Emma sat at the island, slowly sipping her coffee as she waited for Regina to come downstairs. They definitely needed to talk after what had happened last night, and Emma’s stomach vibrated with excitement of what this unexpected change in their sexual relationship meant. Emma had never expected such a development, had never once thought that Regina would ask (more like demand her brain corrected her) that Emma pin her down and fuck her, take her, control her. Not only because it didn’t seem like something Regina would ever enjoy, but also because Regina knew of Emma’s past sexual experiences and her preferences in the bedroom; they’d spoken of them at length, and not once had Regina ever indicated that she’d be interested in submitting to Emma. In their year of dating, not once had she ever hinted that she’d like for Emma to take control of her body in such a way. In fact, based on their past conversations, Emma was pretty sure Regina would be wholly opposed to it, which was why she’d reassured Regina when they’d discussed Emma’s penchant for domination that she was more than able to make love without involving any sort of power play. Regina seemed relieved by Emma’s assurances, and Emma took that as a clear indication that Regina was not and would never be interested in that sort of interaction. And so their relationship had grown and progressed into a wonderfully loving, supporting one, but one which did not including any aspect of the BDSM lifestyle. Well, until last night that is.
Things had started out normally enough. They’d had a couple of drinks after dinner (though Regina had poured herself a vodka martini rather than her usual glass of wine), and after Henry had gone to bed, they’d moved upstairs to Regina’s room. They began to kiss and stroke one another, peeling off articles of clothing as they moved to the bed. But then Regina had looked at Emma for a long moment before rolling under her, guiding the woman on top and taking hold of Emma’s hand. Regina had then placed it on her delicate wrist, Emma taking the hint and clasping it gently. Regina had guided Emma’s arm so that her wrist, which Emma held securely, slid along the mattress until her knuckles brushed the bars of the headboard. Regina then grasped one with her hand before moving her other hand up and doing the same, clutching the headboard tight. She then glanced up at Emma, and the two shared a long look.
Emma had been a little confused at first, Regina never having initiated being on the bottom before. Usually, they took turns touching one another, rocked their bodies together, or they used a toy until they came. Never had Regina lain under Emma and looked up at her with such a pleading expression. Emma had stared, her mind racing, because she had told Regina months earlier that this was how she usually initiated a scene with her ex-lovers: she would grab their wrists and force them to hold onto the headboard or she bound their wrists in some fashion as a hint that they were to keep their hands away. And now, Regina had done it herself, but she had given Emma this look, this look that told Emma everything she needed to know.
After realising what her lover was asking for, Emma’s stomach had clenched with arousal. But, she’d also hesitated. This was the first time Regina had ever put herself in such a vulnerable position- and so quietly too. Usually, they were quite vocal about what they wanted to do to the other. Actively pinning the other down was nothing new, but never before had Regina pinned herself down and guided Emma to be on top. Regina hadn’t looked scared; she’d looked comfortable and eager, but still Emma hesitated. They’d never discussed this, and Emma never topped anyone unless she knew their limits and their wants. Emma knew Regina’s hard limits, as well as what turned her on, but this was different.
“Touch me, Emma. I want you.”
Regina’s pleading voice, her eager look, the way she licked her lips- they all tugged at Emma’s libido, encouraging her to act. Not wanting to break the moment, Emma had proceeded carefully, reminding Regina to tell her to stop the second she didn’t like something. Regina had nodded enthusiastically but didn’t say a word. And so they’d made love in an entirely different way last night. Emma had taken things incredibly slowly, hadn’t taken control in a way that she would have had they had a discussion about Regina’s wants, needs, and limits prior to going to bed. But Emma had still topped Regina in a way that she hadn’t ever before, in the way it seemed Regina wanted, and the brunette had had to scream her releases into a pillow because of just how loud she’d been.
This morning, Emma had woken up curled around her sleeping lover, waking her only when she realised they needed to get up for work. And so here she was, sitting at the island and waiting for Regina to get out of the shower. She glanced up at the clock when she heard the familiar sound of heels coming down the stairs, getting up and pouring Regina a cup of coffee as she waited. When Regina entered the kitchen, Emma smiled brightly at her.
“Hello, dearest,” Regina greeted, happily taking the cup of coffee from her lover. “Thank you.”
“Did you sleep alright?”
“I slept incredibly well.”
Regina took a sip of her coffee before leaning forward and kissing Emma on the cheek. The truth was, she had slept better last night than she had in a long time. She woke up feeling refreshed, light, and she was in a very good mood this morning.
“Good. Listen, I was thinking maybe we could talk-”
“I’d love to, darling, but I can’t this morning. I have to leave early for a meeting with the counsel. Perhaps this evening, if I’m home early enough.”
Emma, slightly disappointed, nodded.
“Okay. Good luck with your meeting.”
“Thank you. I’ll see you this evening.”
Emma watched Regina head out the front door before turning to the staircase and yelling at Henry to hurry up. She made him peanut butter toast, handing him his breakfast as they both left the house. Emma dropped him off at school before heading to work, her mind preoccupied the entire day as she thought about her discussion with Regina tonight. Emma was curious to find out if her taking control was a one-time deal or if this was something Regina would be interested in doing regularly. If being dominated was something Regina desired, Emma definitely wanted to know what exactly Regina wanted from her, what her limits were, how far she was willing to go, and they needed to come up with a safeword.
Emma was also curious to know how long Regina had wanted to do this. Was it a spur of the moment thing or had the woman been thinking about it for a while? Was this something Regina had done with her past lovers or was this completely new? If it was new, Emma would definitely have to take things more slowly. Emma couldn’t help thinking again about whether or not Regina had wanted to do this before. If she had, she’d never hinted at it. Their sex life had consisted mainly of what Emma would call “vanilla” sex. Sure, there had been some light slapping and a hell of a lot of dirty talking, maybe even a few times things were particularly aggressive, but for the most part, it was calm and gentle.
When Emma got home that night, she was excited. She was eager to have the discussion she'd been going over in her mind all day. She was a little nervous too, but mostly she was excited. The house was empty for the first hour, allowing Emma time to leisurely prepare dinner. Regina called shortly after Henry arrived from basketball practice to inform them she would not be coming home until later that evening. Emma was disappointed, but she and Henry had had a nice dinner regardless. They ended up on the couch later on, watching tv as they waited for Regina to return home. It was shortly after nine before the Mayor finally walked through the door, both Henry and Emma flashing her a wide smile when she entered the living room.
Henry got up from the couch, embracing his mother as she stood in the doorway.
“Hello, my little prince,” Regina said affectionately, running her fingers through his hair. “I apologise for arriving so late. Did you have a good day at school?”
“Yeah. It was alright. I’m tired though, but I wanted to say goodnight before I went to bed.”
“Why don’t you go up to bed and I’ll join you in a minute.”
After Henry headed upstairs, Emma got up from the couch and pulled Regina into a hug.
“I missed you.”
“And I you. It was a rather long day.”
“I can imagine,” Emma said, kissing Regina on the head before pulling away. “You want to relax and watch a movie or something?”
“No. I should head upstairs and say goodnight to our son. I’d like to turn in early. I have another long day tomorrow.”
“I guess we’re not having our talk tonight then?”
“Another day perhaps.”
Regina headed upstairs, leaving Emma alone in the living room. She was bummed that they weren’t going to talk, and part of her felt like she was being brushed off. She didn’t like it, but if Regina wasn’t ready to talk yet, she wouldn’t push her. After all, this was completely new territory, and Regina might just need a few days to wrap her mind around what had happened.
Emma turned off the lights downstairs and locked the front door, heading up to their bedroom a moment after. She stripped and got ready for bed, waiting under the covers until Regina joined her. The brunette slipped inside, sliding over to Emma and draping herself over the blonde’s firm body. She sighed contently, Emma wrapping her arms around her lover and holding her close.
“I missed you very much this evening, darling.”
“I missed you too.”
Regina looked up at the same time as Emma looked down, the women smiling when their gazes met. Regina leaned up and gave Emma a soft peck on the lips, her hand holding the woman’s strong jaw as they embraced. She shifted to lean on one arm, hovering above Emma and deepening their kiss. Emma responded instantly, opening her mouth when Regina’s tongue traced her bottom lip. Regina was a little mentally drained from her day, but she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about last night. She hadn’t wanted to talk though. She didn’t want to discuss what this was, didn’t want to answer the why and the what and the how. She didn’t want to confront her desires, bring light upon the fact that she truly wished for Emma to take her. She didn’t want to talk about that side of herself, to acknowledge that there was that part of herself that hated being in control, that just wanted to let go and let someone else hold the reins for once. Too much of her life had centred around power and control, and part of her hated herself for wanting yet another piece of her life to include such themes. But she couldn’t help her desires, couldn’t ignore what she wanted now that she’d had a taste.
Never before had she ever allowed anyone to possess her, had ever wanted to submit to someone since Daniel. That part of herself, the one which had existed for as long as she remembered, the part of her that craved to submit, that needed to please, Regina had buried it long ago. But it was coming back, resurfacing every time she and Emma were intimate. And last night, last night it had taken over. She'd needed Emma above her almost as much as she needed air to breathe. And it had felt so good, so freeing, to hand that control over to Emma.
Regina didn’t want to analyse her needs though. She didn’t want to deconstruct them. She just knew she wanted it again. She needed it. So Regina repeated her actions from last night. She slowly, gently moved beneath her lover. She lay still, looking up at her as she carefully slipped her wrists into Emma’s grasp. She watched the flash of recognition in Emma’s eyes, observed the way they changed as Regina carefully took the same position she had last night. The way Emma’s eyes hardened made her shiver with desire, made her want with a ferocity that threatened to consume her whole.
“Are you trying to tell me something, baby?”
Regina stayed quiet. This was a part of her need. She spent so much of her day talking, barking out orders. She just wanted to be quiet for once, to let someone else do the talking and tell her what to do. She just wanted to submit, to cede control. She didn’t want to think. She just wanted to let go.
“I asked you a question.”
Emma’s harsh tone made her stomach clench with arousal.
“You want what we did last night.”
Regina spread legs so that Emma was cradled between her own, nodding when Emma raised a questioning eyebrow. Her breathing went shallow when Emma approached her cheek, nuzzling her hair and licking the shell of her ear.
“Do you want me to top you again, baby? Do you want me to pin you down and force you to endure the same treatment you were subjected to last night? Make you come all over my hand and scream my name into your pillow?”
Regina’s eyes closed as she was reminded of Emma’s hovering body. Images of Regina’s hips being pinned down, of her wrists being gripped, her nipples being pinched flooded her mind. She remembered how wet she became, how Emma had made her beg, plead to be touched. Regina couldn’t help the whimper that escaped her lips when she recalled just how well Emma had satisfied her need, a need which had been repressed for so fucking long. Now that she’d had a taste, she needed more. And so she nodded, desperate for Emma to touch her again.
“I want that too, Regina. I want to take you. I want to top you. I want to give you exactly what you need, what you crave. I didn’t know you wanted this, didn’t know you liked it, but now that I know you do, fuck I want it so bad. I’ve wanted it for so long, but I didn’t think you would too. I want you to come for me as hard as you did last night. I want to rip each and every orgasm from your pretty, little body.”
Emma pulled away just enough to look at Regina. The brunette was panting, her eyes dark with lust, her body trembling with desire. And God damn if Emma didn’t want to fuck her right here, right now. But she couldn’t. Regina might want this, but they needed to talk first, and so Emma let go of her wrists and ignored Regina’s confused expression.
“I want those things, baby. But I’m not going to touch you again until we have that talk. You want me to do things to you that I want you to enjoy, but I can’t ensure your pleasure, your safety, unless we have that discussion. Until then,” Emma paused, pulling away (although incredibly regretfully), “we can’t do this. I love you too much not to make sure we have a serious discussion about this first. When we finally have that talk though, I promise you I’ll give you everything you ask for.”
Emma pulled away, laying down on her side of the bed and leaving Regina with her thoughts. Regina lay there, stunned. Her body grew cold now that Emma’s was no longer pressed against her, and she suddenly grew angry as Emma’s words washed over her. She was irritated. Embarrassed. Frustrated. She never let anyone do to her what she’d allowed Emma to do last night. She never, ever gave control to anyone else. She was the one in charge and now she was allowing Emma the opportunity to touch her in a way that she never allowed any others, and Emma had said no?
Furious, Regina ripped the blanket off of her body, grabbing her pillow and storming from the room. If Emma didn’t want her, then she sure as hell wasn’t going to stay in the same room as the woman who had rejected her. Regina went to the spare room, wishing desperately that she could slam the door. If Henry hadn’t been home, she would have slammed it hard enough to shake the whole damn house.
Regina curled up in the bed, seething with anger. How dare Emma reject her? How dare she deny her? Emma had said she’d wanted it too. So why hadn’t she just given in? Why did they need to talk? Regina raged and fumed in bed for hours, until slowly her anger dissipated and left her with how she truly felt : rejected, humiliated, and vulnerable. She'd never asked for this thing. She'd never let herself acknowledge that this weakness composed a very real and very intricate part of her person, for her mother had instilled within her from a very young age that power was everything and that you never gave power over yourself to another. And so Regina had never let herself ask for this need within her. She'd buried it and ignored it and refused to admit it was there, fighting against it even as it grew and pushed back against her. There were days, nights, where she felt consumed with the need to be taken by Emma. And last night she’d lost the battle with her tightly wound control and let Emma take her as she’d desperately wanted Emma to do for months. And it had been so good. So, so good. And so right. Emma had been perfect. And Regina had needed that again, had allowed her perfect control to slip for just this moment, safe in their bed, and she was ready and willing to let Emma dominate her. But instead, she’d been rejected. She'd been refused.
Regina tried to fight her tears, but she was just too hurt. She had spent years fighting this desire, denying her wants and needs and tonight, only for the second time, she had allowed Emma to see it, to peek into that secret part of herself. But Emma had rejected her. And so Regina wept. She wept and she cried and she raged, the entire time wishing that Emma were there to comfort her.