the american revolution
22 Apr 2015
“I am watching Hemsworth bench press a Buick right now,” a voice says over the line. “Like, an honest to god Tahoe. Just bam bam bam, up and down it goes.”
“A Tahoe is a Chevy, Chris.”
“He makes me feel so inadequate as a man,” Chris sighs dreamily. “I think I’m in love. You think Elsa would maybe consider sharing? Or lending him out every once in a while? I just want him to hold me a little. Just a little.”
Kat & Chris: a modern romance brought to you by Verizon wireless.
- Part 1 of the american revolution
11 Aug 2015
Inevitably, the news breaks. Some fucker with a camera follows them on their date to the small hole-in-the-wall diner with killer cannoli in Calabasas that one of Chris’s friends tells him about. They’ve been seeing each other long enough without discovery that they’ve both gotten complacent about being careful.
The creepy fuck must follow them all night, because the photo spread on TMZ the next morning is titled “KAT’S CAP WALK OF SHAME” and features photos of her leaving Chris’s place just before six to make her call on set at six thirty. The story has some bullshit about her sneaking out of his place even though he’d actually woken up with her and made her coffee while she showered. Conveniently, none of the photos have him waiting by the door in the shot, only her looking disheveled with a ripe hickey at the base of her neck as she walks to her car.
The internet fucking explodes.
Kat & Chris: a modern horror story brought you by internet comment sections.
- Part 2 of the american revolution