this isn't really crack but it walks the line
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Derek starts noticing some weird things about Stiles after they start dating.
Stiles shrugs. “‘Cause I’m not, like, a big scary wolf. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I am the most efficient predator on the planet, and I would like it on the record that domestic cats are still apex predators.”
“None of this is any reason for me to be embarrassed by you,” Derek says, confused.
“I weigh like seven pounds in my shift,” Stiles goes on, like it’s obvious. “I’m cute and cuddly, and old ladies try to pick me up and take me home if I’m not careful so I usually end up in a tree and have to figure out how to get down. If someone manages to get me in a bag or has a laser pointer in their pocket, I’m pretty useless.”