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  1. Tags
    Summary

    It’s a rare, quiet morning at the Agency, and Farah is enjoying it immensely when the door opens and in come two of the Rowdy 3. The others, including their van, have disappeared in a flash of blue light and now Gripps and Cross are turning to the only holistic detective they know to help find their family and bring them back.

    Meanwhile, it seems like the whole area has gone Area 51, because there’s strange lights in the sky, lightbulbs that won’t stop flickering, mysterious disappearances, and a sudden resurgence of crop circles. Tina & Hobbs investigate a missing cow while communicating with the Agency through Snapchat, Friedkin is up to something, Assistent is an alien conspiracist and he’s been talking to some ex-cop about soul-swapping..?

    My contribution to the DGHDA Big Bang!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,757
    Chapters:
    2/11
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    2
    Hits:
    5
  2. Tags
    Summary

    For the DGHDA Big Bang 2018.

    When a god disappears from an intergalactic church leaving behind swathes of followers with no choice but to face reality for a change, its has all the appearances of one of those bizarre and unique mysteries for the ages.

    It would be amiss to think that it has anything do with a small child experiencing the terror of their entire planet being engulfed.

    It would be awry to think that it has any link with Tina Tevetino waking up in a motel pool with years of past memories wiped.

    And it would be askew of anyone to connect it with Detective Farah Black and Not-Detective Todd Brotzman, the former solving a crime-a-day and the latter in the midst of child rearing.

    But "amiss" "awry" and "askew" are not words in Dirk Gently's dictionary. He spilt a banana flavoured milkshake over the "A" section quite a few years ago.

    This work is canon-compliant as per the end of Season 2. It refers to canon set out in the two Dirk Gently novels and the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series, but no knowledge of either is required to understand the work.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,482
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    1
    Hits:
    7
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Todd and Amanda have the most boring lives in the world. They miss class, smoke pot and hate everyone. One day, a new kid arrives at the school, and from there, things get weirder and weirder. And they will have to save the world they know and don't know, or at least try it.

    This is my part for the DGHDA Big Bang <3

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,078
    Chapters:
    11/11
    Hits:
    15
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Todd’s focal point slid slightly to the left. To a pair of blue eyes, crinkled at the edges in a smile. A wash of pale skin, dotted with perfect freckles. A bright outfit that clung just right to the person who wore it. With that thought, an intense rush of adrenaline shot through Todd’s system, and his eyes flew open.

    Holy shit.

    He would rather have been kissing Dirk.

    Season 2 AU that’s not exactly an AU.

    While on the run with Farah, Todd realizes he has feelings for Dirk. Meanwhile, Dirk is in Blackwing, thinking about Todd every waking minute. Once reunited, they begin to act on their feelings. Cue season-long butterfly effect.

    All those Brotzly moments you hoped were romantic? Now they are, and then some. All your favorite scenes? They might be included. They might be expanded upon. They might be a bit different. Or they might be wiped out of existence and replaced with something new. You'll have to read to find out.

    Features all your faves being lovable losers, as usual.

    Written for the DGHDA Big Bang 2018.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,535
    Chapters:
    4/11
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    11
    Hits:
    57
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Todd knew an inane thing to lose sleep over when he muddled across one, but it was no use.

    Dirk had just trembled awake, as if dreaming, and pressed into Todd’s belly hard as anything.

    Might as well ask, Todd thought bravely, especially since this was gearing up to be round two.

    “Do you…” Todd swallowed, reassuring Dirk with a gentle nudge that he was paying attention to the heat between his legs. “Do you remember what happened the night of the concert?”

    [Tumblr anon prompted this addition. It's set the same night as the first chapter-bit, which is an outtake from the end of Home Is Where It Starts.]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,000
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    30
    Kudos:
    26
    Hits:
    174
  6. Tags
    Summary

    As requested, here is a collection of drabbles, all based on prompts I've gotten on tumblr (protecticarus, hence the title of this collection).
    Some are gen & some include a romantic relationship (Todd/Dirk mostly, but occasionally others too) which will be pretty clear from the prompt.
    Thank you so much for my tumblr followers for prompting, reading & liking these so far!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    48,419
    Chapters:
    42/?
    Comments:
    179
    Kudos:
    149
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    1960
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Time goes weird when Dirk Gently swaps places with his sixteen year old self, and the Agency must race to fix this mistake before time is altered forever.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,260
    Chapters:
    6/11
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    13
    Hits:
    144
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Dirk wonders if they’re haunting his thoughts because it was one of the few songs he learnt when he first escaped or because they were whispered unthinkingly as coffee was prepared in a very green kitchen.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,403
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    11
    Hits:
    41
  9. Tags
    Summary

    “I’m going to kill them. I’m going to take my time with it, and you’re going to watch. You will watch them suffer and die in my hands, and do you know why they’re going to die?” Svlad was crying harder and Priest was slowly standing up, watching him with heavy eyes as he began pleading him not to. His voice already going hoarse from the tears he was choking on. He just kept smiling at him, hands sliding up to pet his hair. Running his gloved fingers through it before pulling his hand back to take the gloves off. “They’re going to die, because you don’t need them anymore. You have me now, and I’m all you’re ever going to have.” Svald was shaking his head while watching his face, a look of uncertainty in his eyes.

    “Wh-what does that mean?”

    “Oh, Svlad, this is the best part.” He was laughing while moving his hands to rest them on the boy’s arms, leaning on them and feeling them twitch and tense under his hands. “You’re mine now."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    351,284
    Chapters:
    36/?
    Comments:
    65
    Kudos:
    75
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    1765
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Bergsberg is a small town off the beaten track. For Project Vesta, a Blackwing runaway, it offers a fresh start and the chance of a friend in the town's sheriff.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,721
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Comments:
    22
    Kudos:
    12
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    73
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Amanda's life gets turned upside down when she witnesses a murder. Now a psychopath wants her dead and she has a week to get across the state for trial. With a possible mole in the agency, Farah puts Amanda's life into the hands of Rowdy 3 Protection to get her there.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,901
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    12
    Hits:
    47
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Todd has been travelling around the country, singing his heart out and sending all the money back to his parents. He's got to make up for what he did somehow, and Amanda won't accept his help. When he meets Dirk one day, and impulsively asks him to a gig, he realises there might be more to life than punishing himself. But Dirk has a painful past of his own, and Todd might have to dig deeper into himself than he ever thought possible to help him through it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,697
    Chapters:
    8/12
    Comments:
    20
    Kudos:
    29
    Hits:
    233
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Sent out on a hunt Osmund Priest finds himself in a life or death situation and decides to take help that is offered to him by a man he thought was dead. He ends up in the “raw end” of a deal and now has to work for Hugo Friedkin who is laying out a path which leads to him being a man wanted for Treason and the unwanted but very much needed, body guard for Dirk, Todd, and Farah.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    73,385
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    11
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    206
  14. Tags
    Summary

    “While I’m not entirely down with the Grease reference, I appreciate the sentiment,” Dirk told Amanda. He tilted his chin up against Todd’s shoulder, looking Todd in the eye as best he could from such an awkward angle. “I’ve cracked what’s happening case-wise.”

    “You mean not happening case-wise?” Todd asked, worming his hand behind Dirk so he could put his arm around him. “None of these leads are viable. Even the realtor’s pest-control thing was a first-three-months standard courtesy. I checked with other clients of theirs.”

    “We’re trying too hard,” Dirk said. “We had two major cases come so fast and furious that we’re expecting the next one to behave the same way. What if it doesn’t? What if the most pressing concern is the one we’ve stumbled into by accident, but nonetheless agreed upon unanimously?”

    “I didn’t agree to you nerds putting a ring on it,” said Amanda, but in jest. “I have concerns.”

    “Yeah, well,” said Todd, sticking the correct earbud in his left ear, “unanimous means two.”

    *

    ...or: Todd gets no fewer than four different versions of one shovel talk, and he's fucking sick of it.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,000
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    22
    Kudos:
    33
    Hits:
    239
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Соулмейт-АУ, в котором все, что ты пишешь на своей руке, появляется на руке твоей родственной души. Полное описание в комментарии.

    Language:
    Русский
    Words:
    49,627
    Chapters:
    14/14
    Comments:
    29
    Kudos:
    37
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    598
  16. Tags
    Summary

    When vital documents are stolen from Blackwing, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency jump into action to get them before they can fall into the wrong...wronger hands.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    769
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    6
    Hits:
    34
  17. Tags
    Summary

    As the hunt for Adrien Greyback continues, the pack falls into hard times after Amanda has a devastating vision. As the clock ticks on, and time runs out, everyone grows increasingly more desperate. With gods on their tails, traumatized werewolves, and Osmund Priest on the loose once again, everything they have built to protect starts to fall apart at the seams.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    26,623
    Chapters:
    14/?
    Comments:
    33
    Kudos:
    25
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    241
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Blackwing sent a young Svlad to a school in Sheffield. After hitting rock bottom during Cambridge, he escaped to America. Now he's Dirk Gently, and happy with his new friends and work. He's accepted himself. Then a case sends them to Sheffield and the old boys, and Dirk wonders if he can escape his past without them discovering it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,311
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    14
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    155
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Dirk couldn’t stand to see Todd this way any more than Todd could stand the reverse. He drew the neglected handkerchief from inside his coat and used it to dab at Todd’s cheeks.

    “Wendimoor very much happened,” he said, “and for quite a lot of necessary reasons.”

    Todd cracked a smile and almost laughed. “Like setting solid relationship role-models for us?”

    Dirk nodded, realizing he hadn’t even thought of that. “If they can weather a war, so can we.”

    “Panto’s and Silas’s parents will do a better job of communicating post-clusterfuck than mine.”

    “Count your blessings,” Dirk said, tucking the handkerchief in Todd’s pocket. “Mine are gone.”

    “Wait a minute,” Todd said, pulling Dirk in by the shoulders, wide-eyed. “Your parents are?”

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,000
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    26
    Kudos:
    52
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    357
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Todd's band, Mexican Funeral, was - in his opinion - the best band in the land. Dirk's band, The Coinkydinks, was - in Todd's opinion - the worst. Todd hated Dirk. He hated the music he played, he hated the outfits they wore on stage, and most of all he hated their name, Coinkydinks. And with Silas of the Mexican Funeral dating Panto of the Coinkydinks, Todd was forced to spend time with flamboyant Dirk Gently. But something about Dirk that isn't what Todd expected. It was almost like the universe was pushing them to each other.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,127
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    49
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    431

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