SlowMercury



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    "Don’t be fucking absurd," said Ford. "If you can't remember, it's your loss, Cooper. We are better at sex than two people have ever been since the history of the world began. We are the fucking Torvill and Dean of sex."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,858
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    27 Oct 2020

    Bookmarker's Notes

    Spy is a ridiculous film, and so is this. Susan, Nancy, Ford and Rayna do a job together.

    Crocker's new swear jar was in fact a repurposed terrarium, and at the end of every month its contents were converted into a donation to the DC Youth Orchestra. During those months when Ford spent most of his time in the field, the donations were much smaller. Crocker called it Rick Ford's Cultural Tax. Ford called it a fucking disgraceful attempt at fucking victimisation, and insisted on tossing pound coins into it. Or Euros. Or rubles. Or dongs--the Vietnamese currency, apparently, much to Nancy's disappointment. Anything but actual American dollars, was the point.

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    About the size of a turkey, the velociraptors were basically feathery coyotes with sickle claws. The little buggers were escape artists too, and managed to escape their enclosure at least once every week. Once free they would usually venture into the guest areas and raid the garbage cans, beg tourists for food, and try and lure the pigeons into a false sense of security by fluffing their feathers and pretending to peck at the ground.

    The Other Velociraptors on the other hand, were six foot tall, super intelligent, scaly freaks of nature that only existed because the science department was a bunch of nerds. Surprisingly however they were much better behaved than their smaller, more natural counterparts. Too bad the chief of security was an asshole, and their trainer had a habit of getting drunk and teaching them things they really shouldn't know.

    Language:
    English
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    130
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    23 Feb 2020

    Bookmarker's Notes

    When Sasha Deling had first started working for Prehistoric Paradise dinosaur theme park, she had thought her job would involve things like escaping velociraptors.

    She was right.

    However instead of screaming people running in terror from prehistoric killing machines, there was garbage scattered across the food-court and people complaining to management.

    About the size of a turkey, the velociraptors were basically feathery coyotes with sickle claws. And like coyotes, the raptors had adapted very well to human presence. After all, a sickle claw was perfect for disemboweling garbage bags, half-eaten fish sticks didn’t fight back, and tourists would just give your food if you looked at them and made the right noises.

  3. Public Bookmark 66

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    The Roomba is great. You can just switch it on and leave it. It gets in all the corners. The attending physician says Anurag is lucky he didn't die.

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    English
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    238
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    66
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    25 Jan 2019

    Bookmarker's Notes

    If they came right out and asked, Anurag, are you a witch, he would have said, why, how perspicacious of you to be asking, yes I am and my speciality is credit card fraud. Instead they sold the old Hoover – which, okay, was not in the best of condition after being smashed against various parts of the Cambridge built environment a few times – without considering the implications for anyone's burgeoning new identity.

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    The popular otome game Fortune Lover is getting an update! Go on a brand-new route to romance former rival Katarina Claes!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,371
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    31 Dec 2018

    Bookmarker's Notes

    Social media comments on the Maria/Katarina route of the popular otome Fortune Lovers, and it is hilarious.

  5. Public Bookmark *

    Words:
    75,260
    Works:
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    Bookmarks:
    316

    21 Jan 2018

    Bookmarker's Notes

    One of my favorite Harry Potter "everyone got sorted into different Houses" stories - Luna in Gryffindor is amazing.

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