1 - 20 of 188 Works in Alexander Hilbert

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    “Why hello there, Dear Listeners, this is Officer Doug Eiffel ready to rock and roll you on the 45. If we have any extraterrestrials listening in, just give us a call and we’ll put you on the air.”

    (a Doug Eiffel joins SI-5 AU)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,530
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    27
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    95
  2. Tags
    Summary

    The Hephaestus mission was always going to be dark, difficult, and dangerous, they'd all known that when they agreed to spend months on end light years from Earth. But none of them signed on for a mutiny, or the complex tangle of interpersonal trials that would arise in the wake of Hilbert's decisions. As the crew's relationships are put under stress, Eiffel and the others all must face the question: how far would you go to protect the people you love?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,258
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Kudos:
    11
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    75
  3. Tags
    Summary

    In which the crew of the U.S.S. Hephaestus comes back to Earth and learn to readjust to their new realities. Also "How to Doug Eiffel," Tiny Minkowski, a trip to the Bahamas, the power of friendship, and abusing your Roomba powers.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    21,189
    Chapters:
    8/?
    Comments:
    22
    Kudos:
    57
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    413
  4. Tags
    Summary

    It turns out being in space does not make everything more fun.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    337
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    27
  5. Tags
    Summary

    A collection of poetry written late at night

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    464
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    1
    Hits:
    22
  6. Tags
    Summary

    “They would process my neural pathways and digitally extract whatever is useful. Archive the rest. Most efficient use of resources.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,831
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    13
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    57
  7. Tags
    Summary

    "Three men are on a deserted island. Man number one and man number two go away. Man number three says, I do not want to be alone. Good joke. Everybody laugh. Everybody laugh."

    Just a little backstory headcanon I posted on tumblr a while ago about where Hilbert heard the joke from "Am I Alone Now?"

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    800
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    14
    Hits:
    38
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Running a business is hell. Running Hell is just business. [supernatural au]

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    29,898
    Chapters:
    16/16
    Comments:
    102
    Kudos:
    74
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    678
  9. Tags
    Summary

    AU where the first and second Hephaestus missions occurred in reverse order — in which Minkowski's crew were the first to inhabit the space station, and once they succumbed to Decima and disaster, the lone survivor escaped on a spacecraft that then fell into the star. And now, years later, Lovelace and her crew have been sent to replace them.

    --

    Between the destructive astronomical events, the out-of-control experiments, and the crew's latest stunts, Captain Lovelace has a difficult life orbiting Wolf 359... and it's about to get so, so much worse. For one thing, a series of discoveries indicate that they are not the first people to inhabit the station, and their AI, Hera, knows things about the Hephaestus' previous crew that her programming forbids her to reveal. For another, Fourier has her suspicions about exactly what kind of experiment Selburg is running. And Lambert has stumbled across a deep-space transmission that raises the stakes beyond anything they're prepared to handle.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    37,391
    Chapters:
    19/?
    Comments:
    139
    Kudos:
    70
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    605
  10. Tags
    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    971
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Kudos:
    3
    Hits:
    42
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Eiffel gets the distinct feeling he's in for a hell of a ride.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,965
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    21
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    97
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Burnt bread is sweet and crisp letters fly. Some things are not what they seem.

    A brother is lost, a sister will be found. Two siblings have been raised in the wrong world.

    Two vipers of different spots lie in wait for four lost souls. A woman with eyes that drip rubies sits on a throne she never earned. And he keeps on smiling.

     

    Le roi est mort, vive le roi,
    Do not go to the forest.

     

    Douglas Eiffel goes to the forest.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,545
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    17
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    126
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Eiffel is a magical being from the sea called a Selkie, Hilbert is a Goddard employee with severe depression and suicidal ideation.
    Due to a magical technicality, Hilbert and Eiffel are wedded in the eye of Selkie Law, but when Eiffel comes to meet his new husband, Hilbert is not entirely pleased.

    The wonderful Fulmi wrote the first 5000 words, Sage wrote the last 2000 words

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,450
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    11
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    78
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Doug Eiffel is a (mostly) normal high school student going to a (mostly) abnormal high school. His goal is simple: to make it through the next two years without anything catastrophic happening, to not get murdered by his roommate, and to expend the minimal amount of effort possible.

    There are obstacles. Naturally. Because he's Doug Eiffel, and this is what happens. There's the aforementioned roommate, Alexander Hilbert, who might be a seventy-year-old trapped in a teenager's body. There's chronic overachiever Renée Minkowski, who hates Eiffel for (mostly) no reason. There's also Mr. Cutter's weird vibes, which he's trying to ignore, because, again: nothing catastrophic.

    Things grow hard to ignore, however, as some students begin to notice strange things happening around Goddard Futuristics School For Alternative Learning. A group of students is forced to band together to understand the mysterious forces at work, and, most importantly, graduate without getting murdered.

    Plus, the destructive potential of papier-mâché volcanoes, A New Way To Learn!, well-meaning ducks, Pizza Hut, and the worst superhero team of all time.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,478
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    29
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    205
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Miranda Pryce is awfully attached to her identity. She doesn’t have much company in that camp.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,090
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    10
    Hits:
    70
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Renée Minkowski was not the most up-to-date person when it came to pop culture. But she’d seen enough to know a few references—namely, the movie Alien, and more specifically, its tagline: “In space, no one can hear you scream.” She had been in space long enough to know that line was not entirely accurate. Your crew could hear you scream. There was just rarely anything they could do about it.

    OR, when I listened to Desperate Measures, I thought Lovelace baiting Kepler would go a different way. My prediction was wrong, but here it is.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    874
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    31
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    116
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Первый медосмотр Эйфеля после возвращения на борт «Гефеста» отличался от прочих

    Language:
    Русский
    Words:
    1,067
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Kudos:
    1
    Hits:
    21
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Hilbert swallowed heavily. The thing had not let go of him. “Eiffel.” He said again, more urgently.

    Eiffel responded far too casually for Hilbert’s liking. “Don’t worry about the clashing titans, I don’t think they’ve managed to kill each other just yet.”

    Hilbert had no idea what he was talking about but in that moment he had more important things to worry about. Namely, that specimen 34’s grip on him hadn’t slackened and that other tendrils were moving up his legs, slowly and almost... sensuously. Hilbert swallowed again. He was likely projecting that last.

    Look... that whole monologue in The Sound And The Fury? Super kinky.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,727
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    13
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    653
  19. Tags
    Summary

    "If there had been somebody who could have asked, Hera would have said that she brought Hilbert online after years and years by herself, when she couldn’t stand it anymore. She’d have said that she spent the first decade naming the colors in the aurora of the star, telling herself stories of new constellations, composing beautiful pieces of music to sing to the emptiness around her. That she’d been lonely.

    The truth is that she’d done it because she’d been angry and wanted somebody to yell at."

    The continuing adventures of Hera and Hilbert, two brains in space.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,608
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    31
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    106
  20. Tags
    Summary

    "When I looked around, I saw and heard of none like me. Was I then a monster?" -Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

    The Angel Of Death stalks the streets of London. Eiffel and his agoraphobic roommate Hera meet a medical student from the nearby university, Minkowski and Lovelace run a theater together, and Hilbert has a dangerous secret.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,960
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    18
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    118

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