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Don't Be Evil

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"Sir?" The stormtrooper said, as he swallowed nervously. "My lord, the Emperor would like you to join G+ to better distribute messages to the base."

It was finally time to start fighting the rebel scum on their home turf. For far too long, Skywalker and Ben Kenobi had been posting to the social site. They also no doubt used the secure email and Drive functions to help spearhead attacks. Darth Vader had dismissed it as a passing fad, but it was clear that while Facebook was far more popular, Google and its + network were here to stay.

"Of course," Vader said with a sweep of his hand, causing the young Trooper to wince. "I trust you can set it up?"

"Sir ..." the Trooper said, looking absolutely pained at this point. "Sir, G+ requires a Real Name and uses a Real Name Authentication Sys-"

"Do they know who I am?!" Vader bellowed. "I am Darth Vader. I will have my account."

The account was easy enough to create until an error message popped up: The name you entered doesn't seem to meet our Names Policy. Check it over and try again.

Undaunted, Darth Vader again entered his name, for the same error message to pop up.

On the third try, a new message appeared: The name you entered appears to be inconsistent with our Community Standards. You can edit your name below, submit it for review, or cancel. Learn more.

If you continue with this name, your profile will be suspended, and your use of other Google products that require a profile will be limited.
I understand this and want to submit my name for review.

"Submit my name for review? Who are these people running Google! I will shut them down! Admiral, tell Tarkin we're heading for Google headquarters!"


"I find your lack of a better name policy disturbing."

Eric Schmidt squirmed as he began to choke, clawing at his neck as he tried to get invsisible hands off of him. "Stop," he managed to beg. "Please. Please. Stop."

"Perhaps we can reach an accord. Suspend the rebel alliance and help me track their base."

When Eric Schmidt shook his head, Vader's fingers tightened. After he had fallen to the floor, lifeless, Vader curled his fingers at Larry Page.

"Anything! Anything!" The man, now CEO of a multi-billion dollar corporation, was not an idiot. It did not do well to make enemies of this Darth Vader, although the war had not reached Earth.

Within minutes, Vader had a complete Google Map satellite AND street view view of the rebel compound on Hoth, with all their accounts suspended. Vader handed the list of the Real Name verified members of the group 'I support the Rebel Alliance' to a junior officer with orders to arrest all of them. Larry Page was fine with compling with government entities when they asked for information on Google users. Privacy? Rebels should have stuck to writing letters.

Darth Vader looked at his shiny new G+ post and made his first post: 'Ben 'Obi-Wan' Kenobe is dead, Google. Might want to get on making sure his profile is deleted. Dead people can't make posts.'

And Larry Page, eager to comply, went ahead and deleted them all. He didn't have a dog in the Rebel/Alliance fight. Besides, if he stayed on Vader's side, he could only go up. Rule Earth maybe. The people sure trusted him with their (Real Name) information.