1 - 20 of 11818 Works in John Egbert

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    somebodys gonna take the “socializing in a friendly manner with the FBI agent monitoring me” too literally and make a whole rant about how it’s actually really horrible that we’re humanizing and undemonize the fbi and it’s creepy big brother schtick and half of the website is gonna feel guilty and embarrassed for laughing at this joke and will avoid posts that even mention the fbi and the other half are gonna send death threats to the op of the original post and they’re gonna get driven off of tumblr saying some shit like “I’ve realized how toxic and unwelcoming this website is I need some time for myself” and then months later somebody’s gonna point out how it was a coping mechanism form of humor because we literally can do nothing about the fbi monitoring us and then everyone will feel stupid no matter what side they took and we’ll all silently agree to never bring it up again until five years from now in one of those “memes from 2018” posts

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,207
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    1
    Hits:
    2
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Anubis is at the front door in one Galaxy, and Lord English is waiting mysteriously to make his appearance in another.

    To add onto all of that, Alternia's Moons are in a decaying orbit, and there are insane clowns everywhere in both galaxies... some just refuse to wear makeup.

    The year will be 1999, and the Y2K bug is the least of anyone's concerns.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    48,999
    Chapters:
    15/?
    Comments:
    96
    Kudos:
    23
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    270
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Listen, I don't have much time to say this. Something big is happening in Skyrim, shit, even all of Tamriel. We got dragons, there, and here. There was an attack, there in Helgen you see? Then there was another, and another, here and then here. Then theres, this, this dragonborn? And the Thalmor all are all up their own ass to find them. But then, I was going through birth records, and I found an absolutely ancient high elf. Calls herself nowadays the, um, the Condence? Condesce? Got a real hard on for being the empress. But then, I learned about an order for the Dark Brotherhood assassinate to the emperor, and they actually went through with it. Imperials just think everything's dandy and fine, but no, they have a high elf for Empress now. What's even worse, is someone killed Ulfric Stormcloak. Hey that's a good thing right? He's racist right? Wrong. This is the start of something huge. His death paved the way for the Condesce to grab control. She's got the legion wrapped around her finger. The thing is, the thing is she isn't a vampire, and the average high elf lifespan is far less than her age. How old is she? 5000 years old. Now what the hell is happening here? Shit! We gotta go, they're here!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,925
    Chapters:
    3/45
    Kudos:
    6
    Hits:
    72
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Shrek is in the middle of his scene phase when his life suddenly changes forever.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    29,092
    Chapters:
    8/?
    Comments:
    22
    Kudos:
    51
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    3316
  5. Tags
    Summary

    In which Dave goes in to kill a demon for his bro, and things...don't exactly go as planned.

    Please check the tags before you read.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    66,448
    Chapters:
    20/?
    Comments:
    398
    Kudos:
    358
    Bookmarks:
    53
    Hits:
    4369
  6. Tags
    Summary

    When Dirk Strider meets his Sugar Daddy, Jake English, for the first time, he is swept off his feet. But what happens when he realizes Jake is just as awkward as him? What happens when Dirk's younger brother Dave is hell-bent on finding something wrong with Jake? What happens when Dirk's boss Roxy and Jake's ex-wife Jane start dating each other? Shenanigans, of course. Shenanigans are what always happens in these fics.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,650
    Chapters:
    10/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    76
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    1964
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Vriska can't believe how incredibly awful her luck is. Not only was she dumped by her first serious girlfriend and then kicked off the ship they were both meant to volunteer on due to “incompetent sailing." But now she was stuck living with the one person who hates her more than possibly anything else. No one could have mentioned the other roommate was Terezi Pyrope of all people?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,258
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    3
    Hits:
    45
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Five gods rent a flat in Manhattan. That sounded like the start of a bad joke.

    In which Loki Silvertongue is not the only lost god who falls to a world that isn’t his own.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    183,880
    Chapters:
    33/?
    Comments:
    724
    Kudos:
    1266
    Bookmarks:
    242
    Hits:
    20170
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Basically these are scenes I /wanted/ to fit into the main narrative but never found a place for or things that take place outside the main timeline. (If anyone has requests of things I mentioned in ANY of the main fics that didn't get explored, let me know)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,880
    Chapters:
    9/?
    Comments:
    24
    Kudos:
    22
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    507
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Your name is Dave Str-
    Wait.
    No.
    Deep breaths.
    Start again.
    Your name is Dave Lalonde, and you’re pretty sure that you hold the title of “Worst Chosen One Who Ever Lived”.

    Dave Lalonde is planning to sail through his seventh and final year attending Skaia Academy of Magicks with as few surprises as possible - or, as few surprises as someone titled “the Greatest Mage” can hope for. Unfortunately for him, the World of Mages has a very different plan, one involving a few too many unexpected events for Dave’s taste. His asshole roommate is MIA - not that he cares, shut up Rose - his longtime girlfriend appears to have interest in someone else, his whole world is bristling with internal turmoil hidden beneath the surface and his mentor seems to be hiding something…

    Heavily inspired by Rainbow Rowell’s “Carry On” (but the plot is still different, I promise). I highly recommend it, as it's a great book, but prior knowledge is not needed to understand this work.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,471
    Chapters:
    4/16
    Comments:
    23
    Kudos:
    61
    Bookmarks:
    18
    Hits:
    798
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Your name is Dirk Strider, but everyone who called you that is dead, now. You go by Bro, and you're a vampire. And a single dad to the coolest kid in the world.
    Dave's just brought his first friend home, finally trusting himself and you to keep your vampireness a secret.
    You are really not good at this socialising thing.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    79,728
    Chapters:
    27/?
    Comments:
    80
    Kudos:
    110
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    1715
  12. Tags
    Summary

    A little disagreement isn't going to stop her from loving him. She knows that.

    But it helps when he goes above and beyond, in his own flamboyant, ridiculous way, to make up for it.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,507
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    2
    Hits:
    18
  13. Tags
    Summary

    SBURB / SGRUB decides to screw with all the humans and trolls one final time. Nobody is surprised.

    Following the hijinks associated with a bunch of trolls returning to Alternia after they thought they had escaped it, as well as the humans muddling things up in their newly-obtained troll bodies. Watch as they all find each other again, learn to live together, and try to take over an empire. Failure in this scenario means certain death.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,675
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    24
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    194
  14. Tags
    Summary

    It’s on a November day that Her Imperial Condescension releases the Lord English virus, causing a mass system failure among the carapacian androids of her own production and plunging the world into chaos. Four hundred thirteen years later, Rose Lalonde goes missing.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,663
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    31
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    212
  15. Tags
    Summary

    You don't quite know how to tell your semi-boyfriend what it is you do for a living.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,651
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    17
    Hits:
    154
  16. Tags
    Summary

    If you'd known your best friend did porn for a living, things would have been a lot different from the get-go.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,715
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    74
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    934
  17. Tags
    Summary

    In an alternate universe, Eridan stumbles upon an Easter egg in the game that would make everyone's wet dreams come to fruition. Hardcore shipping ensues.

    This is my first fic, period. I plan to update monthly, but bear with me if this isn't the case. Not really a peaceful point in my life.

    [Yes, this is the same fic as on fanfiction(dot)net. Yes I am HeirOfLaG. Why restrict my work to one site?]

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,240
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    14
    Hits:
    441
  18. Tags
    Summary

    After a FLARP session, Vriska Serket finds a small human, a species usually viewed as pets. Taking care of a human will be a new challenge, but surely not enough of one to trouble her, right?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,099
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    27
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    260
  19. Tags
    Summary

    When Prince Jake died, the first person who suggested Prince Dirk remarry was left on display for two months until the King forced Dirk to return the body to his family. But it's been a year now, so surely Dirk won't actually hurt the troll who he's being forced to marry.
    After all, the peace is fragile and both sides need to learn to see each other as people, not aliens. As allies. What better way than a marriage? What better ambassador than Karkat Vantas, war hero turned romance author?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,269
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    34
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    165
  20. Tags
    Summary

    The kids have defeated Sburb, and Earth C has successfully been inhabited. It's time for everyone to go back to their normal lives: Rose, Roxy, and Dirk living with their mother, John and Jane living with their father, Jade and Jake living on their island, and Dave... returning to live with his brother.
    The older Strider is soon exposed, and Dave soon goes missing.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,017
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    26
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    500

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