1 - 20 of 89 Works in Sarcastic Harry Potter

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Harry se trouvais chez les Dursley pour les vacances de sa 5eme années lorsque les mangemort ont débarqué pour les enlever. Quelle sera la réaction de Voldemort lorsqu'il se rendra compte que Harry n'en a rien a faire de ce qui peut arriver au monde temps qu'il obtient sa propre vengeance, et peut ensuite partir en vacances.

    Language:
    Français
    Words:
    19,249
    Chapters:
    9/?
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    79
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    1439
  2. Tags
    Summary

    In Harry's very honest opinion, the town stinks worse than a mountain troll's sweaty armpit and the heretical hypocrisy of the local church clergy. And the less Harry thinks about the... Public execution square with its ten-foot-high stone platform and burning pole, the better for the continuity of this fucking place.

    The whole thing reminds him of the Magic Enclave of England, actually, even more so because the people of Gresit are just as bad as the good wizarding people of Harry's home world.

    And then Trevor takes him to where the Speakers were barricaded, and the Elder tells them the prophecy.

    A hunter and a scholar will awaken the Sleeping Soldier.

    He must have known there was a damn prophecy waiting for him somewhere, damn it.

    This better be worth it and Harry doesn't end up dying again, or else he and Death will have words.

    •••

    Or the one where Harry Potter – once again – dies, accepts a dubious proposal from Death, and causes absolute chaos in the golden age of vampires in Wallachia.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,669
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    37
    Bookmarks:
    14
    Hits:
    149
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Harry finds out there's a portrait of himself at the Ministry, and decides to pay himself a visit.

    Podfic of Harry, Meet Harry by TheFeistyRogue.
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    71
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Draco’s had his fair share of hexes during his time at Hogwarts. A bat bogey hex here. A tripping hex there. It’s all very commonplace. Yes, he’s very familiar with hexes. Curses are a completely different story.

    “What the fuck are you doing, Potter?”

    Harry feels the heat blooming against his palm, along the side of his fingers to the tips, and slowly it starts to burn. Malfoy lets out a strangled gasp and cradles his hand to his chest.

    Harry's very used to hexes and curses. He wonders, as he watches Malfoy's legs give out underneath him, how Malfoy's tolerance for them is.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    47,115
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Comments:
    52
    Kudos:
    238
    Bookmarks:
    46
    Hits:
    4754
  5. Tags
    Summary

    “Potter,” Minerva stated, blinking rapidly. She looked behind him, checking for more guests. “How can I help you?”

    Help. Harry’s shoulders sagged. Minerva had been one of the few to ask him that question, and have Harry believe she actually wanted the full answer.

    “Professor,” he said. He cleared his throat, wilting under Minerva’s hawkish stare. “Sorry, I know you’re Headmistress now. I can’t shake the habit. I, uh...” Harry rocked on his toes, back and forth. “I’ve been seeing therapists from the Ministry. But none of them are clicking. And you... You sent me a letter, recently, saying you’ve noticed your students seeing Thestrals.”

    --

    Sequel to "Your Answer". Harry is at his wit's end, trying to find a therapist that suits him. With some help from Minerva, he settles on the unassuming, hard-hitting Dr. Ashford--the same therapist, interestingly enough, Draco Malfoy visits.

    Brought together once more, Harry finds an unlikely companion in Draco, in between sessions. Draco, whose glare has softened. Draco, who no longer relies on his name to get by.

    Draco, who might know Harry's struggles a little better than Harry gives him credit for.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    22,519
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    112
    Bookmarks:
    30
    Hits:
    2373
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Harry is upset with Voldemort. Voldemort doesn't want to deal with it. Severus just got home from spending the last two weeks with the Order. He just wants a quiet week

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25,014
    Chapters:
    12/?
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    306
    Kudos:
    2136
    Bookmarks:
    427
    Hits:
    53891
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Preternatural: /ˌprēdərˈnaCH(ə)rəl/
    adjective
    1. out of the ordinary course of nature; exceptional or abnormal:
    (preternatural powers)
    2. suspended between the mundane and the miraculous
    "The term is often used to distinguish marvels or deceptive trickery, often attributed to witchcraft or demons, from purely divine power of genuinely supernatural origin that transcends the laws of nature"

    Harry Potter is the Savior of the Wizarding World-- he's the bringer of light, hope, and defeater of Voldemort. Harry Potter is a small, broken boy nourishing bruises in his cupboard under the stairs. When Harry grows up, not feeling hopeful towards something away from the Dursleys, but rather full of spite, and indignation, and the need to be something, and he goes to Hogwarts, he is not a Gryffindor. When Harry goes to Hogwarts as the "poor, crippled, helplessly overwhelmed Savior" and the hat shouts out Slytherin, all Harry shows is a calm face, but all he feels is a smile a mile wide. Harry Potter is preternatural.

    Or:
    Politically savvy, sassy, disabled Harry Potter navigating throughout Slytherin and slowly accumulating a cult following; with a heavy focus on house politics, of course.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    73,029
    Chapters:
    7/13
    Comments:
    45
    Kudos:
    344
    Bookmarks:
    132
    Hits:
    6738
  8. Tags
    Summary

    When Draco is sent a letter with instructions to follow to find the sender, he find himself in a world he could never dream of! Even weirder, it was right outside his school. Most likely the professors don't know...

    Only one person saw him leave, and that is none other that the great Harry Potter himself...

    But... That was only how it started(Sorry, no in between for now. maybe it will be out. just not now. you will know what happened during those years though). And now, its 5th year and Draco can do thing you wouldn't even imagine, knows people that shouldn't exist. He's grown, made friends with a dragon named Amica, and turns out, he has three siblings,all is explained, somehow, when a certain someone finds out about it all...

    [Takes place in 5th year]

    All rights reserved for the storyline and extra characters (obviously not the ones written by J.K. Rowling, but some changes were made to them as well though)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,186
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    14
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    369
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Just before the start of his fifth year, Harry Potter gets expelled for using underage magic in front of a muggle. Dumbledore, however, reinstates Harry, but as a formality, he has to get re-sorted. What nobody knew though, is that the sorting hat fully intended to get what it wanted this time, just like it wanted for Harry in his first year.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,038
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    112
    Bookmarks:
    14
    Hits:
    1715
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Harry is still reeling from his godfather's death when he stumbles his way into a friendship that challenges his ideals, reveals several long kept secrets, and could even turn the outcome of the war.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    36,941
    Chapters:
    14/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    67
    Kudos:
    731
    Bookmarks:
    224
    Hits:
    13803
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Voldie has Harry. How does that change things?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    55,363
    Chapters:
    14/?
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    610
    Kudos:
    3565
    Bookmarks:
    915
    Hits:
    118565
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Everyone knew Harry James Potter to be the Boy-Who-Lived. Except, of course, for the boy himself.
    But what if Harry started to ask questions?
    Questions like: Why am I constantly in danger? And: Who keeps putting me in bloody deathtraps?!

    Let's see the answers for ourselves, shall we?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    35,721
    Chapters:
    11/?
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    114
    Kudos:
    1015
    Bookmarks:
    277
    Hits:
    16201
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Harry knew he wasn’t he smartest. At least, academically. That title went to Hermione and likely multiple Ravenclaws.

    One thing he was good at, though, is strategy. After years of life-or-death situations and forbidden escapades, Harry was more than used to coming up with plans on the spot.

    There’s definitely a certain thrill that accompanies a half-assed plan. The danger, the adrenaline, the fight or flight instinct. It almost feels addicting.

    Harry would be the first one to admit that. He knew that adrenaline better than most.

    He also knew that half-assed plans weren’t worth the consequence of someone’s life. That adrenaline was exactly why Sirius died, and Harry wasn’t going to risk anyone else he loved. He would get better, get stronger. No one else would die if he had anything to say about it.

    or:
    harry is a little less trusting of adults, and also a sassy little shit who doesnt understand he can rely on his friends. join a more morally grey harry potter as him and his friends casually overthrow the wizarding world and start a revolution. oops?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    20,355
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    190
    Bookmarks:
    60
    Hits:
    2568
  14. Tags
    Summary

    You are the only Weasley that’s a Slytherin. Your parents and most of your siblings, minus Fred and George, ignore you because of it. Now, it’s your 5th year at Hogwarts and Ginny wants a favor out of you.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,910
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    106
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    1101
  15. Tags
    Summary

    The title says it all

    To those who didn't like the ending of Bleeding Love including myself

    I hope you enjoy this as much as I will

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,221
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    73
    Bookmarks:
    26
    Hits:
    2704
  16. Tags
    Summary

    One night, they decide to play Truth or Dare... and now they have to deal with the consequences. In other words, the fanfic where Harry calls Sirius 'Dad'.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,453
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    237
    Bookmarks:
    36
    Hits:
    1426
  17. Tags
    Summary

    𝐓𝐒𝐆 || Cuando el pequeño Harry Potter pisa Hogwarts es lo contrario a todo lo que habían esperado.

    Encantador por naturaleza, un prodigio y más importante. Un Slytherin.

    Bienvenido al Juego de Serpientes, que el mayor mentiroso gane.

    Language:
    Español
    Words:
    11,695
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Kudos:
    10
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    192
  18. Tags
    Summary

    𝐓𝐒𝐆 || When Harry Potter steps into Hogwarts it is the opposite of everything the wizarding world had hoped for.

    Charming by nature, a prodigy and most importantly. A Slytherin.

    Welcome to the Snake Game, may the biggest liar win.

     

     

    ━━━━━━━━
    Playlist of the story:
    https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0KihQLygegrFU058IvJdAc?si=H8FEggbZSQGaeQsHAnNSnA&dl_branch=1

     

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    39,732
    Chapters:
    11/?
    Comments:
    136
    Kudos:
    1098
    Bookmarks:
    235
    Hits:
    30113
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Over the summer Harry changed a lot.
    He’s no longer Dumbledore’s perfect golden boy.

    Set after fourth year
    No dementor attack

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,443
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    116
    Bookmarks:
    23
    Hits:
    2312
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Rated Mature for language.

    Harry Potter was raised in America by a man named John Winchester, but more so by a man named Bobby Singer. One day, he got a letter from one Minerva McGonagall.

    Cue a Harry with more sense than to trust a meddling old fool.

     

    Cho Chang's name will henceforth be Elaine Cho-Chang, because I think Elaine is a really nice name.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,320
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    93
    Bookmarks:
    33
    Hits:
    1110

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