assholes in love
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It's just not how he expected college to be, Mark guesses. Not the being a little in love with his best friend thing, because that's not a big deal and he's got that under control. The being friends with guys who row crew thing is a little weird, though.
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"We're not going to Foamhenge," Derek replies drily.
Stiles makes a pleading sound, peering at Derek, eyes wide.
"It's Stonehenge made out of foam," Derek argues.
"Right," Stiles agrees emphatically. "It's Stonehenge. Made out of foam." -
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Author's summary:
"We're not going to Foamhenge," Derek replies drily.
Stiles makes a pleading sound, peering at Derek, eyes wide.
"It's Stonehenge made out of foam," Derek argues.
"Right," Stiles agrees emphatically. "It's Stonehenge. Made out of foam." -
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Derek Hale had a farm. And on that farm he had a fat, useless cat, two irritable goats, and numerous dried out fields that hadn't seen a drop of water in two months.
Then that stupid, weird kid with his stupid, weird buzz cut turned up and everything changed.
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"I like me; I don't do we."
"I matched you. I matched you good."Series
- Part 1 of Dance'verse
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,835
- Chapters:
- 3/21
- Kudos:
- 11
- Hits:
- 334
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In which Hermann is a nevernude divorcée, Newt pushes some buttons, and both of them are total assholes.
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[Podfic of] Go Ahead, Go Low, by synonomy by TheOneCalledEli
Fandoms: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
11 Nov 2013
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Podfic of Go Ahead, Go Low by synonomy.
"Summary: Gee's always been hard to impress, but Frank thinks this is kind of ridiculous."
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Everybody Does It, Derek. by Phantomlimb for carelesshummingbird
Fandoms: Teen Wolf (TV)
20 Dec 2013
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Summary
Stiles is being a little shit and Derek is so done with his life
Series
- Part 1 of Holy Jolly Get On My Dick
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Dean Winchester, Get Out Of The Broom Closet by Phantomlimb
Fandoms: Supernatural, Sherlock (TV), Merlin (TV)
10 Sep 2014
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John really doesn't want to get involved but someone has to help these idiots
Series
- Part 1 of When Fandoms Collide
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Stiles and Scott decide to spend their last summer before college being camp monitors in the summer camp they used to attend when they were kids. Stiles aspires to rival Nathan Hale as the coolest camp monitor ever. Of course, this being Stiles' life, Nathan is getting married at the end of the summer, which leaves the most boring Hale family member in charge of camp matters - Derek Hale. Blah.
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When Derek Hale returned to the Hale house for the first time after the fire, he never expected to find a fox living in his old bedroom, never mind a talking one.
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Misha is a jerk. An unnerving, cocky bastard that constantly winds Jensen up. He can't stand the guy, really. The problem is that since Genevieve, his best friend, is dating Jared, Misha's best friend, they constantly run into each other – that first time, even literally.
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fathers and sons by M_Leigh
Fandoms: X-Men (Movies), X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom
26 May 2014
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“I have an – interest – in Peter Maximoff,” Erik said, somewhat grudgingly, glaring. “A – familial – interest –”
Everybody stared at him.
“In that – mutantkind is one – large – family –” Erik said valiantly, if pathetically.
“Oh, shit,” Alex said. “No way. No way.”
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The Little Things by geekygaga
Fandoms: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom, X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom
12 Jul 2014
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Despite all Erik's grand gestures, it's the little things he does that really count. Or, what happened after Erik left his helmet behind at the White House.
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Derek just wanted to get away from it all. He didn't want to fall into the plot for the fucking little Mermaid
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Patrick laughs, delighted, and Sharpy waggles his eyebrows, making the dumbest face Jonny has seen from in a while, which is saying something.
Jonny doesn’t have the energy or patience to point out that they’re both the same breed of crass, classless dumbass.
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The Church family starts to dip out of regular old awful and into a truly freakish realm of unbearably weird via dating and divorce.
or: how does Church/Tex even work in a universe without science fiction tropes.
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These two assholes can’t figure out what to get each other for Christmas. Their friends are absolutely no help. But it all works out. ------- Written for the Sterek Secret Santa 2014 on tumblr, for hopelesslynowasterekshipper.
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[Podfic] fathers and sons by Wuffielover
Fandoms: X-Men (Movies), X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom
02 Jan 2015
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A Podfic of 'fathers and sons' by M_Leigh.
Author's Summary:
“I have an – interest – in Peter Maximoff,” Erik said, somewhat grudgingly, glaring. “A – familial – interest –”
Everybody stared at him.
“In that – mutantkind is one – large – family –” Erik said valiantly, if pathetically.
“Oh, shit,” Alex said. “No way. No way.”
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Do I ask too much, more than a lot by sirona
Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Captain America (Movies)
10 Mar 2015
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@jbbarnes: Modern-day protocol for a boyfriend who leaves you to wake up alone on your birthday and isn't even in the apartment the two of you share: go.
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Demobilization by 743ish, sallysparrow017
Fandoms: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
22 Aug 2017
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When the Statue of Liberty slides into view, the whole ship roars. It’s deafening. Bucky throws his fist in the air and yells along with everyone else. His heart is in his throat. The Statue of goddamn Liberty. Bucky wants to climb up her robe and kiss her sour green face.
The cheers rise up again as they go by her, and then die back down; most of the guys are just happy to sit and smile and watch the city float lazily into focus. They know they’ve got days more of barracks and bunks and cheap train seats before they’ll get to see their families in Pittsburgh, or Columbus, or Chicago. But Bucky’s home, he can see Brooklyn, and he laughs and shades his eyes from the sun and feels crazy with happiness, and this has to be the slowest fucking boat in the world, but at least he has a good view while he dies of impatience.
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In 1945, Bucky comes home from the war.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 41,390
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 373
- Kudos:
- 1240
- Bookmarks:
- 408
- Hits:
- 15252
Bookmarked by raspybee
10 Aug 2018
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fuck this kills me. so well written. pre war pining steve and post war pining bucky is ughhhh. you will both love and bucky.
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Hotline Bling by minzimpression
Fandoms: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
25 Jul 2016
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Hux wants a dick pic from his recent hook-up. Unfortunately, he texts the wrong number.
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"Save it, Rodney. Fuck off. Go be a beam of light."
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Your heart's sudden but inevitable betrayal by WhatIfImaMermaid
Fandoms: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek
04 Dec 2017
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Every once in while, when he’s feeling the perfect combination of nostalgic and impish, he asks Spock about that night. Most times Spock just smiles that non-smile of his into the curve of Jim's neck, and says nothing.
Or:
They first meet in a bar. In San Francisco. After one of Jim’s epic brawls.
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Peter Hale has a tension headache building behind his eyes, a nephew who has picked the wrong time to have a crisis of conscience, and a bound and gagged college freshman in the trunk of his car as he speeds north along Highway 101. This is not how he intended his weekend to go, but Peter is nothing if not adaptable.
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Harry's too naughty at work.
Series
- Part 55 of 2017 December works
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Letting out a long sigh, Derek turns away and braces himself for the next hellish filming segment. After all, apparently he’s going to have to smile while greeting twenty-five contestants. Shit, what if they try to hug him? Or, god forbid, kiss –
He doesn’t get any further with that thought, because a limo pulls into the driveway. He braces himself for the worst. The worst, who… actually doesn’t look that horrifying.
“I’ve been dying to meet you!” she exclaims as she catches sight of him.
Then, she flings herself at him and ensnares him in a bone-crushing hug.
Scratch that – she’s completely horrifying. And Derek’s pretty sure he can hear errand boy what’s-his-face laughing in the distance.
(Or: In which Derek gets roped into being the 'eligible bachelor' on a dating show and instead falls for one of the show's interns.)
Bookmarked by AvaFirebreather
27 Oct 2017
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Dude this story is so freaking great and bloody hilarious.
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Peter and Stiles get married, and it goes as well as it can. There's only a little crying.
Series
- Part 1 of Various Weddings for Various Pairings
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What goes on in John Lennon's head?
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it shouldn't be so hard. people say it in passing. people sing it in songs.
but you cannot say "i love you"
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Stiles doesn't mean to sneak into the Hale wedding, and he certainly doesn't mean to have cliche coat-room sex with the bride's uncle, but what had happened, happened, and it wasn't like he could just leave. At least, not until he got to have some of that cake.
Based off the tumblr prompt "I crashed your family member’s wedding for the free food but hi there”
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right at my fingertips by icaruspoes
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Captain America (Movies)
22 Jul 2016
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Hey, this is Steve, the head of Queer Cuties! Thank you so much for your interest in our club. We’ve just decided on the time and place for our first meeting.
um what the fuck
shit do i have the wrong number? this is Bucky, right?
how tf do u know my name omfgBookmarked by Spectral_Aspen
31 Aug 2016
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What the hell so much fluff
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Stiles Stilinski has been called many things: annoying as fuck, an asshole, lots of stuff. But he's not a complete prick. He's not exactly getting awards for his overwhelming kindness, either, but he's not that bad.
Back in Beacon Hills the summer before his graduate program starts, he needs money to fix his Jeep – an exorbitant amount because the mechanic hates him – and really he cannot ask his dad for money – he’s almost 22 and he has a damn degree, it’s just sad – so that means Stiles… sigh! Stiles needs a job.
While on a job search, he doesn't expect to meet someone who has even worse people skills than him. He certainly doesn't expect to start working for the asshole either.
But damn did Derek Hale grow up nice...
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Peter's heard people talk about what it felt like when they saw their mate for the first time, from those who actually believe in the mystical bullshit. Like a magnet, like gravity. Peter just feels... sharply curious.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 82,180
- Chapters:
- 19/19
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 829
- Kudos:
- 5188
- Bookmarks:
- 1431
- Hits:
- 91593
Bookmarked by givemeangstandporn_heyatleastImhonest
07 May 2015
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This is AMAZING.
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"Hale & Daughters Funeral Home," Derek says dully.
"Oh ho! And which daughter are you?"
Derek casts his eyes up to the ceiling. It's going to be one of those calls.
(In which Derek is a bored secretary, Stiles is a baker who may or may not have ulterior motives, and there are entirely too many macaroons.)
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How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days!AU.
“Our love fern,” Louis says, scandalised and clutching the pot to his chest. The fern droops sadly, accusingly almost, and Harry scrambles for something to say. “It’s dying, Harry.”
Louis’s lip does an alarming wobble, even as his eyes flash angrily. He moves toward Harry, brandishing the fern like a sword. Harry takes a step back, and holds up a hand.
“You’re letting our love fern die. Is that what you’re going to do to our relationship? Let it die?”
Bookmarked by abbey34567
31 Jul 2014
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“You got him beaten up?”
Louis takes a bite of his burger, shrugging guiltily. He still feels bad about the whole situation, and is trying to medicate with grease and carbs. “Not beaten up necessarily. Just punched a little.”
HAHAHA i love it and i love that movie this is aces
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Louis is ready to find the love of his life, but first he has to stop falling for the punk rocker next door.
Inspired by this tweet:
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 86,809
- Chapters:
- 11/11
- Comments:
- 2409
- Kudos:
- 7614
- Bookmarks:
- 3099
- Hits:
- 332187
Bookmarked by abbey34567
12 May 2014
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To quote Louis,
"This was some next level shit."
The "Little Things" about this fic make it an absolute gem. I mean, Louis' cattiness, Harry working at a flower shop, Louis and Harry's obsession with reality TV (loved the X-Factor reference), the expensive bakery where Harry buys Louis the croissants, the BBCRadio1 shoutouts, the music, the texts, White Eskimo, football, Niall as a bartender, Zayn and Liam gah. This is a fic for anyone who likes a good story.
The misunderstandings actually add depth to the plot and contribute to character development. I'm in love with this fic because it has obviously been extensively researched and there are a lot of references that a relatively new fan like me can get (as well as many I'm sure that fans who have following One Direction from the get go, can get) and there are not enough words for this fic. This fic is "everything" and "that's what makes it beautiful" and i don't think I can love it "more than this".
jhhgrhgnkajfejwgna THE BEATLES REFERENCES OMG. fafjlejjtwojtajkafjafjakljafj.
WARNING: This fic includes copious amounts of: TEA, ALCOHOL, LOVE,and CUTENESS and this may be too much loveliness in one fic for some readers. Reader discretion is advised.
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When Stiles gets thrown into the bank vault about twenty minutes after him, Derek isn’t even surprised.
As it turns out, neither is Stiles.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 42,812
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Comments:
- 389
- Kudos:
- 8360
- Bookmarks:
- 2750
- Hits:
- 163995
Bookmarked by memorylikeascattereddream
27 Feb 2014
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sighs happily
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Eva sits down next to Xavier one day after she comes home from work. It’s late and dark: there's no game tonight, so he's just sitting there in y-fronts and a dirty bathrobe, lackadaisically playing some stupid game with zombies in it. She spent the whole day fighting with people about their orders—marketing keeps promising people shit, the fuckers—and it's relaxing, chilling on the couch lazily watching Xavier mow down a bunch of flesh-eating monsters while Doug cooks.
“Boned this girl last night,” he offers up between headshots. It's casual, easy—they're friends, the kind of friends who drink and talk shit about each other. He's stopped calling her a puck bunny and in return she's stopped asking if the test results came in okay.
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Written for this prompt: Eames has a secret twitter called, "Shit Arthur Says." Well, secret to Arthur, that is.