1 - 20 of 143 Works in Fíli and Kíli Are Little Shits

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    "I must say, I am rather pleased that you remember me,” said Gandalf.
    “I never forget a face,” Bilbo joked, still entirely at ease. After several moment of silence, Bilbo opened his eyes to find Gandalf eyeing him quizzically. “Is something the matter?” he asked with a hint of annoyance. Why is it that he had not been dead for five minutes and this damned wizard was already causing a fuss.
    “That remains to be seen. I am looking for someone to share in an adventure.”
    “My dear friend, I am much too old now for adventures," Bilbo said with a laugh.

    OR:

    Yet another Time Travel fic in which Bilbo is very sad and a bit of a dick.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    80,333
    Chapters:
    8/?
    Comments:
    199
    Kudos:
    603
    Bookmarks:
    165
    Hits:
    10077
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Nori messes up and meets a two-legged named Bofur! He's intrigued by him and they start to meet, making a few mer curious. Who knows, maybe this won't be all that bad... One thing leads to another and everyone's in for a wild ride.
    People kiss, people cry, and there's some ear-pinching here and there. Everything happens and Bofur's hat remains untouched throughout the entire thing.
    Overall TW for cursing
    -Title is taken from a song by The Oh Hellos named Bitter Water. I DO NOT OWN IT-
    -Updates around every Friday-

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    42,388
    Chapters:
    19/?
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    22
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    499
  3. Tags
    Summary

    While on the road to the prospective burglar's home, Fíli and Kíli startle awake from what they both believe to be a dream-turned-nightmare. As they compare their dreams, they find they were the exact same. The more time passes, the more real life begins to line up with the dream, making the two dwarf brothers begin to suspect that it was more than just a dream. But why would they be gifted visions of the future?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,129
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    23
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    131
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Bilbo Baggins was not your average hobbit. Of course, he had the wonderfully groomed and well-taken-care-of hairy feet like every other one of his race, yes, but he was not like other hobbits. He was cursed. Or, as the witch who gave him the enchantment put it, was “gifted”. She had given him the “gift” of obedience – whenever there was a direct command given to him, for example “cook a large meal” or “take a walk”, he could not disobey. Not without a lot of pain and eventual submission.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,561
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    118
    Bookmarks:
    29
    Hits:
    1440
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Ginny Weasley struggled after the Battle of Hogwarts, unable to figure out how to grieve properly. She thought it would be a relief to be dragged away on some adventure far from her lamenting relatives and her monotone yet depressing schedule. However when she is whisked away to another world full of dwarves, hobbits, elves and other perils it was decidedly not what she wanted, especially when it's her that carries a prophecy of defeating some darkness. Whatever that means.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    21,846
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    38
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    600
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Fili gets rather drunk the night the elven delegation arrives. Shenanigans ensue.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,332
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    5
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    182
  7. Tags
    Summary

    There's nothing better than participating in a prank. Participating in a prank and being the bait. Being the bait to lure the grumpiest and most dangerous dwarf in said prank. Said dwarf being your huge crush who doesn't wanna talk to you because of reasons. Yeaah... the best thing ever...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,140
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    41
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    398
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Briar Baggins hadn't meant to become a Burglar, it just happened. She never took anything that would be missed or wasn't hers to begin with. She's not sure she's up to stealing an entire Mountain from a DRAGON! That is until she meets a face from her past when he waltzes into her smial with the rest of the Company.
    Nori draws her like a moth to the flame and every time they come together they swear it's the last. When the others catch on they swear it's purely physical nothing more.
    Will they figure out they've stolen each other hearts before it's too late?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    38,557
    Chapters:
    8/12
    Comments:
    37
    Kudos:
    281
    Bookmarks:
    109
    Hits:
    4407
  9. Tags
    Summary

    The Battle has been won and what Violet Baggins had thought would be a lovely reunion ended up being a nightmare that ended with her being banished from Erebor! The Burglar for the Company of Thorin Oakenshield fled the Lonely Mountain with her heart in pieces and a bit more treasure than anyone thought possible.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    28,584
    Chapters:
    6/10
    Comments:
    53
    Kudos:
    526
    Bookmarks:
    227
    Hits:
    10214
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Bilbo's hands gripped Thorin's wrists, the only thing stopping him from plummeting to the ground. Thorin glared at him, ready to drop the hobbit.

    A small voice, a remnant of him sill left was repulsed at the thought of killing Bilbo, but the hurt and anger and betrayal snapped that small part of him, and he let go of the hobbit.

    He fell from the gates, his body arching towards the stone as time seemed to slow. Several of the dwarrow cried out.

    With a sickening crunch Bilbo hit the stone, blood pooling from his head.

    It was if a bucket of water had been thrown over Thorin's head as with a snap the dragon sickness vanished. But it was too late.

    (SORRY PEOPLE, I HAVE GIVEN UP)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    42,994
    Chapters:
    20/?
    Comments:
    465
    Kudos:
    422
    Bookmarks:
    125
    Hits:
    11157
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Never thought that what had started as just delivering some packages would get you a family and friends you could only dream about.

    It's hard to travel one point to another when they are far apart. Especially when danger is around every corner! Which is why you decided to help the people out by offering your service to help deliver packages or mail that a bird can't carry.

    Only problem?

    Most people are afraid of you. Your tall, broad and terrifying with that huge axe on your back. It causes quite a few misconceptions, like when that one person screamed at you not to kill him when you approached. Or that one time you knocked at a round green door and met waist to face with a hobbit, who fainted as soon as he saw you.

    Whoops.

    At least you gained a friend out that whole fiasco.
    And now he has sent you with some packages to deliver to a friend of his far over the Misty mountains. Maybe you can find a place of belonging there?

    You shall see.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,317
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    22
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    205
  12. Tags
    Summary

    tolkien fic week day three - regret

    fíli and kíli try to prank their friends and end up hurting ori. they have to somehow make amends to everyone involved (which is a lot more complicated than you might think). also they get in a fist fight. that definitely happens

    trigger warnings:
    - violence
    - blood
    - outing (there are no homophobes or transphobes here though)
    - description of an autistic meltdown/panic attack
    - self destructive behavior
    - list will be updated as needed

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,474
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    12
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    73
  13. Tags
    Summary

    After the great battle of the 5 Armies, Bilba Baggins. Good Burglar of Erebor, Riddle Maker, Barrel Rider of Underhill. Believes the family she had found under dwarves is dead. So she takes what she has and leaves as soon as she can, only to find two treasures had joined on her adventure. So- Vowing to keep them safe in the shire away from the real world, she hides the truth in her stories. But this isn't about her anymore. It about two Dwobbits determined to unburden their mother from danger. Leaving her to be safe in the shire as the two faunts sneak away to find the truths in their mother's stories...

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,963
    Chapters:
    8/?
    Comments:
    25
    Kudos:
    162
    Bookmarks:
    63
    Hits:
    4160
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Thorin thrusted the contract at Bilbo, slapping it on the hobbit's abdomen in an unnecessarily harsh manner. Without a choice, other then dropping the paper, Bilbo took a lose hold, stepping away from the table to take a gander at the beautiful calligraphy that danced upon its tarnished surface. His eyes began to wander, taking in the terms he would follow if, and only if, he signed. The words became to tense for his poor heart as he read on, so when another knock on his front door rang out into the hallway Bilbo jumped, contract in hand quickly forgotten. "Who could this be now?" thought the hobbit, as he stared at the now menacing door.

    This is a retelling of "The Hobbit", an attempt to mix both the films and the book, adding a dash of feminine charm to the testosterone filled party in the form of a half-dwarven huntress whose only goal during this quest is to return her late fathers ashes to Erebor, his home.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    47,996
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    16
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    525
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Hydra made a third and successful attempt at creating a super soldier. The Winter Soldier and the female Super Soldier from the second attempt had a child. Three is trained to kill and the perfect weapon with no name. In the official files, she´s called either that or "asset", but in truth she has no name. When she finally escapes, fate ruins her attempts at a fullfilled life. But how can you be happy when you're something between a broken puppet and a ghost of the past?

     

    ON HIATUS!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,361
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    69
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    2760
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Just a collection of Middle Earth character one-shots & drabbles.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,541
    Chapters:
    10/?
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    106
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    3881
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Bilbo Baggins was a hobbit. A most respectable hobbit if you were to ask him. The only difference with him and the hobbits of the Shire, was that he was connected to the earth. Now, hobbits in general were of course in a deep connection with nature, it was the reason the Shire was so full of life; however, Bilbo was quite literally connected.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,854
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    34
    Kudos:
    162
    Bookmarks:
    36
    Hits:
    1928
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Kíli and Tauriel have been dancing around their feelings for a while now, neither ready to make the first move. Luckily - or unluckily - for them, the first move is thrust upon them in a completely unexpected way

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    38,881
    Chapters:
    15/15
    Comments:
    127
    Kudos:
    142
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    2839
  19. Tags
    Summary

    (Post-Battle of the Five Armies/Slight AU/Canon Divergence)
    After the Quest for Erebor, Y/n Baggins and her elder brother, Bilbo, return to their home in The Shire, with Y/n now pregnant with the illegitimate son of Thorin Oakenshield. When Thorin discovers his One is expecting, it's a race against time for Thorin to reunite with Y/n, before she gives birth.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,394
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    50
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    1453
  20. Tags
    Summary

    A glimpse of how Lockdown life it's at the Oakenshield-Baggins household with their three nephews.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,899
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    39
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    543

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