cannotsleep (examtomorrow)



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    To say that he runs to his car would be incorrect, as he is a Lan, and running is both undignified and unnecessary unless in immediate danger. Nor does he slam his key into the ignition, or aggressively swerve around the cars on the freeway, or have a mild panic attack at the fact he is picking A-Yuan up late from school for the first time ever.

    He comes close, though.

    By the time he arrives, it’s 4:35PM, and he has imagined about fifty different worse-case scenarios. The door is partly open when he gets to it, a messy label of 104B—Art Room scrawled with chalk on a placard next to the faded wood. As he opens it fully, he expects to see a wailing, terrified child, or perhaps a scene of utter misery and betrayal.

    What he finds is his son, hands covered in paint, being sung to by a beautiful, dark-haired stranger.

    “Ducks live in the pond, yellow ducks, happy ducks!”

    Lan Wangji stops in his tracks.
     

    (Or: Falling in love with your son’s art teacher, in five parts)

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    English
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    53,801
    Chapters:
    5/5
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    30 Sep 2020

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    "Fine," Wen Qing says, turning back to Wei Ying. "You're pregnant."

    Lan Zhan feels his mouth drop open and has to work to shut it.

    Wei Ying reacts not at all. He's swinging his feet where he's sitting on the table, a bored expression on his face.

    Wen Qing just looks at him. "I am not joking about that."

    Wei Ying stops swinging his feet. He blinks several times in a row. "Wait," he says.

    Or:

    I woke up at 3AM and sent myself an email that just said:

     

    Modern cultivation friends curse sexy pollen hook up desperate WWX gets pregnant

     

    And then I wrote it. In three weeks. IDK.

    Please note: I am more than certain there is a western bent to this fic, unfortunately, particularly around the cultivation angle, and I wish I could have done better with that aspect of it.

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    53,702
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    1/1
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    27 Sep 2020

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    When music begins to fill the silence of his apartment, Lan Wangji falls in love with it; not as fast, however, as he does with the busker down the street.

    Language:
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    26 Sep 2020

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    "I do not wish to leave my future spouse… dissatisfied with my intimate knowledge,” Lan Zhan says, very seriously. “I am hoping to find an instructor, to better prepare myself for such matters."

    Wei Ying feels his mouth drop open. He's pretty sure the Second Jade of Lan just told him he's a virgin who wants to learn how to do sex good.

    Rogue Cultivator Wei Wuxian is the stuff of local legends. Some of those legends are even true! The ones about his tremendous experience in bed, on the other hand, are not so true. Which becomes a problem when Lan Wangji, on the verge of an arranged marriage and worried he won’t know how to please his future spouse, enlists Wei Ying's help to teach him the art of love-making. Wei Ying's great at improvisation, though, and is pretty sure he's got this sex mentor thing under control. What could possibly go wrong?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    58,307
    Chapters:
    4/4
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    646
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    23 Sep 2020

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    The reboot completes, and Wei Ying’s brain smashes this information together into two mind-shattering thoughts. Number one, he knew very well already, and is now further seared by defined muscles and a mouth-watering tattoo into his every waking moment: Lan Zhan is the hottest fucking person on the planet.

    Number two: that guy wasn’t visiting Lan Zhan’s neighbour, he was visiting Lan Zhan, which means:

    Lan Zhan fucks.
    Lan Zhan fucks.
    Lan Zhan fucks.

    ;

    Lan Zhan has been Wei Ying's best friend for years. Literally, years. How did he not already know? How has he missed this most important of facts? And more importantly, how is he ever going to get over it?

    Language:
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    36,391
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Comments:
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    20 Sep 2020

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