1 - 20 of 55 Works in Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (2009)

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops. Sometimes that's because the love of your life comes disguised as your absolute least-favourite coworker, and every minute you spend with them feels like ten years in purgatory.

    You've heard of friends to lovers. You've heard of enemies to lovers. Get ready for workplace nemeses to co-parents.

    ***
    RE-WRITING THE ORIGINAL. Not just an edit - full redo! Same storyline, revamped to match the tone of Endgame/Bloodline. Now with more 50% character development, new and improved structure, and the same soulful fluff you know and love! This is actually Part 1 of the Dirty Chai AU, but I'm leaving the original up til 2.0 is complete.

    Series
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    English
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    136,403
    Chapters:
    19/19
    Comments:
    34
    Kudos:
    31
    Hits:
    673
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Even Vampire Mountain takes a night off when the snow starts to fly. Do you want to build a snowman? Darren does. Takes place post-Book 6.

    [This is an old piece, just never posted it on AO3 til now]

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    Bookmarks:
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  3. Tags
    Summary

    THIS STORY MIGHT CONTAIN SPANKING; DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ.
    I've been a huge fan of "Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant" ( 2009 movie) since the first time I watched it. I adore the characters of Madam Truska and Darren Shan, and I wish we could see more of them. I didn't read the books, I only read some fanfictions involving Larten and Madam T adopting Darren and, since I like writing fanfictions related to spanking, I thought I might give it a try. This is just me trying to write a cute/funny/intense fanfic regarding what I imagine could be their relationship as a family. Reviews are enormously appreciated!

    I own none of the credits.

    Language:
    English
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    3,808
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    5
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    15
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    222
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Deleted scene from Bloodline chapter 27, piggybacking off the brief encounter between Mika and General Hale during a moment when Arrow has a minor identity crisis while the clan is on the verge of peace with the vampaneze.

    A conversation (intervention?) with Arrow, told from Hale's POV.

    ***

    Preview:

    "Half this clan supports me because I fought my way back from the edge. And the other half because of how many vampaneze I took with me to the edge.” Arrow added with a bitter laugh. "No matter how you look at it, Sarah’s the reason I have a throne in the Hall of Princes.”

    “That wasn’t a fair trade. I know.” Said Kaden softly. Suddenly her hand was no longer on Arrow’s arm, instead her fingers found their way into his much larger ones. And his eyes found hers again, hazel pools of grief.

    “Hale, I made a name for myself trying to destroy an entire clan because of the one man who took her from me.” Arrow whispered. “Who am I to lead us into a new era of peace when my legacy is bloodshed?”

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  5. Tags
    Summary

    id·i·ot sa·vant

    noun

    1. A person who is considered to be mentally handicapped but displays brilliance in a specific area, especially one involving memory.

    2. A person displaying great intelligence or aptitude for mental endeavors but completely lacks common sense, particularly social skills.

    3. Steve fucking Leonard.

    Language:
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    Chapters:
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    Collections:
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    Bookmarks:
    28
    Hits:
    3322
  6. Tags
    Summary

    A week after the chaos of Paris's funeral proceedings begins to settle down, Mika supposes he owes a thank-you to his friend with benefits for going above and beyond the job description. Meanwhile Renley struggles with to balance his undeniable feelings with his commitment to pretending he's only in this thing for the benefits.

    Takes place off-screen during Bloodline.

    ***

    “Let’s get one thing straight: Right place. Right time. And that’s a lot of words to admit you were lonely and scared and you just wanted someone to hold you.” Renley murmured at last.

    “It sounds so simple when you say it like that.” Said Mika with a breath of bitter, humourless laugher.

    “Not everything has to be complicated. Some things can just be simple.”

    Series
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  7. Tags
    Summary

    SEQUEL TO ENDGAME

    [I swear I haven’t abandoned this, just taking my time on the ending because I need it to not suck]

    Following semi-canon events of The Vampire Prince, Kurda retreats into forced exile as the vampire and vampaneze clans clash in the war for their futures. Still devastated in the wake of betrayal, Mika forces himself to be a rock for the clan in their darkest hour while trying endlessly to understand what went wrong. Darren struggles to fill a role nothing could’ve prepared him for. Gracie finds peace and fulfillment in the world of humans - until her father’s war hits too close to home.

    And while Destiny watches, his daughter makes moves to beat him at his own game.

    Runs semi-parallel to canon of books 6-9 til an unexpected intervention in the Cavern Of Retribution leads to an attack on Vampire Mountain itself - from the inside-out.

     

    [Mainly Mika’s POV. Evanna, Steve, Gannen, and Darius don’t appear til later chapters.]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    300,269
    Chapters:
    28/?
    Comments:
    93
    Kudos:
    34
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
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  8. Tags
    Summary

    I wrote this 12 years ago please don't @ me. (Or better yet don't even read it?) Remember kids, logic and reason doesn't apply in the TVF universe. All we know is dated references and wholesome crack.

    ***

    All Darren wants is one Halloween with his disaster of a found family. Decorating Vampire Mountain, costume turf wars, and of course the main event... Trick Or Treating in the suburbs. What could go wrong other than everything?

    Series
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    1/1
    Comments:
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    6
    Hits:
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  9. Tags
    Summary

    As a freshly promoted young General with a laser-focus on his future goals, the last thing Mika Ver Leth wanted was an apprentice to slow him down.

    As a freshly abandoned ex-apprentice with no idea what to do next, the last thing Arra Sails wanted was another mentor to merely tolerate her, only to give up when she inevitably became "too much to handle".

    ***

    "If you think I'm going to let anyone keep me in line, you can both go to hell." Arra interjected, glaring at them.

    "Don't worry, Sails. The last thing I want is an apprentice." Mika snorted, rolling his eyes. "And trust me, I don't discriminate by gender. I've turned down three offers this year alone. I don’t have time to babysit."

    "Come on, Mika. Think about it. You said it yourself - you're chasing glory. Everyone knows you have your eyes on an investiture. If you took a chance on a woman and actually managed to turn her into something worthwhile, it would make you that much more impressive to the Princes!" Ivan pressed, starting to look a little manic.

    Something in Mika's face shifted, but it was clear he wasn't one to wear his emotions on his sleeve. When Arra felt her heart shatter, she didn't hide it nearly as well.

    Language:
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    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
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    Hits:
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  10. Tags
    Summary

    Here we have the fifth and final full-length installment of the TVF Universe. Just absolute fucking nonsense from start to finish.

    Again, this was written in like 2010 I can't emphasize that enough.

    Series
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    34,371
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Kudos:
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    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    46
  11. Tags
    Summary

    I have vivid memories of starting this with zero plans for how it was going to end, and then it spiraled into a Lord Of The Flies parody because I was studying that book in high school English at the time. 2010 was a fever dream honestly.

    Disclaimer - this was written over 10 years ago. Don't overthink it.

    Series
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    English
    Words:
    24,181
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Kudos:
    3
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    27
  12. Tags
    Summary

    I'm sorry I'm posting this in August but I'm finally in the right mindframe to upload all of these and it's gotta be in chronological order.

    I'm adding the same disclaimer to all of these - this was written in the mid-2000's. Specifically 2008 for this particular one. Don't overthink it.

    Series
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    English
    Words:
    9,902
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Kudos:
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    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
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  13. Tags
    Summary

    Chapters 15/16 of Bloodline from Renley's POV, plus new scenes. Civil war between the Princes leads to intervention which leads to heavy sass, tender intimacy, and mismanaged emotions between Mika and Renley in the final stretch before the funeral of the century.

    Preview:

    "You were right, I'm only in this for career advancements." Renley added playfully. Mika didn't laugh.

    "Sometimes I wish that were true, Ren."

    "How do you know it's not? I could totally be trying to fuck my way to the top."

    "Even if it worked like that, there's no way putting up with me would be worth a hypothetical promotion."

    "There's a fine line between self-deprecating humour and a thinly veiled cry for help, sweetheart." Said Renley sardonically. "And you dance on that line at least eight times a day."

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  14. Tags
    Summary

    Freshly-promoted General Ver Leth drops in to visit an old friend - the one he used to think would be there firsthand for all those milestones. Mika isn't sure what he expected, but he tries to be supportive while failing to understand how any of this is better than what Arrow left behind.

    ***

    "You left on good terms. And you might as well keep a foot in the door. It's not like you'll be here forever."

    Mika had always been exceptionally good at choosing his words, especially in a high-stakes negotiation. But that particular skill let him down that day. Arrow's face darkened immediately, and Mika kicked himself internally.

    "This is my family, Mika. I know you see it as some kind of extended vacation that'll eventually be over. And I'm not delusional - I know how a human lifespan works compared to ours." Arrow growled. There was a hint of menace in his voice that Mika hadn't heard since they were cubs caught up in a brawl at the Festival. "But believe me when I tell you I'm not plotting a triumphant return to Vampire Mountain. Maybe I'll find my way back eventually, maybe I won't. It's simply not something I think about, because that would be a waste of the precious, limited time I have with them."

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  15. Tags
    Summary

    Mika takes on Day One of existing in a Post-Paris world. Renley just can't stay in his own lane. Bit of sass, bit of tenderness. Takes place off-screen during Bloodline.

    ***

    "You did good." Said Renley. "He'd be proud of you."

    Mika took a deep breath and blinked a few times, and Renley winced. He shouldn't have brought Paris up. But then to his surprise, Mika was smiling when he met Renley's eyes again.

    "That's all that really matters." Said Mika with weary vindication. "Listen, I'm really sorry I made my problems your problems last night. It was inappropriate of me."

    "I'm sorry, what?" Renley snorted. "You practically schedule me to blow your back out every other night, but gods forbid I see you cry one time, when somebody died? That's where you draw the line?"

    Series
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    3,694
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    5
    Hits:
    31
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Madam Octa is engaged to a certain lovely grey spider, and from what everyone can tell, she wants a fancy wedding. Enter the Vampire Mountain gang. Once again, this was originally written in the mid-2000's and I really cannot emphasize that enough. If you’re unfamiliar with The Vampire Files, see note on the series page for more context.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,488
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    9
    Hits:
    74
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Fanfiction.net saw it first in year 2008, now by popular demand (no seriously I've had like 5 people ask, I wish I was lying) I'm contaminating AO3 with TVF for the first time. Lightly edited, but still powered by mid 2000's nostalgia.

    Tale as old as time: Darren brings a computer into Vampire Mountain. One thing leads to another, and the gang is swept away on their first family vacation. Which is a ski trip, because randomness was our religion when this was first written. Logic, reason, and canon don't exist here. Only wholesome crack.

    There's like 7 of these. Again, I wish I was lying. Here's the first.

    Series
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    Comments:
    2
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    11
    Hits:
    95
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Paris Skyle has packed it up and headed off to the afterlife - even in death may he be triumphant. Mika insists he's handling it fine. And when you have your very own throne in Vampire Mountain, nobody questions you. Except your friend with benefits who can see right through your bullshit.

    Preview:

    Mika swore under his breath, but was in no shape to fight about it. Renley knew Mika hated this, how any display of vulnerability in the presence of a colleague - or worse, his fuck buddy - was Mika's definition of a worst-case scenario.

    "You are allowed to just be sad. Bet no one's ever told you that before." Said Renley. He cautiously reached out to put his hand on Mika's shoulder. This was quickly moving into redline panic territory. "You should close the hall doors before someone else walks in here to bother you." Renley added. "Take the rest of the night off. You don't owe anyone anyth-"

    "I'm fine!" Mika cut him off viciously, as if the absurdity of Renley's suggestion gave him strength to form two coherent words in a row.

    Series
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  19. Tags
    Summary

    Mika and Renley agreed on two rules for their friends-with-benefits arrangement:

    1- No feelings
    2- No sleepovers.

    Renley realizes he’s on the brink of breaking Rule 1, on the same night Mika slips and breaks Rule 2. But it’s the anniversary of the worst day of his life AKA Kurda’s betrayal - so it doesn’t count, right? This is a scene from Chapter 13 of Bloodline that didn't entirely make it into the story.

    Preview:

    Mika remained sitting there on the bed a few feet away, his back still facing Renley. The visible tension in his shoulders betrayed the truth - there was something more going on beneath the surface.

    “I hate to pry -“ Renley began.

    “I hate when you pry.” Mika interrupted.

    “- but I’m getting the impression there’s something on your mind.” Renley continued seriously. He reached out again, and lightly stroked his fingertips across Mika’s lower back - always a favourite spot. To his relief, Mika didn’t swat his hand away.

    “It was seven years ago today.” Mika muttered after a beat of silence.

    Series
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    English
    Words:
    3,565
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    30
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Mika's not the only one with an ex that lives rent-free in his mind. The sudden appearance of Renley's first love in Vampire Mountain doesn't go unnoticed by his recently acquired friend with benefits. Takes place during Bloodline, a few weeks before Paris's death. (If you haven't read Bloodline this won't make sense).

    ***

    "Sire Ver Leth. Good to see you again." Egan finally interrupted rather loudly, holding his hand out to shake Mika's. And the exchange that followed was peak comedic gold, as far as Renley was concerned.

    Mika glanced at Egan, down at his hand, then back up. He looked politely puzzled as though he had no idea Egan had been standing there the whole time. He reached out and accepted Egan's handshake after a hesitation, and he went about it in a way that suggested he was being handed something he didn't particularly want, such as a slimy dead fish. Renley had sat in enough meetings with Mika to know he normally gave very solid handshakes. Whatever Mika was doing was on purpose, and almost certainly for his own amusement.

    "...Have we met?" Mika asked. He blinked a couple times, and flavoured it with a blank, fleeting smile that radiated insincerity. And Renley lived for it.

    Series
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    English
    Words:
    5,293
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    5
    Hits:
    37

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