18 Works in Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster (Podcast)

Listing Works

  1. Tags
    Summary

    You meet James Acaster at Ed Gamble's birthday party and the two of you hit it off. The story's a bit of a slow burner but after a while, you get closer and realise there's something more than just friendship. If you're just here for the smut skip straight to chapter 5 lmao

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,527
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Comments:
    27
    Kudos:
    52
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    703
  2. Tags
    Summary

    AKA Five Times James And Ed Touched And One Time It Really, Really Mattered.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,743
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    28
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    199
  3. Tags
    Summary

    The lockdown is finally over, and Ed and James are reunited.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,389
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    18
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    283
  4. Tags
    Summary

    From the dialogue prompts:
    "We're not friends and you fuckin know it"
    "You look at me and my heart skips a beat"
    .
    .
    “I believe I was promised he would be on the other end of the table” You tried to project as much annoyance as possible at her.
    “Opposite sides. I said opposite sides, not opposite ends.” she says with a touch of laughter.
    “You’re lucky you’re my best friend because otherwise I would throw hands right here in the middle of your dining room.”
    “I love you too.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,697
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    13
    Hits:
    226
  5. Tags
    Summary

    As the lockdown continues, Ed has a genius idea to expand his sex life with James. He just hopes that James is on board with it too.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,298
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    19
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    211
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Ed's in lockdown for 12 weeks during the COVID-19 outbreak. How will he keep his brand new relationship with James going?

    Phone sex, naturally.

    (Because someone had to do it!)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,305
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    24
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    281
  7. Tags
    Summary

    In which Ed becomes attracted to a genie, and is reluctant to use up all three of his wishes.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,354
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    17
    Hits:
    143
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Dec 3: Shackles

    A genie should only ever have one master, and that master is Lord Greg.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    498
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    2
    Hits:
    132
  9. Tags
    Summary

    A two-person private food tour of downtown Manhattan, I guess?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,485
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    35
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    416
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Five times James and Ed met up throughout history and once in the present-day. Very much inspired by the Good Omens characters as James Acaster quotes making the Tumblr rounds. Welcome to the show, fuck you, & et cetera.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,721
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    22
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    318
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Golf shoes are only good for rough sex, so James heard. So he took a pair to Victoria to find out just how much pain they could give him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,318
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    16
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    484
  12. Tags
    Summary

    James doesn’t want to listen, and he actively tries not to. He closes his eyes and tries to focus on the sound of distant traffic outside but now that he’s heard it and he knows it’s happening he can’t stop hearing it. He hears isolated words, soft moans, occasionally the smack of skin against skin that he doesn’t want to think about too much. He doesn’t know if the girl says anything, but he hears the rumble of Ed’s voice without even trying. It’s second nature to tune in when Ed starts speaking.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,190
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    90
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    1045
  13. Tags
    Summary

    "Do you trust me?" He hears as Ed sets down a tray on the table and sits down. James looks up, eyes squinted.

    "Absolutely not," he says like it should be obvious. James remembers all too well the things Ed has talked him into doing while he was drunk or half crazed from Fringe exhaustion or both.

    "Close your eyes," Ed tells him, and James watches him as he transfers the drinks from the tray, noticing a plate covered with a serviette.

    James closes them.

    ---

    5 questions James answers and 1 he asks AKA James and Ed are totally oblivious

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,020
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    91
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    992
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Ed and Victoria get competitive. Genie James gets caught in the crossfire.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,601
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    22
    Hits:
    700
  15. Tags
    Summary

    How Lord Greg acquired not just His genie, but also His red Eyes.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    780
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    151
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Lord Greg is the only one who knows the true story of how he obtained his iron fist. The rest is cloaked in myth and bardic tales.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    357
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    147
  17. Tags
    Summary

    James is very surprised to find that Victoria is now his new master, and he is not at all happy about it.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    322
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    15
    Hits:
    384
  18. Tags
    Summary

    James is a genie. Genies have lamps. And who owns James' lamp? Ed does. James finds he doesn't mind this at all.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,023
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    28
    Hits:
    601

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