11 Works in Clueless Bilbo Baggins

Listing Works

  1. Tags
    Summary

    Bilbo Baggins is highly regarded as a respectable hobbit of Bag End, and has resigned himself to living as a bachelor. Now Bilbo isn't ugly, in fact Bilbo is considered one of the most handsome hobbits in the Shire, but he simply refuses any courting gestures. His mother, Belladonna Took-Baggins is viewed as very queer to her fellow hobbits, as hobbits don't tend to leave their Shire. Belladonna does not have a care for that, as she loves to leave the Shire, and explore. Belladonna often gets involved in her son's life by attempting to get Bilbo to accept a courting gesture, which of tens leads to Bilbo declining the offer afterward. Although Bilbo never thought it would be himself to initiate courting first! With a king!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,951
    Chapters:
    2/25
    Comments:
    30
    Kudos:
    97
    Bookmarks:
    32
    Hits:
    1879
  2. Tags
    Summary

    In time of great change a Prophet is born, selected by one of the Valar. When Bilbo is born, he had the markings of the Prophet but it was not One of the Valar that had chosen him, it was all.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    51,192
    Chapters:
    17/?
    Comments:
    324
    Kudos:
    1333
    Bookmarks:
    407
    Hits:
    20534
  3. Tags
    Summary

    At no point in the accidental usurpation of Thorin as leader of The Company and the quest for Erebor, did Bilbo intend for this to turn into an exploration of cultural differences (and something that almost feels like group therapy). For some reason, the Dwarrows aren't complaining, and Bilbo isn't going to question it, as long as the lumoxes behave themselves and do as they're told.

    Who knows, they all might yet survive this insane journey.

    (Or, where Bilbo decides the Dwarves are all too stupid for him to endure this ridiculousness anymore and Does It Hobbit and the Dwarves suddenly get affectionate.)

    *Please note, within this story there are mentions of the underage rape and subsequent pregnancy of an off-screen character. Mentions are brief in chapter 2, and a little more in depth chapter 4. While details are light and are more discussions of emotional aftermath, this may still be distressing to read for those with triggers. Please be cautious.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    79,065
    Chapters:
    10/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    1127
    Kudos:
    4385
    Bookmarks:
    1733
    Hits:
    98377
  4. Tags
    Summary

    The Company, led by Gandalf, goes to recruit Bilbo. Who, of course, happens to be unaware of this and enjoying the day sitting on top of Bag End... as a dragon.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    975
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    340
    Bookmarks:
    40
    Hits:
    4328
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Бильбо даже в голову не придет отрицать, что он немножко, чуточку, самую малость влюблен в Торина. И его это нисколько не беспокоит. Честное слово. Хоббит почти уверен, что все вокруг так или иначе неровно дышат, глядя на гнома. Ведь Торин такой величественный. И такой недосягаемый. И это хорошо, потому что так гораздо спокойней и безопасней.

    Language:
    Русский
    Words:
    63,082
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    148
    Bookmarks:
    14
    Hits:
    1509
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Bilbo macht sich nie die Mühe zu leugnen, dass er vielleicht, ein bisschen, ein winzig kleines bisschen in Thorin verliebt ist. Es ist nichts, das ihn besonders stört oder beunruhigt. Wirklich. Er ist sich ziemlich sicher, dass jeder ein kleines Flattern in der Brust hegt für den Zwerg. Er ist beeindruckend und unerreichbar.

    Und es ist wirklich sehr viel sicherer, wenn das auch genau so bleibt.

    Language:
    Deutsch
    Words:
    48,669
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    35
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    775
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Bilbo and Thorin fail to communicate regarding the cultural significance of growing and braiding hair. Signals are sent and missed by everyone except Thorin's company. The cluelessness quotient is high with this one.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,538
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    60
    Kudos:
    884
    Bookmarks:
    173
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Bilbo was haunting Thorin… politely. Most of the time. If he happened to see things he shouldn't, that wasn't really his fault, was it? It wasn't like he could just tell Thorin he's there—haunting didn't work that way. But he tried to be helpful; he was more of a considerate, if inconspicuous flatmate than anything else. He made coffee in the mornings, didn't he? And put up those stupid, useless free floating shelves Thorin liked better than Bilbo's antique bookcases. Once he even finished Thorin's taxes, because God was the man useless at it.

    But that was a tangent. The thing of the matter was, Bilbo was haunting Thorin, politely for the most part. Even though, technically speaking, Bilbo was not dead.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    40,910
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Comments:
    292
    Kudos:
    1389
    Bookmarks:
    337
    Hits:
    21005
  9. Tags
    Summary

    All of Erebor knows the hobbit is head over heels for their majestic king. The tale of their love will go down as one of the most romantic epics. Though it would be delightful if Bilbo could get with the story… Movieverse, AU.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,711
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    20
    Kudos:
    348
    Bookmarks:
    29
    Hits:
    7424
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Jaded twenty something Bilbo Baggins lived a peaceful existence. That was, of course, until an odd looking fairy whisked him away past the second star to the right to Neverland.
    Now he’s immersed in the frightful business of helping the most disagreeable man he’s ever met commandeer his own ship and a mountain back from Azog the Defiler.
    Quite frankly, he’s inclined to avoid pirates, especially ones with pet fire breathing dragons.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,370
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    27
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    508
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Ask and yea shall receive- Fannish is finally porting her HKM fics to AO3.

    This is a TV tropes challenge. I hit random 5 times, and cackled even as I groaned. I didn't want to write this ficlet. But I needed to.

    Caution, in this fic there is- well, read the tags. It should hopefully not be triggery, but some miscommunication happens with that "Repopulating my race" thing.

    Originally posted: http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/7346.html?thread=16590514#t16590514

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,781
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    130
    Bookmarks:
    21
    Hits:
    5488

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