PurpleBiohazard



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Ad left 10h ago in section male - male
     

    HHeart:
    Looking for someone to accompany a middle-aged man to a social outing in the country NEXT weekend. I only wish to make my homophobic mother squirm non-stop for sixty hours and nothing more. Successful applicant will be rewarded handsomely. Cash bonus on offer if you are one or several of the following: young (must be eighteen or over - no practical joke is above the law), working class, someone with an extreme aversion to received pronunciation or in possession of a strong regional accent/dialect.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    90,086
    Chapters:
    8/9
    Comments:
    287
    Kudos:
    1122
    Bookmarks:
    231
    Hits:
    13365

    18 Jul 2019

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    For quite long enough Harry Hart was a cast member of the increasingly bizarre and tawdry British soap 'Kingsman'. Quite happy to retire from that insanity seven years ago, Harry is convinced by his young friend Eggsy, who is a reoccurring cast member on the show, to consider returning to the show for its twenty fifth anniversary.

    The little brat forgot to mention his 'brilliant plan' to hook their characters' storylines together.

    As a couple.

    Madness. Utter Madness.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    48,206
    Chapters:
    16/?
    Comments:
    189
    Kudos:
    730
    Bookmarks:
    131
    Hits:
    9323

    15 Jul 2019

  3. Public Bookmark 5

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    Hamish McNair, Merlin to most of the world, works at a public library with his best friend. He's tired of Harry judging his life, and perhaps he tells a tiny white lie to shut Harry up. He doesn't expect a total stranger to pick up the end of the lie and weave it into something real.

     

    This story is a gift to my dear friend wyvernwolf. She did not win my Fandom Trumps Hate bid, but I promised her sometime soon I would write something just for her. That time has come. ;)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,800
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    50
    Kudos:
    96
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    833

    09 Jul 2019

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    The Weeping Angels, Eggsy reads on the stolen Torchwood intel. Aliens that pose as statues, and kill their victims by sending them back in time and feeding off their years not lived in the present. The politest psychopaths in the universe, a note reads, scrawled in what looks like a doctor’s chicken scratch on the edge of the page by someone who clearly had a perverse sense of humour. A one way trip, the report concludes; you get transported by the angels, and it’s the slow road back to the present for you.

    Eggsy lays his head back on the wall, takes stock of his situation. He’s lost 30 years - three years more than his entire lifespan up ’til now - in the blink of an eye, and now he’s stuck here, in 1988. Three years before he’s even born. Arthur, the prick, is sure to be heading up the Kingsmen, and Merlin, if he’s even there would be…20, maybe. Fuck, so fucking young.

    Shite, even Harry’d only be…

    Alive, Eggsy thinks, and finds himself sitting down hard from where his knees can’t hold him. This is 1988, and Harry’s 23, and alive.

    Suddenly, being stuck in 1988 doesn’t seem so bad.

    Or, the one where love means changing the future. Harry/Eggsy, Time Travel Fix-It.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,894
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    415
    Kudos:
    7311
    Bookmarks:
    2428
    Hits:
    76970

    05 Jul 2019

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    "You know, you almost fooled me yesterday with the whole I want to watch the legacies speech," Merlin says and Harry groans, because he knows things just went tits up. "Well, I suppose you were half telling the truth. You wanted to watch one certain legacy, but it was more about his mouth, eyelashes and that thing on his eyebrow you can't seem to stop staring at."

    Harry head snaps up at that. "Oh, shite."

    "Oh, yes," the agent keeps going, completely enjoying this. "You forgot to turn off your feed. I saw the flirting. And Lee's reaction. Good luck with that."

    OR the Kingsman AU that everything is pretty much the same, except everyone lives and Lee has to watch his son and Galahad flirt (and be completely oblivious idiots). He's also a bit overprotective of his son.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    39,042
    Chapters:
    9/10
    Comments:
    496
    Kudos:
    2172
    Bookmarks:
    611
    Hits:
    33713

    03 Jul 2019