1 - 20 of 180 Works in Sassy Bilbo Baggins

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Thorin was at a loss. He was a monster slayer. A killer of all evil creatures who prey on humanity. Including vampires. Especially vampires. He hated vampires. He wouldn't be content until he eradicated every last one of the foul beings.

    So what in Mahal's name was he doing sitting here in a dusty armchair next to a cold hearth drinking tea (of all things!) with a (admittedly rather cute) vampire. The same vampire that he came to this old castle to kill.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    142,190
    Chapters:
    43/?
    Comments:
    383
    Kudos:
    843
    Bookmarks:
    158
    Hits:
    13946
  2. Tags
    Summary

    The Quest for Erebor has begun.

    Ro has spent ten years readying her heart and soul and mind for the next time she saw Fíli and Kíli. They, in turn, have done the same.

    As they travel, old hurts and ghosts of the past lurk in the shadows as forces around them begin to work against everything they are hoping to accomplish.

    Shall we see if the past repeats itself?

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    20,791
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Comments:
    215
    Kudos:
    273
    Bookmarks:
    80
    Hits:
    4392
  3. Tags
    Summary

    A bunch of ideas I had after reading too many Hobbit fanfics. Plus, if anyone wants to adopt one I don't mind.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,212
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Kudos:
    14
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    237
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Thorin has everything planned to give his gift to Bilbo Baggins; Master burglar of the company and his heart. He's ready and feels proud of his gift. Until somehow Fili and Kili manage to ask some questions that pushes him back into worrywart mode.

     

    Or Bilbo has more power in the Shire than the dwarves expected. Thorin's anxiety levels are at a high. Everyone is worried and Bilbo wants to relax.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,503
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    208
    Bookmarks:
    26
    Hits:
    2744
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Neither Gandalf nor the Dwarves were prepared for the Hobbit they found at Bag-End. Gandalf is ready to retire back to Valinor, Thorin's hair is graying at a more rapid pace then ever before, and Bilbo's tongue is sharper than any sword could ever hope to be.

    *Rating/Warnings/Tags may change as story progresses*

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,158
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    28
    Kudos:
    225
    Bookmarks:
    61
    Hits:
    2206
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Dwalin thought he knew fear. It took the quest for him to realize that he knew nothing.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,437
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Comments:
    35
    Kudos:
    132
    Bookmarks:
    33
    Hits:
    1304
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Bilbo Baggins is a cunning little hobbit. He loves to embarrass his fellow men at their expense, haze, tease and kidding.
    He does not mince matters.
    At a late evening, when he just wants to take his freshly prepared food out of the hot pan, there is an unexpected visit to his doormat and Bilbo feels a new feeling in the course of the evening.

    A kind of... self-consciousness.

     

    ▪Slow Burn
    "Everything is going to be fine in the end. If it's not fine it's not the end." 

     

    ▪This story contains Bilbo's whole journey from beginning to end with minor canon divergences such as choice of words, actions and feelings between certain characters based on Jackson's movies.

    ▪All rights are reserved by creator J. R. R. Tolkien & Peter Jackson

    German version via Wattpad

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    54,380
    Chapters:
    22/?
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    36
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    1510
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Look at me! I finally figured out my previous summary actually belonged in the notes! I guess you really can teach an old dog new tricks!

    So what happens when a hot and sweaty Bilbo needs a bit of cooling off?

    Thorin's got a solution.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    0
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    68
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    874
  9. Tags
    Summary

    When Gandalf walked up Bagshot Row one morning, Bilbo Baggins knew the mad wizard was trailing adventure and peril behind him as he usually did. What Bilbo didn't expect was to be handed off to a gaggle of thirteen Dwarves on a suicide mission to reclaim their mountain from a dragon half a world away.

    It's rather difficult to keep secrets when you're living in each other's pockets after all.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    160,823
    Chapters:
    20/?
    Comments:
    770
    Kudos:
    3225
    Bookmarks:
    1245
    Hits:
    72235
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Months after the Battle of the Five Armies, Thorin Oakenshield is in a secret relationship with Bilbo Baggins...that doesn't stay secret for long and must begin an official courtship. The dwarf king has faced much in his life but now finds himself more worried than ever.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    47,065
    Chapters:
    9/?
    Comments:
    83
    Kudos:
    200
    Bookmarks:
    55
    Hits:
    4671
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Fili, after the death of his parents, decides to start afresh and spend a year working at the charming Hobbiton Books on the California coast before he returns to Britain for university.

    Life, however, very rarely goes according to plan. Fili certainly did not intend to fall for Kili Durinson, a tattooed college student who threatened to tear down every wall Fili had meticulously built.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,365
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    48
    Kudos:
    121
    Bookmarks:
    14
    Hits:
    1086
  12. Tags
    Summary

    In a house, in the Shire, there lives a young Hobbit, Lady of the manor by day, thief by night. Well, until she retired.

    She had become respectable, if strange, but was perfectly content.

    Until her Godfather had to come along and ruin everything, bringing with him a merry band of Pirates!

    She wanted no part of it, no, thank you very much! But... Maybe she'd just... Listen to their story, and their Captain was rather nice...

    Oh, fine! She'd go, if only to save these sorry fools from themselves! And a dragon...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    24,858
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    78
    Bookmarks:
    27
    Hits:
    995
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Getting thrown through time is fun right? Getting thrown through time and ending up 30 years prior to when those blasted dwarrow show up on her doorstep should be wonderful no? It's not. It's really not. It's not like Bilbo has a choice though. She'll try her damned hardest to make everything end well. Even if it breaks her.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,832
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    203
    Bookmarks:
    58
    Hits:
    1814
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Bilbo and Thorin like to spice things up in their marriage. Missionary style vanilla is nice once in a while...but there is so much more out there. Thorin loves to play but hates to shop. Bilbo takes sadistic pleasure in dragging Thorin along to the shops, and it all goes downhill from there until they get home.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    347
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    46
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    650
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Dwalin and Bilbo begin a dance around one another that leads them closer into each other's orbit. Bilbo still fancies Thorin, and Dwalin is more than happy to orchestrate an encounter.
    Intersex Bilbo.
    And there's a lewd limerick.

    I've been working on this for nearly three years, so I don't suggest reading this if you want, like, resolution any time soon.
    Also, updates are likely to reorder chapters...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,900
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    31
    Kudos:
    102
    Bookmarks:
    27
    Hits:
    1781
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Billa Baggins had taken after her mother in more ways than one, though her perchance for adventure had certainly made her and outsider within the Shire. Dubbed Mad Baggins by the greater population of the Shire the 36-year-old Hobbit-lass was more than happy when Gandalf the Grey came a' knocking to spirit her away on a quest to take back the Home of Durin’s Folk from the Dragon Smaug. Through trials and tribulations, the Quest ended with Erebor retaken and Thorin Oakenshield Crowned King. As the rebuilding starts Billa is swept up in political intrigue and Assassination Attempts all while trying to keep her feelings for the younger prince a secret. Though when the subject of an arranged marriage crops up and Kíli comes running to her to fix it, what is a Hobbit-lass to do? Propose of course.

    Story starts from the beginning of the Quest for Eerebor, and continues on after the Battle of Five Armies.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    51,530
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    49
    Kudos:
    258
    Bookmarks:
    127
    Hits:
    3931
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Soulmate AU where after meeting your soulmate, your lives are linked/Soulmate AU where the closer you are to finding out who your soulmate is, the easier it is to talk to them telepathically.

    Thorin is wounded badly at the end of BotFA and Thranduil had always secretly known who his soulmate was, and he wouldn’t, couldn’t, lose another loved one.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,107
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    37
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    787
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Instead of meeting Tauriel, the company of Thorin Oakensheild meet Arden, an elf who has been cast out by his kin. after saving the dwarves lives, they return the favor after Bilbo pulls the injured and half drowned elf out of the river. Everything seems fine exept instead of Kili getting shot, Arden hides the fact that the arrow had found a different mark.

    this story basically is the gay version of what I wish happened in the movie (eccept with way more injury, pain, and basic angst)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    28,284
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    30
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    584
  19. Tags
    Summary

    His story was an odd sort of story, a story that needn’t be written down, but spoken by tongue and shared throughout the land. His story was one that he couldn’t express through song and dance, his story was something the world hadn’t yet heard, and though he often spoke stories of the dragons of old and how they were a blessed group he never told them his secret.

    Bilbo Baggins has a secret no one would expect, he isn't a Baggins at all. He is a Dragon, Arandur the Golden, the great Golden Drake of the Western sea. Last of the civilized dragons to roam Middle Earth.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,117
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    78
    Kudos:
    690
    Bookmarks:
    257
    Hits:
    14021
  20. Tags
    Summary

    A post-BOTFA Shire AU, encapsulating flour fights, water fights, sulking, a harp, and flower crowns. Oh – and, of course, a very oblivious pair of idiots.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    20,154
    Chapters:
    10/11
    Comments:
    106
    Kudos:
    162
    Bookmarks:
    30
    Hits:
    2368

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