14 Works in Clueless Bilbo Baggins

Listing Works

  1. Tags
    Summary

    In time of great change a Prophet is born, selected by one of the Valar. When Bilbo is born, he had the markings of the Prophet but it was not One of the Valar that had chosen him, it was all.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    60,225
    Chapters:
    20/?
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    375
    Kudos:
    1926
    Bookmarks:
    652
    Hits:
    33027
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Bilbo Baggins is highly regarded as a respectable hobbit of Bag End, and has resigned himself to living as a bachelor. Now Bilbo isn't ugly, in fact Bilbo is considered one of the most handsome hobbits in the Shire, but he simply refuses any courting gestures. His mother, Belladonna Took-Baggins is viewed as very queer to her fellow hobbits, as hobbits don't tend to leave their Shire. Belladonna does not have a care for that, as she loves to leave the Shire, and explore. Belladonna often gets involved in her son's life by attempting to get Bilbo to accept a courting gesture, which of tens leads to Bilbo declining the offer afterward. Although Bilbo never thought it would be himself to initiate courting first! With a king!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,951
    Chapters:
    2/25
    Comments:
    32
    Kudos:
    125
    Bookmarks:
    37
    Hits:
    2680
  3. Tags
    Summary

    At no point in the accidental usurpation of Thorin as leader of The Company and the quest for Erebor, did Bilbo intend for this to turn into an exploration of cultural differences (and something that almost feels like group therapy). For some reason, the Dwarrows aren't complaining, and Bilbo isn't going to question it, as long as the lumoxes behave themselves and do as they're told.

    Who knows, they all might yet survive this insane journey.

    (Or, where Bilbo decides the Dwarves are all too stupid for him to endure this ridiculousness anymore and Does It Hobbit and the Dwarves suddenly get affectionate.)

    *Please note, within this story there are mentions of the underage rape and subsequent pregnancy of an off-screen character. Mentions are brief in chapter 2, and a little more in depth chapter 4. While details are light and are more discussions of emotional aftermath, this may still be distressing to read for those with triggers. Please be cautious.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    79,065
    Chapters:
    10/?
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    1224
    Kudos:
    5331
    Bookmarks:
    2163
    Hits:
    122511
  4. Tags
    Summary

    "Well what does it ma-" Gandalf said, no doubt about to cover for him.

     

     

    "No, no it matters. I uh- I found something in the Goblin Tunnels."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    31,688
    Chapters:
    9/?
    Comments:
    115
    Kudos:
    388
    Bookmarks:
    113
    Hits:
    13464
  5. Tags
    Summary

    The Company, led by Gandalf, goes to recruit Bilbo. Who, of course, happens to be unaware of this and enjoying the day sitting on top of Bag End... as a dragon.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    975
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    651
    Bookmarks:
    71
    Hits:
    7726
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Бильбо даже в голову не придет отрицать, что он немножко, чуточку, самую малость влюблен в Торина. И его это нисколько не беспокоит. Честное слово. Хоббит почти уверен, что все вокруг так или иначе неровно дышат, глядя на гнома. Ведь Торин такой величественный. И такой недосягаемый. И это хорошо, потому что так гораздо спокойней и безопасней.

    Language:
    Русский
    Words:
    63,082
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    245
    Bookmarks:
    28
    Hits:
    2887
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Bilbo macht sich nie die Mühe zu leugnen, dass er vielleicht, ein bisschen, ein winzig kleines bisschen in Thorin verliebt ist. Es ist nichts, das ihn besonders stört oder beunruhigt. Wirklich. Er ist sich ziemlich sicher, dass jeder ein kleines Flattern in der Brust hegt für den Zwerg. Er ist beeindruckend und unerreichbar.

    Und es ist wirklich sehr viel sicherer, wenn das auch genau so bleibt.

    Language:
    Deutsch
    Words:
    48,669
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    46
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    988
  8. Tags
    Summary

    It is the day of Thorin's coronation and Bilbo is struggling with impure thoughts of having attraction towards a male. Or is he attracted to a male? when Balin asks for his help to get thorin into his clothes all becomes way too clear for Bilbo.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,959
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    137
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    3288
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Bilbo was haunting Thorin… politely. Most of the time. If he happened to see things he shouldn't, that wasn't really his fault, was it? It wasn't like he could just tell Thorin he's there—haunting didn't work that way. But he tried to be helpful; he was more of a considerate, if inconspicuous flatmate than anything else. He made coffee in the mornings, didn't he? And put up those stupid, useless free floating shelves Thorin liked better than Bilbo's antique bookcases. Once he even finished Thorin's taxes, because God was the man useless at it.

    But that was a tangent. The thing of the matter was, Bilbo was haunting Thorin, politely for the most part. Even though, technically speaking, Bilbo was not dead.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    40,910
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Comments:
    306
    Kudos:
    1492
    Bookmarks:
    366
    Hits:
    22848
  10. Tags
    Summary

    All of Erebor knows the hobbit is head over heels for their majestic king. The tale of their love will go down as one of the most romantic epics. Though it would be delightful if Bilbo could get with the story… Movieverse, AU.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,711
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    25
    Kudos:
    534
    Bookmarks:
    49
    Hits:
    10742
  11. Tags
    Summary

    “比尔博从不费神否认自己大概、有点、就一点点迷恋索林。这没教他烦恼。真的。他非常确信所有人都很可能为那矮人心旌摇曳。他是遥不可及的伟人。

    如果事情就这样保持下去真的会更安全。”

    Series
    Language:
    中文-普通话 國語
    Words:
    68,476
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Kudos:
    47
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    1894
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Jaded twenty something Bilbo Baggins lived a peaceful existence. That was, of course, until an odd looking fairy whisked him away past the second star to the right to Neverland.
    Now he’s immersed in the frightful business of helping the most disagreeable man he’s ever met commandeer his own ship and a mountain back from Azog the Defiler.
    Quite frankly, he’s inclined to avoid pirates, especially ones with pet fire breathing dragons.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,370
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    27
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    553
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Ask and yea shall receive- Fannish is finally porting her HKM fics to AO3.

    This is a TV tropes challenge. I hit random 5 times, and cackled even as I groaned. I didn't want to write this ficlet. But I needed to.

    Caution, in this fic there is- well, read the tags. It should hopefully not be triggery, but some miscommunication happens with that "Repopulating my race" thing.

    Originally posted: http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/7346.html?thread=16590514#t16590514

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,781
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    159
    Bookmarks:
    27
    Hits:
    6797
  14. Tags
    Summary

    "Bilbo never bothers denying that he is a slight, little bit, probably infatuated with Thorin. It’s not something that bothers him. Really. He’s pretty sure that everyone very likely has a little flutter in their chest for the dwarf. He’s something grand and unattainable.

    And it’s really much safer if it stays that way."

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    45,453
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    403
    Kudos:
    7480
    Bookmarks:
    2299
    Hits:
    162905

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