1 - 20 of 83 Works in John is Not Amused

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Upon returning home from the aquarium, John and Mary decide to amicably divorce. This proves to be challenging, however, when their mutual friend Sherlock begins to go off the rails. It certainly doesn't help that John's holding grudges and Mary's playing with fire (aka the reigniting of the spark between Sherlock and John) and no one's ever really quite sure what Sherlock's up to. But that's always been the problem, hasn't it?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,090
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    26
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    369
  2. Tags
    Summary

    "Dearest brother mine, would you care to explain why the hell -" he began to grind out, "you have caused mass hysteria among the public from a completely fictitious story about how the extremely harmless element caesium-137 is being used as a dangerous atomic bomb by the Russians to attack Britain?"

     

    Sherlock is bored, burns John's jumper as an experiment, causes mass hysteria among public, and Mycroft is not very happy.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    486
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    12
    Hits:
    120
  3. Tags
    Summary

    In a hole in the ground there lived a Hobbit, and an Elf for that matter. Well, when they weren't too busy solving crimes and running about Middle Earth in pursuit of petty criminals and adventure.

    One beautiful morning in the Shire, Gandalf turns up outside John Watson's Hobbit hole with a proposal. He's looking for someone to share in an adventure. Pity it's not going to go the way he thinks.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,502
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    53
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    342
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Sherlock gets hurt by glass and John patches him up. Little did they know this would lead to something more than that.

    Day 1 of ficmas:’)

    (a series of johnlock fics i will write everyday till Christmas)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    929
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    40
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    1027
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Sherlock creates his own version of truth serum and decides to try it out on himself. John calls their friends over to witness the fiasco. Chaos ensues.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,671
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    27
    Kudos:
    96
    Bookmarks:
    12
    Hits:
    1462
  6. Tags
    Summary

    John was pissed. Sherlock went and made a stupid plan to kill himself so that he could save everyone else and John had let it happend. He had been distracted and noticed the scheme when it was to late. Now he had to save his idiot boyfriend without anybody knowing it, which would just make his job even harder.
    Making his was to Europe in order to have the stupid boyfriends back John has his work cut out for him. There will be guns, knives, a bomb or two and many other ways Sherlock can and probably will get hurt. John is not going to let that happend if he can help it.
    Mary and John will not last in my work, they will be a means to an end.
    The rape tag is necessary, but it will not be anything graphic and the parts that might be a trigger will be marked and can be skipped.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,286
    Chapters:
    8/?
    Comments:
    41
    Kudos:
    31
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    599
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Sherlock Holmes and Obi-Wan Kenobi are both very smart men that did a very stupid thing, backed by very smart people acting very stupidly. Anakin Skywalker throws a fit and kriffs up the universe, and John Watson is definitely not paid enough for this shit.

    Please enjoys this mess that has no plan, and no update schedule (not that I normally have much of one anyway).

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,272
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    29
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    479
  8. Tags
    Summary

    John braucht eine Auszeit von Sherlock und sucht sich donnerstags ein neues Hobby- die Entlastungsschwimmgruppe `wet dolphins´. Dank seiner Kriegsverletzung darf er teilnehmen. Der einzige andere in seinem Alter ist ein sympathischer Mann namens Jim. Zusammen überstehen sie die Schwimmstunden, an denen eigentlich nur Rentner teilnehmen.
    Sie verstehen sich immer besser und als Jim anfängt im gleichen Krankenhaus, wie John zu arbeiten, sind sie schon fast Freunde.
    Doch einige Dinge an Jim sind ungewöhnlich: Seine Totenkopfbadehose, seine Schulterverletzung und sein überaus großes Interesse an Sherlock Holmes.

    Die Geschichte begleitet John einige Wochen bei seinem Schwimmunterricht bis zur letzten Folge der ersten Staffel `The great game´.

    Language:
    Deutsch
    Words:
    2,936
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    3
    Hits:
    111
  9. Tags
    Summary

    A Christmas to remember for 221B

    Or

    What happened that one year when John and Sherlock decided to out horrify each other one ugly holiday jumper at a time.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,624
    Chapters:
    3/5
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    25
    Kudos:
    79
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    761
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Sherlock is bored. So he does what any bored person does. He googles himself.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    146,579
    Chapters:
    74/74
    Comments:
    795
    Kudos:
    528
    Bookmarks:
    47
    Hits:
    18048
  11. Tags
    Summary

    I just felt like writing a fluff piece so this is what I came up with. It's just Sherlock being Sherlock and then John being done and then Sherlock being adorable.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    640
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    57
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    715
  12. Tags
    Summary

    “Sherlock?” John blinked, eyebrows meeting in the middle and the hand around Sherlock's throat squeezing just a tiny fraction more. He was unsure whether to strangle the detective further or let go. “What the fucking hell are you doing in my room?”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,906
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    29
    Kudos:
    388
    Bookmarks:
    57
    Hits:
    6857
  13. Tags
    Summary

    random oneshots of stories I have planned for the future

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,015
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    26
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    713
  14. Tags
    Summary

    The rumblings of Jim Moriarty have led one particular freelance hacker to take notice of Sherlock Holmes. His curiosity accidentally leads him to cause a domino effect, and brings together two people who otherwise may not have met.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,905
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    44
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    361
  15. Tags
    Summary

    There is something that humans don't understand and have been wondering about for thousands of years, asking questions that go unanswered.

    What is it? It's birthmarks. Everyone has a birthmark.

    They are not your average birthmark. They always start out black but change into these beautiful, multicolored shapes on our skin. They are handprints, fingerprints, odd-looking shapes, impressions of lips, almost like lipstick marks.
    Some unfortunate soul has a black hand-print on their cheek. They are black spots on your knuckles as if you've punched someone who wore black ink on their face and now you can't get it off of you.

    But they've been there since birth. We still don't understand the hows of it, or really the exact why of it. They change color when you touch someone, or when someone touches you in the same exact way that the mark appears, swiftly fading from black to a multitude of colors, like a rainbow with every gradient of every beautiful color. But it's not just any person that changes your mark to that beautiful bright mark.

    It's your soulmate, your Significant Other. Everyone has a mark.

    Everyone except me.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    29,430
    Chapters:
    24/?
    Comments:
    97
    Kudos:
    217
    Bookmarks:
    26
    Hits:
    4295
  16. Tags
    Summary

    "There is nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact."

    Sherlock Holmes, The Boscombe Valley Mystery

    ***
    In which Sherlock dons, then doffs, a disguise.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    221
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    48
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    376
  17. Tags
    Summary

    John has realised he loves Sherlock and he knows they belong together. When he confronts Sherlock, things turn out a bit differently than he thought.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,570
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    27
    Kudos:
    130
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    1631
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Paul lives in a cleansed household, with a father who’s overprotective and bound to keep his son’s in a safe and clean environment. Once Paul goes off to school, his life starts changing and he becomes introduced to new things, coming to terms that not everything is as dangerous as his father makes it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    26,433
    Chapters:
    9/?
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    119
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    1814
  19. Tags
    Summary

    What did he want? What did the genius, arrogant, arse of a detective want for Christmas?

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,087
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    86
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    782
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Sherlock however, did not seem happy. He was pointing and gesturing, eyes wide as John stepped forward, brow creased in worry, and lips parted. It occurred to him, as he took another step, that Sherlock was trying to warn him about something, but already John was shifting his footing, unable to do much about the obvious error as he slipped on an unseen circle of ice, skidding with a heart-stopping lurch, before both of his feet went out from under him. He fell dramatically onto his bottom and back, gasping as the wind was knocked from his chest.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,250
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    76
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    1053

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