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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Dave would be more bothered about being woken up to an angry mother if she wasn't so hot. The sooner they can get their kids sorted out, the sooner they can ... flirt awkwardly and do nothing about it probably.
    (eventual smut I promise)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,012
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    38
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    259
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Follow along an Egbert who never opened the pandora's box of Sburb, and instead lived his life as normally as one possibly could. See to our intrepid protagonist as he faces the difficulties of alcoholism, existential crises, and an impending Alternian invasion! Find John Egbert searching for answers about his past and the choices he 'could' have made in an alternate life.

    A choice he was given 20 years ago, on his 13th birthday.

    Face off against a cast of well-beloved characters, now older and wiser but also just trying to fit into a society that puts them on a much lower standing than their alternative god-hood counterparts.

    If you like long-winded paragraphs of semi flow of consciousness 3rd person-limited narration surrounding the life of John Egbert and his soon-to-be friends, I highly recommend you read this.

    MAJOR NOTE: The beginning chapters are a bit slow and unimpactful. They serve to give a sense as to what John has become through his years of adulthood. It gets much wilder the longer you read!

    Author's note:
    I'll be adding more character tags as they come up in later chapters.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,857
    Chapters:
    8/?
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    104
  3. Tags
    Summary

    The world as you knew it went to shit. Humans enslaved Trolls, and those who fought for peace were killed as an example.

    You work as a CNA in your town's hospital, and were on your way home when some assmunch beats on one of the smaller guys. You step in and ultimately seal your fate.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,472
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    46
    Kudos:
    163
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    1824
  4. Tags
    Summary

    TT: Dave’s guardian is absent and someone has to fill the role. For now, you’re the only one who can. Even if you’re unqualified.
    TG: fuck you you’re less qualified than me
    TT: False. Either way, you need to be on good terms with him. I’m not saying you have to be “best bros”, but pulling a sword on him when all he’s doing is breathing is unacceptable.
    TT: In other words, sort your shit out, Strider.
    TG: yeah okay but also fuck you
    TT: I love you too, brother mine.

    ————

    Or, the post-sburb AU where the kids have won and everyone tries to get their shit together in 2009.

    Alpha Dave tries to get the whole parenting thing down. The beta kids mourn the loss of their extraterrestrial friends. The alpha kids try to mend broken relationships. Davesprite’s identity issues are turned on their head when he has to facedown Davepeta. Davepeta is unbelievably stressed (and no one notices, which surprises absolutely no one).

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,410
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    48
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    335
  5. Tags
    Summary

    The end of the world is bad enough on its own. But when you've been barely treading water for as long as you can remember, when your whole ass life has seemed to take place through a pane of frosted glass, when you've just fucked up the only damn thing that ever seemed good or real in your entire existence, then... well. End of the world might just make a guy think it's time to take a plunge and let oblivion do its worst. Gotta be better than this, right?

    Unless the most unexpected person imaginable catches you before you hit the ground.

    Hi, I'm Dave and this is the story of how I found hope in the wilderness because a cosmic semisentience took pity on me or I guess had plans for me or something. Unclear at this point. anyway here's wonderwall.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    20,560
    Chapters:
    6/60
    Comments:
    31
    Kudos:
    75
    Bookmarks:
    27
    Hits:
    905
  6. Tags
    Summary

    They won the game, but it was only the beginning. Something went wrong (or maybe it was planned all along). Now six gods are stuck on Earth, memories of the battles and deaths still fresh in their mind as they try to find some way back. None of their friends seem to remember, and as old enemies reappear, the goal of leaving this new game grows further and further out of reach.

    Unknown to our band of heroes, The Alternate Game isn't leaving them entirely alone.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    46,872
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    48
    Kudos:
    150
    Bookmarks:
    24
    Hits:
    1501
  7. Tags
    Summary

    A Some Like It Hot AU. That says a lot if you know the movie (knowing is recommended): Jake accidentally witnesses a murder and escapes in a disguise with an (almost) all-female band.
    Drawn for a contest as a part of Dirk/Jake team.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    0
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    21
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    124
  8. Tags
    Summary

    You buy the house when you find her. // You buy the house when you realize you'll never find her.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,684
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    28
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    88
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Your name is DAVE STRIDER and this guy just said the words on your thigh.

    (So, in this Soulmate AU you have a phrase that appears usually from 5th to 8th grade. This phrase is the first words your soulmate says to you. Most of the time your soulmate will have moved to your town or you'd see them when it appears. When you first get it, it feels getting a tattoo. When you eventually find you're soulmate the mark will burn, softly but it will still hurt a bit. If at any point in time your soulmate dies before you, your mark will be crossed out. It will feel like a knife slowly dragging across each word. For a year after that if you look at anyone you might be even remotely attracted to. Your mark will burn and sting. After maybe 2-3 years that pain will be gone, and you will be "free" to date. It will not work out, however. If they find their soulmate you'll be left alone. But if someone else who has gone through the pain of losing a soulmate then it may work out. Now, this is my AU there are many like it but this one is mine. You can use the idea of it just credit me -AD)

    Hiatus

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,380
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    36
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    622
  10. Tags
    Summary

    -- Done To The Lyrics Of: I Was Made For Loving You-Maria Mena (Cover) --

    Grandpa Harley has passed and John wants out of the house. Thank fuck that old man left him the beach house in the will (Much to Jade’s anger) and he takes this as an opportunity to start his own life even if it is a ten-hour flight away from home. John starts to get comfortable with the island life. He can understand why Jade would come here every summer. All the stories of hunting crazy animals and spooky things that lurked. He can see how this place builds that kind of creativity in the mind. Not that he ever believed in any of that bullshit. That is...until he meets a certain someone that lives in the ocean that likes to visit the docks by the house and John begins to grow fond of them.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,427
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    1053
  11. Tags
    Summary

    -- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 23:58 --

    TG: yo dirk
    TG: bruh
    TG: dude are you home

    Your name is Dirk Strider and you are watching television on the sofa in your living room. It’s ass o’clock on your birthday that is coming to an end and Dave is asking you if you are home. Fucking weirdo. You decide to tell the truth because honestly, why does it matter if you are or not? You live about two thousand miles away from Dave in your trusty little home in San Francisco, California and he lives in Houston. Texas.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,500
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    44
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    397
  12. Tags
    Summary

    tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

    TT: Have we had the time to properly discuss methods of Classical Conditioning and associative stimuli in the realm of potty training?

    turntechGodhead [TG] blocked tentacleTherapist [TT]

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,759
    Chapters:
    3/7
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    36
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    288
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Look Joey I’m not going to spoil my surprise for you here.
    You aren’t quite ready yet, but I will say this.
    Even though we are not connected by blood, I see a lot of potential in you.
    We will meet again soon
    Though you may not be “you” exactly.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,511
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    17
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    141
  14. Tags
    Summary

    The Game is over and done with. It’s time to head out to the new universe and start again. It’s time to go forward.

    You should have known better though.

    Even if you leave the game it will always be with you.

    ————————————

    Earth C isn’t what anyone expected. And now with the kids adjusting to a new life, the Games remnants coming to haunt them, and a ridiculous amount of mystery surrounding the nature of the world they have created, will they be prepared for the next step?

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    26,629
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Comments:
    39
    Kudos:
    97
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    1075
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Karkat shuffles to the door. Normally, he’d be suspicious of any visitors, but since he moved after Crabdad died, the only one who knows where he lives is his moirail, Kanaya, so he isn’t particularly suspicious.
    Except he should have been, as Karkat Vantas opens the door to greet her Imperial Condescension.
    Karkat really sometimes regrets being a leader, but someone has to do it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    107,931
    Chapters:
    115/115
    Comments:
    263
    Kudos:
    220
    Bookmarks:
    23
    Hits:
    4315
  16. Tags
    Summary

    There's a thousand versions of them, and in each story they are holding hands.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,662
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    24
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    152
  17. Tags
    Summary

    He’s not aware of all that’s been long since lost to the Atlantic blue, but he knows that, were there to be a city down there still, no one looking up would be able to find him here. The pulse of it wouldn’t ever sleep and neither would he. Trains departing every five minutes and airplanes leaving streaks across the night sky; the murmur of city sounds and cold neon light swells into a symphony of white noise - it was like a distant memory that was not his, and yet it was, in some way. But he was alone, high up above that atmosphere of energy that lingered, two last breaths dragging four hundred years into the past, and he could disappear, hide from the world or what was left of it, by closing his eyes.

    The first chapter in a series of Homestuck fanfics inspired by lyrics from the 2007 Owl City album Of June.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,353
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    1
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    52
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Joe Egbert wakes up having been dragged into more shenanigans. Dave Strider just wakes up, period.

    And then there are kids. Somehow, they'll figure it out.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    57,689
    Chapters:
    10/?
    Comments:
    116
    Kudos:
    209
    Bookmarks:
    23
    Hits:
    5654
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Witches are wild, man. Witches are wild and you really wish this particular witch hadn't paired up with a werewolf to make your life perfectly miserable for a night.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,292
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    10
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    98
  20. Tags
    Summary

    it all started with a joke, about how much money pornstars make and what each other's porn star names would be. All until Roxy and Jane reminded him how much his textbooks would cost, then it started sounding like an option. Dirk Strider could not believe he was signing up for an live streaming service for cam girls. un fucking real.

    or: the college/camboy au that literally no one asked for

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,439
    Chapters:
    8/?
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    88
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    1316

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