1 - 20 of 147 Works in Patrick Brewer is a Troll

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    “I just think it’s rude to be up at the crack of dawn making way too much noise and waking everyone up with your little truck.”

    “You know, some people have to get up at the 'crack of dawn' for work, and they need the roads clear,” Patrick points out. "No one's ever complained about having clear roads."

    David sputters, “Well consider this a complaint! A-a formal complaint. In fact, I want to speak to your manager.”

    OR

    It's David's first winter in Schitt's Creek, and the stupid snowplow driver Patrick is irritating him to no end.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,980
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    27
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    205
  2. Tags
    Summary

    David agrees to participate in the first-ever Great Schitt's Creek Holiday Bake-Off, planned by Alexis, to support the store. He's paired with a certain snippy baker for the competition. Flour-covered hijinks ensue!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,380
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    25
    Kudos:
    48
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    421
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Stevie corrals David into some vulgar, drunken caroling they land at Patrick’s house. That’s all you get. :)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,618
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    29
    Kudos:
    168
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    775
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Rose Apothecary is heading into its first holiday season with a fully functional webstore. The orders are rolling in and profits have never been better.

    There is just one thing about the whole holiday internet shopping experience David cannot stand most of all. Patrick is going to be a troll about it, of course.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,114
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    47
    Kudos:
    170
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    738
  5. Tags
    Summary

    A Greater Elms local radio station hosts an elimination style Christmas Carol singing contest. Blouse Barn is one of the sponsors and David is forced to have the radio show play each week while working at the store. Although he hates most of it, one contestant is actually pretty good.

    After work, Stevie and David keep running into a new guy at the Wobbly Elm who seems to enjoy teasing David. David can't stand him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,090
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    40
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    119
  6. Tags
    Summary

    David gets creative when his esthetician is not available to perform certain personal spa services. It goes about as well as can be expected.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,512
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    32
    Kudos:
    132
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    926
  7. Tags
    Summary

    “So.”

    “So,” David echoes, not looking up from the paper, thoroughly engrossed in an article titled What Kenzo Left Behind. Patrick knows enough now to recognize “Kenzo” as the name of a fashion designer; five years practice removing designer clothing is finally rubbing off on him.

    “So I ordered 40,000 bees yesterday.”

    David’s entire upper body straightens at once, mouth set in a firm line echoing the sudden stiffness of his spine, brow impossibly flat. Admittedly, Patrick broke the news in this manner precisely to experience this full and honest reaction.

    “What.”

    “Honeybees. I ordered two packages.”

    David blinks.

    “What.”

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    23,946
    Chapters:
    2/4
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    72
    Kudos:
    154
    Bookmarks:
    27
    Hits:
    1897
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Patrick wrote a new song for David.

    David isn't sure how he feels about it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    442
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    88
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    645
  9. Tags
    Summary

    David's phone buzzed in his pocket, a notification from Bumpkin.
    You have a match!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,310
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    50
    Kudos:
    357
    Bookmarks:
    48
    Hits:
    1758
  10. Tags
    Summary

    David and Patrick celebrate their one year anniversary with a little dancing, and a little trolling.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,561
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    64
    Hits:
    833
  11. Tags
    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    320
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    99
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    603
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Four scenes at Rose Apothecary, across four seasons.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,083
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    90
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    776
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Patrick: I just picked up your dry cleaning in Elmdale
    David: thanks for doing that
    Patrick: And I picked up two frosted cinnamon buns, a double chocolate brownie and a cherry clafoutis for you at the bakery on my way back to town.
    David: ooh, the good one by the orchards and the gas station?
    Patrick: Of course.

    A fluffy snippet from Patrick's text log.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    384
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    135
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    692
  14. Tags
    Summary

    David loves all things sweet and Patrick!!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,585
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    26
    Kudos:
    63
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    414
  15. Tags
    Summary

    He's pissed off about the whole thing and hated that Patrick had the audacity to be such a helpful husband, getting him ice and ibuprofen the second they made it into the living room.

    It was a week before Christmas and David insisted they have garland hung up on the pergola in the backyard, but refused to use the step ladder. Mainly because it was in their janky little shed and he didn't like the dead bugs everywhere, but he'd never tell Patrick that.

    It was all going fine until he made it to the southeast corner. His jump and hook method had been working until he hit a patch of ice, rolled his ankle fully and hit his hip on the way down.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,906
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    116
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    746
  16. Tags
    Summary

    “Oh god, not this song,” David moaned, covering his face with his hands as a dreadfully familiar piano riff filled the car. His distress did nothing to deter Patrick, and David was forced to glare at him as he started belting, his voice high-pitched and off-key.

     
    Or, David and Patrick get stuck in traffic on their way back from a vendor run. David discovers just how annoying Patrick can be.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,661
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    38
    Kudos:
    135
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    612
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Patrick text trolls David with bad Halloween puns.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    446
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    25
    Kudos:
    101
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    566
  18. Tags
    Summary

    I’m convinced Alexis telling Twyla she was showing David how Bumpkin😉 works somehow got back to Patrick and I’ve always loved “there was a minute when I thought I would never have to look at another dating app.” Then one line of this popped into my head after watching The Jazzaguy today and 20 minutes later, this existed. Enjoy!
    Takes place in bed following whatever David and Patrick did to celebrate their reconciliation 😏

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    532
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    24
    Kudos:
    136
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    784
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Patrick tries out some new nicknames, to David's chagrin.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    900
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    118
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    670
  20. Tags
    Summary

    When their mouths met the roaring sound that filled David’s ears had nothing to do with the rush of the Falls.
    ******
    This time the boys 'shower' outside.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,894
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    23
    Kudos:
    68
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    683

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