1 - 20 of 98 Works in Draco Malfoy is Bad at Feelings

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    PSA: This is a crackfic. It's a parody/satire of the books, the current state of the world and fanfiction in general. It's all a joke and was written to entertain myself and others in quarantine because I figured people could use a laugh right now. While it pains me to have to write this, because I believe it spoils some of the fun, I want people to know ahead of time so that they can just enjoy it if it's their cup of tea and feel okay with going along on this absurd ride.

    Now, onto the actual summary:

    After enjoying a summer romance Harry Potter is excited to go back to Hogwarts, especially now that his nemesis Cedric Diggory is FINALLY out of the way! But just when Harry thinks he's got it made, a letter from Professor McGonagall and a worldwide pandemic changes everything.

    Now Harry has to somehow save the world from the virus AND choose between Dudley, Ron and Draco.

    It seems that being The Chosen One isn't all it's cracked up to be...

    Disclaimer: Obviously JK Rowling owns the rights to Harry Potter, and I am definitely NOT her.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    61,450
    Chapters:
    38/?
    Comments:
    41
    Kudos:
    44
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    2251
  2. Tags
    Summary

    All magical children get soul marks, Hermione has two.
    In the years before Hogwarts they are a lifeline to Hermione, but once she realises there is a whole new world at her fingertips love doesn't seem like a priority. With her home life getting worse and worse she will do anything to cling onto her place in the magical world, even if it means occasionally having to battle a Dark Lord.
    Fred and George have always wished to have the same soul mate but it seems to good to be true. So why are they so invested in their little brother's new friend?
    There hasn't been a triad bond since the time of Merlin himself but change is coming. Hermione is the smartest witch of her age for a reason and with her two twins behind her she will be unstoppable. When Voldemort discovers the existence of this ancient bond, Harry Potter may no longer be his priority...
    This story will follow the triad from their pre-Hogwarts years all the way through to the bitter end (any maybe beyond). Also, bit of Draco and Harry that I might make into their own accompaniment story.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    53,207
    Chapters:
    14/?
    Comments:
    169
    Kudos:
    181
    Bookmarks:
    57
    Hits:
    2981
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Draco Malfoy thought that perhaps now that the war ended he will be able to finally catch a break. He waited for the day when he will finally be able to escape the Manor and his parents. When one month in his stay back at home things go wrong, Draco must seek help from the only family he has left.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    54,189
    Chapters:
    52/59
    Comments:
    148
    Kudos:
    332
    Bookmarks:
    44
    Hits:
    10557
  4. Tags
    Summary

    What does the boy who lived have left to lose?

    For reasons Draco Malfoy would probably never understand Harry Potter had saved him from Azkaban. The Boy Who Lived had, of his own accord, convinced the Winzengamot that Draco was forced to act as he did to save his own life and so was not deserving of a prison sentence. Rather, he was deserving of a second chance. As a result, Draco finds himself returning to Hogwarts, forced to spend every moment of his time with Potter who, even more curiously, agreed to personally watch over Draco. As if he couldn't be anymore inconvenient Potter is annoyingly determined to figure out what Draco went through whilst sharing his home with Voldemort and his most devoted followers.

    Draco just wants to know why Potter saved him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    62,685
    Chapters:
    17/24
    Comments:
    31
    Kudos:
    200
    Bookmarks:
    44
    Hits:
    5971
  5. Tags
    Summary

    When in their second year, Jada and Draco are paired up together for an essay on Cornish Pixies, they realize the other isn't as bad as they made them out to be. Trough the years the two get to know each other and help each other through life's ups and downs.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,977
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    127
  6. Tags
    Summary

    How one incident might change the course of the war, where former enemies turn allies and allies are not always what they seem, how would Harry cope with the revelations and developing feelings for a snarky blond while trying to overthrow a Dark Lord.
    This is a story about a fiercely protective and perceptive mother, a boy with great ambitions, a family coming together and bonds forming to ward off evil and a blooming love story thrown in the mix.
    This story begins with the bathroom altercation that Draco had with harry, only with a different outcome.
    I do not own the characters of Harry potter they are the creation of j.k rowling.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    62,420
    Chapters:
    16/30
    Comments:
    46
    Kudos:
    50
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    1866
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, The Chosen One, is hopeless at Charms. So much so that when trying to complete a simple Rope Binding Charm he ends up tying something that isn't a rope. Can Harry learn to live with this nagging feeling, or will it lead to his down fall?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,692
    Chapters:
    10/?
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    66
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    953
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Hermione Granger – her true identity now revealed – must convince the Death Eaters that she is, and always will be, loyal to them. Meanwhile, Draco Malfoy devises a strategy to expand his empire by invading the British government. However, neither of them is prepared for what will threaten their desires… or who will threaten them, rather.

    M for violence, language. Darkish Dramione. 1920s Muggle AU.

    Updated every Monday/Friday.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    24,369
    Chapters:
    2/10
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    919
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Draco and Harry are happy. They’re together, and they love each other. But when Draco goes home for Christmas, he gets his Dark Mark. Draco decides he isn’t good enough for Harry anymore, and pushes him away. Of course, it hurts like hell, and Draco cries a lot. Like; A. Lot. So does Harry, but Harry, being Harry, gets on with his life. Goes and snogs Ginny. Tries to forget about it. But he can’t. What happens when Draco goes into a serious depression, and attempts suicide? Can Harry put him back together again? Can they work past the thing that is the reason Draco pushed Harry away for two months? Most of all, WILL THEY END UP TOGETHER AGAIN?
    Lots of angst ;)
    But also fluffy (cuz I’m a sucker for fluff)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    30,949
    Chapters:
    30/?
    Comments:
    286
    Kudos:
    296
    Bookmarks:
    27
    Hits:
    6518
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Draco Malfoy discovers his parentage and pureblood status isn't as accurate as he thought. His ensuing blood disorder further calls into question everything he's ever known. Hermione Granger is looking for her big break and Draco is going to give it to her whether she likes it or not.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,269
    Chapters:
    2/10
    Comments:
    21
    Kudos:
    23
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    659
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Written apologies, a letter not meant to be read, weirdly conducted vows, and each other. Maybe that was all they needed.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,424
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Kudos:
    25
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    341
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Draco is still rising from the ashes. He is still treated like an outsider, a no-good death eater. Luna Lovegood is a war hero, a famous magizoologist and is thriving in the new Wizarding World. But their paths cross and Draco might be desperate to get the hatred for him to end. Will Luna want to help him?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    83,822
    Chapters:
    37/?
    Comments:
    41
    Kudos:
    147
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    4308
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Harry Potter has no reason to like Draco Malfoy and Draco no reason for him to either. Does that stop him? Does that stop them? Nope.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,119
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    29
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    455
  14. Tags
    Summary

    This is the final year at Hogwarts. The Second Wizarding War had changed them all. Harry Potter is trying to cope with everything that has happened at the same time he tries to deal with a potion addiction and with the fact he’s still alive. To top it all, things in Hogwarts are not going well. How Harry will deal - or avoid dealing - with a post-war life? And how will Harry react when he becomes aware Draco's life is in a race against the clock?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    35,901
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    36
    Kudos:
    84
    Bookmarks:
    22
    Hits:
    1688
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Yule Ball is coming and Harry has still no date. Draco tries to shoot his shot without revealing, who he really is.
    He learned Parseltongue just for Harry over the last year and hopes for the best.

    Until Hermione gets curious enough to help Harry to find his secret-admirer.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,182
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    123
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    1069
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Harry Potter was fine.

    Yes, he hadn’t slept in three days. Yes, he’d only been ingesting ramen for a week. Yes, he may have skipped out on showering for five days but— it had rained the other day anyway, so who needs a shower? So what if he’s sick with a fever of forty degrees celsius, he could stick to his office work. Did it really matter that upon taking two steps out of his office, he fainted?

    Harry Potter was not fine.

     

    Draco Malfoy was not fine, either. but it didn’t take him fainting to realize it.


    in which an disheveled Auror Harry gets sent to teach at Hogwarts as a punishment for overworking, and is paired up with another teacher to watch over his health. Of all the people to be paired with, did it have to be Draco Malfoy?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    692
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Kudos:
    11
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    164
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Hermione reflects on the events that lead up to her biggest mistake and the lie that she will have to live with for the rest of her life.

    "I never intended for it to happen, but that’s what they all say, isn’t it? After all, no one intends to cheat with their husband's father."

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    24,008
    Chapters:
    7/8
    Comments:
    114
    Kudos:
    134
    Bookmarks:
    18
    Hits:
    4292
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Ron's best friend, Harry, really confuses him sometimes.

    Not long after his friend makes a fool of himself in potions, Ron comes across a number of odd situations centered around that one bloody Slytherin, Malfoy.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,687
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    26
    Kudos:
    152
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    1551
  19. Tags
    Summary

    It's the Battle of Hogwarts, except Draco Malfoy is done with everyone's shit, including his boyfriend's. Purebloods are meant to be genetically perfect (we don't talk about the Gaunts. Or the Blacks. Or mention how the Crabbes and Goyles resemble the Hapsburgs more than they do Merlin) but Draco might just be suffering from a heart condition. It's either *love* or cardiac arrest.

    Or

    Harry Potter faked his death (canon) and Draco Malfoy actively fights alongside him (non-canon)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    691
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    23
    Hits:
    325
  20. Tags
    Summary

    It had been a month since Draco’s release from Azkaban.

    ***

    Sometimes, a happy ending takes time. Sometimes, it takes a misunderstanding.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,677
    Chapters:
    1/2
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    23
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    221

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