1 - 20 of 40 Works by Vulgarweed in Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    John thought house-sitting for Mrs Hudson would be simple and straightforward, but he wasn't expecting the truth-bomb she left him from Sherlock's New York past. After gorging himself on that gorgeous visual feast, he has to get a grip on himself before confronting Sherlock about it.

    Unbeta'd, written in less than 24 hours for come_at_once. HiddenLacuna prompted me with "FAQ." Well, there are some frequently asked questions answered here - and some rare ones as well. This is a rough trade draft and I think it's going to fit into a longer work I have in mind in the Bone Fiddle universe.

    Title comes from "Sister Ray" by the Velvet Underground. The inside of Sherlock's head sounded just like this in those days.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,865
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    85
    Kudos:
    175
    Bookmarks:
    18
    Hits:
    1228
  2. Tags
    Summary

    For Wits on Tap 2018, inspired by Alexxphoenix42's hilarious, sexy, awesome alternate-first-meeting story Come Here Often?.

    This poem riffs on Allen Ginsberg's wonderfully filthy poem Please Master.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    813
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    45
    Kudos:
    76
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    800
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Collecting the 7 221b drabbles (221 words, last word beginning with B) that I wrote for 221B-Consolation fest on Tumblr.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,545
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    24
    Kudos:
    40
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    249
  4. Tags
    Summary

    1976. Bone Fiddle-verse; Appalachian AU. A couple years into their relationship, John and Sherlock are cozily setting up for spring with Mrs. Hudson's expert guidance when a distraught young woman appeals to them for help and sends them on one of their strangest cases yet - in order to solve one murder and prevent another, they must tangle with a sinister preacher and enter the much-sensationalized, little-understood world of Pentecostal Holiness believers who strictly observe Mark 16: 17-18.

     

    (And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; they shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.)

     

    Written for significanceofmoths, my second bidder in the Fandom Trumps Hate auction. Thank you for your generous donation to Planned Parenthood!

    Huge thanks to Iwantthatcoat, beta reader supreme!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    24,285
    Chapters:
    11/11
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    351
    Kudos:
    219
    Bookmarks:
    29
    Hits:
    2630
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Watson finds a disturbing, barbaric, medically out-of-fashion item among Holmes’s possessions, and simply cannot let it go. How does Holmes happen to own not just any bloodletting kit, but one that once belonged to a great violin master who died before Holmes was born? The answers revealed will change both their lives - forever.

    Warning for cutting, but not in a mental illness context.

    A Fandom Loves Puerto Rico bid for Okapi, who supplied me with this wonderful prompt! Nicolo Paganini’s bloodletting kit.

    Huge thanks to beta readers iwantthatcoat and Winter_of_our_Discontent, and everyone at the late-night AD chat.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,335
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    58
    Kudos:
    224
    Bookmarks:
    42
    Hits:
    1874
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Fix-It fic for Larry Townsend's The Sexual Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: Three years after witnessing the nude-gladiatorial waterfall death of his beloved Sherlock Holmes and his nemesis James Moriarty, the Napoleon of Crime and the Caligula of London (and after ending his sad liasion with Moriarty's last rentboy Friedl), Dr. Watson receives an invitation to return once more to the legendary hardcore sex club the Diogenes. What could the reason be? What would the voyeuristic leather-master Mycroft Holmes possibly want with his brother's grieving widower? Could it have something to do with the Ron Adair murder?

    Larry Townsend ended his 1971 porn pastiche with his version of "The Final Problem" and never wrote a version of the "Empty House" reunion. This is my pale attempt to imagine what that might have been like. Townsend had a style that was both luridly pornographic and passionately emotional - I tried to do it justice.

    Also a fill for this prompt at Sherlock Kink Meme! Huge thanks to my beta Iwantthatcoat!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,064
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    28
    Kudos:
    87
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    1457
  7. Tags
    Summary

    I had a mess of these sitting around on my Livejournal, and will likely write more. Odds and sods that don't fit in the larger stories. Each drabble will be its own chapter.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,475
    Chapters:
    11/?
    Comments:
    289
    Kudos:
    278
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    3390
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Sherlock Holmes, a young Consulting Apprentice Detective, has a weird libido, a busy hand, and a terrible problem. He has attracted the attention of Mistress Irene and the Criminal Ambassador - and Mistress Irene has ways of keeping tabs on her favorites.

     

    Like many Oglaf fans, I don't understand why Cumsprite AUs aren't almost as ubiquitous as Daemon AUs. If you're not a fan of the very brilliant, very funny, and very filthy Oglaf webcomic, go click on that and come back here once you are.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,511
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    284
    Kudos:
    101
    Bookmarks:
    12
    Hits:
    1368
  9. Tags
    Summary

    For this prompt at https://sherlockkinkmeme.tumblr.com:

    "Sherlock and John worked through their post S4 issues and are together, and John is shocked to find out Sherlock has been avoiding Molly out of guilt. John tells him he can’t come until he gives Molly the best orgasm of her life as an apology. Sherlock obeys John’s orders and gives Molly an orgasm as required, and then gives her another immediately after…just because he somewhat unexpectedly finds he enjoys doing this for her so much. ( Molly’s big smile at the end of s4) "

    Huge thanks to Persian_Slipper (Luthe) for the fantastic beta work!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,026
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    33
    Kudos:
    122
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    1532
  10. Tags
    Summary

    “Brother mine, the dark clouds gathering have long stalked you, from the days of our home eyrie, and at last I shall tell you the full tale of our lost sister.”

    “It was news to me that we had one. It would have gone less ill for us had I learned of this sooner.”

    “You remember nothing, then. I thought as much. I shall tell you the full tale of Eurys our sister, burned through and corrupted by the East Wind where long she soared in circles, with the flames of madness in her eyes and the soot of Mordor in her feathers. The lost nestmate long imprisoned since our first eyrie burned. You were barely more than hatchlings, you and she, when first she tried to slay you. ”

    ***

    The third and final Eagle-centric Tolkien story for my Fandom Trumps Hate bidder lydiabennet (Teasel). I so enjoyed our email exchange with your ideas - you inspired me to write a story that never would have existed otherwise.

    Massive thanks to my betas Tyellas and iwantthatcoat!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,754
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    16
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    222
  11. Tags
    Summary

    For the 2017 Wits on Tap poetry-remix challenge. Inspired by the gorgeous, sexy, lusty Ocean Treasure by consulting-smartass, which is a romantic and erotic Merlock/Octojohn tale.

    This is just a dirty sea shanty that won't do it justice, but I do hope someone drunkenly sings it at a con someday. The tune is basically "South Australia."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    381
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    35
    Kudos:
    75
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    1234
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Bone Fiddle-verse, Appalachian AU. On a lazy, rainy Sunday morning, Sherlock tells John a smutty and (mostly) true story. John's got some mixed feelings about Sherlock's promiscuous past, but he can't deny what hearing about it in lascivious detail does to him - especially now that he's the only one safely naked in bed with him.

     

    For Shabet, aka redmageshabet in the 2017 Fandom Trumps Hate Auction. Thank you so much for your generous donation to the Anti-Defamation League!

    Massive thanks to my beta-readers alexxphoenix42, iwantthatcoat and Persian_Slipper (Luthe).

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,614
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    52
    Kudos:
    202
    Bookmarks:
    28
    Hits:
    3049
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Sequel to After Me, the Deluge. You don't really need to have read that to understand this ... just take it as a given that Mary the super-assassin received some top-secret biotech enhancements at Baskerville - which are revealed to a larger audience when her past comes to a head in an aquarium, at the barrel of Vivian Norbury's gun. The fallout also exposes the true nature of the relationship between Mary, John, and Sherlock.

    During an enforced discreet holiday out of London, new revelations come to light in the tidal-pools of Sussex.

    Written in less than 24 hours for the Come at Once challenge on LJ. Unbeta'd. For Marta. Prompt was "for science." I shamelessly plundered "The Adventure of the Lion's Mane."

    AMAZING found-poetry remix by zaffre: Tidal Flow

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,733
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    50
    Kudos:
    83
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    1456
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Dark secrets of Mary’s past are coming to light, with unimaginable consequences for her, and for John, and for Sherlock.

    The trigger word is “architeuthis.”

    ***

    (That’s really all the summary you’re getting right now. It’s cracky and smutty, and it’s true that No Archive Warnings Apply, and that’s all I’ll say. If you want to find out what Mary’s dark secret is, you have to read it. Mind the rating and pairing.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,034
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    42
    Kudos:
    98
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    1322
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Slightly spoiled by the safety of Menegroth, Iaun wanders far from the city and takes a swim in the River Sirion - and finds himself in the clutches of questionable Ossë, the Maia of water and storms who was seduced for a time by Melkor himself. Iaun is not pleased by his concern-trolling and kink-shaming about the nature of his relationship with Sérelókë. Sérelókë is even less pleased.

    Insult is given; satisfaction is demanded.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,939
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    27
    Kudos:
    68
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    1667
  16. Tags
    Summary

    John Watson is just fine with being in danger - because it's the quiet, slow times that often feel more dangerous.

    This story riffs on the opening scenes of “The Adventure of the Cardboard Box.” Title comes from “The Unknown Soldier” by the Doors. Written for the program book for Sherlock Seattle/Watson Washington 2016; it had to be an exclusive until after the con but now it can run free.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,226
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    34
    Kudos:
    122
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    1250
  17. Tags
    Summary

    “You’re certainly not the Mary Morstan my Watson married. But you’re a Mary Morstan that a Watson married.”

    Time-travel shenanigans have 19th-century Sherlock Holmes (as played by Jeremy Brett) having to team up with 21st-century Mary Morstan to restore everyone to their proper timelines.

    Written for the flashfic challenge during the Writing Erotica panel at Sherlock Seattle/Watson Washington. Jinglebell provided AMAZING prompts for characters, sexual acts, locations, and quotes. I got:

    Mary, Granada-Jeremy Brett Holmes, Collaring, Rough Sex, Mycroft's Private Plane, "What a thing to say, and on my birthday besides"

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    538
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    51
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    531
  18. Tags
    Summary

    “Of course it’s very wrong, but we can’t all be moralists, and the distribution of wealth is very wrong to begin with.” (AJ Raffles, “The Ides of March,” E.W. Hornung)

    “Mary Morstan” is a down-on-her luck assassin who’s been wanting to reform, but she finds herself deep in debt and thereby with even less hope for a retirement plan that isn’t made of lead. In desperation she appeals to a wealthier acquaintance - Irene Adler, The Woman, one of the top pro Dommes in the world. It turns out that Irene has another, even more lucrative source of income that isn’t quite cricket - and that’s where she needs an assistant. But before Mary is initiated into all Irene’s secrets, she first must pledge her loyalty. And it's Irene's business to deduce just what Mary really needs.

    This belongs to an AU I’ve had in my head for a long time, starring Irene and Mary as a kinky lesbian jewel heist team. Apologies are due to Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, the Velvet Underground, and most of all to E. W. Hornung.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,755
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    45
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    1004
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Captain John Watson endures bondage and sensory deprivation, among other enhanced interrogation techniques. Worst of all: manscaping.

    Consensual kink play, established John/Sherlock/Mary poly triad. Almost certainly a scene from Genetic Markers-verse, but just a few lines strongly suggest that.

    Written for the "Sensory Deprivation" or "Shaving/Waxing" squares on my Season of Kink card.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,120
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    22
    Kudos:
    89
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    1210
  20. Tags
    Summary

    "It's a bonny thing," said he. "Just see how it glints and sparkles. Of course it is a nucleus and focus of crime. Every good stone is. They are the devil's pet baits. In the larger and older jewels every facet may stand for a bloody deed.” - Sherlock Holmes, The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle, Arthur Conan Doyle

    Sequel to With Both Hands Thou Shalt Give It. After Melkor murdered Finwë and stole the Silmarils, fleeing to the lands across the sea, Fëanor, the Silmarils’ maker, led an army in hot pursuit to avenge his father and reclaim his treasure, swearing an oath that would doom them all. And the Fëanorians were followed by the eccentric, brilliant, and fearlessly kinky Maia detective called Sérelókë, who can always be trusted to stick his nose (and other parts) into the meat of any fascinating and dangerous crime. In Beleriand, he will find a rich playground for all his passions, and meet a companion who will change his life forever.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    50,525
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    109
    Kudos:
    96
    Bookmarks:
    24
    Hits:
    2370

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