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Why Did He Have To Be So Motherfucking Important? by IRLKankriVantas13
Fandoms: Homestuck
09 Jan 2021
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Summary
She was going for his waistband.
What was she doing? What did she want with his… pants? He knew they were comfy but damn, what did she…? She couldn’t be... No. That was ridiculous. Out of the question.
“Fine, don’t talk. That makes this easier. I refuse to take on a matesprit and I’m horny as all hell. I can’t make Terezi deal with it, she’s my moirail and I can’t make anyone else deal with it, so… You’ll have to do.”
Oh.
Oh no he was right.
He didn’t like the sound of that.In which "the most important character in Homestuck" is bitched during the tine on the meteor in those three years after John did the time travel not time travel thing.
I'd also like to mention that I do not condone ANY of this.
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June is not looking forward to sharing a room now that she is in college.
But her roommate will soon change her mind.Series
- Part 4 of Lewd Homestuck One-Shots
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Kinktober 2020!
1. Bro/Eridan (TW: BDSM without a safeword)
2. Condesce/Alpha Dave (TW: Noncon, sex slavery)
3. Davesprite/John Egbert
4. Cronus/Psiioniic
5. Dave Strider/Equius (TW: mild body horror, picking)
6. Feferi Peixes/Equius
7. Darkleer/GHB (TW: dubcon, violence)
8. Chixie Roixmr/Marvus Xoloto
9. Davepetasprite/ARquisprite
10. Dualscar/Condesce/GHB
11. Dualscar/Cronus
12. Latula Pyrope/Porrim Maryam
13. Equius Zahhak/GHB/Condesce
14. Diamonds Droog/Spades Slick
15. Meulin Leijon/Kurloz Makara
16. Bro/GHB
17. Beforus Karkat/Cronus Ampora
18. Aradia Megido/Tavros Nitram
19. Dave Strider/Jane Crocker
20. Gamzee Makara/Equius Zahhak
21. Rose Lalonde/Eridan Ampora
22. Signless/Dualscar
23. Cronus Ampora/Damara Megido/Eridan Ampora
24. Gamzee Makara/Nepeta Leijon
25. Summoner/Darkleer
26. Equius Zahhak/Vriska Serket
27. Chahut Maenad/Skylla Koriga
28. GHB/Condesce/Karkat Vantas (TW: noncon, mind control)
29. Jade Harley/Sollux Captor/Mituna Captor
30. Dave Strider/Momlonde (TW: mommy kink, age gap)
31. Dirk/Rose/GamzeeSeries
- Part 11 of Tumblr Fills
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If you asked Kankri Vantas how he had ended up here, his answer would be: G99d questi9n.
Yes, he would absolutely love to explore this train of thought with you later in great detail until you two can figure it out together, but at the moment, he was a bit busy.
Someone had taken his whistle, and there were a few trolls advancing on him.This is... purely a guilty pleasure story that I thought up at w o r k .
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Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet by Space_gays_that_arent_in_space for cardboardcoasts
Fandoms: Homestuck
29 Oct 2020
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It wasn’t your first kiss with Karkat.
No, that came not long after the birth of Circlejerk. You were hanging out in his backyard, both of you red faced and practically ready to throw up. You were talking about girls you liked, and kisses, of course, came up. Then you found out he hadn’t had his first kiss, you hadn’t either, though you tried to play it off. It was lame. Stupid.
Karkat kissed you right on your mouth at 6pm on the 18th of May eight years ago. Then, for a few months, things were weird between you, more intimate. You told each other so many secrets, gave up so many fears. You let him see you without your shades. You didn’t kiss again after that, but you didn’t need to. It was after that kiss that Karkat really, truly became your best friend-something more. You want your kisses with Jade to feel like that, like they complete you. The two times you’ve kissed Karkat are seared hot and bright into your memory. They brand you and bind you to him eternally.
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”Dave, I’m saying this because I know you’re not enough of a buldgesucking nooksniffer to tell anyone about this, okay? If you do tell anyone please expect to have your grub chute swiftly detached from your cranium as swiftly as I can put together a 6” cold cut combo.”
You swallow, nodding slowly. He’s gonna ask you to go on a mission to kill this guy, real John Tucker Must Die shit, maybe you’ll have to seduce him with your charm and sick raps, or maybe Karkat will just make you play watchdog while he does the deed. Karkat looks at you funny, and you realize that you’ve been mumbling to yourself without noticing. He disregards you, again.
”Would you……..like to come over...and engage in your human version of fast paced quadrant replacement? Not permanently, of course, but just for tonight?” His voice is shaky and hesitant, like he fully expects you to say no and make fun of him like that isn’t the hottest offer you’ve been given.
Karkat wants to have rebound sex with you. Yeah, of course you’d much prefer to take him on some bitching date where you show him how smooth and totally better than some stoner clown you can be, but beggars can’t be choosers.
Series
- Part 1 of It Sounds Just Like Falling In Love
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the nasty parts of ch 35
can be read standalone
Exposition for standalone reading: Sollux has recently been released from the psychiatric hospital but is still having a tough time and seeks out Gamzee to help him take his mind off things for a while. Note that Sollux is recovering from mobility and speech issues as a result of a mental breakdown, but it is only a minor detail and won't distract from the work if you're reading this out of context from the main story.
Series
- Part 9 of Hot Disaster Dumbass Factory
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What's hotter than lingerie? The punchline is that this time, you're not the one wearing it.
Quick smut fic from my tumblr.
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Feferi keeps a shrunken-down Karkat as a pet, and doesn't quite grasp that just because he's in a tank doesn't mean he likes it.
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Your name is Karkat Vantas and your life is a really depressing joke.
Or, a mutant and a reject helmsman meet up in a bar.
(NaNoWriMo 2019)
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While exploring her new universe, Terezi stumbles upon the Land of Passion and Sanguine, a realm inhabited by zealots that worship her and her friends like gods. Their main way of celebrating is with temple-wide orgies and banquets, both things that Terezi can definitely get behind. Commissioned by anonymous.
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Our Get Along Box by Anamorph_Marco, cheeryPsycho, LaOruga, Wertiyurae
Fandoms: Homestuck
13 Sep 2020
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Dave and Karkat are trapped in a room on the meteor that gets smaller every time they lie. ;)
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your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you have a big problem.
It started a few days ago. You thought it was nothing to be worried about but it has only gotten worse. Eventually, you decided to go ask your most trusted friend, Dave Strider.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,799
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 33
- Hits:
- 548
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Gamzee and Equius have some maid RP funtimes.
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"I'M SO ABSOLUTELY BLISSED THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUR STUPID IMMORTALLY SMOOTH HUMAN FACE SKIN EVERY DAY AND NOT HAVE A COMPLEX ABOUT IT."
alt. Title: How I learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Recent Homestuck^2 Update
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You’re on this merry-go-round, might as well ride by Lizardlicks for Probably_Not_Batman
Fandoms: Homestuck
24 Aug 2020
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Karkat discovers a hitch in his otherwise perfect relationships with his red quads. Spreadsheets aren't going to solve it, but by god he tries. Eridan and Sollux take a more direct approach.
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Dave comes home with a surprise for Karkat, and one thing leads to another. Leading to their couch getting ruined, leading to both of them needing a shower.
An RP turned into a fic for your reading pleasures.
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A Cannoneer, A Helmsman, and A Threshecutioner Walk Into A Bar by twofoldAxiom for Aewin
Fandoms: Homestuck
05 Aug 2020
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The old joke goes "A cannoneer, a helmsman, and a threshecutioner walk into a bar. The cannoneer orders himself a drink because he's lost his job, the helmsman orders himself two drinks because he's lost his ship, and the threshie orders the rest of the bar because he's only blown up one freighter."
It's kind of like that, except Karkat doesn't have that kind of alcohol tolerance and you still have a job.
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i'm gonna watch you like a dingo watches a human baby by oncewewerezombies
Fandoms: Homestuck
25 Jul 2020
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When someone asks for Sollux getting his nook eaten in a pale way, I feel honour bound to deliver.
Why do you assume you're the smartest in the room?
Soon that attitude may be your doom
Why do you write like you're running out of time?
Write day and night like you're running out of time?
Every day you fight, like you're running out of time
- Troll Charlotte Brontë -
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After a delightful first date (Second Base Desserts), the plan had been made for a movie night. Though now that the movie is playing and the scene is set, it's not nearly as important as the attractive sprite that's already got a plan of their own in mind!
Series
- Part 2 of Life's Just Better With A Sprite