Fandoms
- Hannibal (TV) (14)
- Sherlock (TV) (14)
- Our Flag Means Death (TV) (5)
- James Bond (Craig Movies) (5)
- Marvel Cinematic Universe (2)
Recent works
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Summary
Jack ramps up his charm, grin growing lascivious.
„What about a little two-for-one special?”
“The two of you for a third of what I usually charge for a single person? Sounds like a bad business decision to me,” she drawls but looks them up and down while leaning back against the counter next to Jack. She arches an eyebrow at him. “But you know what? I am not completely heartless. You lads pay upfront and get half a massage each. At the same time, ‘cause I’m gonna close up after this. What do you boys say?”
Ed needs a little pick-me-up after getting his heart broken and Jack does what everyone would do for their best bro: talking the MILF with the face tattoo at the massage place into a discount-threesome.
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fill me up and make me fat (you like me best when I'm like that) by cucumber_of_doom
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
17 Feb 2023
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Summary
The fact that Bonnet is here – no matter how much Izzy doesn’t want him to be – is something Izzy did not expect to happen. For a spoiled little shit like him to learn the truth about about what exactly Edward is and still wanting to stay. Wanting to see-
Wanting to see the kraken lay his eggs.
______________________________Izzy has always been there when Edward needed to lay a clutch of his eggs into a warm, living body. With Bonnet back on board and in Edward's bed that doesn't change.
(While getting stuffed and bred, Izzy gains some respect for a fellow monsterfucker.)
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Down (or: How Jack Lost His Izzy-Privileges) by cucumber_of_doom
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
09 Feb 2023
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Summary
The year is 1696 and the legend of Blackbeard is nothing but an idea. After a successful raid, Ed wants some fun with his best mates and Jack takes advantage of opportunities. Izzy just wants Ed to be proud of him.
(Jack makes Izzy piss himself)
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Summary
After some failed attempts at getting his boyfriends to get along Edward "Pillow Princess" Teach comes up with a plan that will - hopefully - leave everyone satisfied: Stede gets to feed him a lavish dinner and Izzy gets to make sure that Ed has the best experience possible. Oh. And also Izzy isn't allowed to move or speak at all without being told to.
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Summary
“You are pathetic, Bonnet,” he says, willfully ignoring the way his voice is even hoarser than usual. Like he isn’t aching and hard as a rock. “You think that will be enough to make him listen after everything you have done?”
“What will be enough, then?” Bonnet asks, sweeping a few stray hairs out of his face. He looks wrecked already, face flushed and lips wet with spit.
_____________________
After seeking out Stede Bonnet for help Izzy accidentally discovers a way to kill two birds with one stone: make Bonnet understand how much he truly hurt Edward and teach him a thing or two how to properly apologize to him once they catch up with the Revenge.
Recent series
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The Bonds from London by cucumber_of_doom
Fandom: GoldenEye (1995), James Bond (Craig Movies), On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969), SPECTRE (2015)
05 Nov 2020
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Recent bookmarks
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caught between the dark and the dreaming by Raayide
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
26 Jan 2024
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Summary
Marcus holds the goblet up, still stinking with klauthgrass, and ponders them, clutched in the wretched claws of his undead monsters. "Well," he says, and smiles. "If you will not willingly drink it, I have a manner of encouragement."
And then he raises his dagger, pricks his own wrist until scarlet pools over his pale skin, and lets blood drip into the goblet.
Before he can help it, Astarion stiffens.
Astarion has spent two hundred years with truth as a bitter enemy. Fitting, then, that his choice to say it is taken from him.
Bookmarked by cucumber_of_doom
10 Mar 2024
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Summary
Tav has been tasked with breaking into the Counting House to retrieve a priceless relic from the vaults of House Szarr, and well, Tav needs to stop going after precious treasures that turn out to be people.
Or, Tav finds a terribly beautiful vampire who’s been imprisoned for months without food or sex, who is now delirious with hunger.
Bookmarked by cucumber_of_doom
05 Feb 2024
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Summary
Astarion fast-talks an abnormal number of enemies into killing themselves in the shadow-cursed lands and the team makes idle (then less idle) conversation about it. It’s completely fine and doesn’t bother him at all and it absolutely doesn’t draw additional questions about why he does what he does for the team... and what they in turn would do for him.
IE: Origin-run Astarion fic because its interesting to me how the party reacts to their vampire buddy if he doesn’t have Tav to be a social buffer for him. Act 2 content and spoilers.
Series
- Part 8 of Astarion Origin Party Nonsense
Bookmarked by cucumber_of_doom
31 Jan 2024
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Summary
"I only need him to find out where Blackbeard is." Brooks nods at Bonnet. "If either of you moves too soon I fucking will shoot you, and then the other will get this to the belly." He grabs at the knife swinging from his belt. "Maybe if you manage to entertain me I'll let you leave with everything but your pride. How's that?"
It's empty, and all of them know it. Izzy's certain he's not meant to get out of here alive. "Fuck you," he says, in lieu of arguing.
"No," Brooks says, grinning. "I'm going to fuck you. With Blackbeard's pet, here."
Izzy and Stede take a trip ashore to gather some information. Things do not go as planned.
Bookmarked by cucumber_of_doom
06 Oct 2023
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Summary
Edward Teach is the brilliant but bored captain of a luxury cruise ship, Queen Anne 2. Privately, his marriage to his second-in-command, Staff Captain Izzy Hands, is on the rocks with little hope of rescue.
Stede Bonnet, recent divorcee and author of the popular travel blog The Gentleman Pirate, decides to go on a cruise to clear his head. The Caribbean sun and all-inclusive cocktails ought to do just that…
Bookmarked by cucumber_of_doom
12 Sep 2023