1 - 20 of 147 Works in Patrick Brewer is a Troll
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“I just think it’s rude to be up at the crack of dawn making way too much noise and waking everyone up with your little truck.”
“You know, some people have to get up at the 'crack of dawn' for work, and they need the roads clear,” Patrick points out. "No one's ever complained about having clear roads."
David sputters, “Well consider this a complaint! A-a formal complaint. In fact, I want to speak to your manager.”
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It's David's first winter in Schitt's Creek, and the stupid snowplow driver Patrick is irritating him to no end.
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David agrees to participate in the first-ever Great Schitt's Creek Holiday Bake-Off, planned by Alexis, to support the store. He's paired with a certain snippy baker for the competition. Flour-covered hijinks ensue!
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Stevie corrals David into some vulgar, drunken caroling they land at Patrick’s house. That’s all you get. :)
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Rose Apothecary is heading into its first holiday season with a fully functional webstore. The orders are rolling in and profits have never been better.
There is just one thing about the whole holiday internet shopping experience David cannot stand most of all. Patrick is going to be a troll about it, of course.
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A Greater Elms local radio station hosts an elimination style Christmas Carol singing contest. Blouse Barn is one of the sponsors and David is forced to have the radio show play each week while working at the store. Although he hates most of it, one contestant is actually pretty good.
After work, Stevie and David keep running into a new guy at the Wobbly Elm who seems to enjoy teasing David. David can't stand him.
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David gets creative when his esthetician is not available to perform certain personal spa services. It goes about as well as can be expected.
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“So.”
“So,” David echoes, not looking up from the paper, thoroughly engrossed in an article titled What Kenzo Left Behind. Patrick knows enough now to recognize “Kenzo” as the name of a fashion designer; five years practice removing designer clothing is finally rubbing off on him.
“So I ordered 40,000 bees yesterday.”
David’s entire upper body straightens at once, mouth set in a firm line echoing the sudden stiffness of his spine, brow impossibly flat. Admittedly, Patrick broke the news in this manner precisely to experience this full and honest reaction.
“What.”
“Honeybees. I ordered two packages.”
David blinks.
“What.”
Series
- Part 6 of The Commonplace Book
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Patrick wrote a new song for David.
David isn't sure how he feels about it.
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In a Moment of Weakness, In a Moment of Strength by goodiecornbread
Fandoms: Schitt's Creek
28 Oct 2021
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David's phone buzzed in his pocket, a notification from Bumpkin.
You have a match! -
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David and Patrick celebrate their one year anniversary with a little dancing, and a little trolling.
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you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me by banesapothecary (komhmagnus), komhmagnus
Fandoms: Schitt's Creek
23 Oct 2021
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- Part 22 of Flufftober 2021
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Four scenes at Rose Apothecary, across four seasons.
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The way to my husband's heart... by thesleepyskipper for BiblioPan
Fandoms: Schitt's Creek
09 Oct 2021
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Patrick: I just picked up your dry cleaning in Elmdale
David: thanks for doing that
Patrick: And I picked up two frosted cinnamon buns, a double chocolate brownie and a cherry clafoutis for you at the bakery on my way back to town.
David: ooh, the good one by the orchards and the gas station?
Patrick: Of course.A fluffy snippet from Patrick's text log.
Series
- Part 1 of Fluffftober 2021
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David loves all things sweet and Patrick!!
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- Part 7 of "Fall"ing For You
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He's pissed off about the whole thing and hated that Patrick had the audacity to be such a helpful husband, getting him ice and ibuprofen the second they made it into the living room.
It was a week before Christmas and David insisted they have garland hung up on the pergola in the backyard, but refused to use the step ladder. Mainly because it was in their janky little shed and he didn't like the dead bugs everywhere, but he'd never tell Patrick that.
It was all going fine until he made it to the southeast corner. His jump and hook method had been working until he hit a patch of ice, rolled his ankle fully and hit his hip on the way down.
Series
- Part 12 of The Sweetest Thing
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singing in the car, getting lost upstate by al_ex_an_d_er_hamiltons
Fandoms: Schitt's Creek
04 Oct 2021
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“Oh god, not this song,” David moaned, covering his face with his hands as a dreadfully familiar piano riff filled the car. His distress did nothing to deter Patrick, and David was forced to glare at him as he started belting, his voice high-pitched and off-key.
Or, David and Patrick get stuck in traffic on their way back from a vendor run. David discovers just how annoying Patrick can be. -
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Patrick text trolls David with bad Halloween puns.
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I’m convinced Alexis telling Twyla she was showing David how Bumpkin😉 works somehow got back to Patrick and I’ve always loved “there was a minute when I thought I would never have to look at another dating app.” Then one line of this popped into my head after watching The Jazzaguy today and 20 minutes later, this existed. Enjoy!
Takes place in bed following whatever David and Patrick did to celebrate their reconciliation 😏 -
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Patrick tries out some new nicknames, to David's chagrin.
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When their mouths met the roaring sound that filled David’s ears had nothing to do with the rush of the Falls.
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This time the boys 'shower' outside.Series
- Part 10 of Slippery When Wet