Little Boy Lost

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My collected Horatio Hornblower fics, focusing on Archie Kennedy and the back-, behind-, and between-stories I imagine for him.

I write dark, and I ramble. My boys, Arch especially, do not behave well or love well. Terrible things happen to them, some of which I describe. There is conflicted homosexuality and rape and vicious psychological trauma. My interest in these characters is how to string together the pieces we see on the screen, and the sexual emotional relationship lots of us like to imagine, into a satisfying, if tragic whole.

Presented in chronological, not written, order. All the fic are titled (or re-titled) with quotes from poetry and plays. Pre-canon are from Shakespeare and Sheridan. All the Justinian-era fic are from William Blake.


Little Boy Lost
Where is that sweet boy
who held my hand?
Who wept.
Who stormed the gates,
and stumbled, fell, needed.
Who gazed up at me--
at me!
Lost, shamed, distempered,
mad at all the world.

Who was all the world
and never knew so.
Never knew how I clung
to those shy smiles,
the eager fingers,
the admiration.

Yes, I was admired
once, in spare moments.
I was sure-footed in a rough sea.
I knew my way around the deck.
I knew a head from a halyard--
knew many things.
I tried to teach them
but I was unfit.

And now the student
is a man, tall, strong,
sure-footed in a storm.
Who has a voice for orders,
and eyes that
just gaze


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