howevernot



Recent works

Recent series

  1. Summary

    a series of very loosely connected deancas pwps set in endverse

    Words:
    9,246
    Works:
    3
    Bookmarks:
    3
  2. Words:
    4,207
    Works:
    2
    Bookmarks:
    5
  3. Summary

    An exploration of events after the end of the world.

    Title borrowed from a Paul Celan poem.

    Words:
    23,786
    Works:
    3
    Bookmarks:
    6
  4. Summary

    These absolutely do not need to be read in order, plotwise they are not dependent on each other but they do all go together.

    Words:
    32,920
    Works:
    4
    Bookmarks:
    77

Recent bookmarks

  1. Public Bookmark 12

    Tags
    Summary

    Cas has seen Dean in every state from abject misery to desperate determination, but his essential nature has never changed. This, this fight against Chuck, it’s different. Ever since the cemetery, Dean is acting differently.

    Rewrite of 15x09 "The Trap" dealing more directly with Dean's control issues and Jack's death.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,765
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    45
    Bookmarks:
    12
    Hits:
    628

    21 Sep 2021

  2. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    He should’ve seen it coming, what happens then, because it’s been a long time that Cas has been saying these things, a long time that Dean’s watched him silently suffer but not speak up, and when Cas finally does say it—when he finally verbalizes what’s been implied for so long with a clench of his jaw and those eyes—those bright, bright eyes, Dean thinks—Dean feels his whole form shake, a shudder that goes through him that leaves his body chilled, that leaves his mind frozen (it scares him more than death).

    “You think I deserve to die?” Cas says and Dean feels himself shatter.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,413
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    98
    Kudos:
    1620
    Bookmarks:
    206
    Hits:
    14319

    12 Sep 2021

  3. Public Bookmark 34

    Tags
    Summary

    "You said you love me."
    These are the first words Cas hears once he comes to, laying on a hospital bed.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,337
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    282
    Bookmarks:
    34
    Hits:
    1338

    11 Sep 2021

  4. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    No one ever tells Dean anything.

    (or: Dean Winchester and the not-relationship crisis of 2014)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,570
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    7
    Comments:
    380
    Kudos:
    12663
    Bookmarks:
    2390
    Hits:
    133224

    06 Sep 2021

  5. Public Bookmark 19

    Tags
    Summary

    “How do you do it?” he says, what feels like hours later. “How do you want something that badly?”

    She whispers and he can feel the breath on his lip, like it goes right into him and through him. “All you gotta do is let yourself want it.”

    ---

    tiny fic for the summer of 1999 where rhonda and dean thought they were going to be in love forever

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    964
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    89
    Bookmarks:
    19
    Hits:
    361

    27 Aug 2021