"Yes, I Really Am This Pathetic!" or "How to Say I Love You with a Story or a Picture"

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Once upon a time, there was a woman who had a crush on an actor named Keanu Reeves and most of the characters he portrayed. Knowing she would never actually meet the object(s) of her affections, she decided to write fanfics in order to satisfy her own foolish romantic desires.

These are those fics.


This series started really with a Swedish Dicks story. I'd been crushing on Keanu for seven months by then and it was coming up to my favorite holiday. I was kind of sad. Wanting to cheer myself up, I sat down and wrote that first story as a gift to myself. It made me feel better doing it, even though I was worried about how it would look. But, let's face it, most fics featuring OFCs or YOU are really just veiled versions of the author themselves. I had even done that months before with a John Wick and Bill & Ted story.

And with most YOU stories, I just never saw myself in them. I know what I would or wouldn't do, say or wouldn't say. More often than not, I'd read one and be jolted out of the story when the female protagonist did or said something not within my character. So I was never satisfied. Writing me as ME, well, I was satisfied. The fic was me. Literally. And I tried to tackle Tex just as I saw him too. He didn't become an over romanticized caricature. He was the Tex I had fallen in love with.

The next month, while I was growing unhappy with my other fics, I remembered how happy writing HAFFC had made me. I wanted to write one with Julian Mercer too because I loved and felt sorry for him in Something's Gotta Give. He had no happy endings written for him here at that point. Then I thought, "Hey! Why not turn this into a series? Let's see if I can come up with a different story for each of Keanu's characters and myself."

So I began doing just that.

There are a few rules I set out for myself. The biggie was that Keanu Reeves would never appear as himself. I don't feel right doing that, putting words into his mouth. That doesn't feel right to me. He's his own person and, from the interviews I've read or seen, he's completely wonderful and unique. I wouldn't dare think I could capture him. He does that so well just on his own.

Which leads me to rule #2: I won't be writing any of his characters which are real life people. If they have a fictionalized name that gives me room to work around with but otherwise no. While these might be self indulgent and self centered, I'm not at the level where I'd feel comfortable writing a love story between Siddhartha Buddha and myself. Besides real people aren't really Keanu Reeves but are themselves. So I don't want to be with them!

Rule #3: I have to pretty well follow the canon in the films. I can't go putting myself on the bus from Speed when every passenger is clearly seen and they are most obviously NOT me. I abide by the story itself or I won't believe it. This I usually only bend for Ted stories. No Elizabeth.

Rule #4: I have to stay true to myself. I hate the term self-love. I just don't like the way it sounds. What I am going for here is really just self acceptance. I cannot write myself as a tall, thin waisted creature, whose small nose matches the perkiness of her breasts. I am overweight, have been since childhood, and have a larger nose and big boobs that definitely do NOT defy gravity but adhere strictly to it. You gotta accept the person you are and if I didn't these stories wouldn't serve in fulfilling the true wish I want granted: to be with a character Mr. Reeves put a bit of himself into to aid in their creation.

So this is me, OCD, AVPD and all.

Three things that I am not ashamed of are present too: I am demisexual, a virgin and a Christian.

And I am pathetic.

But I love you, Keanu Reeves, very much. :D <3


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