1 - 20 of 192 Works in Stede Bonnet Being an Idiot

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    Summary

    In the brief time Isabella has been on the crew, most everyone else seems to have warmed up to her...but there is more to her than meets the eye, especially after a chance run-in at a pub brings a few things from her past back to haunt her.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,739
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Kudos:
    5
    Hits:
    46
  2. Tags
    Summary

    “Hey, so, those two, right, they get together in the end?” Ed asks.

    “I would protest spoiling it, but I think it's rather obvious, isn't it?” Stede says. His nose wrinkles as he smiles. “The tension is certainly there from the beginning. It just takes them a while to get there.”

    “Good. Would have been a shit story otherwise."

     

    Former local grunge legend Edward Teach, better known as Blackbeard of Blackbeard & the Krakens, has fallen on hard times. Following slanderous accusations from ex-bandmate (and ex-lover) Calico Jack, Ed is blacklisted from all his usual venues. His career is over, and, so far as he’s concerned, so is his life. He spends his days wallowing in a dingy Seattle apartment, fighting with his manager and bemoaning his loss of purpose.

    Enter one Stede Bonnet, Ed’s obnoxiously loud next-door-neighbor. Stede Bonnet is an overly enthusiastic playwright who cares way too much about Shakespeare and writes like a dandy from the 18th century.

    He’s the most interesting thing to happen to Ed in years.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    103,482
    Chapters:
    23/24
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    317
    Kudos:
    283
    Bookmarks:
    72
    Hits:
    6129
  3. Tags
    Summary

    ...the more we'll sing.
    Because when you're Stede Bonnet, you work at your dad's fishing shop and you drop everything to chase your dream of being a combat folk musician, you know that everything is about to blow up.
    Especially when your friends wants to enter a battle of the bands, and especially when a cute guy gives you his number while waiting in line for the registration.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    386
    Chapters:
    1/9
    Hits:
    21
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Edward Teach, once the enfant terrible of underground fashion, is on the precipice of haute couture greatness. But he just feels alone, creatively hollow & so fucking bored. Pushed by his COO Izzy Hands & investors, Ed must decide between commercial success or artistic freedom.

    Freshly divorced, Stede Bonnet escaped the drudgery of his family finance company to pursue a passion for fashion by studying at the prestigious Central Saint Martins college. But as graduation looms, he faces the harsh reality of making it on his own as a professional designer.

    When a chance meeting at Stede’s graduation show brings the two men together, it seems like the universe might be providing the inspiration, motivation… and affection… both are searching for. But nothing is ever simple when it comes to the catwalk or to matters of the heart.

    “We yearn for the beautiful, the unknown, and the mysterious” Issey Miyake

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,701
    Chapters:
    15/?
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    34
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    395
  5. Tags
    Summary

    An irritating new patron visits Ed's bar right before closing (who does that?!). Ed doesn't know what to make of him, or for him, since he seems quite displeased with their lack of wine or cocktail menu. Hopefully he'll get the hint and scram soon...

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,425
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    234
  6. Tags
    Summary

    “Y’know you’re the only person who ever called me that?” He asked gently, deciding to ignore Stede’s suddenly skittish nature. “Ed, I mean.” He stretched his legs out in front of him, glad to be taking the weight off his fucked knee. He remembered, briefly, how Stede’s fingers had felt when they had traced the starburst scar. How it made his stomach hot, glowing with some affection and tenderness he had never expected to find.

    “Surely not.” Stede wasn’t looking at him, staring out over the ocean. The old Ed, Blackbeard, would have grabbed him by the chin and forced him to look at him. But he was desperately trying to shrug that costume, embrace the real Edward that Stede had so painstakingly chipped free from his shell.

    “Really. Everyone else only ever called me Blackbeard of Edward. It was nice– it is nice to be different.” Stede nodded, turning his hands over in his lap. Ropeburns were dark and livid on his pale skin, almost black in the watery moonlight. Ed wanted to kiss them, pull those hands to his lips and treat them with the tenderness he knew he could show. It was tenderness that Stede had eked out of him, and he wanted to wrap Stede in it.  “Stede, mate…”

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,218
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    84
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    717
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Jaded, grief-stricken rock legend Edward Teach was only trying to find a new pet. But life -- or rather the magical Lighthouse Sanctuary -- had a different plan for him. This is a tale about finding home within yourself and in the people you bring into your life, and a love so great it makes a house come alive.

    Or, modern day AU slow burn featuring a pining Ed, a clueless Stede, found family, roughly a million animals, and a very magical house.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    54,358
    Chapters:
    5/11
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    161
    Kudos:
    117
    Bookmarks:
    39
    Hits:
    1972
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Young clergyman Stede Bonnet prefers reading novels to giving sermons, and at his first ball in Bath, he meets the charming but mysterious Mr. Teach.

    An OFMD/ Northanger Abbey Crossover AU

    *Will be updating very slowly*

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,272
    Chapters:
    2/15
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    17
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    110
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Stede finds his crew stranded on a small island, but who left them there? It’s couldn’t really be his love Edward, could it? They set off to find their ship and Ed.
    Or
    Post canon reunion fic 👁👄👁🥲💗💪🏽💃🏻😩

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,177
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    32
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    858
  10. Tags
    Summary

    When Izzy tells Stede that for his birthday he wants him to fuck off, no one expects Stede to actually make that a reality.

    feat. stizzy pinning, ed being beautiful and fed up with his boyfriends

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,370
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    27
    Kudos:
    196
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    1579
  11. Tags
    Summary

    "Ed…" The sound of his name from those fucking lips sent a stab of rage through him.

    "It's fucking Blackbeard." He announced, swaying on his feet. "Blackbeard, scourge of the high seas. Don't you fucking forget that, dog." He was being vile, he knew that. But Stede wasn't really here, it was just a ghost his brain had conjured. Like the ghosts of his father, his crew… Stede wasn't dead, but he might as well be. Ed had carefully categorised him as 'dead to me' the second he'd left him high and dry.

    "You can't really be Blackbeard without the beard, mate." Stede's voice was softer than he expected and he squinted at him, eyes narrowing dangerously.

    "And whose fucking fault is that, mate?" Ed had been here before, every night the same ghost. Every night another argument. All the words he'd kept inside since Stede abandoned him bubbling up and spilling over. Christ, he was pathetic. Drunk and shouting at a man who wasn't even there. Because he was never there. Because the one time it counted, he'd never shown.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,462
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    134
    Bookmarks:
    14
    Hits:
    1135
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Izzy’s been in love with Edward Teach for so much of his life he doesn’t even remember a time when he wasn’t. But after all those years and all that devotion, all he is to the rich and famous Ed is an unconventional secretary.

    But when Ed’s annoying husband Stede tells Izzy he’s willing to share, everything starts to spiral out of control. Particularly Izzy’s weight. Because Stede’s insider tip is that Ed has a weird fetish, and all Izzy needs to do to seduce Edward Teach is fatten himself up in plain view of him.

    It might not have occurred to Stede Bonnet that real life is a bit more complicated than a porn fantasy, but between his meddling, Ed’s uncertainty, and Izzy’s steadfast determination, something’s gotta give. The real question is what’ll go first. Stede’s detachment, Ed’s resolve, or the button on Izzy’s work pants.

    A mildly angsty, very kinky SteddyHands slowburn, ft scheming Stede, horny idiot Ed, and a large helping of feedism.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,331
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    47
    Kudos:
    124
    Bookmarks:
    18
    Hits:
    2208
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Stede knew what it was like to be flirted with as a joke. He spent most of his life being toyed with as a joke and he had a life full of terrible memories he had from when he was at boarding school and his bullies used it to punish or torture him.

    So when Blackbeard terror of the seas. Tales of a head made of smoke and a body made of muscle and uses that energy to save Stede from his own hubris. It must just be one long game for him. Even if it turns out to be a long game where Ed is just flirting with him to build up his ego or pass the time while Stede teaches them how to be an aristocrat.

    Especially because every time Ed tries to reciprocate and tries to flirt with him, Stede can feel whatever fires in his belly get solidified and weigh him down. In the best way, he wants to reciprocate, but there’s also the other thing about their age difference.

    Stede’s an old man. He’s lived a life. He has two kids. And if he was even better at sleeping with his wife, Alma might be nearing Blackbeard’s age. A man in his prime who carries himself like fire and brimstone. Blackbeard is 28 and Stede is 48. He has 20 years on him. An entire lifetime wearing down his face and his body. 

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,796
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    59
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    944
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Stede wonders what the man looks like. He doesn’t sound young like the first profile. Maybe a man in his late thirties? Or forties, perhaps? “Yes, of course, but I—” He shifts on the sofa, feeling embarrassed. “I’m rather new to this, I’m afraid.”

    The man hums, and another shiver runs down Stede’s spine. “To phone sex?” he asks. “Paying for it? To talking to a man?”

    “All of the above,” Stede sighs. “I mean, I’ve talked to men before, obviously, but…”

    “Not for sex.”

    Stede figures that the safest way to figure out if he's actually attracted to men is by calling a phone sex line.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    58,931
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    1321
    Kudos:
    1227
    Bookmarks:
    276
    Hits:
    13622
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Ed presses back a little harder against the wood, securing it shut. Swears he can feel heat coming from the other side.

    “You really don’t want me to come in,” Stede says softly. His voice comes out a little clotted, like he’s about to cry, and Ed takes another drink so he doesn’t say something stupid like of course I do.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,312
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    12
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    182
  16. Tags
    Summary

    The Badminton twins were dead, God knew they were dead, so why did Stede see them everywhere he went? Why did their taunting, sharp, painful words follow him down every hallway, into every room? Why, then, did no one else seem to see them? Perhaps it was a temporary problem, caused by lack of sleep or from something he'd eaten, but Stede feared it was more than that. He feared he'd honestly gone insane. No matter though! He could ignore it– ignore them. No need to tell the crew, absolutely no need to tell Edward; It's fine!

    He is fine.

    Until he isn't.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,129
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    119
    Bookmarks:
    22
    Hits:
    1380
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Stede was tempted to lean down to kiss him, just to see what would happen. He might have even moved forward just a smidge, but before he could make contact, Izzy dropped to his knees, making quick work of Stede's breeches and pulling them down, revealing his cock to the open air. Considering the state of his shirt, Stede was practically naked.

    "What are you doing?!" Stede's voice came out an embarrassing squawk, but he didn't know how else to react, covering himself with his hands.

    Izzy quickly shoved his hands to the side, rolling his eyes. "You didn't kill us. I don't want to owe you anything."

    (Or: Stede Bonnet might have fucked Izzy Hands before meeting Blackbeard, but that didn't mean he really knew him. It didn't even mean Izzy liked him. As the two continue to fuck, Stede wonders what it would take to become the kind of person Izzy would respect. Stede's never filled any role well, son, father, gentleman, or pirate, but he'd like to fill the role of lover. His confusing feelings towards Ed don't help things, and it only gets more complicated when Ed realizes that Stede and Izzy have had sex.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,094
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    23
    Kudos:
    139
    Bookmarks:
    30
    Hits:
    909
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Lieutenant Stede Bonnet is a recent transfer to Deep Space 9 assigned to handle arrivals and departures for the massive station. No, it's not a punishment, thank you, he chose this posting. On purpose.

    When a particularly fascinating freighter captain comes across his comms frequency, Stede's life is changed forever. Will he do his duty as a Starfleet officer, or will love run away with his heart?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,651
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    36
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    177
  19. Tags
    Summary

    In this world, there is magic, there is adventure, there are dragons.
    These dragons are not born, they are made. The most infamous of dragons is one simply known as Blackbeard.

    What happens when a disenchanted Duke happens across one Edward Teach?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,851
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Kudos:
    23
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    343
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Stede Bonnet confronts a stranger regarding the outrageous volume of his band's music. What seems like a pair destined to be enemies eventually finds there is so much more.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    64,246
    Chapters:
    26/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    210
    Kudos:
    521
    Bookmarks:
    107
    Hits:
    13361

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