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  1. Tags
    Summary

    This is what David's life has been reduced to: trying to revive the fortunes of the Schittsville Bee, a small-city newspaper that is all that is left of the once-mighty Rose News Group.

    When he stumbles on a big story, it only makes sense to swallow his pride and contact his ex-lover, big-time reporter Patrick Brewer, to get some advice.

    The last thing he expects is for said ex-lover to turn up on his doorstep.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,930
    Chapters:
    1/8
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    61
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    360
  2. Tags
    Summary

    What if Moira is the one who is pregnant in Season 4 Episode 2?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    51,834
    Chapters:
    181/200
    Comments:
    614
    Kudos:
    51
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    6752
  3. Tags
    Summary

    They say we're all starring in the movie of our own lives. This is Patrick's movie. A canon retelling of season three from Patrick's point of view.

    **Update** I've decided to keep going after season three and I wanted to make it all a bit more manageable to read, so I'm going to make it into a series. The First Person title will apply to the whole series now instead of just Patrick's journey through season three. This part has a new title, which I borrowed from the lyrics to "The Best," of course.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    20,735
    Chapters:
    23/23
    Comments:
    126
    Kudos:
    169
    Bookmarks:
    18
    Hits:
    4920
  4. Tags
    Summary

    I didn’t sleep much the night before Rose Apothecary’s big debut. My mind kept going in crazy, swooping circles. I was excited, scared, happy and nervous all at the same time. So I lay in bed staring up at the ceiling, making mental lists. My nearest and dearest have teased me about this habit, but it does help. First up was:

    Things That Could Go Horribly Wrong Tomorrow:

    1. No one will show up.
    2. Hardly anyone would will show up.
    3. People will come, but no one will buy anything.
    4. David will freak out.

    A first person exploration of Mr. Brewer, being all Patricky and worrying about the store opening, his past and REALLY mooning over David. And who can blame him?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,327
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    30
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    490
  5. Tags
    Summary

    “Can you give me anything else here? Who is he? Why is he unhappy?”

    “David Rose. And I’ll let you figure that out. Let’s just say he’s very protective of his brand and how it’s marketed.”

    “Ah, a client who thinks he’s in advertising - creative is going to love that.”

    “Well, getting to see him and Ray go back and forth during a presentation might be worth the headache. I may even stop by to watch.”

    “Is this your best pitch?”

    “It’s not a pitch, it’s a favor. You don’t have to call him.”

    Patrick shrugged. “You know I like a challenge.”

    *** 

    The Mad Men-inspired AU no one asked for

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    41,645
    Chapters:
    13/13
    Comments:
    120
    Kudos:
    158
    Bookmarks:
    28
    Hits:
    2772
  6. Tags
    Summary

    That’s it. He felt helpless, in a place he built from the ground up. In a place he has invested so much of his time. He felt scared, and alone, and helpless.

    “Yeah,” he finds himself muttering. “How can I stop that?”

    “The feeling of helplessness?” Twyla asks, seeming surprised that David is engaging in conversation with her, when he’s usually keeling over with exhaustion at this time of morning. “I’m not sure if it’s exactly what you’re looking for, but I do run a self-defence class. It used to be in Mutt’s barn, but since he’s not there anymore we now hold it in Ray’s front room.”

    OR, David and Patrick meet for the first time after the robbery, at Twyla's self-defense class!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,781
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    35
    Kudos:
    156
    Bookmarks:
    12
    Hits:
    643
  7. Tags
    Summary

    After losing everything, David Rose moves back to NYC. He reunites with an ex, but they quickly break up. Sick of relationships and desperate to prove his worth, David enrolls at NYU and moves in with Stevie Budd, a disillusioned actress. When David realizes he's failing his classes, he reluctantly seeks out a tutor.

    Enter Patrick, who just moved here from Ontario.

    Will David risk falling in love? Will Patrick reveal his troubled past?

    Told in alternating David/Patrick POVs.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    68,609
    Chapters:
    19/36
    Comments:
    86
    Kudos:
    114
    Bookmarks:
    37
    Hits:
    2694
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Patrick clambers up the stairs before reaching daylight again. It’s joy—pure joy, and excitement, and opportunity, and he can't help basking in it; surrounded by the roaring cheers of hundreds of people from every walk of life waving goodbye to the spectators out on the dock...and one remarkably well dressed man who looked absolutely miserable.

    Five days on the RMS Titanic, where Patrick Brewer, looking for a fresh start, meets David Rose, and everything changes.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    82,324
    Chapters:
    15/18
    Comments:
    167
    Kudos:
    119
    Bookmarks:
    27
    Hits:
    3444
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Fanart: A collection of flyers spotted around town in Schitt's Creek.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    0
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Comments:
    193
    Kudos:
    202
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    2592
  10. Tags
    Summary

    After losing everything, the Roses are forced to move to their only remaining asset, the town of Schitt's Creek. Also, the town is on the Hellmouth, and Alexis is the Slayer.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,139
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    24
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    146
  11. Tags
    Summary

    “Okay, if we’re going to do this, we need to set up some ground rules.” David had just turned the store’s sign to closed as Patrick began to deal with the cash register. At David’s declaration, he looked up, confused.

    “Hate to break it to you David, but we’ve been running this store together for a while now. It may be a bit late to retroactively lay out a bunch of rules.”

    David rolled his eyes and made his way to stand opposite Patrick, the counter between them. “I meant our whole fake dating thing. For the apartment discount.”

    Or the fake dating/roommates/mutual pining fic no one asked for, but I wrote anyway.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,587
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    28
    Kudos:
    145
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    954
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Patrick does some soul searching after his latest breakup with Rachel and takes an impromptu trip to New York City. David works in NYC as an escort after fleeing Schitt's Creek when the town sale falls through, and takes on a client who has just realized he is gay.

    Set in an alternate post-season 1, but of course the timeline is nonsense. POV changes are marked using ~ within chapters.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    34,567
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    130
    Kudos:
    175
    Bookmarks:
    27
    Hits:
    1298
  13. Tags
    Summary

    “Well, it’s settled. Dirty Dancing it is.” David puts the disc in the player as Patrick fiddles with the remote to get it started.

    David sits back in the same spot on the couch and picks up his wine glass. He can’t stop stealing glances at Patrick as the movie starts and they eat their pizza. He cares whether Patrick likes the movie, he’s surprised to find. And he can’t stop thinking about what Stevie said. Was this really supposed to be a date?


    What if David and Patrick's first date was on Valentine's Day?

    [Podfic of Never Felt This Way Before written by schittposting]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    31
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    16
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    175
  14. Tags
    Summary

    “So.”
    There’s a pause. Birds sing in the tree above the car.
    Ray shuffles where he sits, wincing when the car creaks lowly underneath him.
    “…So?”
    Sat on the hood with his feet planted and knees bent, Patrick shrugs. “I don’t know, really. I was kind of expecting you to have something to say.”
    “Like what?”
    “A question, maybe? Or ten?”
    “I think it sort of speaks for itself,” Ray says eventually. “It’s perfect.”

     

    David and Stevie weren't the first ones to sit in front of the cottage on the hood of a car.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,695
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    24
    Kudos:
    131
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    505
  15. Tags
    Summary

    David thinks Patrick Brewer, junior captain of the Schitt's Creek University baseball team, is cocky and obnoxious. Patrick thinks David Rose, son of the university's president, is stuck-up and aloof. But all of their friends can see they're in love with each other, and hatch a plot to make them fall for each other.

    First-year Alexis has her eye on senior baseball team captain Ted Mullins. But their budding romance is put into question when Ted thinks he sees Alexis kissing someone else. Chaos ensues.

    -----

    A retelling of Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,005
    Chapters:
    8/24
    Comments:
    20
    Kudos:
    44
    Bookmarks:
    12
    Hits:
    1304
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Ronnie is blinking at him like David just announced he wants to take tap lessons so he can headline a revival of 42nd Street.

    “Patrick Brewer,” she drawls, eyebrow raised in what might be respect. Incredulity, but respect. “David, when I said you needed a name to get your next project off the ground, I didn’t expect you to point to the cover of People Magazine and say, ‘ah yes, him.”

    “Excuse you, it was Vanity Fair.”

    Or, a music superstar and a disgraced theatre director try to find common ground in the state of Denmark.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    31,107
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    140
    Kudos:
    111
    Bookmarks:
    32
    Hits:
    1055
  17. Tags
    Summary

    When the Rose family loses it all because of a greedy business partner, they end up in a secluded community surrounded by forest.

    David becomes enamored with a mysterious stranger who has amber eyes and pale, ice cold skin.

    aka the Twilight/Midnight Sun AU no one asked for ❤️

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    43,431
    Chapters:
    9/?
    Comments:
    54
    Kudos:
    57
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    1523
  18. Tags
    Summary

    "There were people there that made me feel like I had never seen another human before. They made me feel like I had never lived. I had seen alcohol, but never crystalline fountains of sun and bubbles that slosh through your very veins and heart, cresting like a halo through my better judgement, a single glass more expensive than my Yale tuition. I had seen girls, but never these wandering, opal beauties that came and went like moths, fluttering and twinkling with an arresting confidence that made me believe every word they said. I had seen men, but never…never David Rose."

     

    A Great Gatsby AU.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,271
    Chapters:
    4/9
    Comments:
    59
    Kudos:
    63
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    929
  19. Tags
    Summary

    David has often wished, at first seriously and then more cynically as he grew older, that his life was a rom com. It takes longer than he'd like, frankly, but the universe calls his bluff.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,683
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    52
    Kudos:
    114
    Bookmarks:
    25
    Hits:
    1057
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Patrick Brewer is lost. He's lost in his relationship with Rachel, he's lost in himself. So, finding a magical ring box, and a genie that will grant his heart's wishes should be a dream come true.

    Except David turns out to be a little more than just that.

    OR, the Genie/Fairy Godmother!David fic nobody asked for ✨

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    26,666
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    77
    Kudos:
    133
    Bookmarks:
    29
    Hits:
    944

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