Madamegoethe



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    I would buy back the stars I made in the sky for you, Crowley thinks. I would get a real human job and work however long I'd need to earn enough real human money to bargain with the Almighty for you and your soul. I would give it all to you in pennies and beg you to try to purchase my freedom from hell if it meant I would be enough for you to want me. Name the price and I will find a way to buy your love.

    "Nonsense, angel," Crowley says, grinning. "Consider it my demonic contribution to the ever-increasing crass overcommercialization of this holiday."

     

    Or, Valentine's Days through the ages.

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    27 Oct 2021

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    Crowley was still as stone beside him. His ears were cherry-red. “So...if we pretend we’re in a relationship, we’ll be safe.”

    “I believe so.”

    “And that would, that would involve, what?” he spoke hesitantly, softly. “Holding your hand, telling you that you mean a lot to me, kissing you for them to see?”

    Two great hands were constricting Aziraphale’s lungs. He fought back an undignified wheeze. “Yes, I think so.”

    “I can do that,” he croaked.
    ~
    In a panic, Aziraphale tells the archangels he survived hellfire due to his soul mixing with Crowley's because they're in a romantic and sexual relationship. They want him to prove it. Cue a fake relationship.

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    23 Oct 2021

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    Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
    but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
    Proverbs 13:12

    Crowley was certain that he wasn’t ill. He just wasn’t feeling...quite well.

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    14 Oct 2021

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    Or: 5 times Aziraphale accidentally blessed Crowley, +1 time when it went really sideways.

    Inspired by the Ace Omens Discord server, this is an entirely self-indulgent piece of comedy that I hope someone else will enjoy.

    -

    After the first incident, Aziraphale is always very, very careful to make sure he knows who he is blessing after a sneeze. He looks around, surveys the scene, and then, only when he is sure that it’s a human or another angel or just not Crawly, does he say ‘Bless you’. Of course, aside from the time on the Ark, it’s never Crawly, and after a while the habit starts to die away. He forgets sometimes, and it’s always fine, until one day he hears a sneeze, automatically blesses the person, and hears a whine.

     

    He does not swear. Instead, he turns around, sheepish, and sees one very annoyed and very seared-looking demon.

     

    “Oh,” he says, over the bustle of the surrounding market.

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    12 Oct 2021

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    What are you supposed to do when you've been fired from your sweet job in Hell for thwarting the schemes of Satan, you've got a swanky flat in Mayfair, and you're looking for an excuse to spend all your time in someone else's bookshop? Obviously, you turn to the dubious world of short-term vacation rentals.

    The resulting Airbnb property has been variously described as "an instagram trap," "a vampire den but make it botanical," and "the weirdest bed and breakfast in the shared history of beds and breakfasting."

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    08 Oct 2021