1 - 20 of 132 Works in Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Being an Idiot

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Jaskier is entirely, perfectly, hundred percent human.

    Geralt is the last to believe it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,478
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Comments:
    133
    Kudos:
    307
    Bookmarks:
    62
    Hits:
    2640
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Jaskier stared in horror at the man before him.

    No, not man, because no man would ever do something so horrifying and appalling such as this without so much as a twitch to his face, and even though Jaskier spent most of his time and effort trying to convince this self-deprecating hunk of a witcher that no, he was not a heartless monster and was in fact, still human in many aspects, Jaskier could not bring himself to do it now. Not this time.

    Maybe not ever.

    ~

    You know how some game mechanics make sense in games but are absolutely ridiculous in real life?

    Crackfic where instead of grand adventures and heroics, Jaskier spends his travels having to deal with Geralt’s absurd behavior - from horrifying eating habits, his ridiculous collection of broken rakes, aggressive herb gathering techniques, to a frankly scary obsession with Gwent, among other things.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,978
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    361
    Kudos:
    464
    Bookmarks:
    80
    Hits:
    3610
  3. Tags
    Summary

    After the unfortunate consequences of Geralt calling The Law of Surprise, he retires to his and Jaskier's room angry and frustrated. Jaskier has an idea how to help.

    “We know little about love. Love is like a pear. A pear is sweet and has a distinct shape. Try to define the shape of a pear.”
    - Jaskier/Dandelion, The Time of Contempt

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,240
    Chapters:
    8/9
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    213
    Kudos:
    633
    Bookmarks:
    112
    Hits:
    8749
  4. Tags
    Summary

    After Geralt's outburst at the dragon's lair, Jaskier makes his way back down the mountain by himself. But the night is dark, and the mountains aren't safe, and Geralt soon comes to regret his harsh words.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,256
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Comments:
    460
    Kudos:
    2191
    Bookmarks:
    398
    Hits:
    19428
  5. Tags
    Summary

    After the Dragon Hunt, and Triss's death at Sodden Hill, Jaskier was determined to run away from the world. And he did, for a while. But then he was found by Yennefer and Chireadan, and then by Vesemir and Lambert.

    And now he is back in Kaer Morhen...seeing Geralt for the first time since the mountain. And the Witcher can barely look at him.

    Oh and Triss is alive...worth mentioning

    ---

    OR yet another "Jaskier and Geralt after the dragon hunt" fic <3 <3

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,727
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Comments:
    72
    Kudos:
    328
    Bookmarks:
    18
    Hits:
    3120
  6. Tags
    Summary

    What if Jaskier never spends that coin Geralt gave him in Posada.

    No matter what happened, how hungry and desperate he was, Jaskier always saves it, it’s his good luck charm. It’s a reminder than good things can always turn up in unexpected places and change your life forever.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,327
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    252
    Bookmarks:
    24
    Hits:
    1794
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Geralt leaves and Jaskier is forced to learn to save himself through traumatic events, but soon he finds he isn't alone. Destiny brings him and a certain young princess together and somewhere along the line they run into a grumpy witcher

    (I'm so sorry I'm really fricking bad at summaries)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,200
    Chapters:
    5/7
    Comments:
    111
    Kudos:
    1032
    Bookmarks:
    220
    Hits:
    8913
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Years ago, Geralt meets a little boy befriending a monster.

    Years later, Geralt meets a bard. There's something familiar in the way he tries to keep Geralt from killing monsters.

    "Real monsters are human", he'd always say.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,512
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Comments:
    134
    Kudos:
    575
    Bookmarks:
    87
    Hits:
    7096
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Jaskier was perfectly content in his new life, settled in one place and with a man who treats him like he's always dreamed of. Trouble seeks him out once more.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    20,530
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Comments:
    68
    Kudos:
    86
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    1246
  10. Tags
    Summary

    1674 and piracy is rife throughout the Caribbean. Plenty of work for a Pirate Hunter such as Geralt. But when he takes a contract to hunt down a pirate captain who is interfering with important trade, a harsh truth arrises that will question his morals and he will be forced to choose between two evils, and risk the one thing he never thought he would find. Love.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    78,582
    Chapters:
    30/30
    Comments:
    416
    Kudos:
    334
    Bookmarks:
    65
    Hits:
    6815
  11. Tags
    Summary

    There were, of course, better ways jaskier could have gone about this.

    Like a normal, human conversation for example.

    But he was tired, and at this point, not at all above being petty.

    He'd only been flirting with the man for YEARS. And now Geralt had the audacity to tell Yennefer he had feelings for Jaskier, as if Yennefer had any interest in that information from her ex-lover. And Jaskier wasn't ever sure whether to be thankful to Yennefer that she's decided to tell him about this drunken conversation or not.

    "Is that--" Geralt started from the doorway, "is that my shirt?"

    ***

    Talking to Geralt was getting Jaskier nowhere, the man was incapable of talking about his feelings. So the current plan? Do as much as possible to drive Geralt insane in hopes he'd take the er.... initiative. Or just shove Jaskier up against a wall. Jaskier would be down with that too.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,016
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    169
    Bookmarks:
    18
    Hits:
    1275
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Jaskier goes to teach at the University of Oxenfurt for the winter, as he normally does. He never expected Geralt to enroll in his class.

    Now updated with Geralt's POV as the second chapter!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,215
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    28
    Kudos:
    288
    Bookmarks:
    48
    Hits:
    1658
  13. Tags
    Summary

    jaskier is patient with geralt.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,171
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    83
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    463
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Destiny does not care for your wishes though. From the richest man to the poorest, destiny will fuck you over if it benefits the ‘grand plan’. Jaskier could only resist so long before it crept up on him, seizing his heart and soul, changing them forever. And Jaskier made it so, so easy for it.

     

     

    Because Jaskier made the mistake of thinking he loved Geralt.

     

    Jaskier's life ends on the side of that mountain, alone and in pain. But that doesn't mean he's done. He's getting off this mountain and the world isn't ready for when he does.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,224
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    38
    Kudos:
    291
    Bookmarks:
    61
    Hits:
    2814
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Třináctý návrat k vaší nejoblíbenější neexistující homoerotické ságy spojující Zaklínače a univerzum Hloupoučkých Elfů: "Vyměním barda" - > "Dva od Mědína" -> "Kdo posílá káně" -> "Do jednoho pytle" -> "Nač zůstávat doma, když venku se slaví" -> "Zelený statek" -> "Zpět ve Stříbře" -> "Střípky z lesa" -> "Dohoda" -> "Do skonání věků" -> "Chlad" -> "Severní vítr"

    Některá shledání, ač dlouho očekávaná, ač vytoužená, zkrátka bolí. Ale to by nebyla Dobrodružství u Hloupoučkých Elfů, kdyby všechen ten angst nebyl k něčemu dobrý! Dáme si na chvíli pohov od řežby (ta bude až v další kapitole) a zkusíme si všichni v klidu a pohodě popovídat. Nebo si v neklidu a nepohodě trochu zařvat, go figure.
    Tak enjoy a nebrečte!

    Series
    Language:
    Čeština
    Words:
    2,563
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    5
    Hits:
    22
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Witchers feel emotions, Renfri wasn't a monster, Roach is notably chill, Geralt prefers nonhuman company, Jaskier is generally good at people but doesn't have much experience with outliers and outcasts and is happy to ignore objections because he thinks he knows best, Yennefer's life is abuse piled atop abuse with a sprinkle of ethnic cleansing and a complete lack of choice, Istredd's life likely wasn't much better, Tissaia does not know what she's doing, Triss is lying about being assigned to cure the princess but is afraid to admit a personal investment if Geralt won't first, Geralt lies just all the time, Jaskier is surprisingly tolerant of Geralt getting him on Calanthe's shitlist.

    Episode 4 & Geralt: Geralt has very good reason to be acting the way he does toward Jaskier, and he is absolutely capable of being relaxed around people he trusts and referring to someone as his friend. His behavior throughout the party, while unusual and sometimes irrational, can be understood if you consider him having a particular grudge that flared up when people started going on about Destiny and also issues with his role as a witcher. Also, he was probably drunk.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    85,736
    Chapters:
    14/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    61
    Kudos:
    77
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    1828
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Another short fic where Jaskier shows an unexpected practical skill and Geralt is in denial of his love of the bard

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,479
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    30
    Kudos:
    183
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    953
  18. Tags
    Summary

    After spending years helping a strange woman adjust to life in his world after she fell out of a portal into Aen Sidhe, Geralt discovers that she had mistakenly tried to wish for him and Yennefer to have a child of their own; a wish that backfired and caused her to bear his child instead after a short-lived affair the two had. The child is raised in secret, and in an attempt to maintain some kind of peace, Geralt is forced to leave the child with their mother and go on with his life as if it never happened.

    But what will happen when that child grows into a bitter-hearted killer-for-hire who agrees to assassinate his own sister, and Geralt is forced to face what he has done to his own flesh and blood? Will he kill the child that is his blood, or save the one he raised? Will he expose the truth and rectify the wrong he had done, or continue to try and cover it up for the sake of peace?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,327
    Chapters:
    15/?
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    11
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    225
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Everybody's invited to Cirilla Fiona Riannon's 20th birthday. Lavish mansion, open bar, the possibility to snoop into the secret lives of the rich and the famous... How could Friday night get any better? Except that Jaskier, drama student and partygoer extraordinaire, has been avoiding a certain white-haired rugby player for two months now. Ciri, however, has her own agenda to get the two to iron out their misunderstandings. Mess ensues as she schemes.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,696
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    118
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    703
  20. Tags
    Summary

    “Don’t you want to hear me sing for you, Geralt?” Jaskier basically purred into the other man’s ear, “I may moan and shout when you make love to me. But I promise you that if you fuck me like you mean it you’ll hear me sing a completely different tune.”

    Jaskier placed his hand on the larger man’s thigh and gently squeezed the firm muscle there. He runs his nose up Geralt’s neck, sniffing slightly, before whispering in his ear, “After all, you wouldn’t want me to find someone else to take care of me.”

    or

    Jaskier wants Geralt to be rougher in bed.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,733
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    450
    Bookmarks:
    29
    Hits:
    3976

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