1 - 20 of 122 Works in Metaphysical Sex

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Crowley winced and turned around. He squinted at the King of Hell, his two-day stubble and expensive suit and bloody audacity. His Hell-trained survival instincts really didn’t like this.

    That ancient part of him who’s known this man-shaped being since he was a hatchling filed away his escape plan for later, however.

     

    Or: Crowley and Lucifer are siblings, and sure, they’re not exactly on speaking terms now, but that doesn’t stop Lucifer from knocking on Crowley and Aziraphale’s door on a Sunday morning, asking for help. Needless to say, it doesn’t go exactly as planned…

    [Or or: on relationships, the Throne of Hell, absolution, and the Universe's most dysfunctional family—maybe—coming to senses.]

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    68,288
    Chapters:
    34/?
    Comments:
    878
    Kudos:
    1184
    Bookmarks:
    188
    Hits:
    17448
  2. Tags
    Summary

    “You should come join me,” Crawly cajoled. “Or else I’ll splash you.”
    “You wouldn’t.”
    “I would too.”
    Aziraphale hesitated. He had practically just gotten dry. “You promise the water’s warm?”
    “I promise.” A hint of sulfur wafted across the air, and Aziraphale figured that was the scent of Crawly’s magic, making good on their word.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,246
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    58
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    190
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Archangel Kamael very nearly fell alongside Lucifer, and became the demon lord Beelzebub. But they didn’t, because that would have been stupid and weak.

    Meanwhile, Archangel Gabriel fought for Heaven in the war, but refused to bow to the first humans. He fell for his pride, becoming the demon lord Iblis, and he’s not bitter at all about Satan’s obvious disappointment that he isn’t Kamael.

    Now Aziraphale has a supervisor in Heaven who threatens him with outright violence, but admits there’s something to be said for consuming gross matter. And Crowley finally has a chance in Hell of getting a “Wahoo!” from his boss.

    How will these four fools manage six thousand years of human history and the inevitable end times? Especially when they keep having all these inconvenient feelings?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,206
    Chapters:
    5/10
    Comments:
    58
    Kudos:
    63
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    645
  4. Tags
    Summary

    In every world there is pain, sorrow and joy. In every existence there are mistakes and triumphs. There are misunderstandings and differences.
    Having a daemon gives voice to the truth, for better or worse.
    If they so choose, anyone can hear the cries of a soul.
    That does not mean everyone listens.
    But it's harder to ignore one screaming in your face.

     

    The one where the cultivation world is rocked by daemons who speak their minds better than their people ever could and it changes everything.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,930
    Chapters:
    3/7
    Comments:
    40
    Kudos:
    153
    Bookmarks:
    52
    Hits:
    969
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Derek Hale is confused by Stiles Stilinski, or at least Derek's sexuality is confused. He knows that Stiles feels some kind of way toward him, but a discovery on Stiles' laptop leaves no question to HOW much Stiles likes him.

    This would be fine, if they weren't also fighting Big Bads, Bad Alphas, and age of consent laws. Add to it the pressures of learning magic, graduations, and a Sheriff for a potential father in law, things just aren't going to be easy.

    But they'll definitely be worth it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    104,489
    Chapters:
    22/?
    Comments:
    89
    Kudos:
    457
    Bookmarks:
    125
    Hits:
    14341
  6. Tags
    Summary

    “Won’t it be a relief to have a venue dedicated solely to our meetings? No more tiresome interactions with the humans that clutter up parks and restaurants.” Gabriel’s tone was coaxing. “Especially now that the Great Plan has been subsumed in the Ineffable Plan, and we’ll be working together for the foreseeable future.”

    Beelzebub stood in the vestibule of the enormous mansion, considering the skylights, the flawless furniture, the saccharine art prints on the walls. “Ugh. No. I hate it.”
     

    Look, it's not easy to build a nest worthy of both the Archangel Gabriel and Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies. But Gabriel is determined to get it right.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,988
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    38
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    210
  7. Tags
    Summary

    "We always knew it would end. Like mortals know that they'll die." Crowley closes his eyes, finding the stare of his own reflection unbearable. "When you're immortal, you can afford to pretend and hide and go slow. And then, when you finally figure it all out, it turns out that what you have can end anytime. It's unfair..."
    ----------
    The morale in Heaven and Hell is low after the failed Apocalypse. Punishing the traitors (effectively this time) seems like a good idea to raise it for both sides - the angels would see what awaits them if they dare to disobey and the demons could just use some fun. And then there is someone else as well - someone whose grudge is even more personal.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    90,946
    Chapters:
    35/35
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    736
    Kudos:
    375
    Bookmarks:
    53
    Hits:
    6435
  8. Tags
    Summary

    He’s made the process as simple as possible, acquainting them both with his wings during bouts of both play and quite serious lovemaking. He’s drawn up graphs which are posted on the wall above the head of the bed, and they’ve gone over it again and again.

    He knows where Crowley’s going to touch first.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,098
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    60
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    409
  9. Tags
    Summary

    In the burning shop, Crowley said he couldn't find Aziraphale. What exactly did he mean?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,126
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    50
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    212
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Above him— insofar as directions exist, in this place beyond places, time beyond time— a great and impossible shape is coalescing, rings of fire and marble pillars and wings with feathers bright like unending sparks of magnesium flares.

    And Crowley has never been more aroused in his entire life.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,107
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    65
    Kudos:
    314
    Bookmarks:
    39
    Hits:
    1148
  11. Tags
    Summary

    'Cut scene' from the the previous story (The Runaway Scone, rated T). Crowley and Aziraphale (established relationship, six months post-notpocalypse) have been drinking with the Tenth Doctor in the back room of the bookshop, and honestly, Aziraphale has been eyeing him since they met. Crowley finds this interesting for his own reasons.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,714
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    38
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    356
  12. Tags
    Summary

    "Well, perhaps ..." Aziraphale continues. "What I mean is, this doesn't feel quite as bad as I expected it to. Less of an, er, impending explosion."

    Crowley considers it. Being a demon, he knows a thing or two about possession, and he's very aware that it's usually not pretty. A human body typically processes being possessed by a demon as a series of unpleasantly nonsensical supernatural stimuli. When the human knows it's a demon, or if the demon is being particularly malicious, it can be intensely painful.

    He's never heard of anyone being possessed by someone they love with their entire being.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,535
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    30
    Kudos:
    175
    Bookmarks:
    26
    Hits:
    858
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Somehow, the times when it was most difficult to forget that Crowley was a demon were also the times when Aziraphale found it most difficult to resist picking him up.


    Aziraphale set his tea aside. He couldn’t help the way his tongue darted out, chasing the last trace of sweetness on his lips. He couldn’t help the way his fingers slowly, carefully, gently reached out, coming to rest without weight on those precious scales. A warmth blossomed in the pads of his fingers, unfurled through the palm of his hand, and slithered up his arm.

    Oh,” Aziraphale whispered. It was a bliss he hadn’t felt often outside of Heaven, a heat that was almost light filling him with the inexorability and measure of water swelling a sponge.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,560
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    32
    Kudos:
    216
    Bookmarks:
    35
    Hits:
    1289
  14. Tags
    Summary

    There's nothing like a bit of interdimensional anonymous sex, when you've been rejected by the angel you're in love with.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,595
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    198
    Kudos:
    467
    Bookmarks:
    75
    Hits:
    1678
  15. Tags
    Summary

    It's 1980, and Crowley and Aziraphale are taking some time in America. Laurel Canyon, Fire Island, self-realization, cruising, pain and suffering, care and connection.
    -------------
    Maybe it's time for a reunion. Crowley is ready to get bicoastal; he’s feeling reckless. He’d met those New York guys a few months ago at that amazing thing with Harry, his ‘Radical Faeries’. He’d hook up with them in Manhattan and have his hands down Aziraphale’s pants in no time. Or something. Maybe Crowley would go ahead and burst into tears. That really would be a thing.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,587
    Chapters:
    3/4
    Comments:
    33
    Kudos:
    37
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    477
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Podfic of if spirits embrace by argentconflagration. Recorded for Fandom Trumps Hate 2020.

    Original Summary:
    “So we’re supposed to. Uh,” Crowley begins, and then stops.

    Aziraphale doesn’t blame him. The first time he’d read the prophecy it’d seemed vague and unhelpful, but then they’d worked out that the “fire” referenced was probably Hellfire, that Heaven and Hell were coming for them, and that the only way out was to. Well.

    “Seems that way,” Aziraphale says, with far more evenness than he feels. His face is the colour of just having been told by a 17th century witch to mix essences with the demon one adores. That is to say, it’s very, very red.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    45
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    14
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    237
  17. Tags
    Summary

    For three hundred years they've been under attack. It's become background noise now but Gimli can't help but wonder why. Why in Mahal's name are the elves still attacking them after all this time? Surely they have something better to do?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    139,422
    Chapters:
    66/?
    Comments:
    883
    Kudos:
    1780
    Bookmarks:
    292
    Hits:
    26971
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Before the Apocalypse, before they were their own side and were free to show that however they wished, they were the Nanny and the Gardener and they were left alone for a very particular holiday while their charge was away with his family.

    OR

    Crowley plans to spend the time the Dowlings are away getting very drunk, napping, and generally not wearing high heels. Fate, and Aziraphale, have other plans.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,734
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    94
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    768
  19. Tags
    Summary

    It’s the first day of the rest of their lives, and an angel and a demon are finally free.


    “Touch me?” Aziraphale asked. It was a plea and an invitation and a promise all in one, that hopeful tone of his making Crowley’s tongue accordion against his teeth in his rush to ask where and how and really?.

    “How, ah, how do you want me to… ?” There was no dismissing the flush that crept up his neck at that, no dousing the fire that tremulous question had started.

    “However you like.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    20,064
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    28
    Kudos:
    171
    Bookmarks:
    25
    Hits:
    1257
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Five months after the Apocawhoops, Aziraphale gets a visit from his former colleagues. The angels have received instructions from Higher Up not to harm Aziraphale, or interfere with the life he has chosen on earth. However, his miracle privileges have been revoked. This might not be too much of a problem, except that hell has NOT given up on punishing Crowley, and using demonic miracles would attract their attention. They have just begun to adjust to a non-magical existence when Crowley vanishes. Is human magic be the key to finding him, and restoring the angel's powers?

    AKA: Crowley and Aziraphale sort out some key relationship details in between protecting each other from their former co-workers, with the help of one new friend and several old ones. AKA: John Constantine exorcises some metaphorical demons along with some real ones.

    IMPORTANT NOTE: This gets darker than my previous works, though still much closer to the Good Omens tone than to Hellblazer. Trigger warnings relating to physical and psychological torture for chapter 3. It gets better again after that.
    LESS IMPORTANT NOTE: Story takes place immediately after 'Synchronicity', so some bits of this might not make sense if you haven't read that

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    73,801
    Chapters:
    11/11
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    18
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    285

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