25 Feb 2019
All things considered, Thorin counted himself lucky that Bilbo was taking this so lightly.
“I’m going to need you to fill me in here because I feel like I may have missed a few steps in our relationship,” Bilbo grinned.
“There is no relationship.”
“And yet, your sister seemed so utterly convinced that we were living together.” Thorin flinched, Bilbo’s smile turned into a smirk as he continued, “So, while I pillage your cupboards for that canister of tea I bought, would you care to explain what is going on?”
26 Feb 2019
A spell gone wrong switches Thorin and Bilbo into each other's bodies.
- Part 25 of February Ficlet Challenge 2019
01 Mar 2019
“Look, you great pack of lunatics, there is no one living in this Hobbit hole but me, and it’s been that way since my parents passed. Now for goodness sake, Gandalf,” she said, turning to the Wizard, “would you please explain what is going on?”
“My dear Hobbit,” said Gandalf, “we were endeavouring to…”
And it was then that Bilba learnt about a key and a map, a stolen treasure in a lonely mountain and…
“Do you mean to tell me,” said Bilba, spotting the familiar symbol on the map, “that this is about the dragon?”
“Well,” said Balin, “yes.”
Bilba rolled her eyes. “You might have said so earlier!”
Based on this Prompt from the Hobbit Kink Meme:
Lady Dwarf knows when she’s pregnant.
Dwarves know they've been impregnated immediately after sex. Like literally, their partner cums and they're like 'yep, time to start knitting booties'. Any pairing, mpreg and gender swap welcome. Serious or crack.
Fun fact: Conception doesn't take place immediately after sex, not always at least. That's the principle on which the "morning after" pill works - it does not end pregnancies, it somehow intervenes in ovulation. Just imagine, a fierce warrior, swinging her battle axe, and suddenly she realizes she's pregnant ... and mows through her enemies at double speed because how DARE they threaten her unborn child!
Well, you can guess where I went with this...
07 Mar 2019
There are several things that the dwarves don't know about the hobbit that is travelling with them. Things that Bilbo is glad to let them find out for themselves along the way.
The first is that he's prepared for everything. His mother used to quiz him about what he'd do in any given situation - from relatives to trolls - and Bilbo never disappointed her with his answers. Riding a pony all day gives him plenty of time to plan for everything.
The second is that he can throw a stone or any other small object hard enough to embed it several inches into a tree trunk. HIs accuracy is uncanny even for Shire standards. He's quite proud of it.
The third is that he doesn't actually say so many proverbs when at home but it seems to annoy the dwarves so he spends time thinking up all the ones he's heard before.
And last, hobbits scold like it is no one's business. The Dwarves he's travelling with really have no idea what's going to happen if they truly piss him off.