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  1. Tags
    Summary

    A collection of ficlets tied together by the general theme of Dirk Whump. Generally Post S2 with a lot of reference to Blackwing.

    Expect to see a few themes repeated - sorry I just like some things and can't keep track of where I've used them already...

    Various trigger warnings around the various types of abuse I put Dirk through

    Quite a bit of shameless idea theft (sorry) - from authors including but not limited to the inspirational protecticarus (FKA thewrongplath), flightinflame, scarletkestrel, ToMarsAndBeyond3, electricteatime, Lynds, DontoffendTheBees et al.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    178,009
    Chapters:
    120/?
    Comments:
    260
    Kudos:
    100
    Bookmarks:
    12
    Hits:
    3910
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Todd wakes up in an alleyway with no recollection of how exactly he ended up there. It only spirals from then on.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,648
    Chapters:
    2/8
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    13
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    88
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Dirk swung his feet off the desk and leaned forward. “Game Night, Todd! We need something new to play, after the…Universe-required but nonetheless unfortunate deaths that followed our last round of Trivial Pursuit, and Cluedo seems perfect for a detective agency bonding exercise, wouldn’t you agree?”

    Game Nights at the agency tend to get a little holistic. When Dirk convinces Todd and Farah to try Cluedo, their quiet evening of board games inevitably leads to a murder investigation, a forcefield of coincidences, and some minor interdimensional travel. The trio discover that toothpicks are not to be taken lightly, Mona is a useful ally in dismantling booby traps, and holistics really need to unionise. But at the heart of this chaotic tale of intrigue, romance, and betrayal lies one burning question: was it actually Professor Plum in the library with the candlestick?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    62,113
    Chapters:
    11/11
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    35
    Kudos:
    25
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    455
  4. Tags
    Summary

    What if who and what I am is going to get you killed?

    Что если то, кем и чем я являюсь, тебя убьет?

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    0
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    7
    Hits:
    70
  5. Tags
    Summary

    “Did we fuck?”

    That’s what Dirk was asking.

    And that’s what made Todd’s brain screech to a stop like it had done last night. The immediate flashback of trying to disentangle from a very warm and enticingly naked Dirk, that his brain generously supplied him with, also did not help matters.

    “Er… uhh…. Yesterday? Did something happen yesterday? I don’t know, man. I woke up beside Farah all covered up in glitter.”

    The lie was out of his mouth before he had even consciously thought about it.

    ___
    OR, Todd ends up sleeping with Dirk on the night of Sound of Nothing. However, he freaks out and lies when asked about it the next morning. But since the Universe works in absolutely assholish ways, it immediately supplies Dirk with another guy named Todd who gladly owns up to sleeping with Dirk the previous night. And this guy is everything Todd's not. Tall, well-built... But he is also something that Todd absolutely is- a filthy liar. One intent on permanently remaining attached to Dirk's lips.

    Todd knows he should tell Dirk the truth. But owning up to a lie is way more difficult now that he knows what the aftermath of it can be.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,135
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    17
    Hits:
    138
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Dirk and Todd, with no memory in a hotel that goes on forever.
    Дирк и Тодд, потерявшие память в бесконечном отеле.

    Series
    Language:
    Русский
    Words:
    13,872
    Chapters:
    25/25
    Collections:
    1
    Kudos:
    11
    Hits:
    145
  7. Tags
    Summary

    ПРОЛОГ

    Series
    Language:
    Русский
    Words:
    15,211
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    9
    Hits:
    108
  8. Tags
    Summary

    He tries the word on for size. Depression. Is that what's happening right now? Is that why he's just…not getting up?

    -

    Todd is struggling. He’s got a great job, two best friends, and his sister is finally talking to him again. But something is wrong. He’s angry and tired all the time, his Pararibulitis is getting worse, and he’s got no clue what to do about any of it. It turns out that sometimes what you need to be okay is a little help and a lot of work.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,281
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    18
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    178
  9. Tags
    Summary

    So far all of Todd’s attempts to nip this in the bud have backfired spectacularly, which—actually might be a sign that the universe wants them to pursue this case? No, no, if Todd starts thinking like that he’ll have to go with Dirk and his universe-assigned sixth sense on everything, and then they’ll both end up being seriously injured on a daily basis and die within the month.

    Scratch that. Within the week.

    When Dirk finds a flower on the agency's doormat, he is convinced that it's a case and becomes determined to solve it. Todd is more inclined to believe there's nothing to investigate--that is, until they hear about a recent increase in missing persons reports.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,710
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    17
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    194
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Levi’s favourite spot is on the roof of MP HQ where he can see the stars and the moon.

     

     

    TW: Major character death, suicide, graphic death

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,257
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    9
    Hits:
    256
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Things were looking up. They were set to open the Agency on Monday. Farah decided to stick around. Mona revealed she was there. And Hobbs and Tina were in town to celebrate the grand opening. Dirk’s dreams were coming true.
    The Friday before they opened they all went out for drinks. And having a few too many, Todd has flashbacks to his Mexican Funeral days. And he realizes just how horrible he is. He doesn’t deserve any of this. It had to be a trick, the universe would just take this all away from him. Because Farah, Mona, Dirk… they all deserve so much better than him. So he stuffs it all down.

    “Hate This and I’ll Love You”- A Brotzly character study through the music of Muse. Told both through the eyes of Dirk and Todd, mainly focusing on Todd and his journey through healing and self forgiveness. 14 chapters inspired by 14 Muse songs
    Featuring; case side plots and adventures in therapy (Oh, and Autistic!Dirk)
    No prior knowledge of the band Muse is required, I’ll be putting the lyrics to the songs the chapters are inspired by before each one.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    20,049
    Chapters:
    14/14
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    14
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    228
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Having recurring dreams about kissing your best friend isn't ideal.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,948
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    22
    Kudos:
    61
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    340
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Their father isn’t superstitious but neither is he a god-fearing man, rather indifferent about the whole thing really. Their mother on the other hand? Well, you probably would never meet a more superstitious woman in your life.
    It was an iron nail over the doorframe of each room, a horseshoe the right side up over the entrance to the house. Iron rings, perfect circle rugs, stones that shone in the sunlight tucked into her pockets, baby teeth in boxes, a locket with their hair which was mildly creepy in the Victorian sense and yet also strangely endearing

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,808
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    12
    Hits:
    91
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Farah looks like she’s about to be sick. “You’re asking me,” she says slowly, clenching the towels so tightly in her hand that Dirk thinks they might spontaneously combust, “for dating advice… with Todd… Brotzman?”

    “Yes, I suppose I am,” says Dirk, beaming at her.

    -----

    Todd kissed Dirk in the basement of Blackwing and hasn't spoken to him since. Dirk sets out to solve the case.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,496
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    20
    Kudos:
    88
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    692
  15. Tags
    Summary

    “I incline to the quantum mechanical view in this matter. My theory is that your cat is not lost, but that his waveform has temporarily collapsed and must be restored. Schrödinger. Planck. And so on.”
    ― Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,162
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    22
    Kudos:
    30
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    396
  16. Tags
    Summary

    He does not think about home.
    The memories feel like they burn holes in his mind.

    AU where every Blackwing subject is a changeling, except for one: an abducted fae, who will answer to no name but Icarus.

    Written for the Dirk Gently Beginner Bang 2017.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    40,324
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    56
    Kudos:
    519
    Bookmarks:
    161
    Hits:
    5520
  17. Tags
    Summary

    After 16 years one of the Blackwing Guards breaks their silence and releases footage of Blackwing that goes viral. Some of it features a young Dirk being severely abused.

    Todd and Farah are horrified by what they see, and have to break the news to Dirk while changing their perception of him.

    T/W for physical, emotional, and psychological abuse of children.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,034
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    22
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    197
  18. Tags
    Summary

    It only takes once, Dirk's thoughts running away from him in the middle of their first case together, thinking, Todd Brotzman is everything.

    Or, what happens when there's a magic spell in the air making everything feel possible, and there's two idiots in love who refuse to talk about it finally given the chance.

    [full text with a 16 minute podfic]

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,373
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    35
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    276
  19. Tags
    Summary

    When a holistic detective needs help, he always knows he can count on his friends to be there for him. With arguable efficiency. He hopes.

    5 times Dirk asked for help and one time he didn't have to.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,311
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    32
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    203
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Dirk gets caught up in a conversation with Amanda about different “types” of gay after she does an online quiz with him. Having never really had the chance to experiment as a teen (and being caught up in The Stream of Creation after escaping BW), he ended up “disaster gay” by default. Now Dirk is taking the opportunity to explore identities.

     
    Featuring art by psychosassicvampire!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,454
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Comments:
    25
    Kudos:
    47
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    393

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