been jealous... and afraid. Afraid that Hank's attentions would be caught by another.

Boris had not been particularly proud of himself when Hank had walked out of his office with newly seeded doubt in his sky-blue eyes. And a growing hurt like an untreated wound. Boris had deliberately injured him with his poisonous words because he'd been too much of coward to explain the reason for them.

Boris had fallen in love with Hank at some point over the last couple of years. It had happened so gradually that he hadn't even been aware of the depth of his feelings until Jill Casey left Hank's life. The knowledge that Hank was free to choose another lover had been the spark which had forced Boris to confront the depth of his feelings and his own self-loathing at his grasping greed for more.

Why wasn’t Boris satisfied with his wife and his son? Marissa and Carlos were gifts he never expected to have, ones that he'd nearly shut of his life. So why did he crave more? Why did he want Hank with a longing that threatened to suffocate him?

The man never once looked at him with anything more than friendship. And now it appeared he'd ruined even that much between them.

Boris was a fool. His only saving grace was that Hank had come to the wrong conclusion as to whom exactly he‘d been jealous over. That it hadn't occurred to him that it was him who Boris longed to kiss, to touch, to –

Boris cut off that line of thought.

He got up from the couch to walk over to the pager-watch. He picked it up and inspected it for damage. Once he saw it looked intact, he returned it to its case. He sighed heavily and wished wholeheartedly he could see his son. Holding Carlos always made the world come into clearer focus.

He knew where to find Hank if he needed him because he didn't doubt that should the need for a doctor arise then Hank wouldn't hesitate to answer the call. For now it was better for both of them if they maintained their distance.

Until the man forgave him then Boris would remove himself from his life. It the least he could do for all the pain he'd caused him.

Boris sat down on the couch again, took a deep breath, forced himself to put aside all thoughts and emotions he had for Hank before he picked up the business newspaper he’d been reading, trying to focus on the black printed words.

They blurred before his eyes for a great length of time.