Callmesalticidae

spider logo



Recent works

Recent series

  1. Words:
    27,653
    Works:
    3
    Bookmarks:
    13
  2. Summary

    Godstuck AU. The post-scratch trolls all attained god tier and won Sgrub soundly, entering their new universe as a pantheon of gods and choosing Earth as a base of operations.

    Words:
    96,994
    Works:
    17
    Bookmarks:
    70
  3. Summary

    Tom Riddle was sorted into Gryffindor. There is nothing to fear.

    (If oneshots and multishots aren't your thing, you can probably skip ahead to Hermione Granger and the Silent Country, which, by accident, has a pretty good recap of what you need to know to hit the ground running in that story.)

    Join us on the Discord server: https://discord.gg/xjCBgff.

    Words:
    193,599
    Works:
    14
    Bookmarks:
    185
  4. Summary

    TG: now this is a story all about how
    our lives got flipped turned upside down
    and id like to take a minute
    while this tale unfurls
    ill tell you how we became the founders of a new world

    TT: I believe what Dave means to impart is that, following unfortunately unforeseen circumstances, we determined that the meteor was off-course, fated to wander paradox space forever.

    GA: A Rather Dispiriting Revelation

    CG: BUT I DECIDED THAT STICKING OUR THUMBS UP OUR CHUTES AND GIVING UP WAS A FUCKING TERRIBLE IDEA, AND DESPITE CONSTANT STUPID SETBACKS, WE MANAGED TO MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF IT.

    GA: It Proved To Be Difficult
    Rather Like Making A Tangible Substance From Nothing

    GC: BUT W3 3M3RG3D VICTOR1OUS! TH3 L4W W4S SUR3LY ON OUR S1D3. TH4T 4ND 3XC3LL3NT L34D3RSH1P.

    CG: THANKS.

    GC: 1 D1DN'T M34N YOU.

    CG: FUCK YOU

    WV: Please do not fight. I do not believe it is conductive to a civilized and peaceful society.

    TC: WeRe AlL pEaCeFuL hErE bRo
    yeah
    SO MOTHERFUCKING PEACEFUL

    TT: Ahem. Regardless, that is the subject of this tale.

    TG: so i looked out at my meteor
    it was finally here
    a home for knights sylphs bards and seers

    Words:
    89,490
    Works:
    10
    Bookmarks:
    15
  5. Summary

    This series is dead. Read Games We Didn't Play to see how it would have ended.

    Words:
    13,106
    Works:
    2
    Bookmarks:
    5

Recent bookmarks

  1. Public Bookmark 1

    Tags
    Summary

    After the atrocities committed during the war, Draco Malfoy is trying to turn over a new leaf, deciding to stand up for marginalised magicians and magical creatures everywhere.

    His most recent foray involved vandalising the home and contaminating the potions supplies of a particularly obnoxious and bigoted potion maker in Hogsmeade.

    Some residents saw her as a brave crusader - inflating her already massive ego. Though most saw her for what she was, a slimy little coward and a bully. It was Hermione who introduced Draco to the word "TERF". What a surprisingly kind name for a horrid kind of person.

    OR

    This fic is based on the creative (and very real) self-insert of a one JK Rowling, and the implication that Draco Malfoy is a trans ally.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    998
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    6
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    115

    03 Oct 2022

  2. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Ginny made a thin, distressed sound. “I ... Look, I promised Tom I wouldn’t let him be handed in,” she said in a small voice.

    “Well, if he’s going to go around petrifying people, I don’t see much reason why people ought to keep their promises to him,” said Hermione crossly.

    [Hermione gets the diary. Things go differently from there. AU.]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25,502
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Collections:
    8
    Comments:
    282
    Kudos:
    2655
    Bookmarks:
    718
    Hits:
    33445

    22 Sep 2022

  3. Public Bookmark 54

    Tags
    Summary

    It begins like this: Lucius brings him a half-blood with borrowed dress robes and a beautiful snarl, and Tom Riddle thinks "I know you."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,870
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    28
    Kudos:
    301
    Bookmarks:
    54
    Hits:
    2799

    21 Sep 2022

  4. Public Bookmark 70

    Tags
    Summary

    “Again, Mr. Snape and this time imagine you are facing the Dark Lord himself.”

    Professor Riddle walked a few paces away they turned, taking a dueling stance.

    Severus’s eyes widened. He was going to duel the Professor?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,117
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    559
    Bookmarks:
    70
    Hits:
    4408

    21 Sep 2022

  5. Public Bookmark 19

    Tags
    Summary

    In 1944, an American deserter named Red falls for a powerful vampire named William - and the feelings seem to be mutual.

    However, Red soon finds that vampires have a complex society with inscrutable rules that must be followed - or else.

    Will they be able to make it work, with their relationship at the fringes of both vampire and human society? Or will Red be caught up in the wrong part of William's many rivalries?

    PRAISE FOR THIS STORY:
    "It’s not Animorphs the Reckoning but dangit sometimes I just want Visser Three and Marco to sit and drink coffee for ten pages and maybe kiss" - Callmesalticidae

    "Normally I go [to r/rational] for munchkinry and fun, but this was good and gripping, and I read the entire story to date in one sitting." - anonymous

    "You know what you do well? Presenting strange information to our blank slate stand-in and have him actually ask questions about how things work. He's asking questions I actually want to know" - /u/leakycauldron

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    139,468
    Chapters:
    37/37
    Comments:
    51
    Kudos:
    161
    Bookmarks:
    19
    Hits:
    8743

    21 Sep 2022