Snugglehound



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    “All I’m saying is, the guy was walking like he’d been dicked to within an inch of his life.” Clint shrugged. “And seeing as how we are all here, Bruce doesn’t do that sort of thing, the only other explanation is that our resident god of thunder gave Tony the yeehaw of his life last night.”

    “Two things.” Steve held up a finger. “First, don’t ever say ‘the yeehaw of his life’again. That’s a terrible sentence. Second, I know for a fact that Tony had a date with a nice girl from Colonel Rhodes’s church last night so–”

    Clint laughed so hard he was practically screaming, cackling peals of disbelieving laughter over shadowed by Sam guffawing over the thought of Tony dating a nice GIRL, much less a nice girl from church.

    “Point of order!” Natasha had to raise her voice to be heard. “Tony is practically snack sized. Anyone could get him walking with a waddle. Hell I’ve got a sparkly pink strap on that would get the job done. Let’s not assume he went ass to hammer with Thor just cos he’s walking funny.”

    Three sets of horrified eyes met hers and Natasha sighed. “He’s standing right behind me, isn’t he?”

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    30 Aug 2019

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    “Okay so,” Tony reached across Rhodey to steal most of the egg rolls off the plate. “Thor says he wants to wrestle and I swear Steve almost died. Almost expired right there in the gym. Thor said something about a little death and being sent to Valhalla or something? And then Steve basically died. Heart failure, probably.”

    “Or his dick exploded.” Clint pointed out, shoving noodles into his mouth at an alarming rate. “Cause of death, god-caused orgasm. What a way to go.”

    “You're all animals.” Natasha said calmly, picking her way through a vegetarian plate with Pepper. “I’m not saying Steve doesn’t have a ten inch hard on for our resident celestial–” Pepper inhaled broccoli. “– but Steve’s issue with Thor is probably because Steve grew up in a time when there was definitely only one god and he certainly didn’t look like a walking wet dream.”

    Rhodey slapped Tony’s hand away from another egg roll. “So Captain America doesn’t have a problem with aliens, wormholes, magic or waking up seventy years in the future, but multiple gods is where he draws the line?”
    ////
    (Thundershield gets together and the team gossips.)
    (Inspired by Hoziers "Take Me To Church")

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    30 Aug 2019

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    Tony doesn't see the other guy coming, is the thing. Best mistake of his life.

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    29 Jul 2019

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    Tony Stark, Genius, Billionaire, Part-Time Koala, Secret Cutie, Possible future world overlord. Don't worry about it, the avengers aren't

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    23 Sep 2018

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    James knew Tony for more than half his life at this point, which meant he knew a lot about Tony, and the small eccentricities Tony exhibited. Joining the Avengers, now that Tony was stepping away, he only thought it his duty as best friend to teach the Avengers the things he learned.

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    08 Jul 2018