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  1. Tags
    Summary

    “There was a bard—”

    “He’s asleep in the other room.”

    When Lambert listens more carefully, he hears the faint noise of a second heartbeat nearby. “Fucking fantastic. Listen, I need you to tell him that I died.”

     

    Thinking that he's a goner after a contract gone bad, Lambert tells Jaskier how he really feels about him. When he survives, he has to face the consequences.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,035
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    17
    Hits:
    35
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Jaskier is just a sailor looking to get aboard the ship he was just hired onto. Unfortunately, he gets on the wrong ship and finds himself surrounded by his worst enemy: vampires. And even worse, they’re pirates. Meanwhile, Captain Geralt Rivia scrambles to figure out what this strange, dangerous human really is and how he seems to bewitch with his abnormally delicious blood.
    Note about non-con tag: There is brief sexual assault in this fic and moments that might be perceived as dub-con. Please be cautious when choosing to read.
    Side note: tags may update as the story progresses.

    Dedicated to bright little stars Ky and J for encouraging me to go ahead with an idea I thought was pretty stupid! Thank you both for your continued support. ❤️
    Also, credit for the title goes to Ky, thank you!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,471
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    71
    Kudos:
    89
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    1103
  3. Tags
    Summary

    “Huh.” Jaskier propped his hands on his hips. “Where’s the happy family, then?” He did a sort of exaggerated twist to look around the large hall. “God, don’t tell me they’re having another heart to heart out in the cold.” He walked closer to the table, smelling strong stew and fresh bread the closer he got, “The sheer amount of dramatics contained within those three, I swear.” He stopped, and they continued staring. “No one’s saying anything. What?”

    “Yennefer portalled them to the grand library of Novigrad a couple hours ago.” Vesemir said, “With, I had assumed, you.”

    So Geralt's abandoned him on top of a mountain. Again. At least the company has improved this time around.
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,997
    Chapters:
    1/4
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    58
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    288
  4. Tags
    Summary

    To be given to a witcher is to be given to Death Themself. One can either accept their fate, or make a run for it, and oh, isn't that just such a heavy weight to put on the shoulders of a child?

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,687
    Chapters:
    11/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    81
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    1740
  5. Tags
    Summary

    The bard that Lambert meets at Kaer Morhen is far from the one Geralt's told stories of these past years.

    Geralt's bard is all noise: chatter and music at every turn. He's full of bright smiles and movement and well timed barbs. He's foolishly foppish and cares not for whatever anyone has to say about his impractical fashion choices.

    That's not the bard Lambert meets.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,844
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    118
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    497
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Jaskier spends so much time running on adrenaline that he doesn't know what to do when there's nothing to be energized about.

    His winters at Kaer Morhen change that.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,801
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    171
    Bookmarks:
    12
    Hits:
    989
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Look, it fucking - it wasn't supposed to go like this, alright?

    The contract had said it was a chort, and even though Lambert knew - he fucking knew - that humans couldn't be trusted to know a griffin from a lubberkin even if it was biting them in the ass and they had a fucking bestiary in their fucking hands…

    He'd certainly paid the price for it now though, hadn't he? All he wanted to do now was collect what he was owed and find a healer. But of course things can't even be that simple - not for him - not when some bard goes and destroys his payment in a tavern brawl. Now instead of the supplies he needed, the village has saddled him with the same bard as a guide. Things can't possibly get any worse, right?

    Right?

    (with fanart by the phenomenal Cylin!)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    101,169
    Chapters:
    23/25
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    402
    Kudos:
    813
    Bookmarks:
    183
    Hits:
    15426
  8. Tags
    Summary

    More ficlets from prompts! Tags and rating updated as chapters/fics added. Each chapter is a different fic.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,488
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Comments:
    64
    Kudos:
    86
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    914
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Jaskier is hit by a wave of frustration and insecurity as he tries to work on a song. Nothing is quite right, his voice sounds flat, and no one will like the song anyway, so why not just give it all up? Well, Lambert has a thing or two to say about that and he is determined to make his idiot boyfriend believe just how brilliant his music is. Fluff ensues. This is why they're made for each other.

    (can be read as a stand-alone)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,473
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    23
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    122
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Jaskier gets sent to the kingdom of the Wolves as a peace offering instead of his sisters, there he is kept safe in a tower to be used by the wolves as they so please.
    Basically a short story of how each of them fuck him
    Eskel; fingering, prep, aftercare, multiple orgasms, hypersensitivity
    Geralt: voyerism, rough sex, plugs
    Lambert w/ Aiden: DP, gapeing, passing out (fainting)
    Vesemir; medical care, probing, D/S
    *No homophobia, just weird royalty rules that prefer opposite sexes to be married for purpose of making children, barely mentioned* geography means nothing to me

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,237
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    102
    Bookmarks:
    12
    Hits:
    2226
  11. Tags
    Summary

    “You are pregnant.” It was not a question. He did not know how she knew.

    “What?” Jaskier spluttered out as he sat curled up in the bathroom. “That’s impossible.”

    “You fell in love with a Witcher, my boy. Nothing is impossible.”

    She had been right, of course. Jaskier didn’t know how or why, but somehow in those scarce nights of pleasure, he had become pregnant. It seemed like a giant joke. Yet, as all things were with a Witcher, it was never a joke.

    OR

    Geralt abandoned Jaskier when neither of them know he’s pregnant and the two brothers come in to save poor Jaskier. Chaos ensues during following winter at Kaer Morhen.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,772
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    176
    Kudos:
    807
    Bookmarks:
    156
    Hits:
    18274
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Eskel willingly takes a potion that turns him into a horny, drooling mess. He'll do anything to have a cock in him, but his three partners want to play, instead. Nobody has any time for him, so he has to wait until they do. He can't come. He can't touch himself. Eskel has to be a good boy; that's the only way they'll have him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,478
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    112
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    1748
  13. Tags
    Summary

    A mysterious force is causing trouble for Jaskier and Lambert. Will they figure out how to satisfy themselves? Or will they need a helping hand?

    This piece was done to match the story by Halli for the 2022 Kaer Morhen Big Bang event. Check out their story with the link below!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    0
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    13
    Hits:
    263
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Fated? Jaskier and Lambert? You bet they are. And now they’re figuring it out.

    A crack Bombard fic for the 2022 Kaer Morhen Big Bang, featuring a horny bard, a horny Witcher, several complications, a floating dildo, and a sassy ghost.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,936
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    73
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    654
  15. Tags
    Summary

    "Sweet thing, this is gonna hurt, and it's going to keep aching."

    Eskel's calm composure broke, his fingers flexing where they hold Jaskier's shoulders. "Gods, we'll split you apart." He let a low curse before steadying himself, "But I know you can be good. You can take us both. Trust us, sweet thing, we'll take care of you." Eskel pressed a kiss to his bard's hair and offered gentle reassurance, "You'll be fine."

    Lambert let out a mean chuckle. "He's lying."

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,101
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    64
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    943
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Never let it be said that Lambert wasn’t a shit starter.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,220
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    20
    Kudos:
    243
    Bookmarks:
    36
    Hits:
    797
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Whatever you do, don't scream.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    52,858
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Comments:
    41
    Kudos:
    158
    Bookmarks:
    37
    Hits:
    1679
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Jaskier saves a drowning sailor

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    585
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    44
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    248
  19. Tags
    Summary

    It's been one of those months where it seems like the whole world needs Jaskier to be there, to listen and to fix their problems. And Jaskier loves it, usually, but it's getting out of hand and he desperately needs a break from everything. Thankfully, Lambert is there to save the day - and to send him pictures of otters in funky hats.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,842
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    45
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    219
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Lambert will admit that it is, perhaps, a stupid plan. Then again, most of his life has revolved around stupid plans, and he’s still alive. And honestly, at this point, he’s willing to do almost anything that A) wipes that awful sad stench from the bard and B) annoys the hell out of Geralt, so being able to do both at once seems like a great bargain.

    Besides, it's not exactly a hardship to cuddle Jaskier.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,522
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    247
    Bookmarks:
    39
    Hits:
    976

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