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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    The Dark Knight strikes fear into the hearts of men. And pretty much just men. It's a problem.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,525
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    129
    Kudos:
    3253
    Bookmarks:
    363
    Hits:
    30219

    14 Jan 2019

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    "Jane's cute," Clint says, shoveling yet another sloppy joe into his pie-hole. Darcy has been watching him inhale a disturbing amount of food for the last half-hour. This is why she likes eating lunch with the guys instead of why-yes-I'd-love-some-brussel-sprouts-on-the-side Sharon. They're good for her ego. She may eat like a hippo, but she'll never eat as much as Steve, Clint, or Barnes. "She's totally on my FUCK shortlist."

    All of a sudden the crystal clear sky outside cracks with the loudest thunder Darcy has ever heard in her life. The windows rattle. Everyone freezes. Darcy can practically hear everyone's assholes tighten in fear.

    Because across the commissary, Thor is looking at their table.

    And it ain't raining panties this time. Just righteous, godly anger.

    --

    The dudes finally play MARRY FUCK KILL, not-so-Avengers edition. (Because there's like ONE actual female Avenger. Thanks, SHIELD.)

    Wherein no one follows the rules, everyone still kills Tony, the Mets suck, (lots of theoretical threesomes?!), and Darcy turns Clint into a hypothetical honey badger.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,258
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    386
    Kudos:
    5082
    Bookmarks:
    731
    Hits:
    77729

    13 Jan 2019

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    "Actually, you know, I get it. Rogers would be an excellent MARRY choice. You know that he'd never leave the toilet seat up, would never drink the last of the milk, and would clean the rain gutters without prompting," Darcy says. She's never really considered Steve as anything other than Captain America who is impossibly unapproachable; weirdly enough, the things she finds intimidating about him as a person oddly work for her in a domestic setting. "Ugh, plus you just KNOW Barton would be the type of fucker that would eat the last oreo and then shove the empty box back into the cupboard."

    "So what's your list then, Darcy?" Jane asks, turning back to look at the mold, which has done exactly fuck all in the last half-hour.

    "Don't rush me! I need to make an informed, calculated choice."

    Darcy looks down at her pad, then back up at Natasha. She purses her lips in thought. "You've fucked Barnes, right? How dexterous is that metal hand?"

    --

    The ladies of SHIELD play a mass game of MARRY FUCK KILL, Avengers edition.

    Wherein everyone marries Steve, kills Tony, Jane betrays science and Darcy hypothetically turns Thor into a llama.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,116
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    436
    Kudos:
    4669
    Bookmarks:
    1115
    Hits:
    68926

    12 Jan 2019

  4. Public Bookmark *

    Summary

    Harry just wants to have a quiet life and get along with everyone. He wants to be normal, and accepted. Being “normal” for the Dursleys yielded great results in improving his standard of living, and as he heads off to Hogwarts he still retains that impulse to keep his head down and blend in. Of course, life isn’t as simple as that, and Harry is a magnet for trouble. And what does "normal" really mean, anyway? The pure-bloods in his group of friends think he should learn more about their culture and religion if he wants to fit in.

    Words:
    583,990
    Works:
    6
    Bookmarks:
    869

    11 Jan 2019

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    It’s the summer of Harry’s fourth year, and Harry's holiday isn't turning out to be particularly normal even by wizarding standards. Most young wizards don't include a promotional book tour in their holiday itinerary after all! During his tour Harry meets werewolves, a hag, and other interesting characters, and visits the fascinatingly unique magical districts of Paris, and Libreville in Gabon.

    His snake Storm's company on his many outings are causing Harry's denials of being the Heir of Slytherin to wear thin in many people's eyes.

    Well, at least Harry can hope that the Quidditch World Cup will be relatively uneventful.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    165,662
    Chapters:
    20/20
    Comments:
    1330
    Kudos:
    770
    Bookmarks:
    111
    Hits:
    12194

    11 Jan 2019