1 - 20 of 156 Works in Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Being an Idiot

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    AKA Five times Geralt believes Jaskier’s story about lute oil, and one time when he realizes the truth

    AKA I’ve read somewhere on Tumblr that you absolutely shouldn’t oil a lute, so Geralt bringing Jaskier lute oil in fanfics is inaccurate, and I had an idea.

    Also, kind of a ‘a mysterious vial of oil’ trope, just because I can.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    604
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    175
    Bookmarks:
    12
    Hits:
    679
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Geralt's a bit of a dumb bitch and forgets that he and Jaskier are married to Eskel and Lambert, someone help him he's so drunk.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    198
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    41
    Hits:
    487
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Started writing this while working in the ER dealing with a fucking pandemic. Haven't really written since I graduated high school so.

    Jaskier is an NP working in a local ER in Novigrad when 2 witchers, Geralt and Lambert, are brought in as trauma ones after being caught by EMS post griffin hunt. Later in the year, Geralt and his family suddenly keep popping up in Jaskier's life. Jaskier can't help but wonder if this is the call to adventure he's been longing for his entire life.

    (If yall wanna give feedback itd be greatly appreciated as idk wtf I'm doing at all times aha) (Will try to update at least once a week. No promises though)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    42,836
    Chapters:
    15/?
    Comments:
    35
    Kudos:
    120
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    1835
  4. Tags
    Summary

    "Witchers can't feel. They have no emotions, no desire, no distaste. They can't want, and so they ask for nothing. Nothing but contracts to kill."
    These are words that Geralt lives by. They make up who he is. He is a Witcher, and Witcher's don't- can't- feel.
    Jaskier seems to think otherwise.
    Or,
    Geralt wants something, Jaskier notices, and teaches him that it's okay to want.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,249
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    45
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    292
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Geralt of Rivia, the bard Jaskier and Princess Cirilla of Cintra reach their final destination - the Witcher's Keep at Kaer Morhen. But something isn't quite right. As tightly as they close the doors, jealousy and doubt begin to creep in like the icy fingers of the winter frost.

    Something sinister is waiting in the frozen woods. The ghosts of the past come knocking. Can the happy family survive the forces that threaten to break them apart?

    This story follows on from The Kaedweni Trail.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,475
    Chapters:
    12/26
    Comments:
    46
    Kudos:
    175
    Bookmarks:
    28
    Hits:
    3054
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Witchers feel emotions, Renfri wasn't a monster, Roach is notably chill, Geralt prefers nonhuman company, Jaskier is generally good at people but doesn't have much experience with outliers and outcasts and is happy to ignore objections because he thinks he knows best, Yennefer's life is abuse piled atop abuse with a sprinkle of ethnic cleansing and a complete lack of choice, Istredd's life likely wasn't much better, Tissaia does not know what she's doing, Triss is lying about being assigned to cure the princess but is afraid to admit a personal investment if Geralt won't first, Geralt lies just all the time, Jaskier is surprisingly tolerant of Geralt getting him on Calanthe's shitlist. Kalis was in a bad situation, and she didn't rise above it. It really shouldn't surprise people Yennefer gets weird about having a kid.

    Ch19: Yennefer didn't rape everyone. You may not approve of people taking drugs and then having an orgy, but the partygoers not only showed up for that very reason, they paid to be there.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    106,287
    Chapters:
    19/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    98
    Kudos:
    113
    Bookmarks:
    14
    Hits:
    2710
  7. Tags
    Summary

    “Are you sure you are not awake, Geralt?” Jaskier says softly, the alcohol on his breath close to Geralt's face now. Geralt has never been more sure that he is not awake, so very much awake, please go away bard.

    “Because I can’t tell you this if you are, you know.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    602
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    127
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    786
  8. Tags
    Summary

    it started out with a braid, how did it end up like this?? it was only a braid... it was only a braid
    OR:
    geralt gets thoroughly annoyed into realizing that he has fallen good and hard and irreversibly in love with his bard. whoops!

    * note : this fic used to be named 'pretty', but has been revamped after a one-shot turned into a much bigger mess of himbos having feelings

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,649
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Comments:
    39
    Kudos:
    386
    Bookmarks:
    46
    Hits:
    2956
  9. Tags
    Summary

    The forest was quiet and still.

    And Geralt couldn't stand it. Why did nothing happen? It was frustrating and annoying.

     

    ...'Oh, I can help!' the creature said. 'My name is Kuba! Can you sing and play for me? I can trade!'
    The creature called Kuba held up a spoon.

    Something in Geralt's mind clicked. Kuba stood at about the height of an eight-year old child, with dark grey skin and eyes the size of, for want of a better word, dinner plates. They had sticks sticking out of their blue-black hair, but Geralt was sure that they weren't random twigs found in the forest, but rather the little godling's antlers.
    Something else also clicked, but right as he opened his mouth to say something, Jaskier had taken the trade...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,805
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    64
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    327
  10. Tags
    Summary

    He knows it’s a bad idea, his nose always starts dripping and his eyes get swollen and itchy. But Jaskier loves bad ideas. That’s how all his masterpieces are written after all.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,460
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    45
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    283
  11. Tags
    Summary

    He stands alone above the world. Reining himself back in. Regret settling in.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    526
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    50
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    250
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Years ago, Geralt meets a little boy befriending a monster.

    Years later, Geralt meets a bard. There's something familiar in the way he tries to keep Geralt from killing monsters.

    "Real monsters are human", he'd always say.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,719
    Chapters:
    15/?
    Comments:
    146
    Kudos:
    647
    Bookmarks:
    104
    Hits:
    8795
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Geralt has never had sex with a man. When he and Jaskier get together he panics a little.

    Series
    • Part 7 of PWP
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,000
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    76
    Kudos:
    319
    Bookmarks:
    42
    Hits:
    4386
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Jaskier had quickly abandoned the Path once he was out in the world. He’d chosen a name, and pursued what he truly wanted in life - and it was music, not fighting monsters, because of course it was - and he’d only deigned to act as a witcher until he gathered the not insignificant amount of coin needed to buy himself not only a glamour but the discretion of its creator, which had cost almost as much as the damn thing itself.

    If anyone who’d ever known him could see him now, he doubted they’d be too surprised.

     

    Jaskier is a witcher by nature, a bard by choice, and a general nuisance by sheer force of personality.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    80,814
    Chapters:
    12/?
    Comments:
    516
    Kudos:
    952
    Bookmarks:
    241
    Hits:
    14515
  15. Tags
    Summary

    “Roach, what’s that— Roach what’ve you got in your hand?” At least Jaskier’s trying, Geralt’s just gone wide-eyed in horror as their cat slashes at the incredibly detailed rubber dick, the thing bobbing slightly as she jumps away from it, only to pounce on it again.

    Oh boy, it’s fucking giant too, easily the size of Jaskier’s forearm and as thicker than his wrist– he wonders how the fuck Roach managed to drag it all the way to the middle of the living room but fuck, if she isn’t a Buff Cat.

     

     
    Or, Geralt and Jaskier come home to find Roach chewing on a dildo and thus starts the Curse of the Giant Rainbow Dildo. (Aka, Is my best friend gay? Because if so, I'd like him to rail me, thank you.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,228
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    196
    Bookmarks:
    12
    Hits:
    1282
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Geralt thought he invited a nice, normal guy he met at the airport on his work retreat to Hawaii. Mistakingly, he texted someone from a terrible blind date he had months ago and invited them instead...

    Not his fault they had the same name!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,454
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    27
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    220
  17. Tags
    Summary

    The Biker!AU no one asked for but I was inspired by the beautiful art by Daryshkart on tumblr.
    Single Dad!Geralt leads a simple life caring for his young daughter, Ciri, and running security for a local club. He doesn't count on his life being upended by the blue-eyed singer who simply fits into their world. Throw in some angst and a rival gang, Geralt doesn't know what hit him.

    You can find the art here

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    23,600
    Chapters:
    7/11
    Comments:
    45
    Kudos:
    139
    Bookmarks:
    33
    Hits:
    1923
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Jaskier stared in horror at the man before him.

    No, not man, because no man would ever do something so horrifying and appalling such as this without so much as a twitch to his face, and even though Jaskier spent most of his time and effort trying to convince this self-deprecating hunk of a witcher that no, he was not a heartless monster and was in fact, still human in many aspects, Jaskier could not bring himself to do it now. Not this time.

    Maybe not ever.

    ~

    You know how some game mechanics make sense in games but are absolutely ridiculous in real life?

    Crackfic where instead of grand adventures and heroics, Jaskier spends his travels having to deal with Geralt’s absurd behavior - from horrifying eating habits, his ridiculous collection of broken rakes, aggressive herb gathering techniques, to a frankly scary obsession with Gwent, among other things.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,419
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    561
    Kudos:
    723
    Bookmarks:
    136
    Hits:
    6572
  19. Tags
    Summary

    The water splashes against the walls of the tub as he grips the wood— he splutters as his head’s dunked into the water.

    “Geralt?” There’s an edge of hysteria to his voice, his stomach tight as his hair drips. “If you wanted me dead, should’ve just left me back in the—”

    Geralt of Rivia is washing my hair.

    “No.” His voice is so resolute as he rakes his fingers through Jaskier’s hair and works a lather into it.

    Geralt, who’d wished him away with such harsh, vile words, spitting in anger as he’d pinned every wrongdoing on Jaskier’s shoulders. Geralt, who’d ignored his inquiries, hated on his songs, told him he’s a good for nothing peacock— it just makes no sense, does it?

     

     

    Or, Geralt's nice to Jaskier after the mountain, Jaskier thinks he's dying, and Ciri thinks they're both idiots.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,382
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    52
    Kudos:
    687
    Bookmarks:
    87
    Hits:
    3662
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Geralt of Rivia is a fucking mess. He has never gotten the hang of human interaction, ever. It's a complicated situation.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,522
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    82
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    328

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