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Give me your everything

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Ryo had a secret.

Ryo had a very big secret that he really didn't want anyone to know about.

He came with a cry, slumping down in his seat and panting, staring at his computer screen. The two men on-screen were coming too, exaggerated moans falling from their lips as they collapsed next to each other. Ryo closed his laptop, the sounds quickly cutting off, and he sat in silence for a while, staring up at his ceiling.

The phone was ringing, but he ignored it, his thoughts tumbling about his head. This wasn't the first time he had come to... this kind of porn. And frankly, it had scared him at first. Shirota had sent him the first video - hey guys, lol, look at this, don't you think this guy looks like Jin? - and it was meant to be a joke at Jin's expense, but to Ryo, it was so much more than that.

He had gotten hard as soon as the two men on-screen had started kissing, the camera zooming in on the way their tongues messaged each other. Ryo had felt a little ashamed as he stroked himself, wondering what this all meant much later as he lay in bed with only his thoughts to distract him.

He hadn't told anyone. Who would he tell?

No, Ryo had to keep this little secret to himself.




It was only getting worse. Whenever he closed his eyes, it was there, a little nagging thought in his head. It had been months before he had realised that yes, he was probably attracted to members of the same sex.

Somehow, the thought of him actually putting a name to that and calling himself gay was more terrifying.

It wasn't as if women were unattractive to him now, though. He still found himself distracted if their shirt was too low-cut and noticing the way their clothes fit their body just right. But it was like men were so much more exciting; more powerful.

That was it. They were more powerful.

And then he was watching television and KAT-TUN were there, and there was just something about the way Uedas costume fit him; something about the way he walked. Oh.


No! No, no, no, no, don't even try, Nishikido.

Stupid Ueda and his stupid ass.

But the way Ueda walked was haunting him, his eyes filling his dreams at night and more than once, Ryo woke up with sticky sheets and that face still in his mind.

The thing that always scared Ryo, though, was the fact that he wasn't the one on top. He was never the one on top.




Ueda was behind him, biting lightly into his shoulder as he pounded into him, his muffled cries dying on his skin. Ryo groaned, bucking back, loving the possessive arm wrapped around his waist. Then they were coming, Ueda pulsing inside him--

Ryo woke with a start, his alarm beeping obnoxiously loudly at him until he hit the button to shut it off. He grimaced; his pants were sticky again.

He groaned, rolling to the side and staring at his clock. It was only eight - he didn't have much work to do today, for a change. His phone had a message, it seemed, and Ryo sleepily opened it, staring at it when he realised who it was from.

Hey. Had a weird dream about you. Call me later?

It was from Ueda.

Oh god, what if they had some kind of psychic thing where they both had sex dreams about each other; what if Ueda had dreams about Ryo like he did; what if Ueda had a simple dream about Ryo where he made sandwiches and had a pet ostrich and Ueda was a postman with a pink helmet?

And then Ryo realised that he had been thinking way too hard about it.

Ryo spent the day on tenderhooks, going from photoshoot to photoshoot to interview in some kind of nervous daze. The rest of Kanjani had noticed, but ignored him after a while, putting it down to lack of sleep.

Three o'clock came around, and Ryo was pacing around his apartment, his phone clutched in his hands. Thousands of thoughts were fluttering about his mind, each one contradicting each other, confusing him and frustrating him until he broke and he just dialled Ueda's number.

Second ring and Ueda picked up. "Ryo-chan?" he asked, in that voice.

Ryo cleared his throat. "Yeah. Yeah, it's me."

"I had a dream about you," Ueda said, chuckling a little.

"I know. I... kind of had one about you, too," Ryo admitted, perching down on the edge of the couch.

"Really? That's a little odd," Ueda commented. Ryo grunted. "I wonder if you had the same dream that I did."

"I doubt it," Ryo said quickly. Ueda was quiet. "I mean-- that'd-- that'd be too much of a coincidence, wouldn't it?"

"Yeah. Maybe. Tell me, what was yours about?"

Ryo paled. "Um--nothing. You go first."

Ueda laughed. "No, I wanna know what yours was first!"


"So stubborn," Ueda said cutely. "If you want to know, let me come over."

Ueda was there in an hour, and the whole time, Ryo was pacing across his living room floor, muttering to himself about bad ideas until Ueda rang the doorbell.

"Hey," he said, his eyes soft in the dim light.

"Hi," Ryo choked out, stepping aside to let him in. "So, what wa--"

"We were having sex," Ueda said casually, walking in and looking around. "Got any beer?"

Ryo almost choked on air. "What?"

"Beer, Ryo."

"No, not that--"

Ueda walked into the kitchen, opening the fridge and checking inside. "Oh, the sex part?" he asked, pulling out two beers and offering Ryo one. Ryo felt like he was about to faint, but took it anyway. Ueda uncapped his and swallowed, thinking. "Yeah. It was pretty hot."

Ryo wasn't sure whether or not he liked the predatory look Ueda was giving him.

Ueda took his still unopened beer from him and set it down on the counter, placing his own next to it. "What was your dream about?" he asked curiously. Ryo shook his head.

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

"Was it about me?" Ueda asked, suddenly in his personal space. Ryo backed up, trying to avoid Ueda's gaze, but Ueda was lifting his head up with his thumb and forefinger on his chin. "Was it, Ryo?" he repeated, his breath ghosting across Ryo's face, eyes flicking down to watch his lips.

"N-no," Ryo stuttered, his heart beating faster and faster as Ueda came nearer.

"It was," Ueda whispered, leaning closer. "Wasn't it?"

"Yes," Ryo breathed, eyes locked with Ueda's. Ueda smirked, and Ryo felt a shiver run up his spine.

"Good," was all Ueda said before leaning forward and kissing him, sighing gently against Ryo's lips.

Ryo froze until Ueda moved his hands to Ryo's waist, pulling him flush against his body. He found himself kissing him back, enjoying the moan Ueda issued as he licked at Ryo's lips. Ueda kissed him deeply, pushing him into the kitchen counter and covering his body with his own. Ryo groaned, his own hands coming up to clutch at the back of Ueda's shirt, needing something more.

Apparently Ueda knew what he was thinking, because he was pulling away and asking where his room was. Ryo led him by the hand, biting his lip as Ueda sucked on his neck while they walked, his knees almost giving out. "Don't-- Don't do that," Ryo gasped, but Ueda just chuckled.

Ryo reached for the doorknob of his room, but was spun about and pinned to it by Ueda, who was kissing him hungrily, taking his breath away. Ueda rolled his hips into Ryo, and Ryo tipped his head back, moaning as he felt how excited Ueda was too.

Oh. Yes, this is what he wanted. Oh, definitely.

"Ueda," he breathed, and Ueda was back kissing him, fumbling for the doorknob behind Ryo. "Oh--"

They practically fell into the bedroom, Ueda tearing at his shirt and going for Ryo's belt buckle next. Ryo was the one to push Ueda to the bed, quickly climbing atop him and kissing him again, tongue and teeth and messy and hot. Ueda flipped their positions easily, holding Ryo's arms flat against the mattress with one hand and trailing the other down Ryo's cheek to his chest.

"Your shirt is still on," Ryo found himself saying, and Ueda tore his eyes away from Ryo's chest to hastily take his shirt off, throwing it to the side.

"Are you happy now?"


Ueda was more muscular than he had thought. He ran his hands over Ueda's abdomen, loving the way he shuddered and clutched onto Ryo's arm tighter, making small noises into Ryo's ear as he scratched lightly over a nipple. "Mm, Ryo..." he groaned, his hips grinding against Ryo's. "Want you."

"I want you too," Ryo said, turning his head so he could kiss Ueda. "I've never-- never wanted someone so badly--"

Ueda chuckled, licking his ear and turning Ryo into a moaning mess. He would be embarrassed, if he weren't so fucking turned on. Ueda's hands were working on his belt again, finally managing to undo it and throw it to the side. His jeans were next, but Ryo pushed his hands out of the way, murmuring for Ueda to take his own pants off. Their jeans landed with a thump on the floor.

Any embarrassment that was in his mind before flew away as Ueda licked his lips and stroked him - Ryo almost came there and then, but Ueda was smirking again and leaning down to kiss him, practically licking his way into Ryo's mouth and drinking his moans.

He could feel Ueda's smirk. "You're so loud," Ueda murmured, biting lightly onto his lip. "Not that it's unexpected, though."

Ryo didn't even care anymore, winding his legs around Ueda's waist and forcing him down, gasping at the friction. "Ueda, shut up," he hissed, but talking was far from Ueda's mind as he ground against him. "Oh--"

Ueda put a finger to his lips and slid away, fumbling for his pants. "I figured you wouldn't ha--"

But Ryo was pushing a condom and lube into his hands, trying to ignore how red his face probably was. Ueda looked a little impressed. "Done this before?" Ueda asked, cocking an eyebrow, and Ryo's ears were burning.


"Hmm." Ueda crawled back up, kissing him deeply and putting a hand on Ryo's knee, gently spreading his legs. "Done this... to yourself, then?"


Ueda chuckled a little at the way Ryo avoided his gaze. "Well, that's interesting."

"Shut the fuck up, Ueda," Ryo snapped, pulling him down for another breathtaking kiss, if only to get him to be quiet.

"So I guess you want to bottom?" Ueda breathed, and Ryo barely answered before a slick finger was entering him. He threw his head back, eyes closed, and just moaned. "F-fuck," Ueda panted, and Ryo opened his eyes to see Ueda stroking himself as he watched Ryo's face.

Ueda pressed another finger in, and Ryo writhed against the mattress, loving the feel of Ueda's fingers inside him and Ueda's eyes focused on his face. Soon Ueda was three fingers deep, biting back his own moans as Ryo moved his hips against his hand, trying to feel more. He needed more.

And then Ueda was hovering above him, removing his fingers and kissing him passionately. Ryo's legs were back around Ueda's waist, anticipation making him shudder in Ueda's hold. He could feel the head of Ueda's cock at his entrance and he whimpered a little, reaching up to kiss Ueda again, hoping he didn't hear that sound.

"I so heard that," Ueda whispered, before pushing in.

Ryo threw his head back, mouth open in a long drawn-out moan. Oh yes, this was exactly what he wanted. It burned a little, but he was too blinded by the fact that Ueda was inside him to really care.

Ueda shivered atop him, his eyes clenched shut as he tried not to move. Ryo leant up, pressing almost-there kisses to Ueda's jaw, whispering. "Move."

Ueda did, pulling out and pushing in, their groans echoing in the otherwise soundless room. Ryo could almost feel the sounds spilling from his lips; was aware about how loud he was being but he didn't care. Ueda seemed to love it, kissing his neck and making small noises against his Adam's apple.

Ryo couldn't get enough of Ueda, his arms stroking up and down his back and over the muscles under his skin, loving the way they moved as Ueda thrust into him, sheer power in his small body. Ueda leant up a little, reaching deeper inside Ryo and making him cry out, smirking and thrusting harder and harder and harder, Ryo's hand flying to his cock and stroking. A sharp cry was tugged from Ryo's throat as he came, clenching around Ueda's cock, his orgasm almost blinding him.

But Ueda wasn't finished, biting his lip as he thrust into Ryo three more times before shuddering, the most beautiful expression on his face as he came. He pulled out, throwing the condom into the bin by Ryo's desk and kissing him again, this time a little sweeter.

"Are you okay?" he breathed, and Ryo nodded.


"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. That was-- that was amazing," Ryo panted, drawing him in for another kiss. He didn't think he would ever get sick of Ueda's kisses.

"It kind of was," Ueda laughed, rolling to the side and lying next to Ryo, his eyes softening. He swept Ryo's hair out of his eyes gently, moving to press his lips to the corner of Ryo's mouth.

"What do I have to do to get you to do that again?" Ryo asked softly, and Ueda smiled.

"Nothing," he murmured. "Just kiss me again."


--the end