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  1. Tags
    Summary

    A series of episode-adjacent loosely connected moments chronicling the ups and downs and erections of one Arnold J. Rimmer, BSc., Ssc.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,962
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    10
    Hits:
    74
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Based on a Twitter conversation I had online on how Rimmer and a probably immortal Brittas could have met one another.

    Post-"The Beginning", Rimmer discovers that his ancestor used to be a Lord (read: a member of The House of Lords). It's all fun and games until he finds this very ancestor, an obnoxious cyborg named Gordon Brittas, annoying a GELF colony planet.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,777
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    5
    Hits:
    52
  3. Tags
    Summary

    The whole crew are in shock after Rimmer is killed in a horrible freak vending machine accident. But as Lister struggles to come to terms with the tragedy, he begins to hear a familiar voice calling to him at night. Is he being haunted by the Phantom of his bunkmate? Or is something altogether stranger - and stupider - going on?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,229
    Chapters:
    10/?
    Comments:
    52
    Kudos:
    21
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    321
  4. Tags
    Summary

    A severe viral infection means Rimmer’s vocal subroutines must be decommissioned for a twenty-four hour diagnostic period. For Rimmer, he might as well have been told he was dying.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,102
    Chapters:
    8/?
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    25
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    446
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Rimmer is once again torturing himself over an upcoming exam. Lister tries to help and suggests Rimmer might be happier concentrating on something else. Can Lister convince him to give something new a try?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,444
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    3
    Hits:
    29
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Lister is pregnant. Rimmer is annoyed by how much he likes that.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,455
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    7
    Hits:
    96
  7. Tags
    Summary

    “Kryten,” he said, voice slow and deliberate, “why is there a monster made of ramen noodles trying to eat us?”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    402
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    4
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    15
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Lister sees a bleak future for himself

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    877
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    11
    Hits:
    44
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Poise. Elegance. Sophistication. Flair. A certain additional je-ne-sais-quoi that marries all the other four with a handful of glitter—these are the things that make a man. No, not a man, nor a God… a male figure skater. For Arnold Rimmer, these are a given.

    One day, he is going to be a star.

    One day, sooner than anyone would—

    That’s when Lister hits him with the Zamboni.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    133,594
    Chapters:
    12/18
    Comments:
    127
    Kudos:
    92
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    1842
  10. Tags
    Summary

    An attempt to spice up board game night results in a bet, with the loser agreeing to do anything the winner wishes. Lister knew he was going to lose, and that's why he came up with a bet where win or lose, he'd still get to enjoy the results.

    Can be read alone or as part of the series.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,061
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    10
    Hits:
    91
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Written for "100 words of arguing with your god(s)".

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    100
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Kudos:
    7
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    21
  12. Tags
    Summary

    In the "Back To Reality" hallucination, the carpark confrontation with the cop goes differently.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,910
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    9
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    69
  13. Tags
    Summary

    March the sixteenth, seven thirty one PM to seven forty three PM.
    Twelve minutes. And that includes the time it took to eat the pizza.
    Rimmer's single, brief liason with the ship's female boxing champion.
    But Arnold desn't know that the path to this moment had been subtly laid out twelve long years ago.

    ... What about Norman? Or Normans?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,619
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    3
    Hits:
    65
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Lister and Rimmer’s relationship has changed irreversibly since their moment of zero-gravity passion in the storage cupboard. Rimmer is longing for round two, and Lister has to virtually drag that information out of him.

    Can be read alone or as part of the series.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,075
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    10
    Hits:
    93
  15. Tags
    Summary

    After the events following Lister discovering Rimmer's secret crush on him, Lister thought they had put all that behind them. But then he has a weird dream about Rimmer that gets him thinking. And if that isn't bad enough, the artificial gravity is on the blink.

    Can be read alone or as part of the series.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,942
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    26
    Kudos:
    27
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    255
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Filth. Complete and utter filth.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,240
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    11
    Hits:
    79
  17. Tags
    Summary

    "And [Rimmer] attacked me with that fridge… He just wrenched it off the wall and tried to insert it
    in me."

    A tense scuffle in Starbug's kitchen turns into something else.

    The fridge wasn't the only thing Rimmer contemplated inserting into Lister.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    864
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    16
    Hits:
    101
  18. Tags
    Summary

    The Kree have gone forward in time to invade Red Dwarf, so Captain Marvel and Ms Marvel arrive on the ship first, so that they can make a battle plan with the Red Dwarf crew.

    Unfortunately, Captain Marvel's drinking problem gets in the way, and she gets very drunk.

    Will Ms Marvel and the Red Dwarf crew be able to sober Captain Marvel up, in time to fight the Kree?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,184
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Kudos:
    104
    Hits:
    98
  19. Tags
    Summary

    After three million years, the hologram personality disks are reaching the end of their life and need to be copied onto new media. Unfortunately Holly's verification circuits got frazzled so that task falls to the crew, and Rimmer is faced with the very real possibility that Lister might discover his darkest secret.

    Can be read alone or as part of the series.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,263
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    22
    Kudos:
    35
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    244
  20. Tags
    Summary

    It’s Sam’s birthday, and Rimmer has a real treat up his sleeve for her. That’s if they can deal with the strange green entity thats currently roaming the ventilation shafts and making rude noises.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,277
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    3
    Hits:
    74

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