bullshit attempt at metanarrative shit
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Your name is JAKE ENGLISH and gosh! Have things gone awry for you!
Whether you've forced down gritty, raw meat first or stomached through sweet, terrible indulgence, neither outcome has been kind to you.
Not to worry though! In this vast space, anything is possible, including a happy ending for someone like you.
The question is, are you willing to work for it?