Absent Without Leave
02 Sep 2019
Crowley's desertion has set off a quiet flicker of unrest in Hell. Beelzebub gets a wild hair, and decides to see what he finds so attractive about life on Earth. Hijinks ensue.
Before he could think what he was doing, he smacked a hand into her vinyl-skirted behind and nodded his head towards the table. Then his brain caught up with his juddering sense of apprehension and informed him: I have just smacked… Beelzebub… on the bum. I have just smacked the Lord of the Flies, the right hand of Satan, the viceroy of Hell… on the bum.
But all she said was “Someone gave me this pill. It’s terrific. I don’t want to stop dancing.”
Oh bless everything to Heaven, he thought, now she’s taking club drugs.
Then it got worse.
- Part 1 of Absent Without Leave
Double Date by CopperBeech for Shadowfang44
10 Sep 2019
Crowley has a social predicament, and the only solution he can think of on the fly, so to speak, is to coax his angel into a double date. At the club. With another demon.
“You can keep that charged Downstairs?”
“It takes a little miracling, but no one has noticed.”
“Right, then. You on Instagram yet? Can’t wait to see some selfies.”
“No, but I have been Tweeting under @Bad_Bella.”
Crowley facepalmed. “Oh!” He heard Beelzebub rise, and took his hand down from his eyes in time to see Maurice stamping the hand of a young man with slightly punked hair and a single stud earring. Beelzebub was waving her handbag overhead. “Chaz!”
The newcomer edged around the patrons that were now filling the venue and queueing up at the bar, making as straight for their table as he could.
“Oh, I see,” said Crowley. “You had a date.”
- Part 2 of Absent Without Leave
12 Sep 2019
Everyone has an errand in the London shops.
“And these silicone rings are very popular – “
“We already exchanged rings.”
“Ah. Not that kind of ring.”
“Oh my goodness. I see. Well – the cuffs, certainly. That seems – a place to start. And perhaps those.”
- Part 3 of Absent Without Leave
16 Sep 2019
The Demon Beelzebub is unable to resist the pull of living in the mortal world, but she has to remain a Lord of Hell, and it's straining nerves and alliances. Also, she likes weed.
“See - I realize now that Dagon is a fish sandwich. Not just a fish, a fish sandwich. Covered in mayonnaise that’s gone off. If we see him again we dip him in vinegar. Not holy wanker. I mean water.” She drew deeply and passed the roach to Crowley.
“Naaaah, Gabriel's the holy wanker. Ssssssst. Ackgkkgk.” Crowley brought a heartfelt cough up from the depths of his narrow chest. “Tosser. Plonker. Absolute twatwaffle.” Crowley coughed even more deeply, just as a pounding came on the door.
Well, they'll stone ya when you're trying to be so good
They'll stone ya just a-like they said they would
They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to go home
Then they'll stone ya when you're there all alone
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned.
Bob Dylan - "Everybody Must Get Stoned"
- Part 4 of Absent Without Leave
17 Sep 2019
Crowley has his angel, but he spent six thousand years without knowing it would ever be possible, and the pain lingers. Sometimes it makes him ratty. Sometimes it takes a demon to know another demon's heart.
Also, there's something of an Underground Railroad situation in Hell. With Cadbury Bars.
“D’ye think we did that right? She said act afraid of her.”
“You never know who’s watchin’. Go canny.”
“I’ve got Turkish Delight.”
“I’ve got a Star Bar.”
“We’re meant to really do the temptin’, like. To make it look good.”
“But she said don’t eat all the chocolate eggs. That means we can have some.”
“Shut your gob, someone’s coming.”
- Part 5 of Absent Without Leave
22 Sep 2019
"If I can't dance to it, it's not my revolution."
You can't be a Lord of Hell and have a double life forever. Something's got to give, and it has. Beelzebub is on the run, has allies she never suspected, and has a wrenching choice to make.
Also, the lesser demons are getting really good with Google Maps.
Anathema Device is a badass witch, but we knew that.
She explained what she had in mind.
“It seems a bit underhanded,” said the angel.
“It is the only way. He can never be with me again. The danger is too great. He needs to forget I ever came into his life. You can do that. I have seen you. He forgot Dagon. He forgot me – as I am.”
“That was – for the good. I don’t know what to think of this.”
- Part 6 of Absent Without Leave