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  Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality by Less Wrong

  Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling

  This work isn't hosted on the Archive so this blurb might not be complete or accurate.

  • Not Rated
  • Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
  • Gen
  • External Work

  08 Jun 2022

  Tags

  Summary

  Petunia married a biochemist, and Harry grew up reading science and science fiction. Then came the Hogwarts letter, and a world of intriguing new possibilities to exploit. And new friends, like Hermione Granger, and Professor McGonagall, and Professor Quirrell...

  Bookmarks:

  1

  Bookmarked by FireladyMalfoy

  08 Jun 2022

  Bookmarker's Tags:

  • Hogwarts
  • Humor
  • Plotting
  • "especially when I learned what her magic brought her in the end -"
  • and then they went on fighting
  • reading a book of higher maths to show how smart he was
  • was... actually pretty embarrassing
  • she sounded formal and Scottish which didn't go together with the look at all
  • "I know you bite one maths teacher and they never let you forget it"
  • Professor Michael Verres-Evans also had to leave the room briefly upon hearing that
  • "and a plague of flaming zebras terrorising what remains of England"
  • with ejection seats for emergencies
  • there was wealth within those masked ranks
  • in case he ever ran out of money or had a week free
  • It was too bad he couldn't take time out to explore the amazing new world of being rich
  • self-stolen? Auto-thieved?
  • "I suppose you could be in on it too -"
  • "still standing and not in any way on fire"
  • awesomecool blonde-white hair
  • "Draco Malfoy" said Draco Malfoy
  • accompanied by a smile such as the highest of kings
  • the boy said with fierce disappointment. "Why'd you go and do that then?"
  • "Burst into flames and die."
  • "Lucius Malfoy!" gasped Harry Potter. "The Lucius Malfoy?"
  • One of Malkin's assistants had to turn away and face the wall
  • the two recoiled from one another as though performing a synchronised dance
  • There was a sudden flurry of action as Lucius seized Draco
  • "please cast a Confundus Charm on the entire universe!"
  • (Harry was something of a sore loser)
  • "I have the distinct feeling that I ought to be doing something about this"
  • a placard showing how to jam it up someone's nostril
  • what would happen if he tried climbing into the mokeskin pouch himself
  • Eleven-year-old children do not have rights to know anything
  • "your grandchildren would still be losing the House Cup"
  • It was probably too early to call her Minnie
  • The Death Eater Eaters?
  • Then she opened her mouth again. No words came out. "I see" Albus said gravely
  • his father had told him to go jump in a lake
  • and Harry ran away from his parents
  • "there's no reason not to think of an elephant"
  • or (c) they are simply ignoring all the rules
  • Apparently his luggage had also managed to believe with sufficient strength
  • decorated in silver and emeralds
  • a beautiful fanged serpent over crossed ivory wands
  • "Do you know who this is?" "you may remember that I called him Draco"
  • "I don't intend to let anyone say who I can and can't hang around with"
  • "you just end up with the pushiest ones"
  • Draco nodded looking every bit as smug as the feat deserved
  • "that makes it a father-son thing and then he has to buy me an ice-cream"
  • "You've had lessons on how to manipulate people?" "Father bought me tutors."
  • "Father missed this really important vote because he was there by my bed
  • holding my hands and promising me that I was going to be okay"
  • Knowing that Draco's hopeful face had probably been drilled into him by months of practice
  • did not make it any less effective
  • Draco was looking sad and disappointed
  • I'm going to applaud his creative entrepreneurial spirit and then kill him
  • Unfortunately he blocked using the hand containing the Comed-Tea
  • "Committing murder." "I have a tutor who says that"
  • if Darth Vader were his doting father
  • rather mysterious considering the lack of any genetic connection
  • "just one square on a much larger gameboard"
  • Potter was trying to tempt Draco just as Draco was trying to tempt him
  • he knew that Father would be proud and that made it all right
  • And even when she'd boldly taken the initiative by sitting down
  • "charm truth beauty and why are you looking for her?"
  • "Don't worry I don't bite anyone who doesn't bite me first"
  • Apparently people who were in books actually sounded like a book
  • snapped his fingers again. "Nope no banana."
  • Step 4: Make a cardboard poster
  • "Ha ha ha! Have some Knuts boy! Have a silver Sickle!"
  • and dancing around him and laughing evilly
  • "Honestly I don't think he needed our help to have nightmares"
  • "Why couldn't you have a half-carriage half-boat?"
  • he might be having an opportunity to experience stage fright
  • the silver was slowly deforming
  • Severus's face had gone beyond rage into a kind of pleasant indifference
  • and his hands held the crumpled remains of a former wine goblet
  • "I am the Sorting Hat. I Sort children. That is all I do."
  • "I'm a hat not a god"
  • it wasn't even letting Harry finish thinking his own -
  • "And some of them... some of them did not."
  • "You believe that in your heart of hearts"
  • "If you refuse one chance will you not refuse others?
  • It may be that your fate is already sealed"
  • small metallic sounds occasionally came from Snape's direction
  • Snape dropped the remains of his heavy silver goblet directly onto his groin
  • "wait don't look so horrified this is actually a priceless opportunity -"
  • them
  • antimusical instruments
  • looking thoughtful. "Snape."
  • "Then who will be Head of Slytherin?" "Hagrid."
  • everyone waited to see if she was going to make any specific and credible threats
  • the odd looks he was getting from everyone including Zabini
  • Great so now he'd only applauded Zabini…
  • He had at least managed to choke quietly
  • There was something undignified about ascending through fizzy drinks
  • already visualising the minions' uniforms
  • "If it were permitted it would be called the Permitted Forest"
  • "Thank you for keeping this in mind"
  • "Anyone interested in reformulating the entire game of Quidditch should contact Harry Potter"
  • MENTAL STATE: CONFUSED. "Gleehhhhh" Harry's mouth said
  • YOU WILL GET A PYJAMA PENALTY
  • IT IS YOUR FOURTH MOVE AND YOU ARE STILL WEARING PYJAMAS
  • At least the stairs wouldn't move around WHILE YOU WERE STILL ON THEM
  • more or less automatically Harry stuck out a hand towards the painting
  • "but I probably won't remember you at all"
  • "Pencil and mechanical paper"
  • "This is a Monday on an odd-numbered year isn't it?"
  • in the company of one to three friends
  • but that was exactly what one of the Hufflepuffs was doing
  • "Drayage costs? How do you get drayage costs on a pie?"
  • A third Slytherin laughed helplessly and then stopped abruptly
  • without having to admit that the Killing Curse was "Abracadabra"
  • "I didn't know we'd been at peace"
  • "This is our war! Stop meddling!"
  • "oh my god you have minions"
  • Draco's smirk grew wider
  • They both seemed to be trying very hard to loom
  • still looming
  • "You hit him with a pie?" "Two pies"
  • "Welcome to your first year of Battle Magic!"
  • It would be a three-way wedding: him the Time-Turner and Professor Quirrell
  • "I am offering to formulate a cunning plot on your behalf"
  • FEAR ME LAWS OF PHYSICS I'M COMING TO VIOLATE YOU!
  • "Knowing things isn't always enough"
  • "Draco of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Malfoy"
  • "they can also be thrown at sufficient velocity"
  • "inside a Hogwarts classroom is usually one of those places"
  • "yes you were Mr. Malfoy"
  • "I'm not a psychopath I'm just very creative"
  • in slightly shaky handwriting: DO NOT MESS WITH TIME
  • no way the optimal designs for cleaning kitchens and flying would happen to coincide
  • but saw no political advantage to be gained by laughing about it now
  • shouted Michael Corner who was apparently feeling left out of the disaster
  • which he somehow did without moving his lips
  • her students thought a boggart was a kind of furniture
  • "What do I get if I can make it happen on the last day?" "Get out of my office!"
  • "a little odd or a lot odd or even extremely odd"
  • "Headmaster sounds so formal. Just call me Heh for short."
  • "This was your father's rock"
  • "You don't mean...My father... owned another rock?"
  • "and if there are any revelations to be made then I will do the revealing thank you…"
  • "This is my desk. This is my chair -"
  • "This is an umbrella. This is another umbrella."
  • the Government of Harry
  • "Yes I'm very angry! Grrr!"
  • if you tried to tell them about calculus
  • where Lucius would kill you with flawless elegance this man would simply kill you
  • looked like they wanted to run out the door while the classroom was still there
  • Severus's smile widened. "Four"
  • raised his right hand in one terrible motion fingers poised to snap. Neville screamed.
  • "Pardon me. Please continue with the blackmail."
  • as though he couldn't decide what sort of expression he ought to be wearing
  • "the second wave of idiots"
  • 'and the full resources of Malfoy are at your disposal'
  • "I hope it is not your ambition to become a stupid Dark Lord"
  • "Draco Malfoy will be one of the generals of your year's armies"
  • and was now just trying not to fall down
  • Draco's voice sounded almost as sharp
  • Draco was very slightly nodding and subtly turning his finger
  • shone the brilliance from some unimaginable realm beyond
  • "I suppose it is economical at least"
  • "who insisted on such helpful activities as strewing our path with rose petals"
  • so that he could get all of his hysterical laughing done
  • and would not commit a faux pas by giggling continuously
  • like Amycus Carrow that one time just before Father told him to stop it he wasn't the Dark Lord
  • "Do you like numbers Draco?"
  • "with hoods and so on -" "I was just thinking that" said Draco
  • "like a snake eating the Moon on their right arms -"
  • Right now Draco would have accepted 'Malfoy Munchers'
  • "But it's not your birthday!"
  • a boy raised by Darth Vader
  • he'd been given a time machine to treat his sleep disorder
  • a ghost who ought to be exorcised and replaced with a tape recorder
  • 'I learned how to violate the Second Law of Thermodynamics. I'd better leave it at that.'
  • or playing some vastly deeper game which involved setting fire to a chicken
  • MINERVA MCGONAGALL needs to go off somewhere private and scream for a while
  • you could go to Science Hell for that
  • any more than it cared how you felt about gravity
  • he could feel her intent to laugh
  • didn't seem to have any doubts on the appropriate mood
  • "he knew exactly what sort of fear and hate he wanted to create"
  • Both of them stopped and began taking deep breaths to calm themselves
  • Then there was the Potter Method which was insane
  • Draco had felt an impulse to ask Dobby a few pointed questions
  • rejected because it was Tuesday. It was in fact Saturday.
  • Dr. Potter tried to point this out and was told "Next!"
  • and that would be all that was left of the name
  • Father and Father's friends had sworn to give their lives to prevent the nightmare
  • the family they'd lost what if it had all been for nothing…
  • His voice was breaking
  • Wizards wake up and find that their wands are sticks of wood…
  • "What now?" Draco whispered. He'd never been so terrified.
  • "We're cloaked if someone sees us we can just run away!"
  • "But you'd be a little less special to him"
  • "You're about to find out the difference"
  • the security was worse than what Draco Malfoy could put on it?
  • it wasn't fair for him to lose everything the very first time he lost
  • "Now da boss ain't in a good mood today"
  • And Draco was a very valuable hostage
  • "so I was safer if I got into them on purpose"
  • "where all this Dumbledoring belonged -"
  • Draco lied
  • Harry still dipped in the lone sunbeam Draco in shadow
  • it wasn't his fault he was insane
  • Harry would learn just what it meant to underestimate a Malfoy
  • You probably could have substituted a pile of dirt and he wouldn't have noticed
  • except for a small handful of non-interdependent variants
  • those adaptations were complex so they had to be universal
  • Spells were complicated like a car
  • just like a computer program wouldn't compile if you made a single spelling error
  • It had been known to take longer than two seconds said Harry
  • Fred and George almost fell over even though they were sitting down
  • "All he knew was that it was meant to be directed at an enemy"
  • "don't brew high-level potions without supervision in a bathroom"
  • "do not take anyone valuable with them as they depart"
  • That didn't used to happen in the ancestral environment Harry's brain complained
  • Harry had been delivered into a bookstore
  • the shopkeeper had gotten less ambiguous threats
  • the newspaper leaped out of Harry's hand
  • only so long as the Headmaster did not specifically prohibit it
  • tossed it to Harry who almost dropped it into his soup
  • the crushed remains of a beautiful blue beetle
  • just in case Harry Potter could see through doors
  • Pretending to be a rock was hard to learn
  • said Severus Snape. "He was an utter pillock"
  • about paying people to build hallways that didn't go anywhere
  • than not having it in which case you also couldn't tell anyone the contents
  • "Ahem" said Harry Potter
  • "my parents are always hurting"
  • "if Mother ever loved me the Dementors will have eaten that thought by now -"
  • his voice hoarse. "He had hope for the first time in years."
  • Harry let out a small scream and instantly hated himself
  • "I should sooner say Harry that you resemble -"
  • when this flawed world seems unusually hateful
  • I wonder whether there might be some other place where I should have been…
  • there was no separate law of physics that governed erasers
  • Harry himself would go out a different skylight
  • said gravely "it can be dangerous to give people compliments like that"
  • "Granger is unfit for the position" "Why yes yes she is. Do you have any further protests?"
  • "Yes" said Draco and Harry at the same time. "I am wounded by your lack of trust"
  • Draco saw the implications before the door had closed
  • "You would. You totally would. And so would I." DAMN IT!
  • impeccably turned out in green-trimmed robes and perfectly combed white-blonde hair
  • as a sign of status in which case Draco was all for it
  • "Can I call you Drakey?"
  • "I thought I'd at least check"
  • a section of non-Forbidden forest
  • Harry had tried to get the name Dragon Army. Draco had pitched a fit
  • Elegant understated deadly. Very Malfoy.
  • the simple and dignified appellation of the Chaos Legion
  • a hand poised with fingers ready to snap. It was universally agreed that this wasn't good.
  • Their insignia was a smiley face. And in ten minutes they would be at war.
  • - and this had been quite sufficient
  • some stood on one leg just to be different
  • All troops were under strict orders to disobey any orders
  • "Merlin says"
  • said Dean Thomas who'd waited his entire life to say it
  • Draco had decided to wait on demanding salutes
  • reassured Draco for the good guys
  • "And now I realize that most of you don't know what a light bulb is"
  • "I can feel those cold shivers of fear like someone is pumping ice cream into my shirt"
  • "It was watching us when we changed. It was probably taking pictures."
  • "We can make everyone study that history
  • even though it isn't true"
  • "Isn't that worth dying for? No don't answer that."
  • he'd only learn that they'd been standing still
  • the imaginary Neville who lives in your head but isn't allowed to do anything
  • It wasn't showing-off. Gregory Goyle simply was that good
  • the voice of Draco Malfoy
  • "Blood for the blood god!"
  • "Face me if you da-" (When Neville woke up afterward)
  • and he could shoot people while he did that
  • there was a marshmallow lying on the ground near where he'd fallen
  • Draco Malfoy who was smiling coldly
  • Draco was smirking inside the shield
  • it was plausible that the last soldier of Dragon Army could take out all five survivors
  • Draco was smirking again
  • Draco sniggered. Harry sighed.
  • shrieked and Draco staggered
  • made a wonderful room for pacing. It didn't have any other uses as far as he could tell
  • They'd brought back all the other chairs after Malfoy had left
  • "thousands of Galleons with which to upset the gameboard"
  • "he would give you a discount on multiple Weasleys"
  • without any sort of central coordination
  • if Father had seen it he would have been disowned
  • "I'm betraying you! Both of you! Again! Ha ha!"
  • "Quadruple? But there's only three sides in the war!"
  • and some of the lines were in different colors and…
  • "supposedly on behalf of Malfoy and Entwhistle really reports to us"
  • the gong would ring out anyway
  • so he'd ordered a throne
  • his most trusted minions one of whom was a traitor
  • "My hovercraft is full of eels" said Harry. "I will not buy this record it is scratched"
  • "Our Legionnaires have begun five new plots since yesterday evening"
  • "You have arrived just as I expected." This was not surprising
  • considering that Draco and Harry had agreed on the meeting time in advance
  • "And you and I who know that"
  • Harry's perspective was fascinating even if it was wrong
  • Harry would just say Ha ha betrayed you again! and laugh at him
  • the answer was obviously 'No'. "Yes" said Draco.
  • The moon would slowly go into eclipse as the battle went on
  • "libsten to me vebwy caerbfully"
  • "after we are out of the water I will set you on fire"
  • "Why are you upside down?" the young commander shouted
  • erupted from one soldier after another
  • when all three generals had been shot in the first minute
  • "For Sunshine!" shouted all the soldiers in both armies
  • "trust each other -" Daphne shot her
  • "The Black Goat with a thousand young!" "Do your homework!"
  • or for some unimaginable reason he'd already spent a lot of time on how to fight underwater
  • being the general and the most powerful wizard
  • "Zabini does have a cousin -" "Somnium"
  • looking quite amused "guess it's all down to me"
  • "So how about if I just do whatever I feel like?"
  • see him haloed in the faint glitter of emeralds
  • "The Chaos Legion is still happy to accept traitors. See you on the battlefield."
  • "You did not ask me to join with you but tried simply to impose your will"
  • "Clever plots and clever betrayals until the last soldier shot himself!"
  • there were tears in his eyes
  • their eyes met. "You too failed this country"
  • it will have to be you won't it Draco Malfoy?
  • "But you never fight the same war twice. And the enemy is also allowed to be smart."
  • the riot had started
  • "and advocated a policy of not dropping rocks on your head"
  • "which Lucius Malfoy also controls"
  • "Draco Malfoy would not have made"
  • "insane pretending to be sane pretending to be insane"
  • and who had just proposed turning the country into a magical dictatorship
  • Blaise jumped but he didn't scream
  • Blaise would have betrayed all three generals for free
  • Quirrell wouldn't care about fooling himself
  • He'd been hoping that someone else would give him a chance to sell out Mr. Hat and Cloak
  • That's right I'm your friend! Feel guilty!
  • do something more interesting to General Chaos
  • He couldn't speak. He couldn't speak at all.
  • and Harry started crying because he knew that nothing could go back least of all him
  • "You can sleep in your trunk right?" "You can sleep in my trunk"
  • they had a tendency not to deliberately rest their hands on red-hot stove burners
  • a distant high-pitched yelp. "Hey! No kissing!"
  • "Professor Quirrell?" Harry shrieked very quietly
  • just by owling him a magically triggered hand grenade
  • the one true everlasting Silent Night
  • The warmth flowed through him. And the Boy-Who-Lived was back.
  • "Seriously. Who reads this stuff?" "You"
  • not I am feeble and leaning on this
  • "for the peace of this nation I let them believe it"
  • "My son is my heart the last worthwhile thing I have left in this world"
  • "We return to Malfoy Manor"
  • "And now Neville I think you should sit down." "Yes General"
  • "I have intercepted a great many owls to you I am afraid"
  • next time you ask me for advice I'll just give you a hug -
  • "I will be with those I have long missed on our next great adventure"
  • "to listen is not always to agree"
  • and was deliberately buying ridiculously expensive tea
  • "All Britain is their chessboard"
  • "besides Avada Kedavra." The Defense Professor laughed. Harry didn't.
  • and that the best way to prevent this was to jerk around and possibly throw up
  • Draco was trying very hard not to think about the six stories
  • Dramione's Sungon Argiment
  • "Follow if you dare." The icy wind howled around them.
  • Not that Padma would have followed them. She wasn't crazy.
  • and you were running across it at a high rate of speed…
  • "He dropped her. And then he jumped up and shot General Potter."
  • "What if Malfoy is - the heir of Slipperin?" "The next Drop Lord!"
  • If there was any way for a door to creak open apologetically
  • "I thought that was just something the Death Eaters made up"
  • "Boy-Who-Lived gets Draco Malfoy pregnant?" "Okay you do know what this is about"
  • "You've got to let me go!" "Okay!" said Draco and let go
  • He let go and Harry promptly fell over
  • "In Godric's Hollow"
  • Specifically it said that he'd been Sorted into Hufflepuff
  • "James was so happy that he couldn't touch his wand without it glowing gold"
  • Remus Lupin had lost all four of his best friends
  • Cookies and lemonade were also considered helpful
  • by being tossed on one and told to get going
  • The bird reared its head and let out a cry and the cry was also silver
  • there were eight blazing Patronuses and Harry went on screaming
  • "Get your Patronuses out of her way!"
  • "FLITWICK! SUMMON POTTER'S WAND!"
  • "that's not Harry -"
  • the right trigger could cause them all to kill each other
  • in which Professor Quirrell was right and everyone else was wrong
  • a certain amount of opposition of the you're completely insane variety
  • Coaxing Draco out of the darkness
  • There was a distinct body-hitting-the-ground-with-a-thuddish sort of sound
  • "Pretty please with sugar on top?"
  • apparently decided that they couldn't get away with
  • doing anything really awful to Harry in the other's presence
  • "You can't just lose a Dementor!"
  • "You are exceptionally good at killing things" "Thank you" Harry said sincerely
  • "Mister Glowy Person"
  • Tracey Davis took a deep breath and shouted
  • Gregory swinging his feet off Pansy's lap
  • "Mr. Crabbe I think Mr. Malfoy needs to know about this"
  • Dark Lords were not usually scared of infant children
  • most of those seer-seconds would be Trelawney-seconds
  • while Draco watched and cried
  • on six successively more ridiculous occasions
  • if it was time to break with Harry Potter
  • "he said that you were the one thing in the world that was most precious to him"
  • "think of how your father held your hand so that you wouldn't be afraid"
  • "Show me you didn't lie to me when you told me Lucius was a good father.
  • Show me you can do what Salazar Slytherin could do."
  • a Blue Krait head had been forged into the handle of Father's cane
  • "that hatred is poisoning your whole House"
  • a girl hanging from his hand on the rooftop
  • "seeking the truth"
  • "whether there was one villain in the story or two…"
  • "her name was Narcissa and she was the prettiest the smartest the most cunning girl"
  • "all she ever did was love Father -" Draco was crying
  • Draco's voice came out in a scream. "Dumbledore burned her to death!"
  • sobbing wiping frantically at his eyes "It must have hurt horribly" Draco said his voice shaking
  • the pain in them was too raw
  • so much artistry had been infused into the creation of Hogwarts
  • Something beautiful and hidden mysterious and bright
  • his head was going to just fall right off his shoulders and go bounce bounce bounce
  • Draco finished in a whisper. "And I'll say it was sad that Lily Potter died."
  • further and further from home…
  • remember Father holding his small cold hands in his own warm strength
  • Father wasn't lost would always be there and strong
  • … … … "Why are you looking at me like that?" said the Heir of Slytherin
  • "SNAKES ARE SENTIENT?"
  • Snakes didn't have much society at all
  • say a sandwich - Cannibalism! AIIIEEEE DON'T EAT ME -
  • the end justifies the meats. Mental snickering.
  • (Internal mental nods)
  • "before I eat my carrots"
  • This was one of Draco Malfoy's lessons
  • "and after that his mouth was still making those talking noises"
  • and accidentally spoke to his snake
  • When Harry was done coughing
  • "December? I found out yesterday!"
  • just as Harry was taking a gulp of water to clear the first coughing fit
  • too sad to be imagined Slytherin's great snake had only wanted to help
  • "I guess she might've felt a little threatened"
  • like his brain had already started to forget its long-honed skill of being alone
  • he had removed some of the bulkier items like the car battery
  • Harry had kept the emergency flares and fuel tank
  • "I merely planned to ask for your help in extremely illegal"
  • When humanity had wiped out smallpox smallpox hadn't fought back
  • and then there was no more time for heroic brooding
  • even invisibly hovering over an anonymous patch of water in the North Sea
  • Harry's wand was already rising in his hand. This would be the beginning.
  • that corpse had been a person who'd just been left there -
  • waiting in the dark alone
  • there was no plausible reason for him to be possessed
  • "I can't remember now it must have been a happy thought…"
  • "but I remember how much I love you Lord -"
  • "hurt me until I stop... I love you…"
  • lay down beside him on the step just beneath him
  • "You can attack whenever you're ready. Or you can walk away with five hundred Galleons."
  • he'd just seen the Defense Professor try to kill a police officer
  • There was a split second of horrified silence
  • the unmoving snake that was the body of his teacher
  • the searing points of white
  • which was going to take one hell of a bamboozling
  • There were times when 'Aw crap' just didn't seem to cover it
  • if breathing meant you had to crowd Director Bones it was better not to breathe
  • "No Auror is above suspicion unless they have no family left to threaten"
  • Picky picky picky. Who was just complaining about not having any plan?
  • weren't some things worth a probability of dying?
  • compared to one woman begging him for help
  • Harry almost screamed which wouldn't help his image with Bellatrix
  • Harry's Patronus raised its hand politely as though in a classroom
  • I am climbing out of your skull and heading for Tahiti
  • Harry congratulated his brain on thinking outside the box and told it to continue searching
  • Dumbledore really wasn't afraid of death
  • Was it Harry all along who'd been rationalizing?
  • Who was secretly so afraid of death that it was twisting his own thoughts
  • the Dark Lord reached into his pouch and took a cookie
  • the darkest of all creatures began their march of horror
  • he sure as hell wasn't planning to sleep in Azkaban
  • And by the way Harry said to his brain you're fired
  • "I was glad to know you for a time even though you are probably evil"
  • "Witlesss dunce of a plotter"
  • "even your young noble friend hass undersstood"
  • legs churning like a spry young man of sixty
  • (Harry felt a lot better about doing this under adult supervision)
  • BROOMSTICK! And there was noise.
  • Because rockets did not work by Aristotelian physics
  • the wordless concepts crap and Newton
  • zipping past on a sideways-pointed flamethrower
  • I don't want to live in yours anymore
  • Bellatrix breathed softly "Pretty…"
  • Snapping Twigs Is A Bad Idea
  • a great smoking hole in the prison wall
  • an accent that Harry couldn't place for he was not widely traveled
  • "You're not Mister Jaffe." "That would be the Animagus"
  • "Excuse me. I'm going to faint."
  • "it makes its victims complicit in their own destruction"
  • "whether or not you acknowledge it you are their next Dark Lord"
  • "Why do you sometimes turn into a zombie?" "Personal reasons"
  • wands already out and raised spinning around back-to-back
  • ...ten years ago that was the last time Albus had said that
  • "Shouting that I was Severus Snape did not seem to reassure him for some reason
  • I do believe that man would kill me for a Sickle and give back five Knuts change"
  • "no one seems to have wanted Mr. Potter's blood today"
  • "requires only that he has a better imagination"
  • "his brilliant new Charm for breaking out of prisons -"
  • smiling "Don't forget the Time-Turner." She did scream then but quietly.
  • "Should I teach him to brew Polyjuice? I ask only for the sake of completeness"
  • "I think we must draw diagrams for this"
  • St. Mungo's ward for Total Unrecoverable Nutcases
  • and trying not to go insane
  • strode across the room toward the fireplace - Albus hastily waved his wand to light it
  • "they call it that because you'd have to be off your rocker to ride one"
  • "sheer folly in retrospect let us continue." Minerva thudded her head
  • from a time when blood had run
  • "the Second Wizarding War is begun"
  • now legally four hours past his bedtime
  • much the same only with a lot more profanity
  • Tears were streaming down the old wizard's cheeks
  • In theory she wasn't talking to Harry Potter yet
  • a spot of warmth lingering
  • so that it would seem like all others had been waiting on his appearance
  • the faces turned to stare at him and fell quiet
  • headed straight toward Draco. A knot of fear clutched at Draco's heart
  • had never been a sharp dresser (that was an understatement)
  • "We didn't do it you dolt!"
  • Father had told Draco to make sure he was never alone in the same room with Amycus…
  • his Number Three Sneer
  • "Did a phoenix really take you to Azkaban?"
  • waiting for all the anvils to finish dropping on him
  • he could batch-process all the disasters at once
  • at least five voices said "Yes" and then Ron Weasley said loudly "Get in line
  • a Slytherin System delivery
  • "I am not your Lord." "Yes my Lord I understand"
  • a SHARP LOOK
  • a Voice of Power
  • whom Moody mistrusted slightly less than average
  • whether Muggle criminals respected the pretense
  • "And I have just won ten Sickles from the Headmaster"
  • a remilitarized zone
  • it was the Maximum Fun Location
  • the heroic declarations he could've made
  • That is not a useful fault analysis
  • then your mysterious teacher walked away from you in disgust
  • so then the next rumor had claimed she'd made up that part too
  • 'twas a unicorn clad all in mail
  • "On a whale? No I decided I'd just get on with my life."
  • "I remember Hagrid holding you when you were a baby"
  • "I understand" which technically did not say anything about obedience
  • there wasn't any Parseltongue for the kind of laughter he wanted to express
  • the day of the phoenix
  • After Hannah finally stopped for air (the list had gone on for a while)
  • "like a Bludger through a stack of pancakes!"
  • what tiny amount of breath he could spare from being completely out of breath
  • the Super Hufflepuff
  • "Where do you get these ideas?" "A strange old shop... in Oxford…"
  • in the high reaches of Hogwarts a battle would soon be fought
  • Hogwarts was still a little shy about changing in front of people
  • The Dragon General Draco Malfoy watched two compasses
  • flickered in its reflections like fire
  • not to let your House be dragged down
  • even if they were just being fashionable for the Dark Ages
  • as they followed the Chaos Legion following Dragon Army
  • things like Troop Morale
  • said "Good idea" in case Neville hadn't been looking at him
  • They all ignored the talking noises coming from Zabini's mouth
  • "Hello there Sunshine" said Harry's voice from beneath his hood
  • hit the stunbolt back at Harry
  • they started whacking at each other
  • his voice sounded like he was smiling
  • "am I supposed to be the last person to notice how awesome I am?"
  • And then because they hadn't practiced inside of hallways she crashed into a wall
  • "Somnium!" shrieked Draco. "SOMNIUM CURSE YOU!"
  • casting four spells in such fast succession
  • "Code seven on Malfoy!"
  • sent Draco to his hands and knees
  • "while your soldiers were distracted by the sight of their general flying into a wall"
  • "on almost defeating two Chaotic Legionnaires with a mere twenty-four Sunshine Soldiers"
  • "unable to break the pattern as Mr. Malfoy did"
  • she would be just a crying little girl
  • "will I always be afraid to do better because I know it will hurt your feelings?"
  • You could always deduct House points afterward
  • Professor Quirrell had praised General Malfoy
  • "I was a hero myself once before I was a mysterious old wizard"
  • "never will you find more glory on your own"
  • if someone had plugged an electrical cord into her ear
  • the worst Professors ever to go Professing
  • "is there someplace I can write to get one?"
  • "it does not do to be too blatant or your Deputy Headmistress might catch you"
  • she'd never been able to figure out where he kept it. "Lemon drop?"
  • "until the challenger lies down and has a nap!"
  • "Let's see what you've got door!"
  • "and why are you glowing like that?"
  • "And then they refused to give up no matter how sensible it would have been
  • because that would've been too embarrassing"
  • but a great deal of history made a lot more sense that way
  • "you explained to them that -" "I explained to them that would be fine"
  • even if she was doing it with signed permission she was still Defying Authority
  • "are we all still pretending it doesn't happen?"
  • "I will be quite disappointed if this is only about rivaling Harry Potter"
  • "Pretend it is a homework essay. I hear you are quite eloquent in them."
  • "My donation to your cause. I understand that they are worth two Sickles."
  • "You weren't around for Professor Barney" which made several people twitch
  • "You did not include Lily Potter in your reckoning…"
  • there was something in the lined face that stopped her
  • "Heroes are born not taught"
  • "actually the Headmaster set fire to a chicken"
  • Dumbledore put a finger to his lips and twiddled them
  • "Only she didn't do the insane laughter"
  • "To students I mean not to the Defense Professors"
  • because of Multiplication
  • which sort of led them in a circle actually
  • so they consulted a portrait and then went down a different dusty old brick corridor
  • when Draco Malfoy got told about this
  • carting his unconscious body around with them to attract Adventures
  • "It's pronounced feminine actually"
  • could stay in the Muggle lands where it belonged
  • She'd been collecting Ambitions
  • The boy loomed at her briefly
  • Tracey added having her own servants to her list of Ambitions
  • Draco Malfoy - who was perfectly groomed even inside his own bedroom
  • wearing a charming smile
  • She felt somewhat lightheaded
  • "I was just being friendly." A brief look of surprise crossed Draco's face
  • decided that Draco Malfoy would be one of her husbands
  • after she got into the habit of seizing opportunities
  • (well not exactly her heart)
  • "HERMIONE GRANGER GETS DRACO MALFOY PREGNANT"
  • It was enough to make you think twice about the whole heroine business
  • "Unless you did get your own invisibility cloak in which case never mind"
  • "If I can predict what I'm going to think later I might as well go ahead and think it now"
  • the stories usually ended with someone being doomed all over the floor
  • Daphne stabbed her Most Ancient Blade directly into his groin
  • said Draco Malfoy's polite voice
  • only because there weren't such things as green owls
  • you would fill that according to your nature
  • Nobody had figured out yet what Draco Malfoy was plotting
  • "Jugsy honey?" said Belka. Her lips widened in a vicious smile.
  • Horrid Wilting which was illegal in seven countries
  • "why does the ceiling look all melty?"
  • pure academic fury
  • someone had forgotten to tell the bullies about their agreement
  • "I mean my ears actually caught on fire. Professor Flitwick had to put them out."
  • "the Amazing Stupid Hostage"
  • Thinking of a certain person has just reminded me
  • Susan said some Extremely Bad Words
  • "Hey are you planning to hurt me too?" "Yes actually. We are."
  • "I haven't the faintest notion of how I ought to react"
  • "That's pretty much the effect I was aiming for"
  • but unfortunately he had never learned how to whistle
  • "not the approved Hogwarts policy for dealing with infractions of hallway discipline"
  • "I don't have a word for this Harry because things have never become like this before
  • and so no one has ever needed to invent a word for it"
  • invent words to express how deeply complimented he felt
  • "Our intervention may have been weird but it certainly wasn't wrong -"
  • at least more sense than people thought he did
  • the cultured voice of Draco Malfoy
  • and wasn't about to go updating that belief based on mere evidence
  • "I don't want to be angsty!" "Too bad. You've got to be"
  • "Make her throw it up!"
  • "Wow that's a scary thought…Please don't look at me like that"
  • "He just sends ghosts after people and glues them to ceilings"
  • like she was coughing up a yak
  • "when you can hear distant voices crying 'Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li!'"
  • "You should've said very specifically 'can I make blood come out from under the doors?'"
  • "It's what someone playing the role of a responsible girl would do"
  • whether being responsible usually involves people running around and screaming
  • "There is no bravery in risking a life already ruined"
  • "Why not" the Potions Master said quietly
  • the black king slept and Lucius Malfoy moved his chesspieces
  • "Voldemort is returning. The black chesspieces are gathering."
  • Draco said with a Number Two Sneer
  • "That's what I'm setting up now"
  • "Well Mister Incredibly Suspicious Person"
  • if a teacher felt that a parent wasn't shaping up properly
  • Hogwarts was backed up by eight hundred years of distinguished history and you were not
  • "if you'll pardon the expression Deputy Headmistress McGonagall!"
  • dropped by on this fine Saturday to learn just what the Fiddly-Snocks had been going on
  • the dour tones the boy used to denote deliberate pessimism
  • Their official planning session had failed amazingly
  • but then Tracey probably wasn't Polyjuiced Dumbledore
  • Sigh Draco had thought since he couldn't actually sigh out loud
  • "He will be the greatest Lord Malfoy that has yet lived"
  • "Mr. Malfoy is new to the business of having ideas"
  • as though the Defense Professor had used up his right to exist
  • after the screaming and the shouting had subsided
  • it hadn't been a long chase just an exciting one
  • leading the Chaos Legion while wearing only his undershirt
  • all of Dragon Army had stopped with him
  • a smirk of the most refined smugness
  • they were just... very very crushed
  • After Professor Flitwick had stopped screaming and running in little circles
  • why the Muggle perspective was any better than the wizarding one
  • "That's Darke Lady spelled D-A-R-K-E with an E!"
  • screaming "Chaotic landing!"
  • "DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM"
  • "Expelliarmus!" shouted Draco as he simultaneously dodged
  • the duel of two Generals as Malfoy and Granger fired hex after hex
  • came out with her wand raised and shot him
  • There wasn't much battle going on anyway but it held
  • "End truce! TUNAFISH!"
  • you didn't have to know why to Transfigure some copies
  • "THAT'S CHEATING!" shrieked Blaise Zabini
  • "YOU HEARD HIM! GET THEIR GLASSES!"
  • The red bolt dissipated again on Draco's glove
  • So little girl why're you pretending to fight like a grownup today?
  • "I helped you you bucktoothed bint!"
  • screamed and charged forward to avenge their fallen commander
  • moving in eerie unison
  • We won. It was the first thing Draco heard when he woke up on the battlefield
  • greenish-silver ink that had been made with silver and crushed emeralds
  • it carried a lovely tinge of refined venom
  • feeling every pulse of the noble blood in his veins
  • my father will take you and your false honor straight to the Wizengamot
  • was told by Vincent that the boss ain't to be disturbed
  • a slice of pie had somehow materialized on his plate
  • "You think two different people are running around Hogwarts leaving notes beneath pillows?"
  • "it shall be quite soon I think - unless of course it is later -"
  • the entire class was already speculating
  • began to think of pranks that would involve the Sorting Hat
  • "my my Texas. What were you doing there Mr. Quirrell?"
  • attacked by a book monster
  • "I bet Granger cheated"
  • he hadn't found anything snaky that answered back when spoken to
  • And in Asia they tell other tales entirely
  • they are well aware that they are terribly terribly important
  • It seemed that many were of the strong opinion that murder was bad
  • stood tall and terrible his silver cane held high in one hand
  • "You would not understand that who never had love or child of your own"
  • "I do not imagine there will be many who choose to align themselves with murderers"
  • "that hand shall be cut off as well!"
  • "I think few of us would like to see the little murderess go free"
  • looked like he'd seen a cat turn into a person and start eating other cats
  • undergoing a number of interesting changes of facial expression
  • "do come back here you're still terrifying that poor Dementor"
  • "for all that she is loved. There can only be one king upon a chessboard"
  • "No one." Dumbledore's voice broke
  • "From Lucius's perspective someone else broke the truce first"
  • "I don't know! I wasn't listening either!"
  • the Voice of Economic Sensibility and also Conscience
  • for the sake of pretentious moral grandstanding…
  • did he deserve to be hurt for it after all that had happened to him?
  • (had she looked like her son?) falling amid the flames of her bedroom
  • "Harry Potter glued it to the ceiling and wouldn't let it down until -" "Oh dear Merlin"
  • "I shall turn them into glass vases and drop them."
  • "I am afraid he is not coming back."
  • proceeding to prove just that dancing like a duelist
  • feeling bored with ordinary torture
  • "He was staring at me! And humming!"
  • "or sneered at them - Allen Flint did really good sneers"
  • looked away slowly and deliberately
  • "I do not expect you to just look at me sadly"
  • "as obstinate and untalented as Hermione Granger"
  • leapt back and almost fell off the Ravenclaw tower
  • "Come back!" His voice cracked. "Come back!"
  • EXPERT ON MAGICAL CREATURES: "NOW YOU'RE JUST LYING"
  • FRANCE GERMANY ACCUSE BRITAIN OF MAKING THE WHOLE THING UP
  • its drawers within drawers within drawers
  • hovering ominously like the vampire that students sometimes accused him of
  • "last year and the year before that and the year before that"
  • or possibly just have their heads explode the legends were unclear on this point
  • "I remember your first day of Potions class. I think you have a ways still to go."
  • she also knew better than to ask Albus in case Albus tried to tell her
  • Minerva firmly believed that you only ought to worry about Time if you were a clock
  • said Ravenclaw Two who was prosecuting
  • and none of them had tried to take over so much as a third-world country
  • "if nobody loved Malfoy and Malfoy didn't love anyone"
  • introduced himself as 'Adrian Turnipseed' though his parents had actually named him Mad Drongo
  • "Let's go then" Harry said and fell over
  • something that fell to the floor with a thud - "Hello again Harry"
  • there was another thudding sound - "Hello again Harry"
  • "he has too many purposes"
  • "the Incident with the Science Project"
  • Aha now Mr. Potter what is this mysterious other prophecy
  • but on this particular score Harry did happen to be innocent
  • just four people trying to have a serious meeting while surrounded by bizarre gidgets
  • the various bodies of Harry Potter he'd stashed in one corner
  • "Don't mind me please. I'll just sit here quietly going mad."
  • competing to see who's cliched enough
  • his other three selves had been left behind in the Headmaster's office
  • "Not that there's anything wrong with that -"
  • There were times when saying 'Oops' didn't fully cover it
  • "I have imagined it every night these last ten years"
  • The books stared at them
  • "in which case you probably need to put it in your pocket or something"
  • just like he'd never left
  • "Not in the last seven days no"
  • "Do you think you're just better than everyone who lived back then?"
  • a rather sad attempt to conceal it by holding up a book just below his face
  • "Very good friends! Extra-special friends even!"
  • "wake up and decide to fall in love with Professor Snape!"
  • "Remove your hand before I cast it into the outer darkness"
  • "are you still on that? It'd serve her right if she did get eaten."
  • engaged in not dying in a horrible air accident
  • "Hermione Granger says AHHHHHHHHH!"
  • in a strained voice "Run -"
  • the rock expanded back into its old form
  • "HE IS HERE. HE IS THE END OF THE WORLD."
  • "like stepping off a cliff and blaming gravity"
  • "If you would like to hear about the top eighteen standard theories"
  • "I would like to go back to thinking now"
  • "... it uses up my childhood"
  • "I continue to insist that I am not your lord" "Yes my lord."
  • afraid of television privileges being taken away
  • make a deal more sense if you were struggling with demonic possession
  • had been party to the summoning of a total of five fire engines
  • we reserve the right to reconsider this sentiment
  • worse than learning that something had happened to you
  • smiling with a strange sad look in his eyes
  • Harry had to remove his left shoe and take off the toe-ring
  • "I very much need to visit the washroom and I would also like to change"
  • "You are being if you will pardon the phrase a silly-dilly"
  • embraced him and Harry Potter's voice whispered "Tough luck"
  • "sorry blowing up a country would also be bad I agree"
  • in the decade since Remus Lupin had been a frequent visitor
  • would be again if the last Potter so chose
  • salvation without justification a sudden dawn from out of the darkness
  • whispered the baby boy ten years later
  • touched the inscription with a trembling hand
  • The Chief Warlock had overruled the Committee. The Wizengamot had overruled the Chief Warlock.
  • On Guard and Constantly Vigilant
  • would cheerfully incinerate the kidneys of anyone who sneezed
  • "break the quill and then break your own fingers"
  • a young boy with white-blonde hair now wearing black robes far finer
  • "After all you're not a Dementor"
  • There was a fierce light in his eyes. "You wronged me. And you owe me."
  • "My son truly you have done very well this day"
  • The trouble with trying to be suspicious of a man like Lucius Malfoy
  • "MERLIN DAMN IT SON -"
  • just to check that there wasn't blood coming from under the doors like the last time
  • he'd skin Draco and turn him into trousers!
  • metallic robes gleaming in the light
  • it was a smile both arrogant and dangerous
  • like being turned into a pair of leather pants was beneath his concerns
  • so he was just going to deal with people as a disembodied floating voice from now on
  • whispers broke out at the sight of the white-blonde short-cropped hair
  • Draco Malfoy stood there silently regarding all of Hogwarts
  • his voice commanding. Malfoy had apparently memorized his own lines
  • "the four Houses of Hogwarts must come together and act as one!"
  • "Fifth!" Theodore Nott yelled in a menacing tone
  • clear and commanding like all this was his natural element
  • feeling her blood burn. "is going to fight back."
  • There was no reason why a secret conspiracy shouldn't have permission to meet after curfew
  • Draco wasn't paying attention. Filch simply wasn't in Amycus Carrow's league.
  • he wasn't supposed to be Prejudiced where other people might see
  • "Always summat new an' wonderful"
  • "Common courtesy I call it"
  • better left to useful fools like Amycus Carrow
  • "Put me on ten-minute check-in" Draco said
  • he was afraid she would consider that flirting
  • The sight tore at Draco's heart
  • eyes were staring glassily right at him
  • Harry then told his Cloak to hide himself from himself once more
  • Harry's own voice said sounding strange in present-Harry's ears
  • for some reason they wanted an Auror to lose every memory involving the color blue
  • and apparently there would be a surprisingly good explanation
  • "Oh for Merlin's sake - yes he was trying to kill you"
  • "I would be lying if I said I'd never considered killing you myself"
  • glares of accusation and cutting remarks
  • "my heir... we would have begun as soon as you asked me..."
  • Harry's voice broke. "I have a strong preference for your life"
  • "Your studies... do well"
  • if it had been good for someone to forget every memory involving their left arm
  • Malfoy had been talking like this for weeks
  • it did strange things to their minds
  • "He's only got what ten days left to go bad?"
  • their soft sobs providing a background chant of despair for the classroom
  • more than half the questions was 'Stunning Hex'
  • 'Turn around and walk in the opposite direction'
  • or 'Throw away the cheese and buy a new pair of shoes'
  • unless you bought Draco Malfoy's latest theory
  • "the lovely -" "Mr. Jordan!" "To the merely acceptable Sharon Vizcaino"
  • "maybe gone for good after being missed that badly"
  • "Yeah! Who do they think they are scoring points?"
  • The climactic final Quidditch game of the year... dragged on
  • a level short of open combat
  • "I know you said not to talk to you but -" "Then don't talk to me"
  • Draco Malfoy would certainly have been present. Had something happened to him?
  • "I am watching this door. And I will ask you to be off from it!"
  • "if I kept my own watch over you.. while you watch this fine door"
  • "Ba-blu-a-bu-bluh -" said the Defense Professor's zombie-mode
  • Harry politely stood still
  • "What are you doing here?" came many simultaneous cries
  • "Who do you think you are forbidding it too?"
  • holding the choking head of Draco Malfoy by his collar
  • "No!" cried Draco's floating head
  • "I deduced it from evidence!" said Draco Malfoy's floating head
  • "From my perspective it would be hilarious"
  • "It's not what it looks like" volunteered Tracey. "I don't even know what this looks like!"
  • Harry really hoped he hadn't gone back in time and done this
  • because it did seem like the sort of thing he would do
  • beware the constellation - there was a constellation named Draco
  • not to mention the business with the Sunshine Regiment
  • "I'll think quickly!"
  • 'the apprentice'
  • Harry turned around. Professor Quirrell was standing upright and smiling.
  • "and I am familiar with the concept of sniper rifles"
  • "I'd like for you not to do those things Professor"
  • It was a lie and Harry's glance had been deliberate
  • Since there is in fact a gun
  • He was once again having second thoughts and third thoughts
  • Professor Snape picked himself up and resumed standing in front of the door
  • "just spit them back out through the door"
  • It looked significantly more evil than usual
  • "I will not quite call you an idiot but still"
  • He hadn't even learned the centaur's name
  • and also had the gun
  • "Now it is afraid of light heat acid and me"
  • "By the by have you betrayed me yet?"
  • seemed like it might be Plot-Relevant
  • it WILL be safe. Half a second later Harry slammed the door and leapt back
  • Harry's suspension of disbelief had checked out on vacation
  • written instructions that had been helpfully included
  • "You had someone cast enchantments on your bones?"
  • "are you by the way?"
  • snakish amusement
  • Tears probably wouldn't make a good impression on Lord Voldemort
  • "and if you are stupid I shall be annoyed"
  • "Your instinct is correct boy this would not be a good time to laugh"
  • "I decided that I would not go insane since there seemed to be no advantage in it"
  • "Yes thank you Mr. Potter"
  • "So use an axe"
  • This had not in fact been a question that had come into Harry's mind
  • "I do not think Miss Granger was actually being reasonable"
  • "Was that not plausible?" "The whole thing was just so weird."
  • as though the Map were trying to indicate its own bewilderment
  • "no House of Bad Children"
  • hissing laughter
  • "she introduced herself as the Apostrophe of Darkness
  • After that she had to ruin two entire villages before anyone took her seriously"
  • "in the hope they would stay together for at least a few days"
  • "if they did not all prevent each other from doing their jobs"
  • "well not my own Galleons but the same principle applies"
  • "and I'll thank you not to speak ill of it until you've tried it for yourself"
  • establishing that Harry did not intend to do anything stupid or try to run away
  • "in a play whose stupid author has never met a real eleven-year-old?"
  • "and your right hand must be squeezing mayonnaise onto a hamster -"
  • "I do not want you throwing shoes -"
  • not having breathed in a while
  • "Ah yes that is the word. He seemed sane."
  • Albus Dumbledore did not look like he was enjoying a casual chat
  • "in an interestingly different fashion"
  • "You mustn't rescue me. Goodbye."
  • told them both that he was guarding the door
  • and that they must leave or he would deduct House points
  • The bad feeling this raised was lost in a sea of other bad feelings
  • What lovely last words. Now shut up and think.
  • the toe-ring that was Hermione Granger
  • Was Voldemort practicing being nice?
  • "had sspare unicorn left over might ass well usse"
  • Harry raised his gun and pulled the trigger three times
  • evil overlords that might have paternal feelings for you
  • "I used bullets. That's not a fist or a spell."
  • "Have not forgotten that dissasster"
  • moonlight fled from the robes beneath them
  • I think this is getting pretty bad even by my standards
  • "Help me my brothers!"
  • said it all again using different words
  • it sounded as though his heart were breaking
  • "then we will exorcise the surrounding area in case he has left a ghost"
  • "No. Vow doess not obligate me."
  • "Would tell you to die with dignity"
  • "nowhere near that large"
  • "Sshut up. I dissregard all ssuch threatss now"
  • Black robes falling
  • wetness tinged red in the moonlight
  • drifting motes of silver light
  • it would not do to have the hand-stump look like the neck-stumps
  • and put Quirrell's wand into his hand
  • it wasn't like she'd be hurt if her eardrums burst but it seemed polite
  • not wanting to take chances with his own eardrums
  • the rest of the players might as well have been watching from the stands
  • a sealed horror was about to burst out of his forehead and eat everyone
  • turned away from where she was arguing with the Hufflepuff Quidditch team
  • The moonlit cat only looked at McGonagall sadly
  • (excellent strategic sense since they weren't actually doing anything)
  • occasionally running under someone's legs
  • Harry said his voice breaking. "His last plot."
  • Dawn was tinging the sky when the Slytherins won their final game
  • with the Philosopher's Stone underneath his left sock
  • "I am afraid that I have much news. And most of it is terrible"
  • the picture of absolute horror that was Draco Malfoy's face
  • let out a single cheer and was immediately slapped
  • Draco Malfoy folded in on himself like a collapsing house
  • Wait the hum seemed to say. Wait until his return and be true.
  • feathered wings brushing her as the tears began to creep down her cheeks
  • "Well he's not laughing now is he."
  • before it got out of control. If it wasn't already out of control.
  • a tiny emerald glowed bright beneath the morning sun
  • "what every Slytherin should be! Three cheers for him!"
  • like beef jerky given human shape
  • a paean of glory and battle that resonated in his mind
  • A wave of white fire ran up the handle and over the wood
  • and it was wondering how the hell it had ended up being held by a Hogwarts first-year
  • then I have fallen to Voldemort and the quest now lies in your hands
  • it was said once that you might need to raise your hand against your mentor
  • you alone are its prince
  • I hope you may embark upon the true meaning of your days
  • I have gambled literally everything upon you
  • I smashed a rock and to this day I cannot imagine why
  • That piece is not the world it is the world's peoples
  • Know the value of all your other pieces and play to win
  • "Dumbledore's the one who killed my pet rock." "This is not a time for jokes!"
  • Though he was in fact seeing Amelia Bones for mostly the first time
  • what effect if any this polite statement had
  • "Dumbledore was the only sane person all along"
  • Harry quickly shoved the scroll into his mokeskin pouch
  • "I knew that. Yep. Perfectly obvious."
  • "that builds a castle out of the crap and lives there"
  • this unexpected hammer-blow of common sense
  • Well perhaps Merlin hadn't been given to melodrama
  • a world that would last for eons and not just centuries
  • "everyone's heads fell off their necks due to natural causes"
  • "Exorcise it before anyone talks to it"
  • "a thin witch missing her left arm"
  • "that is to say his head spontaneously fell off"
  • "No other duplicate Death Eaters have been found. Yet."
  • "It is the sixth strangest thing I have ever seen."
  • everyone was waiting while he cried
  • "someone tell Remus Lupin"
  • His tears had run dry hours ago
  • life and happiness lay in the hands of his family's enemies
  • The feeling of emptiness that filled him up was so profound
  • Everyone was dead. His father was dead
  • Even Sirius Black his mother's cousin had somehow managed to die
  • the thought of going back to Slytherin alone
  • All that remained of Malfoy House was a tradition now
  • "You -" whispered Draco. "You -"
  • The next Lord Malfoy was crying
  • The Lord Malfoy refused to give it
  • "but you had to do one or the other which would be worse?"
  • like she'd lost something
  • that was... that was... that wasn't particularly surprising…
  • eyes wide and beginning to fill with tears
  • Green-trimmed robes and white-blonde hair...
  • The boy was staring at her his mouth working soundlessly
  • sounding... heart-sick
  • just what the Potions Master knew; except that it was clear that Severus knew it
  • through the thickness of his throat. "You don't have to say it."
  • looking as shocked as if she'd been bitten by her own shoes
  • unable to meet the Potions Master's eyes. "They did."
  • "I'm afraid I have nothing more to say about your father." "Severus!"
  • "or with better hair or something"
  • "Lily's killer is vanquished. I am content."
  • "Drop dead Potter." Harry laughed. Severus laughed. Minerva was sobbing.
  • it wasn't like sitting on a glittery throne was unethical
  • Socializing with the Other Children
  • One tiny strand of Time being threaded through a needle's eye
  • literally yesterday just one day after he'd helped Voldemort almost take over the planet
  • What do you mean '...'? If you have something to say inner voice just say it!
  • He'd just defeated Voldemort damn it
  • like a ton of bricks or at least a kilogram of brick
  • "why you're radiating an aura of purity and innocence?" "I'm WHAT?"
  • "I got eaten by a troll which I'd frankly rather not do again
  • and then there was a really loud bang and my legs were back"
  • "The Weasley twins have a magical sword that should work" Harry volunteered
  • still radiating peacefulness all over the place
  • "If you want to be a wealthy sixty-year-old merman I can make it happen"
  • "I think that you always were my mysterious old wizard"
  • in a less organic device have indicated an engine malfunction
  • he was reluctant to put a bag of holding inside a bag of holding
  • "Do you need to sit down again?" Harry said feeling alarmed
  • "That's a good use of a major trauma I guess?"
  • "I had something to protect"
  • "Upon my life and magic I swear friendship to Harry Potter"

• Public Bookmark *

  Second Chances by JCapasso

  Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling  

  • Mature
  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • No category
  • Complete Work

  03 Oct 2021

  Tags

  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • Harry Potter/Fred Weasley/George Weasley
  • Harry Potter
  • Tom Riddle | Voldemort
  • Fred Weasley
  • George Weasley
  • Sirius Black
  • Remus Lupin
  • Severus Snape
  • Arthur Weasley
  • Dark Lord Dumbledore
  • Not So Evil Voldemort (Harry Potter)
  • Riddle gets his sanity back
  • Time Travel
  • Dumbledore Bashing
  • Ron Weasley Bashing
  • Hermione Granger Bashing
  • Ginny Weasley Bashing
  • Molly Weasley Bashing
  • mild james potter bashing

  Summary

  When Voldemort hits Harry with the AK in the forest, they both end up at Kings Cross, and instead of Dumbledore waiting for them, they find themselves faced with Death himself. And Death is not happy.

  Language:

  English

  Words:

  110,457

  Chapters:

  66/66

  Collections:

  14

  Comments:

  881

  Kudos:

  3345

  Bookmarks:

  1124

  Hits:

  73322

  Bookmarked by PrettyGirlBPD

  04 May 2022

  Bookmarker's Tags:

  • Harry/Fred/George
  • dh divergent
  • Time Travel
  • Death
  • MoD Harry
  • Immortal Harry
  • Immortal Voldemort
  • gof divergent
  • Sane Voldemort
  • Sane Tom
  • Good Voldemort
  • Mentor Voldemort
  • Grey Harry
  • Allies
  • Plotting
  • Politics
  • love potions
  • Manipulative Dumbledore
  • Dark Lord Dumbledore
  • Evil Dumbledore
  • James Bashing
  • severus/lily
  • Good Severus
  • Sirius Lives
  • Remus Lives
  • Fred Lives
  • Adoption
  • Blood Adoption
  • Harry is Lord Potter
  • Harry is Lord Gryffindor
  • Tom is Lord Slytherin
  • Tom is Lord Peverell
  • Headmaster Severus

• Rec *

  Relief from Nightmares by ArielSakura

  Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling  

  • Mature
  • Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
  • M/M
  • Work in Progress

  01 Apr 2019

  Tags

  • Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
  • Harry Potter/Blaise Zabini
  • Minor or Background Relationship(s)
  • Harry Potter
  • Blaise Zabini
  • Ron Weasley
  • Daphne Greengrass
  • Tracey Davis
  • Neville Longbottom
  • Luna Lovegood
  • Poppy Pomfrey
  • Horace Slughorn
  • Remus Lupin
  • Astoria Greengrass
  • Fred Weasley
  • George Weasley
  • set after OotP
  • Dursleys treatment is not canon compliant
  • Abused Harry
  • Hermione Granger Bashing
  • Dumbledore Bashing
  • Slightly OOC Harry
  • Smart Harry
  • Slow Build
  • Creature Inheritance
  • Implied/Referenced Child Abuse
  • Physical Abuse
  • Minor Character Death
  • Hogwarts Sixth Year
  • Adult Content

  Summary

  When Harry's nightmares get to much he finds solace in the most unexpected of places...

   

  Never abandoned, will update until complete. Merely sometimes forgotten in the face of ravenous plot bunnies.

  Series

  • Part 1 of Relief from Nightmares

  Language:

  English

  Words:

  302,770

  Chapters:

  41/?

  Collections:

  7

  Comments:

  3294

  Kudos:

  6511

  Bookmarks:

  2374

  Hits:

  234298

  Bookmarked by Bookobsessedwaterpoloplayer

  13 Apr 2022

  Bookmarker's Tags:

  • Politics
  • Good Slytherins
  • long fic
  • i love neville longbottom
  • 100k+
  • 300k+
  • Incomplete
  • well written
  • Goblins
  • Dumbledore Bashing
  • Hermione Bashing
  • ron is a good friend
  • I love gred & forge
  • Plotting

  Bookmarker's Notes

  Ch. 41
  The one where Blaise finds Harry very interesting and then they are mates.
  The one with potions and Healer appretice Harry
  Harry cures Dragon pox

• Public Bookmark 39

  How to get along with your enemies after being literally forced into it? by bloopy

  Fandoms: Haikyuu!!  

  • General Audiences
  • Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
  • Gen
  • Work in Progress

  17 Jan 2021

  Tags

  • Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
  • Oikawa Tooru
  • Iwaizumi Hajime
  • Matsukawa Issei
  • Kyoutani Kentarou
  • Irihata Nobuteru
  • Yahaba Shigeru
  • Watari Shinji
  • Mizoguchi Sadayuki
  • Hanamaki Takahiro
  • Kindaichi Yuutarou
  • Kunimi Akira
  • Ukai Keishin
  • Takeda Ittetsu
  • Shimizu Kiyoko
  • Yachi Hitoka
  • Sawamura Daichi
  • Sugawara Koushi
  • Azumane Asahi
  • Nishinoya Yuu
  • Tanaka Ryuunosuke
  • Ennoshita Chikara
  • Kinoshita Hisashi
  • Narita Kazuhito
  • Kageyama Tobio
  • Hinata Shouyou
  • Tsukishima Kei
  • Yamaguchi Tadashi
  • Kuroo Tetsurou
  • Kozume Kenma
  • Akaashi Keiji
  • Bokuto Koutarou
  • Haiba Lev
  • Semi Eita
  • Ushijima Wakatoshi
  • Washijou Tanji
  • Tendou Satori
  • Goshiki Tsutomu
  • learning to get along with your enemies
  • kageyama makes friends again
  • Oikawa Tooru is a Good senpai
  • sometimes
  • he's trying
  • Iwaizumi is always a good senpai
  • Kyoutani Is The Best
  • The First Years Are All Adorable
  • the timeline may be messed up a bit for plot purposes
  • Slice of Life
  • kageyama gets adopted by all the setters
  • except kenma
  • he only has eyes for hinata

  Summary

  Only a week after their defeat to Karasuno at Spring Prelims, Aoba Johsai's volleyball team suffers the loss of their precious gym in a mysterious fire. With nowhere to practice, they try reaching out to other schools only to be rejected. Then, one school steps up and offers to take them in, unfortunately that school is also the reason for their defeat. Will Aoba Johsai and Karasuno be able to get along while one team is preparing for spring nationals? Will they find out who was behind this whole mess in the first place? Will Daichi ever find peace? (spoiler alert the answer is no)

  Featuring a suffering Daichi, Suga and Oikawa getting along way too well, Tsukishima making friends?????, and the second years becoming a force to be reckoned with.

  (Also Hinata may be using this situation to make Kageyama friends with his old middle school team again but it proves harder than expected if both sides are determined to ruin his bonding plans)

   

  (title may change later if I think of something better)

  Series

  • Part 1 of Stories I write due to random bouts of inspiration

  Language:

  English

  Words:

  27,747

  Chapters:

  14/?

  Comments:

  47

  Kudos:

  173

  Bookmarks:

  39

  Hits:

  2743

  Bookmarked by Melted_IceCream

  30 Sep 2021

  Bookmarker's Tags:

  • Haikyuu!!
  • Platonic Relationships
  • Rivalry
  • Friendship
  • Cute
  • Wholesome
  • fluff with plot
  • Plotting
  • all the boys are little shits

  Bookmarker's Notes

  Platonic Haikyuu fics make me happy.

• Public Bookmark *

  How to murder your father by Gentrychild

  Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia  

  • Not Rated
  • Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
  • Gen
  • Complete Work

  19 Sep 2020

  Tags

  • Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
  • Midoriya Izuku & vigilantism
  • Todoroki Shouto & villainy
  • Midoriya Izuku
  • Sensei | All For One
  • Todoroki Shouto
  • Todoroki Enji | Endeavor
  • Yagi Toshinori | All Might
  • Midoriya Inko
  • Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead
  • Shigaraki Tomura
  • Kurogiri
  • Crack
  • I take no responsibility for this
  • Izuku tries to kill his dad to inherit so his mom has money
  • so his family has money
  • That's it
  • that's the fic
  • OP Midoriya Izuku
  • Midoriya Izuku Has One for All Quirk
  • Midoriya Izuku Has Multiple Quirks
  • OP Todoroki Shouto
  • Todoroki Shouto has blue fire
  • Many attempted murders
  • A lot - Freeform
  • Vigilante Midoriya Izuku
  • Villain Todoroki Shouto
  • Secret Identity
  • Shouto tries to murder his dad for the life insurance
  • Bittersweet Ending
  • do not copy to another site

  Summary

  And then, he realized that if Midoriya Hisashi died, his mother wouldn’t have money problems anymore and she would be able to leave this place and do whatever she wanted.
   
  But it was a futile hope, of course. One did not command life and death. It wasn’t like Midoriya Hisashi would one day drop dead, allowing the rest of the Midoriya family to claim the inheritance.

  Unless…

   

  It's dangerous to be a bad father when you have a life insurance. Just saying.

  Language:

  English

  Words:

  16,609

  Chapters:

  4/4

  Collections:

  67

  Comments:

  1369

  Kudos:

  10993

  Bookmarks:

  3451

  Hits:

  90427

  Bookmarked by CupcakeSkies

  11 Jul 2021

  Bookmarker's Tags:

  • Crack
  • absolute crack
  • Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead is So Done
  • Overpowered Midoriya Izuku
  • Overpowered Todoroki Shouto
  • Vigilante Midoriya Izuku
  • Villain Todoroki Shouto
  • Sensei | All For One is Midoriya Izuku's Parent
  • Sensei | All For One is So Done
  • Todoroki Enji | Endeavor is So Done
  • Todoroki Shouto Tries to Murder Todoroki Enji | Endeavor
  • Murder
  • Plotting
  • Midoriya Izuku & Todoroki Shouto
  • Midoriya Izuku & Sensei | All For One
  • Todoroki Enji | Endeavor & Todoroki Shouto
  • Midoriya Izuku Tries to Murder Sensei | All for One

• Public Bookmark *

  Shaping His Future by queermicah

  Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling  

  • Explicit
  • Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
  • M/M
  • Work in Progress

  24 Dec 2021

  Tags

  • Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
  • Harry Potter/Severus Snape
  • Minor or Background Relationship(s)
  • Harry Potter
  • Severus Snape
  • Albus Dumbledore
  • Tom Riddle | Voldemort
  • Poppy Pomfrey
  • Ron Weasley
  • Ginny Weasley
  • Molly Weasley
  • Sirius Black
  • Remus Lupin
  • Goblins (Harry Potter)
  • Abusive Dursley Family (Harry Potter)
  • Implied/Referenced Child Abuse
  • Manipulative Albus Dumbledore
  • Albus Dumbledore Bashing
  • Powerful Harry Potter
  • Other Additional Tags to Be Added
  • Some Weasley Bashing
  • Molly Weasley Bashing
  • Ginny Weasley Bashing
  • BAMF Harry Potter
  • Good Weasley Twins
  • Good Bill Weasley
  • Good Charlie Weasley

  Summary

  After a disastrous second year Harry, after being vilified due to being a parselmouth, Dumbledore not seeming particularly concerned about the students safety and not to mention almost dying at the hands of a basilisk, decides that he no longer wishes to attend Hogwarts. With neither Hogwarts nor the Dursley’s being a safe haven Harry takes off and disappears. What happens when Dumbledore’s Golden Boy is finally found and is no longer a naïve, impressionable twelve-year-old seeking love and approval from others?

  Language:

  English

  Words:

  65,697

  Chapters:

  13/?

  Collections:

  1

  Comments:

  610

  Kudos:

  3168

  Bookmarks:

  1083

  Hits:

  76597

  Bookmarked by Megzilla01

  23 Apr 2021

  Bookmarker's Tags:

  • Harry Potter
  • snarry
  • Harry Left Hogwarts
  • dumbles bashing
  • Weasley Bashing
  • good older weasleys
  • BAMF Harry
  • Plotting
  • Lord Harry
  • ch 11

• Public Bookmark *

  A Marauder's Plan by CatsAreCool (Rachel500)

  Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling  

  • Teen And Up Audiences
  • Major Character Death, Underage, Rape/Non-Con
  • Multi
  • Complete Work

  13 Jun 2016

  Tags

  • Major Character Death
  • Underage
  • Rape/Non-Con
  • Hermione Granger/Harry Potter
  • Harry Potter
  • Sirius Black
  • Remus Lupin
  • Hermione Granger
  • Ron Weasley
  • Neville Longbottom
  • Albus Dumbledore
  • Peter Pettigrew
  • Alternate Universe
  • Child Abuse

  Summary

  What if Sirius decided to stay in England and deliver on his promise to raise Harry instead of hiding somewhere sunny? Changes abound with that one decision...

  Series

  • Part 1 of A Marauder's Plan

  Language:

  English

  Words:

  865,520

  Chapters:

  87/87

  Collections:

  42

  Comments:

  2208

  Kudos:

  8688

  Bookmarks:

  3968

  Hits:

  603763

  Bookmarked by anepidemic

  03 Apr 2021

  Bookmarker's Tags:

  • Most favorite stories
  • Plotting

• Public Bookmark 2

  谋心 by 红衣公子

  Fandoms: 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV)

  This work isn't hosted on the Archive so this blurb might not be complete or accurate.

  • Not Rated
  • Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
  • M/M
  • External Work

  22 Mar 2021

  Tags

  • Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín/Mèng Yáo | Jīn Guāngyáo
  • Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín
  • Mèng Yáo | Jīn Guāngyáo

  Summary

  一只秀儿一般的心机澄，致力于给瑶妹灌输蓝家反派论的思想达到抱得瑶钱树归的目的，是《假如瑶妹拿了潘金莲的剧本》里澄瑶的展开。

  Bookmarks:

  2

  Bookmarked by Yen

  22 Mar 2021

  Bookmarker's Tags:

  • Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence
  • Plotting
  • Cultivation Sect Politics (Módào Zǔshī)

• Rec *

  The Silver Gambit by cywscross

  Fandoms: Bleach  

  • Teen And Up Audiences
  • Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
  • F/M, Gen
  • Work in Progress

  02 Jul 2014

  Tags

  • Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
  • Ichimaru Gin/Matsumoto Rangiku
  • Ichimaru Gin
  • Matsumoto Rangiku
  • Gotei 13 | 13 Court Guard Squads
  • The Visored
  • Urahara Kisuke
  • Kurosaki Ichigo
  • Aizen Sousuke
  • Espada - Character
  • Tousen Kaname
  • OCs
  • Gin-centric
  • Language
  • Violence
  • Alternate Universe
  • Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence
  • Post Winter War
  • Non-Canon Winter War
  • Aizen Wins
  • Gin’s not taking that lying down
  • Gin is a total bamf
  • But he isn’t a good guy
  • OCs - Freeform
  • Don't copy to another site

  Summary

  Gin swore all those years ago that he would see Aizen dead. A little thing like losing a war isn’t going to stop him. It just means he’ll have to change his plans a bit.

  Language:

  English

  Words:

  24,254

  Chapters:

  2/?

  Comments:

  60

  Kudos:

  768

  Bookmarks:

  215

  Hits:

  12814

  Bookmarked by WolfSongGirl

  06 Mar 2021

  Bookmarker's Tags:

  • Plotting

• Public Bookmark *

  Without a Goodbye by MollyBear3

  Fandoms: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types, Star Wars - All Media Types  

  • Mature
  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • F/M, Gen
  • Work in Progress

  27 May 2022

  Tags

  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano
  • CT-7567 | Rex/Ahsoka Tano
  • Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano
  • CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano
  • Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano
  • Padmé Amidala & Ahsoka Tano
  • Plo Koon & Ahsoka Tano
  • Ahsoka Tano & Asajj Ventress
  • Ahsoka Tano & Clone Troopers
  • Ahsoka Tano & CC-3636 | Wolffe
  • CT-27-5555 | Fives | ARC-5555 & Ahsoka Tano
  • Riyo Chuchi & Ahsoka Tano
  • Padmé Amidala & Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano
  • 501st Legion & Ahsoka Tano
  • Bail Organa & Ahsoka Tano
  • CC-2224| Cody & Ahsoka Tano
  • Ahsoka Tano & Shaak Ti
  • Ahsoka Tano & Everyone
  • Ahsoka Tano & The Jedi Order
  • Aayla Secura & Ahsoka Tano
  • Padmé Amidala & Mon Mothma & Bail Organa
  • Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
  • Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
  • CC-5052 | Bly/Aayla Secura
  • Plo Koon & CC-3636 | Wolffe
  • CC-2224 | Cody & Obi-Wan Kenobi
  • R2-D2 & Ahsoka Tano
  • Ahsoka Tano & Luminara Unduli
  • Dooku & Qui-Gon Jinn
  • Dooku & Obi-Wan Kenobi
  • Dooku & Anakin Skywalker
  • Dooku & Ahsoka Tano
  • Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze
  • Ahsoka Tano
  • CT-7567 | Rex
  • Anakin Skywalker
  • Obi-Wan Kenobi
  • Padmé Amidala
  • Plo Koon
  • CC-3636 | Wolffe
  • CT-27-5555 | Fives | ARC-5555
  • Sheev Palpatine | Darth Sidious
  • CC-2224 | Cody
  • CC-5052 | Bly
  • Aayla Secura
  • Shaak Ti
  • Bail Organa
  • Mon Mothma
  • Riyo Chuchi
  • R2-D2 (Star Wars)
  • Luminara Unduli
  • Dooku | Darth Tyranus
  • Satine Kryze
  • Original Clone Trooper Character(s)
  • Drinking
  • Leaving Home
  • Other Additional Tags to Be Added
  • Family Feels
  • Family Dynamics
  • Family Bonding
  • Running Away
  • coming home
  • Fix-It of Sorts
  • Slow Burn
  • Slow Romance
  • Slow To Update

  Summary

  Ahsoka left the Order, and the people she left behind aren't too happy. She left without a goodbye to her men, her friends, her mentors, not even to her captain. Soon enough, those who love her the most start coming together to bring her home, or to at least see her off properly. Ahsoka is about to learn that going alone isn't an option when so many love you.

  Series

  • Part 1 of Without a Goodbye and Related Works

  Language:

  English

  Words:

  79,339

  Chapters:

  74/?

  Collections:

  1

  Comments:

  471

  Kudos:

  1364

  Bookmarks:

  223

  Hits:

  63117

  Bookmarked by Megzilla01

  02 Dec 2020

  Bookmarker's Tags:

  • Star Wars
  • Obitine
  • panakin
  • Resoka
  • Dooku redemption
  • Kinda
  • ahsoka doesn't go on the run
  • but she still leaves there order
  • just not the gar
  • Plotting
  • overworked fox
  • poor Rex
  • ahsoka and rex need to Talk
  • fixit
  • ch 69

• Public Bookmark 51

  caught in a lie by kookingwithjoon for kropotkinky

  Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS  

  • Teen And Up Audiences
  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • M/M
  • Complete Work

  03 Nov 2020

  Tags

  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • Jeon Jungkook/Kim Namjoon | RM
  • Alternate Universe - Vampire
  • sorta but not really
  • Alternate Universe - America (solely bc author wants to complain)
  • namjoon is carlisle cullen bc we're all thirsty bitches
  • feed us father namjoon
  • horny flirting over big 4 accounting firms bc namjoon's a himbo
  • eunbee is mad about the electoral college
  • google slides as aphrodisiac
  • Blood
  • brief mentions of abo & figging (mutually exclusive) bc taekook read fic
  • namjoon sucks at being a vampire pass it on
  • but it's ok bc jk would make a great conspiracy theorist

  Summary

  So far he’s deduced three things, and these things Jungkook Jeon is absolutely sure of:

  1. The electoral college is kind of fake and he secretly wants to move to some red county in Florida to make his vote count for more (Jungkook thinks he’d be fucking awesome at playing the role of ~exotic pool boy~ to some old white folks).

  2. Those frozen chocolate covered raspberries he saw on Tik Tok are absolutely worth the $4.99 he had to shell over at Target the other day, like he will gladly let his neighbor suck him dry (blood-wise, and maybe dick-wise, too) in exchange for a lifetime supply.

  And:

  3. His hot, ultra sexy, kind of mysterious, but also kind of dorky neighbor, Namjoon Kim, is probably a vampire.

  Language:

  English

  Words:

  5,454

  Chapters:

  1/1

  Comments:

  25

  Kudos:

  312

  Bookmarks:

  51

  Hits:

  2339

  Bookmarked by confetticanon

  03 Nov 2020

  Bookmarker's Tags:

  • namkook
  • Short n sweet
  • hehe
  • Silly
  • Supernatural AU
  • Supernatural
  • Vampires
  • Vampire AU
  • JK pov
  • jk has a crush
  • Crushes
  • Neighbors AU
  • Neighbors
  • hot neighbor joon
  • hot neighbor
  • doctor Joon
  • Pop Culture Refs
  • Animal Crossing
  • ACNH
  • twilight ref
  • Twilight
  • conspiracy theorist jk
  • jk has A Theory
  • BFFs Taekook
  • side taejin
  • side sope
  • vampire joon
  • doc joon
  • dr joon
  • jks evidence
  • jk is a mess
  • to catch a vampire
  • plotting n scheming
  • Plotting
  • Scheming
  • jk tries to catch joon
  • Plotting n scheming taekook
  • big 4 accounting firms
  • accountant jk
  • consultant jk
  • Getting Together
  • neighbors to lovers
  • Strangers to Lovers
  • Ridiculous
  • loved this
  • Delightful
  • Funny
  • Figging mentioned
  • via fic lmao
  • i learned what figging was w this fic
  • reading fanfic
  • America
  • American

• Public Bookmark *

  Terms and Conditions May Apply by kasuchiko (kasuchi) for mllevangogh

  Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS  

  • Explicit
  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • M/M
  • Complete Work

  25 Sep 2020

  Tags

  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin
  • Kim Namjoon | RM
  • Kim Seokjin | Jin
  • Bangtan Boys | BTS Ensemble
  • idolverse
  • Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence
  • Sexpact
  • Fooled Around and Fell in Love
  • Future Fic
  • (but how far into the future? idk)
  • Minor Kim Taehyung | V/Park Jimin
  • the other tannies are conspiring to get rapjin together
  • pure self-indulgence
  • write the fics you wanna see in the world
  • Blow Jobs
  • Drunken Shenanigans
  • Hand Jobs
  • Frottage
  • Bottom Kim Namjoon | RM
  • Switch Kim Namjoon | RM
  • Switch Kim Seokjin | Jin
  • Semi-Public Shenanigans
  • Happy Ending

  Summary

  Seokjin grinned and rose onto his knees. "It's not like you can notarize a sex pact."

  Namjoon choked back a laugh. "Hyung, you're ridiculous."

  Ninety days, three countries, two deadlines, one question.

  Language:

  English

  Words:

  65,496

  Chapters:

  5/5

  Collections:

  1

  Comments:

  187

  Kudos:

  632

  Bookmarks:

  227

  Hits:

  11510

  Bookmarked by confetticanon

  27 Oct 2020

  Bookmarker's Tags:

  • NamJin
  • bts canon
  • joon pov
  • Fav
  • ult
  • !!!
  • The feels
  • fav fav fav
  • characterization
  • joon characterization
  • MC
  • books app
  • Pining
  • pining joon
  • Feelings Realizations
  • Feelings Realization
  • Pining Jin
  • jin is so obviously in love w joon it’s painful
  • impending angst
  • like when you read you just ANTICIPATE when shits about to hit the fan
  • Touring
  • Tours
  • Japan
  • japan tour
  • FWB
  • fwb au
  • First Kisses
  • First Kiss
  • Fighting
  • Sexual Tension
  • Mention of Exes
  • Propositions
  • deadlines
  • joon has only sucked dildo dick and only been pegged
  • bj Virgin joon
  • bottom Virgin jin
  • Sharing a Bed
  • Cuddling
  • Intimacy
  • romantic
  • they decide to be fwbs and everything is smooth sailing
  • jins vocals have been great
  • joons song writing has been great
  • dance practice is awesome
  • beneficial agreements
  • Deals
  • mutually beneficial agreement
  • beneficial agreement
  • mutually beneficial agreements
  • Top jin
  • bottom joon
  • Switching
  • top joon
  • Bottom Jin
  • anal Virgin jin
  • bday sex
  • jins bday
  • Domestic
  • Domestic OT7
  • ot5 knows something
  • Supportive Yoongi
  • Advice
  • yoongi advice
  • supportive ot5
  • Family ot7
  • bffs ot7
  • the ot7 is real here
  • so many great moments between all the members
  • Drinking
  • Drunk Sex
  • handjobs
  • ons
  • Ons to fwb
  • ons turned fwb
  • Agreements
  • Sexpact
  • sex pact
  • looming deadline
  • anxious joon
  • overthinker joon
  • overthinking joon
  • over thinker joon
  • Airplane Sex
  • Plane sex
  • Semi Public Sex
  • Studio Sex
  • Dorm Sex
  • Hotel Sex
  • keys to each other’s hotel rooms
  • slipping keys to each other
  • MHC
  • Mile High Club
  • Making Love
  • baths
  • yoongi sells jin one of his precious bath bombs for bragging rights
  • bts easter eggs
  • side vmin
  • Ot5 tries to get namjin together
  • jinkook fight
  • Sweet Jin
  • jin would do anything for joon
  • doting jin
  • jin dotes on joon
  • Songwriting
  • Love songs
  • bjs
  • Joi
  • Masturbation
  • Riding
  • Loud Sex
  • doggy
  • Kinks
  • Praise Kink
  • Never Have I Ever
  • Drinking Games
  • Games
  • ot7 playing games
  • Game Night
  • Movie Night
  • Movie Nights
  • Watching Movies Together
  • Watching Movies
  • joon and skinship
  • joon n skinship
  • joon skinship
  • joon centric
  • joon gets more comfortable w skinship
  • and tae loves it
  • TAE IS TAE
  • perceptive tae
  • Consent
  • Consent is Sexy
  • Rough Sex
  • joon likes it rough
  • jin calls joon baby
  • Baby petname
  • petnames
  • Pet Names
  • joon calls jin baby
  • yeobo
  • yeobo petname
  • Dropping Honorifics
  • banmal
  • Informal Speech
  • needy Jin
  • clingy jin
  • bold jin
  • this was all jins idea
  • and jin kinda controls the reigns
  • it’s so obvs that jin loves joon omgggg
  • Teasing
  • Gay Chicken
  • Flirting
  • Flirty
  • Bantering
  • Banter
  • Sassy Jin
  • Sassy Joon
  • Rapport
  • oneliners
  • One Liners
  • Dialogue
  • bffs yoonjin
  • yoongi def knows
  • they all warn namjin about the arrangement
  • Arrangements
  • Exhibitionism
  • HUGE misunderstandings
  • Misunderstandings
  • Miscommunication
  • jin wants more
  • and voices that in the MAMA speech
  • Mama
  • award shows
  • dance practice
  • minjoon bike date
  • taekook take joon out star gazing and to see meteor shower
  • Star Gazing
  • meteor shower
  • walk along Han river
  • the deadline is after MAMAs
  • joon realizes he loves jin
  • but then jin makes that speech and joons fears make him hear something else
  • he misunderstands
  • Unrequited Love
  • but ofc it’s requited
  • catching feelings
  • Tender
  • gentleman jin
  • caring jin
  • Museum Date
  • going to museum together
  • bh sex
  • Workplace Sex
  • feisty jin
  • Phone Sex
  • Sexting
  • sharing sexual history
  • BFFs
  • Friends to Lovers
  • Getting Together
  • post fwb breakup
  • Breakup
  • fwb breakup
  • Breakup aftermath
  • Awkwardness
  • Heartbreak
  • joon breaks it off
  • joon goes to stay at his private apartment for a while
  • ot5 help comfort the both of them
  • ot5 is so sweet here
  • Hurt/Comfort
  • sweet namgi comfort moment
  • Sad Joon
  • sad jin
  • stuck in an elevator
  • Stuck in an elevator together
  • like a kdrama
  • Like a movie
  • Reads Like a Movie
  • Scheming
  • Plotting
  • Scheming n plotting
  • ot5 scheming n plotting
  • Apologies
  • becoming amicable again
  • Jk advice
  • jimin advice
  • tae advice
  • Hobi advice
  • Moments w all the members
  • concerned hobi
  • worried Hobi
  • stern hobi
  • joon loves them all
  • fond
  • jin is a good hyung
  • good hyung jin
  • trapped together
  • stuck elevator
  • wonpil
  • wonpil cameo
  • joon has a private ig account
  • Jackson Wang
  • Jackson Wang Cameo
  • not rly cameo more like mentions lol
  • Day6 Cameo
  • Taekook comfort joon
  • taekook hold joons hands
  • peak devestation
  • MY MF HEART
  • my heart
  • Lovely
  • Smut
  • Barebacking
  • Coming Untouched
  • Overstimulation
  • Multiple Orgasms
  • jin is lucky he’s with a younger guy who can come so many times
  • Joon is loved
  • bffs comforting post breakup
  • post breakup comforting
  • Idiots in Love
  • Ambushed
  • ot5 apologizes to the both of them
  • for pushing them to get together
  • but ultimately it was namjin’s faults anyways
  • Boys In Love
  • theyre in love
  • joons lyrics
  • lyrics
  • joons lyrics show progression in falling in love w jin
  • koya notebook
  • jin wants joon to dress in all white
  • so joon can be jin’s 2 meter RJ
  • and likewise joon wants jin to dress in orange
  • so jin can be joon’s 2 meter Ryan
  • Touching
  • Getting cozy
  • jin and joon sit super close together
  • the other members raise an eye but keep it pushing
  • Karaoke
  • Making Out
  • in front of the others
  • Drunk Kissing
  • drunken kisses
  • Drunk Kisses
  • ily confessions
  • Confessions
  • humping while asleep
  • they have a lot of sex
  • sex to relieve the stress
  • stressed joon
  • stressed out joon
  • Stress Relief
  • sex as stress relief
  • Acceptance Speeches
  • namjin April fools day
  • April Fools Day
  • April Fools
  • the great namjin April fools day article
  • this year jimin is posting something new to continue the namjin saga
  • matching rings
  • matching items
  • matching clothes
  • matching namjin watches
  • namjin watches
  • namjin couples watches
  • Namjin couple watches
  • namjin matching couples watches
  • couples watches
  • couples rings
  • Hiding in Plain Sight
  • Fluff
  • i love them
  • Rutting
  • humping
  • loved this
  • joon + all the other members
  • in terms of heart to hearts
  • Hurts So Good
  • taking what you can get
  • taking what you can get in a fwb
  • Light Angst
  • Obliviousness
  • oblivious joon
  • Running Away
  • joon breaks up the fwb arrangement with jin
  • heartbroken jin
  • heartbroken joon
  • meddling ot5
  • Meddling
  • more like they just care and they do it rly gently
  • just checking in with their bros who fuck each other ya know
  • Quips
  • quippy
  • witty
  • bossy jin
  • they all know
  • everyone knows
  • ot5 knows
  • Ot5 know
  • hurt joon
  • Hurt Jin

  Bookmarker's Notes

  Oct 27 2020

  Osaka D-1 had come and gone in a blur.
  (Not unlike Seokjin, who had come over and then gone in Namjoon's mouth

  //

  But Seokjin could roll with these punches. "You think I'm hot, baby?" He posed alluringly on the edge of the bed.

  Namjoon wasn't having it. "Aren't you BTS Jin? Do you really need me to validate you?" He pulled off his hoodie, the t-shirt he had on underneath coming off halfway along with it.

  He caught Seokjin staring at his midsection. "Who doesn't love validation?" Seokjin replied, a lightness in his voice that was definitely not in his hot gaze.

  "The parking garage industry," Namjoon replied, and straddled Jin's lap. "Will you kiss me now?"

• Public Bookmark *

  Halo Protection Squad by yoongiyoongi

  Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS  

  • Explicit
  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • M/M
  • Complete Work

  04 Oct 2020

  Tags

  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • Jeon Jungkook/Kim Namjoon | RM
  • Min Yoongi | Suga/Park Jimin
  • Kim Seokjin | Jin/Kim Taehyung | V
  • Hobi | his sanity
  • Non-Graphic Violence
  • Alternate Universe - College/University
  • Jeon Jungkook is Whipped
  • Kim Namjoon | RM is Whipped
  • jungkook is a libra rising and he will be balancing scales
  • namjoon is a scorpio rising and he will be stinging u to death
  • 5 Times
  • Fluff and Smut
  • the smut is all in the second half I'm sorry but its what the plot demanded!!!!
  • Sexual Harassment
  • Established Relationship
  • namjoon calls jungkook baby

  Summary

  “I sometimes beat the shit out of guys who come on to you.” He said it slowly so he would never have to say it again.

  Jungkook’s jaw slackened.

  “You—what?“ he breathed out. “You—how long have you been doing th—that?”

  “Since we started dating,” Namjoon admitted. “August.”

  “Ah,” Jungkook said, “And how many guys have you beaten the shit out of?”

  “Like five,” Namjoon sighed.

  “Five! Five?! That’s like almost once a month!”

  “Yeah…that’s about right.”

  --or--

  5 times Kim Namjoon (against all his non-violent instincts) beats the shit out of somebody for his boyfriend's honor.

  Language:

  English

  Words:

  53,152

  Chapters:

  8/8

  Comments:

  707

  Kudos:

  2862

  Bookmarks:

  1074

  Hits:

  36251

  Bookmarked by confetticanon

  07 Oct 2020

  Bookmarker's Tags:

  • namkook
  • Fav
  • ult
  • !!!
  • A MASTERPIECE
  • god this was so mf FUNNY
  • funny as fuck
  • Hilarious
  • lol
  • i put my phone down to laugh out loud so many times
  • College AU
  • College
  • Strangers to Lovers
  • First Meetings
  • Bells
  • jks soulmate bells
  • First Meeting
  • meet cute
  • Flashbacks
  • 5+1
  • Storytelling
  • anecdotes
  • Confessions
  • as in the feelings kind but also like hey i did a bad thing lmao
  • ily confessions
  • joon pov
  • but then oop
  • Plot Twists
  • Plot Twist
  • JK pov
  • (in the last chapter — relative to the plot twist)
  • whipped joon
  • WHIPPED WHIPPED joon
  • sweet unassuming jk
  • sweet jk
  • cute jk
  • must protect jk
  • protective joon
  • Protection
  • jk is their baby
  • GCS
  • combing friend groups
  • becoming ot7
  • jimin is a menace
  • yoongi is a menace
  • ykw they’re all menaces in their own right
  • be gay do crime
  • be gay do crimes
  • punches
  • jumping mfs
  • jumping
  • Violence
  • Justice
  • Non graphic violence
  • violence but it’s deserved
  • Payback
  • Revenge
  • assholes
  • America
  • im assuming
  • bffs ot7
  • ot7 bffs
  • bffs vminkook
  • bffs hyung line
  • Hyung line
  • gcs minus jk
  • gcs without jk
  • to protect their baby
  • pure jk
  • Hospitals
  • Accidents
  • joon hits jk w his bike
  • bc ofc he does
  • and ofc joon rings his bike bell and jk hears his soulmate ring
  • asshole nurse
  • asshole bartender
  • asshole barista
  • asshole concierge
  • asshole TA
  • so you see there’s a lot of assholes
  • and they’re all white in my book
  • hippa violations
  • Sexual Harassment
  • Sexual Assault
  • (pretty minor — bartender kissing jk without consent)
  • Consent is Sexy
  • Consent
  • drunk jk
  • Clubbing
  • joons bday
  • bday
  • jk keeps getting free drinks from the gross bartender
  • Wholesome
  • wholesome jk
  • naive jk
  • oblivious jk
  • (or is he?)
  • Or Is he?
  • Obliviousness
  • joon is losing it
  • joon losing his cool
  • panic joon
  • Impulsive Decisions
  • impulsive joon
  • defending his honor
  • Defending Honor
  • joon punches people
  • joon jin and yoongi beat some bartender ass
  • jk has great friends
  • theyre in love
  • Boys In Love
  • Fluff
  • Fluff N Smut
  • Interlude
  • i love that interlude chapter it cuts so nicely
  • Intimacy
  • Bantering
  • Chemistry
  • they play off each other so well
  • taking it slow
  • taking it slow with sex
  • only making out
  • Making Out
  • Gentleman joon
  • soulmate moles
  • matching moles
  • moles
  • Kisses
  • Origin Stories
  • Origin Story
  • dms
  • ig dms
  • Unsolicited Dick Pics
  • Dick Pics
  • Unwanted Dick Pics
  • expired Italian sausage rolled in rats nest
  • what a LINE
  • oneliners
  • One Liners
  • tone
  • witty
  • Amusing
  • well written
  • monologues
  • Delightful
  • spitting out my water funny
  • where did the author come up w these things
  • reddit
  • asshole barista posts fake allegations of joon being a sexual harasser
  • fake sexual harassment allegations
  • namgi JUMP a dude
  • god I think that’s my second fav story apart from the TA one
  • Badass Yoongi
  • dude yoongi is BADASS
  • yoongi is big on committing crimes dude
  • mvp: yoongi
  • Yoongi is my fav here
  • characterization
  • joon characterization
  • jk characterization
  • everyone characterization
  • premeditated
  • joon and yoongi follow barista home and WRECK HIS SHIT LMAO
  • Creepy Dudes
  • Creeps
  • Traveling
  • ready for sex
  • honest convos
  • Heart to Hearts
  • heart to heart
  • Hotels
  • Weekend Getaways
  • Travel
  • yoonmin have car sex in yoongis minicar aka their communal minivan lmao
  • communal ot7 minivan
  • side yoonmin
  • side taejin
  • sociology Major joon
  • english Major jk
  • peeping toms
  • peeping tom concierge
  • First Time Together
  • first sex together
  • theyre not virgins but they basically took their virginities together
  • born again virgins
  • jk rocks joons world
  • joon didn’t like bottoming until jk showed him what’s what
  • bottom Virgin joon
  • Top JK
  • bottom joon
  • Switching
  • top joon
  • BOTTOM JK
  • bd joon
  • oh yeah joon was a hoe during undergrad and that rly saved his ass later
  • bc when that fake reddit post came out about him ppl were defending him
  • sayjng uhh yeah I’ve slept w joon and his dick does not look like that
  • And he’s big lolol
  • Strength Kink
  • Kinks
  • Coming Untouched
  • Barebacking
  • joon needs jk to touch him but jks like nope ur gonna come untouched
  • determined jk
  • i want jks willpower and mindset
  • jk loves to come untouched
  • stressed out jk
  • school stress
  • jk is getting fucked over by his creepy conniving TA
  • Plotting
  • Scheming
  • plotting n scheming
  • retelling a story
  • deans ball
  • deans dinner
  • sad jk
  • jk cries
  • jk thinks he’s being a bad bf by being so busy with school
  • sweet joon
  • joon is SO SWEET AND UNDERSTANDING
  • MY MF HEART
  • my heart
  • Jealousy
  • Jealous Joon
  • Possessiveness
  • possessive kink
  • Possessive joon
  • angry joon
  • mad joon
  • everyones mad
  • Plagiarism
  • TA stole jks work
  • as followed
  • ot5 jump the TA and his friends hehe
  • joon jin yoongi jimin tae all give them the WORK
  • Like a movie
  • like a romcom
  • Brawls
  • Fist Fights
  • Fist Fighting
  • Brawl
  • bar brawls
  • its quite the scene
  • yoonmin are A LOT
  • Jimin is Jimin
  • Horny Jimin
  • jimin is ALWAYS horny
  • jin only speaks in grandiose quotes
  • they all get arrested
  • im crying of laughter
  • and hobi has to bail them out
  • hobi bails them out
  • bc ofc he does pt 2
  • Secrets
  • jk must not know
  • So here we are
  • and now jk has some confessing to do
  • plot twist he knew this entire time
  • knowing the entire time
  • jk side of things
  • mugshots
  • misdemeanors
  • and jk wants one too
  • hehe
  • horny jk
  • jk thinks violent joon is SEXY
  • and he rly wants to fuck joon now lmao
  • jk witnessed the namgi jumping lolol
  • God I loved this so much
  • these tags were a lot but my memory is poor so
  • ill thank myself for them later
  • Astrology
  • shit checks out
  • virgos
  • namkook virgos
  • virgos namkook
  • Scorpio rising joon
  • libra rising jk
  • it all makes sense
  • Getting Arrested
  • Arrested
  • bad boy joon
  • just kidding joon is the best boy
  • wholesome joon
  • guilty joon
  • Joon saw his therapist after the first instance lol
  • Established Relationship
  • bfs
  • how did i forget to tag that
  • Making Love
  • Quips
  • bff yoongi
  • ride or die yoongi
  • bffs namgi
  • yoongi is a ride or die bitch i stan
  • Smut
  • MC
  • Jk must be protected
  • protect him at all costs
  • protect jk at all costs
  • mvp yoongi
  • quippy
  • soulmate bell
  • jks soulmate bell
  • hysterical
  • phone down to laugh
  • Satisfying
  • books app
  • WHIPPED JK
  • Masterpiece
  • Funny

  Bookmarker's Notes

  Oct 24 2020

  God this is so fucking FUNNY, one of the best things I’ve ever read TBH. if ur thinking abt reading this u NEED TO.

  //

  “That guy from the coffee shop yesterday—the one who made me that really good latte—he sent me five pictures of his dick on instagram overnight,” Jungkook whispered, miserable, looking around. The spot was popular with faculty. People over the age of forty were everywhere. “I had to wake up to them. I wanted to text you but I didn’t know how to say it… what words to use… it was so gross. Why would he do something like that?”

  “He didn’t say?” Namjoon asked, eyebrows arched, sardonic. “But actually, I already knew. He messaged me first. He thought I was you.”

  “What?”

  “You used my card and that’s how he got the name. He tracked me down, I told him to fuck off, and then he found you from my account.”

  “Well, that sounds illegal. But—oh my god,” Jungkook said, burying his face in his hands. “I want to not see that guy again, but that’s torture! I love that coffee shop! No offense,” he said, dropping his voice, “But everybody here is like fifty.”

  “So what should we do?”

  “Nothing,” Jungkook moped. “We could always go to Starbucks.”

  “Wouldn’t I rather die,” Namjoon said, narrowing his eyes. “Than give into the mass commercialization of coffee. The beans they use at our café are grown and sold by indigenous communities in Chile without an exploitative middle-man!”

  “Okay, but they’re ground up and steamed with milk by a pervert!”

  “I know, I know…. Maybe he just works Wednesdays?”

  “Let’s hope.”

  Namjoon took a sip. “What did the dick look like?”

  “Oh my god, Joon,” Jungkook said in a low voice, serious, “It looks like somebody rolled an expired Italian sausage through a rat’s nest.”

  //

• Public Bookmark *

  the pull of you by distantbluesky

  Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS  

  • Mature
  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • M/M
  • Complete Work

  01 Sep 2020

  Tags

  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • Jeon Jungkook/Kim Namjoon | RM
  • Kim Namjoon | RM
  • Kim Seokjin | Jin
  • Min Yoongi | Suga
  • Jung Hoseok | J-Hope
  • Park Jimin (BTS)
  • Kim Taehyung | V
  • Jeon Jungkook
  • Hong Jisoo | Joshua
  • Hong Jisoo | Joshua/ Kim Namjoon | RM
  • Fake/Pretend Relationship
  • Cheating
  • but not really cheating
  • Mutual Pining
  • Fluff and Angst
  • jihope try to get namkook to flirt like normal people
  • well normal by jihope terms
  • but either way it doesn't work

  Summary

  Jungkook has been in love with Namjoon ever since he met him. Then one day, Namjoon gets a boyfriend.

  Language:

  English

  Words:

  15,227

  Chapters:

  1/1

  Collections:

  1

  Comments:

  90

  Kudos:

  631

  Bookmarks:

  138

  Hits:

  7258

  Bookmarked by confetticanon

  02 Oct 2020

  Bookmarker's Tags:

  • namkook
  • bts canon
  • Dual POV
  • joon pov
  • JK pov
  • mad jk
  • angry jk
  • truth comes out
  • Good
  • Pining
  • pining jk
  • pining joon
  • Almost Confessions
  • Fake Dating
  • Fake Relationship
  • fwb joon x joshua
  • Fake dating joon x Joshua
  • joon fake dates so he can get over jk
  • joon feels like a creep for liking jk
  • muscles jk
  • running dates
  • side taejin
  • funnt
  • side sope
  • side jimin x joshua
  • scary jimin
  • schemes
  • plotting n scheming
  • Scheming
  • Plotting
  • simp jk
  • sad jk
  • First Kisses
  • First Kiss
  • Songwriting
  • Love songs
  • Confessions
  • ily confessions
  • cheating not cheating
  • Jealousy
  • jealous jk
  • Getting Together
  • Friends to Lovers
  • Pretending
  • Pretend Relationships
  • pretend dating

• Rec *

  Serendipity by Jouicifer, lalunaticscribe, MTKiseki, Sharyxe

  Fandoms: 全职高手 - 蝴蝶蓝 | Quánzhí Gāoshǒu - Húdié Lán, 全职高手 | The King's Avatar (Cartoon)  

  • Teen And Up Audiences
  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • M/M
  • Work in Progress

  11 Feb 2019

  Tags

  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • AllYe - Relationship
  • Yè Xiū
  • Sū Mùchéng
  • Yè Qiū
  • Chén Guǒ
  • Fluff and Humor
  • Age Regression/De-Aging
  • Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence
  • So many first meetings again
  • doting

  Summary

  Ye Xiu blinked once. Then he blinked twice. And then he turned to face the glass windows of the nearest building and froze. He reached out with his hand – his visibly smaller hand - and touched the reflection of his face.

  He really wasn’t one to swear, but, “What the fuck?”

  Staring back at him with a look of shock was his teenaged self.

   

  Language:

  English

  Words:

  79,656

  Chapters:

  32/?

  Collections:

  4

  Comments:

  710

  Kudos:

  2149

  Bookmarks:

  556

  Hits:

  50382

  Bookmarked by Sona14

  28 Sep 2020

  Bookmarker's Tags:

  • Worldbuilding
  • Plotting
  • Funny
  • Sass
  • Humor
  • Well-Written

  Bookmarker's Notes

  Really complex and it is easy to see, how much work was put into this!

• Rec *

  Invictus by EllanaSan

  Fandoms: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, Hunger Games Series - All Media Types  

  • Mature
  • Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
  • F/M
  • Complete Work

  09 Jun 2017

  Tags

  • Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • Haymitch Abernathy/Effie Trinket
  • Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark
  • Haymitch Abernathy
  • Effie Trinket
  • Haymitch's Younger Brother
  • Haymitch's Mother
  • Finnick Odair
  • Chaff (Hunger Games)
  • Johanna Mason
  • Mags (Hunger Games)
  • Katniss Everdeen
  • Peeta Mellark
  • I won't tag all characters but they're pretty much all there
  • canon prostitution of victors
  • mention and talk about said prostitution
  • AU
  • canon universe AU
  • the one in which Haymitch's family is still alive
  • Angst
  • Emotional Hurt/Comfort
  • Hayffie
  • I'm still useless at tagging

  Summary

  “So then, before I can even think about doing something stupid like trying to stab him with his fucking golden paperknife, he gives me a choice, see?" Haymitch continued, almost detached. "Either I play nice like all the other victors or he will kill my family. I could either become his puppet – greatest punishment he could give me, according to him – or I could become the example.”

  AU in which Haymitch's family lives. Hayffie

  Language:

  English

  Words:

  355,146

  Chapters:

  116/116

  Collections:

  5

  Comments:

  1444

  Kudos:

  2072

  Bookmarks:

  380

  Hits:

  49476

  Bookmarked by error_cascade

  10 Sep 2020

  Bookmarker's Tags:

  • Fave
  • Original Characters
  • Plotting
  • Politics
  • Rough Sex

• Rec 17

  I vote yes by 13uswntimagines (Swifty5h13), literalhedgehog

  Fandoms: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer, Twilight Series - All Media Types  

  • Teen And Up Audiences
  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • No category
  • Work in Progress

  17 Nov 2020

  Tags

  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • Bella Swan
  • Jessica Stanley
  • Angela Weber
  • Mike Newton
  • Tyler Crowley
  • Lauren Mallory
  • Edward Cullen
  • Alice Cullen
  • Jasper Hale
  • Rosalie Hale
  • Emmett Cullen
  • Swearing
  • talking about sex
  • they say fuck a lot
  • Buffy the Vampire Slayer References
  • chaotic energy

  Summary

  Bella figures out that Edward is a vampire. Rather than tell him she knows, she decides to let him deduce that for himself and puts the completely hypothetical question of having sex with a vampire to a vote at lunch. A pro-cons list is made.

  Language:

  English

  Words:

  3,968

  Chapters:

  2/3

  Comments:

  18

  Kudos:

  107

  Bookmarks:

  17

  Hits:

  572

  Bookmarked by Lizzy_the_lizzasaurus

  08 Sep 2020

  Bookmarker's Tags:

  • Chaotic Bella
  • innocent Edward
  • nonchalant Rosalie
  • Crack
  • Humor
  • No Angst
  • Plotting
  • schemes
  • plotting Bella
  • interesting Bella
  • evil Bella
  • low-key evil Bella

• Public Bookmark *

  Just Like Him by Rabenschnabel

  Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling  

  • Mature
  • Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
  • M/M
  • Work in Progress

  12 Dec 2019

  Tags

  • Graphic Depictions Of Violence
  • Major Character Death
  • Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | Voldemort
  • Bartemius Crouch Jr. & Harry Potter
  • Sirius Black & Harry Potter
  • Sirius Black/Bartemius Crouch Jr.
  • Harry Potter
  • Bartemius Crouch Jr.
  • Tom Riddle | Voldemort
  • Albus Dumbledore
  • Theodore Nott
  • Sirius Black
  • Cantankerus Nott
  • Cassiopeia Black
  • Lucius Malfoy
  • Narcissa Black Malfoy
  • Draco Malfoy
  • Diary Tom Riddle
  • Regulus Black
  • Albus Dumbledore Bashing
  • Dark Harry
  • Sane Voldemort (Harry Potter)
  • Other Additional Tags to Be Added
  • mentions of child abuse
  • Dark Lord Harry Potter
  • but like
  • In a way that is as healthy as possible
  • tw: anxiety attack
  • Barty Crouch Jr Appreciation 2k19
  • Past Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
  • The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black
  • Pureblood Politics (Harry Potter)
  • Asexuality
  • Impotence

  Summary

  At the height of his power, Lord Voldemort employed another failsafe next to the horcruxes: his most loyal followers would be able to retrieve them and resurrect him with their help.

  As a result, Barty Crouch Jr. breaks his father's mind control early and goes off to seek his master.

  While he is unsuccessful in locating him, he manages to find surprising but welcome allies in the Boy-Who-Lived and his godfather.

  With the support of the Ancient and Noble House of Black on his side, Barty needs to use all his cunning and guile to navigate the world of politics and Dark Arts.

  And so, four years after their first meeting, a different Harry Potter will arrive at Hogwarts: one who wants nothing more than to bring Lord Voldemort back and who will stop at nothing to achieve his goal.

  Language:

  English

  Words:

  85,252

  Chapters:

  20/30

  Collections:

  2

  Comments:

  912

  Kudos:

  2988

  Bookmarks:

  980

  Hits:

  54476

  Bookmarked by Megzilla01

  07 Sep 2020

  Bookmarker's Tags:

  • Harry Potter
  • Tomarry
  • bartirus
  • acquitted sirius
  • Secret Identity
  • Horcruxes
  • Plotting
  • Politics
  • House of Black
  • dumbles bashing
  • Murder
  • Angst
  • ch 20

• Rec 41

  It's a Peverell Thing by WampusRoar13

  Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)  

  • General Audiences
  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi
  • Complete Work

  07 Dec 2019

  Tags

  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • Cedric Diggory/Harry Potter
  • Albus Dumbledore/Original Percival Graves/Gellert Grindelwald
  • James Potter/Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape
  • Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
  • Sirius Black/Narcissa Black Malfoy
  • Albus Dumbledore/Gellert Grindelwald
  • Percival Graves | Gellert Grindelwald/Original Percival Graves
  • Albus Dumbledore/Original Percival Graves
  • Harry Potter
  • Albus Dumbledore
  • Cedric Diggory
  • Gellert Grindelwald
  • Original Percival Graves
  • Sirius Black
  • Remus Lupin
  • Nymphadora Tonks
  • Narcissa Black Malfoy
  • Minerva McGonagall
  • Severus Snape
  • Neville Longbottom
  • Draco Malfoy
  • Fred Weasley
  • George Weasley
  • Hermione Granger
  • Ron Weasley
  • Ginny Weasley
  • James Potter
  • Lily Evans Potter
  • Severitus | Severus Snape is Harry Potter's Parent
  • Mpreg mentioned
  • Stand alone story
  • Harry is Lily's Son Too
  • Lily is Sirius' Sister
  • Lily is Albus Dumbledore's Daughter

  Summary

  What if Cedric was Harry's mate? When Harry prevents the Dark Lord from returning that night in the graveyard, events are changed and the teenager's family comes to call. They don't know what they're in for, but then again, neither does Harry.

  Can completely be read as a stand alone story.

  Series

  • Part 2 of Peverell Lines Run Deep

  Language:

  English

  Words:

  40,957

  Chapters:

  2/2

  Collections:

  1

  Comments:

  11

  Kudos:

  298

  Bookmarks:

  41

  Hits:

  9471

  Bookmarked by Katharina_Lucia

  04 Aug 2020

  Bookmarker's Tags:

  • Family Feels
  • Plotting
  • Slash
  • Hedwig is special
  • Hedwig Lives
  • during 4th year
  • Löwen-Animagus
  • tatoos

  Bookmarker's Notes

  Alternative Version to "it runs in the family"

• Public Bookmark *

  'cus i'm icy, wifey by mockturtletale

  Fandoms: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS  

  • Explicit
  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • M/M, Multi
  • Complete Work

  18 Feb 2020

  Tags

  • No Archive Warnings Apply
  • Jeon Jungkook/Kim Seokjin | Jin
  • Jeon Jungkook
  • Kim Seokjin | Jin
  • Min Yoongi | Suga
  • Jung Hoseok | J-Hope
  • Kim Namjoon | RM
  • Park Jimin (BTS)
  • Kim Taehyung | V
  • Miscommunication
  • Angst
  • Angst with a Happy Ending
  • Canon Compliant
  • Pining
  • Mutual Pining
  • Jeon Jungkook is a Little Shit
  • Jeon Jungkook is a Brat
  • Jeon Jungkook Needs a Hug
  • Kim Seokjin | Jin is a Good Hyung
  • Kim Seokjin | Jin Despairs
  • Feelings
  • Epic Love
  • Emotional Hurt/Comfort
  • Humor
  • Attempt at Humor
  • Sexting
  • Dirty Talk
  • Lust
  • Hyung Kink
  • Power Dynamics

  Summary

  there are a lot of things that jungkook really, really likes about seokjin.

  his absolute preference for jungkook and deference to his wants, wishes and whims chief among them.

  Language:

  English

  Words:

  71,068

  Chapters:

  8/8

  Collections:

  2

  Comments:

  436

  Kudos:

  4488

  Bookmarks:

  811

  Hits:

  43831

  Bookmarked by confetticanon

  02 Aug 2020

  Bookmarker's Tags:

  • JinKook
  • JK pov
  • bts canon
  • ult
  • Fav
  • !!!
  • jk is VERY whipped
  • like omfg whipped whipped
  • tone
  • Memes
  • pop culture references
  • Pop Culture Refs
  • meme talk
  • jk is very silly childish idyllic jk
  • idyllic jk
  • books app
  • MC
  • Long
  • Dorms
  • Dorm Sex
  • bjs
  • horny jk
  • jin keeps keeping his distance
  • Cold jin
  • Heartbreak
  • jk wants what we can get
  • Desperate
  • desperate jk
  • desperate love
  • Pining
  • whew the pining
  • Hurts So Good
  • everyone knows
  • Hyung line
  • vminkook bond
  • side vmin
  • bffs vminkook
  • Maknae line
  • Scheming and Plotting
  • Scheming
  • Plotting
  • Plotting and scheming
  • determined jk
  • characterization jk
  • jin keeps his distance bc he thinks jks just horny and jin genuinely likes jk
  • Misunderstandings
  • side namgi
  • Side Namgiseok
  • Sharing a Bed
  • based on canon events
  • advice ot5
  • Advice
  • jk crawls into everyone else’s bed for advice
  • Funny
  • Hilarious
  • lol
  • witty
  • Dialogue
  • oneliners
  • Delightful
  • Getting Together
  • Trials
  • Friends to Lovers
  • Fighting
  • ignoring
  • avoiding
  • loved this
  • so fun
  • Smut
  • jk just wants to get fucked
  • Top jin
  • BOTTOM JK
  • precious jk
  • brat jk
  • Interventions
  • Family Meetings
  • ot7 family meeting
  • ot7 intervention
  • bffs ot7
  • OT7
  • i Love the ot7 in this so much
  • Dorm Life
  • jk needs a hug
  • jk centric
  • Lust
  • Sexting
  • pining jk
  • Unrequited Love
  • but ofc it’s requited
  • Miscommunication
  • One Liners
  • WHIPPED JK
  • Power Dynamics
  • Kinks
  • Hyung Kink
  • Domestic
  • Domestic OT7
  • Family ot7
  • OT7 Family