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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Lieutenant Todd Brotzman has been serving aboard the USS Ridgely for a year when he meets Lieutenant Dirk Gently.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,311
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    75
    Kudos:
    139
    Bookmarks:
    25
    Hits:
    829
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Picking up during the last episode of season two, dealing with all of the questions left unanswered.

    "So, The Boy was in Blackwing the whole time, and you've actually known him since you were a boy. The jacket is Mona, who is another Blackwing victim, and who also got you out of Blackwing, which is currently being run by Ken, Bart's friend, who fixed Patrick Spring's time machine in Seattle. In Wendimoor Amanda and Todd turned Pararibulitis into magical powers, and now Amanda has gone to find the rest of the people like you before Blackwing can, because the fabric of the universe is coming apart. Is that everything?"

     

    "Yes, essentially," Dirk says, as Todd is saying, "I don't have magic powers."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    22,891
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    39
    Kudos:
    98
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    904
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Jaws chirped and dashed out of the kitchenette just as Todd finished tying his belt. She snagged the hem of his robe and climbed, dead-weight at intervals, until Todd could stick the bulb in his sole remaining empty pocket and sling her over his shoulder. Jaws hung there, purring.

    “Baby girl,” he whispered into her fur, horrified at how contagious Dirk’s epithets had proved. “Wanna help me find something? I probably lost it, and Dirk will never forgive me.”

    Mrrr, Jaws trilled, which was her standard response to anything out of Todd’s mouth.

    “Yeah, okay,” Todd sighed, offloading her on his desk once they’d reached it. “Thought not.”

    [Anons and commenters keep prompting additions to this. These are a string of outtakes off the end of Home Is Where It Starts.]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,000
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    64
    Kudos:
    75
    Hits:
    485
  4. Tags
    Summary

    “While I’m not entirely down with the Grease reference, I appreciate the sentiment,” Dirk told Amanda. He tilted his chin up against Todd’s shoulder, looking Todd in the eye as best he could from such an awkward angle. “I’ve cracked what’s happening case-wise.”

    “You mean not happening case-wise?” Todd asked, worming his hand behind Dirk so he could put his arm around him. “None of these leads are viable. Even the realtor’s pest-control thing was a first-three-months standard courtesy. I checked with other clients of theirs.”

    “We’re trying too hard,” Dirk said. “We had two major cases come so fast and furious that we’re expecting the next one to behave the same way. What if it doesn’t? What if the most pressing concern is the one we’ve stumbled into by accident, but nonetheless agreed upon unanimously?”

    “I didn’t agree to you nerds putting a ring on it,” said Amanda, but in jest. “I have concerns.”

    “Yeah, well,” said Todd, sticking the correct earbud in his left ear, “unanimous means two.”

    *
    ...or: Todd gets no fewer than four different versions of one shovel talk, and he's fucking sick of it.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,000
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    28
    Kudos:
    75
    Hits:
    444
  5. Tags
    Summary

    “No, but really,” Todd continued, nudging Dirk’s shoulder again, possibly a sign of subconscious reciprocal flirtation. “You’ve been jumpy like you were when we started the case. I know when something’s eating you.”

    “Not likely. If it were one as yet AWOL kitten-shark,” said Dirk, too glibly, “then you'd notice.”

    Without any warning, Todd grabbed Dirk’s tie, tugging until they were nearly nose to nose.

    “We’re meant to be here, and everything’s connected,” he said. “Just fucking tell me.”

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,000
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Comments:
    114
    Kudos:
    231
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    1997
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Farah sighed. “This sounds… this sounds pretty implausible, but it also sounds like exactly the sort of thing Patrick believed in.”

     

    Both of them gawked at her. Even Dirk seemed surprised that anyone believed in his flighty life philosophy.

     

    “What? What do you mean?”

     

    “Patrick was obsessed with the force. He said he was part of an organization that took special interest in people who exhibited force-like abilities, so they could be studied. Force abilities hadn’t been displayed in anyone born in the past hundred years outside of the organization, and that fascinated him. Even after he left and became part of the resistance, the concept of the force enthralled him.”

     

    Todd was about to reply to what Farah had said when he saw the expression on Dirk’s face– he was pale, much paler than usual, and he looked drawn into himself like he’d just remembered something important and terrifying. The expression scared him.

     


    a Star Wars AU will a little less force and a little more mystery than originally intended.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    47,670
    Chapters:
    28/?
    Comments:
    57
    Kudos:
    82
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    1741
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Although bellhop Todd Brotzman doesn’t have a lot going on in his life, the worst awaits him. It begins when he arrives at work one day and is sent up to the hotel’s penthouse, where he discovers millionaire Patrick Spring has been murdered. An odd chain of events that unfolds leads to Todd becoming a person of interest in the crime and losing his job. That is when he meets Svlad Cjelli, a fast-talking, eccentric Detective/CIA Agent, and his ‘Assistant’ Osmund Priest, who have been hired to investigate the murder of Patrick Spring. Svlad believes that he and Todd are destined to solve the mystery together. Once Svlad is able to convince (or kidnap) Todd in to working with them, the latter is visited by wild, dangerous characters – all associated with Svlad– who complicate his life further.

    AU Verse in which CIA Agent Svlad Cjelli is solving the Spring Case and he and his 'Handler' Osmund Priest kidnap Todd Brotzman and force him to tag along in the crazy shenanigans.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25,668
    Chapters:
    2/8
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    12
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    192
  8. Tags
    Summary

    When Sam and Dean hear about the death of millionaire Patrick Spring and how it happened, they're thinking demon deal. But when it turns into something bigger than they realize, the Winchester brothers, along with holistic detective Dirk Gently, and his assistant Todd Brotzman, work together to solve the murder. That is, if they can survive the perils that await them solving it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,820
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    27
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    418
  9. Tags
    Summary

    There’s only two real money making opportunities now. Chemical engineering, and hard drugs. As Dirk did not consider himself intelligent enough to aid in the forced evolution of biochemical warfare, he had settled for turning the brains of the nation into pop rocks.

    Essentially, Dirk is a drug dealer, and a good one at that. Farah is his business partner. Dirk was hella more tortured than canonically accurate by the CIA, Farah's gf tina is a police officer but totally gives no fucks about the wayward politics of the law, she just want to help people, and Farah gives her drugs. Oh, btw dirk is a janitor at the weapons place so he can accidentally throw out important plans and such.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,911
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    18
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    182
  10. Tags
    Summary

    From: d.gentl@springnews.org
    To: k.adams@springnews.org
    Subject: I Have A Question

    Can I play minesweeper when I'm not working?

    k.adams: Shouldn’t you be investigating?
    d.gentl: So...is that a no?

     

    (Almost An Attachments AU)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,099
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    34
    Kudos:
    124
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    935
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Dirk discovers that Pancake Day isn't celebrated in America and resolves to give his friends a surprise. Things don't go to plan.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,072
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    45
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    292
  12. Tags
    Summary

    "We should make the most of this situation." Dirk says.

    "What? Like have sex?" Todd says, snorting.

    Dirk goes rather red at this suggestion, and kicks Todd in response. "Or I could kick you out and use the leg room." He says.

     

     

    (A college au in which Todd and Dirk skirt around their feelings for each other because they're dipshits)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,053
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    52
    Kudos:
    310
    Bookmarks:
    31
    Hits:
    2183
  13. Tags
    Summary

    *Written for the DGHDA Mini Christmas Bang*

    “All these things a customer does not do, and yet here I am, buying a flower, which is a thing a customer definitely does, is it not?” Dirk asked Todd as he got out three singles and handed them over. “So if I do all these things a customer doesn’t do, but I’m being a customer and buying something, what does that make me?” Todd thought about this as he cashed the money out, offering Dirk the change before setting it on the till again when he shook his head.

    “A pain in my ass.” he finally answered.

    Dirk only looked pleased.

    Dirk is the last thing Todd expected to find in a flower shop, but he might just be the thing Todd needed the most.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,365
    Chapters:
    1/3
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    482
  14. Tags
    Summary

    События 8 серии 1 сезона. Барт появляется буквально на минуту позже в подвале Спринга. Или на полминуты.

    Language:
    Русский
    Words:
    904
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    17
    Hits:
    206
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Todd casts an unknown spell and ends up with a badger named Baguette and a cheerful vampire named Dirk in his apartment. And is then told by a witch named Sharon that he's stuck with them.

    An entirely self indulgent fic, the vampire/witches au no one asked for.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,068
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    38
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    377
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Farah Black - a rebel just for kicks. More notes on Dreamwidth.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    29
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    30
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    282
  17. Tags
    Summary

    high school au in which stoner/potential dropout todd brotzman befriends weird new kid dirk gently while his burnout sister amanda befriends captain of the step team farah black and the discover some messed up shit the asshole dean of students is getting up to

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,186
    Chapters:
    11/11
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    46
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    388
  18. Tags
    Summary

    "Looking up at the blank ceilings and plain walls in his empty cell, the Holistic Detective found himself exceedingly bored, given the only objects of interest around him were the thin lights on the walls and the tiny black Icarus symbol on his door. He had woken up from yet another dream, the same exact dream that had been plaguing him since he arrived."

    |A short one shot based off the Season 2 teaser scene with a captive Dirk|

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,965
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    22
    Hits:
    292
  19. Tags
    Summary

    О чем тебе ни один специалист не скажет — а это, на минуточку, целая куча именитых докторов, психологов, гипнотистов и даже Дирк Джентли — так это о том, что твое пребывание в теле корги (и пребывание корги в твоем) влечет за собой ряд последствий.

    Language:
    Русский
    Words:
    424
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    8
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    58
  20. Tags
    Summary

    France, in the middle of World War One. Dirk and Todd meet on the front lines and fall in love. (Even though it takes Dirk a while to realise that he does)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,934
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    24
    Kudos:
    30
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    473

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