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They have the conversation twice.
“There will be a time”, the boss says, “where you will meet the version of me who doesn’t know anything about the future, about the work we do. About us. He won’t know the words or the steps yet. He will make mistakes.”
Bookmarked by Panama
27 Feb 2024
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Sydney thinks that if she found out she was pregnant a little earlier she probably wouldn’t have gone through with it. Like, if she found out before her landlord changed the locks on her apartment, or before the bank sent her all those red letters, or before the pasta dried up, she’d probably have just taken herself to Planned Parenthood, popped the pills and charged it to the game. But as it is, the two blue lines appear on the stick during the worst months of her life, the first months of the pandemic when she’s unemployed and shit scared that her dad is going to get coronavirus and die. And when she sees them, she just thinks: well, this might as well happen. She was a disappointment before. What’s one more thing?
Before she meets Carmy, Sydney has a baby.
Bookmarked by Panama
27 Jan 2024
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“You were told to take the day off,” Chef points out, “And then you show up at the backdoor with no fucking shoes on. You’ve been fucking shit lately. Multiple people tell me that you don’t make any sense half the time. Why else would that be?”
Carmy swallows. He wants to explain it: that he knows. That he’s good at this. That it’s not his brain that’s falling apart, just his body, just his hands, just his family, just his life. He can’t get the words out. They sit at the back of his throat and Carmy swallows them because he already knows that they’re shattered, and he refuses to sound like a fucking second grader in front of Chef.
“Berzatto, either everyone’s hallucinating or my sous is fucking up his recreational drug usage,” he says. “The first would be a medical miracle. The second would be a Tuesday.”
OR: In the weeks following Mikey's death, Carmy's sleepwalking gets worse. When he ends up outside of the restaurant on his day off, things get unbearable.
Bookmarked by Panama
21 Jan 2024
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In which Carmy is haunted by the ghosts of addictions past, present and future.
Bookmarked by Panama
18 Jan 2024
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The elderberries were undercooked, rendering them toxic. She finds Carmen helpless on the bathroom floor. Her fingertips tingle with the desire to comb his sweat-drenched hair.
It’s embarrassing; it’s beneath her. But still, there’s something sweet in his weakness. He trusts her to keep the world running in his absence, and feed him when his appetite returns.
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Bookmarked by Panama
16 Jan 2024