18 Works in Sarcastic Harry Potter

Listing Works

  1. Tags
    Summary

    "But why us? Why now?"

    "It's just like the Sorting Hat said, Harry. The houses must unite and I think us, the founders, coming back means that the Houses have to unite once more or-"

    "Hogwarts will crumble from within." Padma nodded. "Exactly. So whoever is Slytherin and Hufflepuff, we'll be needing them on our side to somehow unite the houses."

    "You know this is madness right? People won't believe that we're somehow the reincarnated founders of Hogwarts without them sending us to an asylum?"

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    23,172
    Chapters:
    11/20
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    87
    Bookmarks:
    22
    Hits:
    2000
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Voldemort felt a flicker of surprise when the Potter child looked upon him with curiosity instead of fear. Surely his crimson-eyed visage would frighten the boy. However, the child remained unperturbed, and for a fleeting moment the Dark Lord almost hesitated.


    Harry Potter was a Beauxbatons prodigy, raised by a proper pair of guardians and mentored by Death himself.

    He also grew up rather fascinated by a certain Dark Lord. And how could he not have been? For, Harry's mind, fate, and soul were linked to Voldemort's in more ways than one.

    Collision was inevitable from the beginning.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,064
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    336
    Kudos:
    825
    Bookmarks:
    265
    Hits:
    9862
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Harry had no choice but to run. When everyone in the world knew your name, where can you go? With help from unlikely allies, Harry and his adopted werewolf son end up in the past with the country on the brink of war. Finding themselves in the middle of a pack's territory with a very familiar Alpha, Harry will have to try and stop their newfound family from going into ruin. Can he protect his new pack when his heart is on the line?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,588
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    220
    Bookmarks:
    71
    Hits:
    2765
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Harry left the Wizarding world behind. His intention to return, never. However, two years after the war, a Hogwarts owl with a letter clutched in its beak finds Harry in Barcelona's Magical Institute.

    In it explained, that Hogwarts is ready to open it's doors, with a new plan for students who want to finish their education.
    Apprehensive, Harry accepts but soon learns that Hogwarts, under Headmistress McGonagall, is nothing like the Hogwarts he once knew.

    Harry and the other eight years adjust to their new houses, question a pet dragon called Mushu, and wonder when did McGonagall become so positively Slytherin?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,875
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    48
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    708
  5. Tags
    Summary

    A surprise for everyone: THE Harry Potter (Savior of the Wizarding World, Boy-Who-Lived, yada yada yada) was sorted into Hufflepuff. The audacity of that Sorting Hat! The entire world filled with witches and wizards had demanded a resort! Well, the ones in Britain did. Especially those that went to Hogwarts themselves, sorted into the best house: Slyth-- GRYFFINDOR!

    Harry Potter, a poor boy left to defend himself from the wilds of crazy people expecting too much from him, is left to show the world how dangerous it is to poke a badger.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,953
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Comments:
    39
    Kudos:
    387
    Bookmarks:
    74
    Hits:
    6695
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Hermione and Ron are going back to Hogwarts to do N.E.W.T.s, Ginny isn't. Harry hasn't decided, until he has, in front of the Wizengamot and now he's responsible for Malfoy as well. A tale of enemies who learn to get along, get it wrong and get it on. Everything is purple, some things are on fire and no-one is sleeping properly. But don't worry, there's tea!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    85,073
    Chapters:
    16/16
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    664
    Kudos:
    1828
    Bookmarks:
    440
    Hits:
    17604
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Uncle Vernon had been off to the dentist's for quite a while that morning. When he comes back, the family is eager to learn about the new dentist. According to Uncle Vernon, they are a perfectly normal couple, but for some reason Harry can't stop laughing.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    963
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    83
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    855
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Nothing ever changes, nothing except him. The ancient halls, he can almost hear the footsteps and laughter of students from years passed walking through them.

    However long ago that time was...

    He wouldn't know, that was a past he was trying to piece together. Why has he been alone all his life and raised by an empty castle that looks like a war hit it? Why does the castle seem to be in a stasis while he continues to grow? Why do all the newspapers talk of a Dark Lord? And who is the man, the first man, to enter his unchanging world of questions and seems to hold all the answers?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,161
    Chapters:
    21/?
    Comments:
    77
    Kudos:
    396
    Bookmarks:
    99
    Hits:
    7985
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Harry likes to chase and Malfoy, it seems, likes to be chased.

    “You know, Potter,” Draco said, and Harry gritted his teeth as he felt Draco’s breath near his ear. He was going to catch the bastard and tie him up in these very ropes that Harry just couldn’t seem to get out of. He froze as he felt Malfoy pulling at his ropes, bringing him to his knees. “Ever since we shared a drunken kiss in that isolated alleyway, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”
    Draco’s fingers curled beneath Harry’s chin, tilting it upwards so that Harry could see him better. Harry’s hands still wouldn’t come free. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Harry muttered resolutely and looked away to the side.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,376
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    40
    Kudos:
    150
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    2983
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Harry was just enjoying the concept of a sabbatical. A little bit of time off, connect with Defense Masters, learn some new tactics, and enjoying other countries.
    He did not intend on tripping head first into the Mafia. Which apparently has Rainbow Flames.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,269
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    36
    Kudos:
    415
    Bookmarks:
    152
    Hits:
    5807
  11. Tags
    Summary

    You don't have to tell Harry Potter about wounds. He's seen them all: new ones, scars, festering and infected, and the ones that heal jagged. But look: he's either The-Boy-Who-Lived or The-Boy-Who-Can't-Manage-To-Die.

    Ask anyone who knows him and they'll give you a very interesting answer.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    46,543
    Chapters:
    9/?
    Comments:
    88
    Kudos:
    318
    Bookmarks:
    90
    Hits:
    11151
  12. Tags
    Summary

    "This article is intended as a commentary and companion to Newt Scamander's 'Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them', annotating a selection of the entries contained therein. Personal experience has shown me that amateurs attempting to work with such creatures are often lacking in common sense and require more specific instructions." As written by Harry Potter.

    Harry reflects on the many creatures he has encountered over his years at Hogwarts, most of them outside of the official class...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,666
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    46
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    664
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Harry realizes just how unhelpful Dumbledore is at the end of his Third-Year and comes to remember a quote, "If you want something done right - Do it yourself." (Previously having a long ass title.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    23,431
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    23
    Kudos:
    190
    Bookmarks:
    45
    Hits:
    5713
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Raised in an orphanage near Mt. Ebott, Potter twins Francesca and Hadrian are complete opposites; Ches is popular, reckless and fiercely loyal, while Harry is...just Harry.

    At the age of ten, a single dare leads Ches and Harry on a fool-hardy trek up Mt. Ebott during a thunderstorm. As Fate would have it, the two - naturally - fall into Mt. Ebott and journey their way through a hidden world where flowers are evil, monsters are (mostly) good, LOVE is bad, and determination can be wielded as a weapon.

    Armed with their own form of love, can the dysfunctional Potter twins find a way to break the barrier without loosing their Souls, and perhaps gain a few (more than) friends in the progress?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,905
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    22
    Kudos:
    143
    Bookmarks:
    32
    Hits:
    1716
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Where Plotbunnies go to *die!*

    (Kidding!)

    Just a place for me to post plotbunnies, fic outlines, story excerpts, bits of dialogue, pieces of narration, or random chapters to go with plot bunnies that I haven't worked on otherwise.

    Most are HP fandom, some are Merlin, and a lot are x-overs with HP - Merlin, LotR, Avengers, Sherlock, Supernatural; even a couple of Percy Jackson, Doctor Who, a True Blood a 1/2 Prince, and some multi-fandoms. There are also a few that have elements of other, non-crossover fandoms not listed; such as the Star Trek universe, the Star Wars universe, or the Stargate Universe.

    Mostly slash or gen, and most (if not all) het pairings are genderbenders.

    ***Please remember that the tags encompass ALL of the plotbunnies I will be posting; they do not all reference the same fic.***

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,452
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    48
    Bookmarks:
    31
    Hits:
    9126
  16. Tags
    Summary

    During fourth year both of Harry's best friends abandon him to prepare for a life-threatening tournament by himself, because they don't believe him about not putting his name in the goblet, and during his studies Harry comes across some fascinating information that changes everything. Everyone better watch out because Harry Potter isn't going to sit back and be a perfect little light wizard. These days he's feeling a bit... well... wicked.

    Adopted By VultureLovesong

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,782
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    69
    Kudos:
    972
    Bookmarks:
    237
    Hits:
    13881
  17. Tags
    Summary

    God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages. -Jacques Deval

    Harry's summer before fourth year brings forth a lot of change, in him and everyone around him. He heads back with a new attitude, only to find himself in a sticky situation with a deadly tournament, detention with his least favorite teacher for the end of all time, and a prank war that has gone far to out of hand to be stopped. Oh well, at least he's got amazing friends. There really never is a dull moment in the life of out fave three and their companions.

    (Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. J. K. Rowling does. If I did own Harry Potter, it probably would not have turned out nearly as awesome, so I suppose you should all be damn grateful I Don't own The Harry Potter Saga. No Money is being made. Entertainment values only. Thank you Dearies! ~ P. G. "Red" Wolfe)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,866
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    33
    Kudos:
    554
    Bookmarks:
    124
    Hits:
    6435
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Harry Potter is abruptly thrown into a different world upon receiving his letter from Hogwarts. Danger stalks him at every turn, light and dark are locked in a constant, eternal battle, and weaving it all together is this substance called magic...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    104,791
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Comments:
    142
    Kudos:
    1725
    Bookmarks:
    704
    Hits:
    27613

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